What are your views on dating?

[StellaLuna]

Well, I like to classify relationships into 3 categories. It's just my own personal classification, so obviously everyone's gonna have their own spin on it Well, there's casual dating. It is what it is. Serious relationships, which entails 100% commitment and thoughts like marriage are a possibility. And well... Just plain dating, somewhat of a middle ground between both. It's not too serious, where you're thinking about long-term but it's not "just for fun" like casual dating is. You're past the "getting to know" stage of casual dating, and you feel more than just a crush or even lust but serious words like "forever" or "engagement" or even "love" don't have to be thrown around. I guess you can say it's just enjoying the present and all it has to offer. Meh, just my two cents

Most of my relationships (if you can even call it that) fall under casual dating. Maybe it isn't even, cus my very first one was when I was 13-14 and really, I had no clue what to do @-) Second one at 15 wasn't much different except it was more... Uhm... Wild? The last one was just cutesy cutesy flirting and this guy was a lot more 'experienced'. Haha.

My last relationship ended kinda badly. This was my first "normal dating" one, but I don't think he got the memo (and really, I thought I made it clear cus I repeated it so many times :/). He acted very serious about it and I just wasn't ready to like... Fully commit to something incredibly serious that he'd like. Not that he'd push me into it or anything. He never did, he was just... Sad? about it. I mean, he'd talk about marriage and we're what, 16, 17-18? :|

From the get-go, part of me kinda knew this relationship wouldn't last long. I mean, I didn't even expect it to last long. I was just going for a normal teenage relationship, something (this sounds so naive/dumb but hey) like in the movies. Haha. If I knew what it would be like, I never would've said yes.

Ok, my original post was TOO long so... Basically, he turned out to be really needy, obsessive, and insecure. And I feel partially to blame since I know he liked me more than I liked him. I mean, yeah I DID like him but not to that extent... And eventually his clingy-ness pushed me away. I do feel guilty but I'd like to think we both learned something from this and this would help him grow as a person.

 

[Drecon]

Well, I like to classify relationships into 3 categories. It's just my own personal classification, so obviously everyone's gonna have their own spin on it Well, there's casual dating. It is what it is. Serious relationships, which entails 100% commitment and thoughts like marriage are a possibility. And well... Just plain dating, somewhat of a middle ground between both. It's not too serious, where you're thinking about long-term but it's not "just for fun" like casual dating is. You're past the "getting to know" stage of casual dating, and you feel more than just a crush or even lust but serious words like "forever" or "engagement" or even "love" don't have to be thrown around. I guess you can say it's just enjoying the present and all it has to offer. Meh, just my two cents

Most of my relationships (if you can even call it that) fall under casual dating. Maybe it isn't even, cus my very first one was when I was 13-14 and really, I had no clue what to do @-) Second one at 15 wasn't much different except it was more... Uhm... Wild? The last one was just cutesy cutesy flirting and this guy was a lot more 'experienced'. Haha.

My last relationship ended kinda badly. This was my first "normal dating" one, but I don't think he got the memo (and really, I thought I made it clear cus I repeated it so many times :/). He acted very serious about it and I just wasn't ready to like... Fully commit to something incredibly serious that he'd like. Not that he'd push me into it or anything. He never did, he was just... Sad? about it. I mean, he'd talk about marriage and we're what, 16, 17-18? :|

From the get-go, part of me kinda knew this relationship wouldn't last long. I mean, I didn't even expect it to last long. I was just going for a normal teenage relationship, something (this sounds so naive/dumb but hey) like in the movies. Haha. If I knew what it would be like, I never would've said yes.

Ok, my original post was TOO long so... Basically, he turned out to be really needy, obsessive, and insecure. And I feel partially to blame since I know he liked me more than I liked him. I mean, yeah I DID like him but not to that extent... And eventually his clingy-ness pushed me away. I do feel guilty but I'd like to think we both learned something from this and this would help him grow as a person.

The biggest lesson here seems to be that relationships don't work unless both parties expect the same out of it. If one side takes it more serious than the other it's always gonna end in heartbreak.

 

[Seth]

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-teDpGSuOYqo/TWFqPLLDSGI/AAAAAAAAAFE/v_aJUTGk9n8/s1600/i-fluff-on-the-first-date.jpg

 

[Seth]

Damn censorship making me fail

 

[Znowcicle]

I'm not sure whether to rate that post funny or...somewhat sad.. Probably funny though. I laughed the first time I saw it but at the same I thought wtf? He doesn't even look that old. XD

 

[StellaLuna]

The biggest lesson here seems to be that relationships don't work unless both parties expect the same out of it. If one side takes it more serious than the other it's always gonna end in heartbreak.

Yeah. Agreed. I tried to match him, I really did. But you can't bring yourself to force those emotions. There were more... Aspects in our relationship though (my original reply was like a 2-page essay lol, just tl;dr'd it cus no one would want to read that) but yeah.

 

[SilverSorcerer]

I'm not sure whether to rate that post funny or...somewhat sad.. Probably funny though. I laughed the first time I saw it but at the same I thought wtf? He doesn't even look that old. XD

Honestly, that pic is so old, he's probably old enough to get laid at this point.

Anyway, I'd encourage people to wait until their mid-20s before getting into a real serious relationship, because when you're younger and in your teenage years, much of the socializing you end up doing with people your age is in school, and schools are a highly artificial environment. You're forced to spend all day with a bunch of people, most of which you'd never hang out with, and then when you get out of school, you're an adult, and frankly, it takes some time to figure out how to be an adult.

Looking back, I act completely differently now then I did in high school and my late teens/early twenties. So yeah, don't rush it.

 

[Znowcicle]

Honestly, that pic is so old, he's probably old enough to get laid at this point.

Anyway, I'd encourage people to wait until their mid-20s before getting into a real serious relationship, because when you're younger and in your teenage years, much of the socializing you end up doing with people your age is in school, and schools are a highly artificial environment. You're forced to spend all day with a bunch of people, most of which you'd never hang out with, and then when you get out of school, you're an adult, and frankly, it takes some time to figure out how to be an adult.

Looking back, I act completely differently now then I did in high school and my late teens/early twenties. So yeah, don't rush it.

And I agree even though it makes me a hypocrite saying that I do. I could offer excuses but I won't, because they would be just that, excuses trying to make my situation sound better. I don't regret what I've done, but I think that's mostly because we're still together and running strong, making plans for the future as we along. I realize things might change but I really don't think they will. I would offer the same advice as you to others but, like I said, it would make me a hypocrite. It is good advice though.

 

[SilverSorcerer]

And I agree even though it makes me a hypocrite saying that I do. I could offer excuses but I won't, because they would be just that, excuses trying to make my situation sound better. I don't regret what I've done, but I think that's mostly because we're still together and running strong, making plans for the future as we along. I realize things might change but I really don't think they will. I would offer the same advice as you to others but, like I said, it would make me a hypocrite. It is good advice though.

Like I said, there's plenty of people who meet at 17 or whatever, get married, and stay married for 60 years.

 

[Znowcicle]

Like I said, there's plenty of people who meet at 17 or whatever, get married, and stay married for 60 years.

Which is what I hope for. We get along with each others parents and stay at each others houses and what not, his grandpa loves me, ^-^ so the whole family issue isn't a problem. I think that's important too, that you get along with their family. You don't have to like them per say, but it's important to get along with them at least. I take that from my own parents though, they're divorced now (it's been ten or so years), but my dad's mom hated my mom. She even tried to convince my mom to abort me. (Thank goodness she failed, I like being here)

 

[SilverSorcerer]

Which is what I hope for. We get along with each others parents and stay at each others houses and what not, his grandpa loves me, ^-^ so the whole family issue isn't a problem. I think that's important too, that you get along with their family. You don't have to like them per say, but it's important to get along with them at least. I take that from my own parents though, they're divorced now (it's been ten or so years), but my dad's mom hated my mom. She even tried to convince my mom to abort me. (Thank goodness she failed, I like being here)

Well, the only thing I can say is that I hope it works out, but if it doesn't work out, don't try to force a square peg in a round hole. Too many people stay together for years fighting every other week because it was their first love, or they don't want to be alone, etc. when its clear they should have broken up a long time ago.

I currently live with my mother-in-law and while we get along, honestly, I want us to get our own place. Living with your parents or your spouses' parents always throws and extra element into a relationship that can be irritating at times.

 

[Znowcicle]

Well, the only thing I can say is that I hope it works out, but if it doesn't work out, don't try to force a square peg in a round hole. Too many people stay together for years fighting every other week because it was their first love, or they don't want to be alone, etc. when its clear they should have broken up a long time ago.

I currently live with my mother-in-law and while we get along, honestly, I want us to get our own place. Living with your parents or your spouses' parents always throws and extra element into a relationship that can be irritating at times.

Yeah, square pegs in round holes never end well. And thank you for the encouragement While we do fight sometimes, it's often because of other elements (like how his mom treats him or how she pawns off her motherly duties onto me (like picking him up before he had his license and not paying me for gas even though her car gets better gas mileage and she was already home)). But when we do fight we don't let it go on days and days, we talk it out (without yelling except maybe an outburst or two) and get to a point where both of us feels it is resolved. We went, a whole year or so before we actually had a fight and we've only had a few. But the point I'm trying to make is that we don't stay angry long and we fight rationally, not just yelling at each other nonsense.

I can understand that, to an extent of course since I'm not yet an adult and we haven't moved in together. But from staying a few days consecutively I get a glimpse of what it would be like. Like you can't choose when you can be alone together, because it's nice just to have the house to yourself and be able to just talk without interference. Or just to cuddle together knowing it's just the two of you. Is that kinda what you're talking about?

 

[SilverSorcerer]

Yeah, square pegs in round holes never end well. And thank you for the encouragement While we do fight sometimes, it's often because of other elements (like how his mom treats him or how she pawns off her motherly duties onto me (like picking him up before he had his license and not paying me for gas even though her car gets better gas mileage and she was already home)). But when we do fight we don't let it go on days and days, we talk it out (without yelling except maybe an outburst or two) and get to a point where both of us feels it is resolved. We went, a whole year or so before we actually had a fight and we've only had a few. But the point I'm trying to make is that we don't stay angry long and we fight rationally, not just yelling at each other nonsense.

I can understand that, to an extent of course since I'm not yet an adult and we haven't moved in together. But from staying a few days consecutively I get a glimpse of what it would be like. Like you can't choose when you can be alone together, because it's nice just to have the house to yourself and be able to just talk without interference. Or just to cuddle together knowing it's just the two of you. Is that kinda what you're talking about?

Well in my case my mother-in-law used to be a principal, so she's one of those people who is use to being in charge. So she'll rearrange things in cabinets the way she wants it, decorate the house the way she wants it, and my wife will even take my money and ask her what we should be getting at the grocery store. My wife's father died when she was very young and she's use to it being just her and her mom, with her mom kind of running the show so to speak, so sometimes they end up making decisions without consulting me and then wonder why I sometimes get pissed about it.

 

[Znowcicle]

Well in my case my mother-in-law used to be a principal, so she's one of those people who is use to being in charge. So she'll rearrange things in cabinets the way she wants it, decorate the house the way she wants it, and my wife will even take my money and ask her what we should be getting at the grocery store. My wife's father died when she was very young and she's use to it being just her and her mom, with her mom kind of running the show so to speak, so sometimes they end up making decisions without consulting me and then wonder why I sometimes get pissed about it.

I can see how that would be annoying. All I can do is hope the best for you and your wife, hopefully you two will be able to get your own house together soon like you want.

 

[ValkyrieWarrior]

My opinions on dating is basically meet the person FACE to FACE, in real life. Get to know them then if there is any spark at all then ask them out. After that go slow. I usually say after the third date you can kiss them. Or wait till later. As long as it isn't the first date! That's just my opinion though.

 

[Simus]

I have to say, this thread has been comforting to read. It makes me feel like not so much like an ugly ducking.

I'm 23 and I met my first and only girlfriend when I was 19. We met a couple of weeks prior to that at one of my friends' houses since she was his sister. I had her over one night and we just clicked. What followed was a week in which I found a level of happiness I never thought possible and have never felt before or since. The week ended with my first and only kiss after she helped move me into my dorm room for my second year of college. That's when the relationship went long distance and neither of us were ready for it since we were young and naive and stupid. I became really clingy and obsessive, wanting more communication with her than she could give and three months into the semester she sent me a Dear John e-mail for my trouble. I went to pieces a week later and lost the semester for it and was a year before I got stable again. That was four years ago and I still feel the fallout from that relationship. I haven't seen her since the day we kissed and haven't heard from her since the breakup but what I have heard suggests she hasn't been doing well. In retrospect, I dodged a bullet since she's since developed problems that have crippled all attempts at future relationships. One of which was with a friend of mine who specifically told me he wouldn't go out with her, so I couldn't help feeling vengeful when it didn't work out.

I don't miss her. In fact, I'm happy I'll never see her again, but I do miss what we had and I want to feel that again. I tried with another friend who supported me through the breakup but we were friends for over a year before I really attempted to step things up and by then it was too late. She had problems, I had problems, that caused drama, and our friendship deteriorated to the point where she asked me to leave her in peace. It felt like another breakup even though we were just friends and it happened under very similar circumstances. She's another person whom I haven't heard from since, but she would constantly give me the cold shoulder on campus, so it was better that we didn't. Again, I miss what she was, not her specifically.

I don't get out much because I enjoy being alone much of the time. That's probably why I haven't been with anyone in four years (which for my age group feels like an eternity) and I've never had sex. There are still days where I honestly feel like a milk drinker for it. I'm also deathly afraid of being Mr. Clingy in a future relationship. The good news is I've had a lot of personal growth since then. Enough to learn that in order to foster a relationship you need time. Time to get to know the person you're with and to know yourself enough to realize what you want. That's much harder than you might think, trust me. I graduated in May, and this last semester I met a girl in one of my classes that I had a lot of fun with. We were able to to talk extensively several times and we always enjoyed each other's company. She even went to the local game store with me once to do some tabeltoping. I let it be known that I wanted her, something I've never allowed myself to do before, and she said that she wasn't comfortable with such a relationship. She had a bad history, the details of which are not my place to utter, but it was nice to see it wasn't because of me. We remained friends after that night, I was able to accept her decision and we left on good terms. It made me happy to see there was finally a girl I didn't screw up. Maybe I'm getting better, who knows?

I'm sorry about that. Reading this thread has made me think about a lot of my past and that just kind of came out. I've never experienced real dating, so I don't have any advice for it. I just wanted to share my story and hope to generate some conversation. Thanks for reading anyway

 

[Znowcicle]

I'm sorry that I didn't respond sooner Simus! My alerts haven't been working and I had no idea that you had even posted here.

First off, I smiled when I read that first sentence. That was exactly my point for making this thread! Seeing that it helped you just brings me immense happiness.

Secondly, I'm sorry that you're first relationship didn't work out, and that your friendship didn't last. I know these things happen but it's still a melancholy time when they do. I live in a sort of paranoia (that has gotten better over the course of my relationship and friendship) that the ones that I love most will leave me. (My family, my boyfriend, my best friend specifically) I don't know what I would do if they finally chose they didn't want me anymore. It would break me...but I've had a best friend leave me, begin to despise me (without me knowing) and then after years begin to show her hatred. It was only after I transferred schools that she sent me a text spelling out all the nasty things she thought of me. It hurt. It really did but I moved on, and I see that you have too from you're hard times. It's good that you made progress and told the girl how you felt and afterwards, you took the rejection in stride because it wasn't you and I bet that was an ego booster, eh?

Lastly, it's quite all right that you took the time to type all of that out. I enjoyed reading through your trials and triumphs and how you thought about the situations you were put in. It's okay to be clingy, but there are two different types of clingy (in my opinion): bad clingy and good clingy.

Now I know that sounds elementary but hear me out, bad clingy is like when you call and text constantly and ask why or get upset when they don't immediately reply or answer the phone and you wonder things like, "Where is he/she? What are they doing that so much more important than me? Do they not like me anymore?". Or when you're around each other and they can't stop keeping you in a death grip and ask where you're going every single time you get up for something. And, don't get me wrong, it's okay to go through that in spaces, everyone gets a little paranoid, it's human nature. I only consider people bad clingy when it's constant.

Good clingy is like when you like to cuddle and like to know where they're at when they go places for their safety. For example, I ask my boyfriend to let me know when he gets to work and when he gets home because driving is dangerous and I want to know if he got there safely. It's out of his own head that he thinks to call me when he's out doing something and then tells me what he's been doing and what his plans are, which I appreciate but do not ask of him.

I only separate the clingy "types" because I was in a clingy relationship myself, as I stated at the start of this thread. He would not leave me alone! and when I did answer, when I got the time, he would guilt trip me, which was very aggravating to me.

But all in all, I just wanted to offer my advice since you said you were afraid of getting into another relationship and becoming the "clingy guy" again. These are all just my opinions, not fact, so you may take them as you like and i appreciate you posting on the thread. I always like to learn about people and when people share it's all the better!

 

[Simus]

Of course! How could I have forgotten that there's a difference between clingy and simply being attentive? In fact, the only reason I left my last love interest on friendly terms was because I WASN'T the bad clingy.

Interesting. I've never actually spelled all of this out before. Thanks for the advice Znow. I know exactly how you feel in regards to your anxiety about your loved ones leaving you. In fact, that's been the catalyst behind most of my relationship problems. Sort of like protecting a balloon by squeezing it until it pops. People who really love you don't just pick up and leave. They will support you no matter what. Even if tragedy strikes and they do, which as you know has happened to me, is usually because they have problems they can't handle and not because of something you alone did. Thanks again for your advice and I'm glad I could brighten your day

 

[Znowcicle]

Exactly! ^-^ And you're more than welcome. I love to help people, and thank you for your own advice to me. It's nice to know you aren't alone.

 

[caravan guard]

Simus..Bro I feel you man.I've been friendzoned 3 times in the same year (Freshmen). My GF is leaving school next year
;( (She's a senior I'm a Sophomore.) We decided to break up yesterday. To be honest I cried in my car. I sat in the school parking lot and cried for about 10 mins. She was my true love. I know she will find better. I mean I'm just a 10th grader who plays Lacrosse. My GF was the mvp of the Volleyball team. It hurts me to know someone else can do better for her than I. It's hard to find another like her.


# you Clarisse. Good Luck in college