What are your views on dating?
- Thread starter Znowcicle
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Dabiene Caristiana
Your friendly neighborhood weirdo
I had something similar to that happen. The boy i talked about? Yea, he played a sick joke saying he was going to live in a town about 70 or so miles away a couple years ago. I didn't want to seem weak.
So I sat there, in the locker bay, crying my eyes out by myself. A very close friend of mine, almost like a sister came out of the library which was right next to said locker bay, saw my crying and asked what the hell happened. (I cry, no SOB rarely in front of people so she knew something was wrong.) I spilled the beans on what he was doing or where he was going and she had to comfort me the best she could.
Needless to say I could tell she was pissed when we both found out it was a rouse. Why?
He wanted to find out if anyone cared he was gone. He foolishly said that right in front of me at lunch, sitting at the table that seemingly no one cared. I wanted to smack the prick right in the face. That was when I had a silly girl crush on him. I'll admit that. It was after all this drama that I realized why I would miss him. He was like a brother to me. Still is. Though I think he pulled off that stunt just to see if I liked him in the way he liked or cared for me.
When I got home balling my eyes out the day I thought it was all true that he WAS going to leave, my dad had no idea what to do. The boys mother works at the local grociery store so he asked what it as about. He found out the truth after I found out on my own.
So to say that he was totally ticked off in a way only a father could, would be an understatement. I think he also realized though that if he layed a finger on the guy I would scream and yell at his face. Plus, he knew in his own right that yelling and screaming at the poor boy would just worsen things.
My sister like friend gave him a good talkin to I think. And I had my revenge on him.
During the town anniversary fair, I locked him in a horse trailer. Random people go out to find a person you payed to have 'jailed' and hunt them down. Not over the whole town of course.
Best 5 bucks I had ever spent. Yes'sir. I can still remember the evil grin I had on and looking at him shouting (almost screaming at him) "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING AN ASS!"
I will never forget the look on his face: "What the hell did I do?"
After that, I walked away.
---------------------------
Anyway, point being? I didn't waste my time on him in that kinda relationship. He's like a brother to me. I'm glad I found out my real feelings before we both misled eachother.
So I sat there, in the locker bay, crying my eyes out by myself. A very close friend of mine, almost like a sister came out of the library which was right next to said locker bay, saw my crying and asked what the hell happened. (I cry, no SOB rarely in front of people so she knew something was wrong.) I spilled the beans on what he was doing or where he was going and she had to comfort me the best she could.
Needless to say I could tell she was pissed when we both found out it was a rouse. Why?
He wanted to find out if anyone cared he was gone. He foolishly said that right in front of me at lunch, sitting at the table that seemingly no one cared. I wanted to smack the prick right in the face. That was when I had a silly girl crush on him. I'll admit that. It was after all this drama that I realized why I would miss him. He was like a brother to me. Still is. Though I think he pulled off that stunt just to see if I liked him in the way he liked or cared for me.
When I got home balling my eyes out the day I thought it was all true that he WAS going to leave, my dad had no idea what to do. The boys mother works at the local grociery store so he asked what it as about. He found out the truth after I found out on my own.
So to say that he was totally ticked off in a way only a father could, would be an understatement. I think he also realized though that if he layed a finger on the guy I would scream and yell at his face. Plus, he knew in his own right that yelling and screaming at the poor boy would just worsen things.
My sister like friend gave him a good talkin to I think. And I had my revenge on him.
During the town anniversary fair, I locked him in a horse trailer. Random people go out to find a person you payed to have 'jailed' and hunt them down. Not over the whole town of course.
Best 5 bucks I had ever spent. Yes'sir. I can still remember the evil grin I had on and looking at him shouting (almost screaming at him) "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING AN ASS!"
I will never forget the look on his face: "What the hell did I do?"
After that, I walked away.
---------------------------
Anyway, point being? I didn't waste my time on him in that kinda relationship. He's like a brother to me. I'm glad I found out my real feelings before we both misled eachother.
Simus
An Excellent Site Member
Quite a story there Dabiene. Tragic, but it had a good ending. That girl I was talking about? The one who ended our friendship and it felt like another breakup for me? She was like a little sister to me and yet she was so much older than me in other ways. She was always there for me if I needed a hug or some company, and she had seemingly limitless wisdom about whatever was bothering me. In the end, I think I relied too much on her to help with my problems and that compounded her own. So I know how much it hurts when you find that someone you feel that close to doesn't reciprocate those feelings. I never even got vengeance like you did, but enough time passed where I didn't want any. I still wonder what we could have had together if I had gone after her sooner, but I was committed to a relationship with my girlfriend that was doomd to fail. I'm sorry if I sound like a pig for what I'm about to say because it's not my intention. I'm just expressing how I feel. As mentioned before, I've never had sex because I've never gone far enough with a girl to where that was possible. I have no right to take what only they can offer after all. Thing is, I feel pathetic about that fact sometimes, even though I've kept my honour. All of my friends have done it, so what's wrong with me? I don't even see why it's so goddamn important. That's not even what makes a real relationship. Thing is, it's still how I feel and on nights like tonight, when I allow myself to think about such things, it makes me feel impotent and lonely.
Dabiene Caristiana
Your friendly neighborhood weirdo
Here's the one thing my friend. And even though I'm young and inexperienced like you in that field, I'm hell of a lot wiser than most people think. I might give myself more credit than I deserve, but when I look at myself, then at other people such as the people I know in real life that have done stupid things (And I mean really stupid like relationships and what they think is important which the things they think are, are totally off key) I think I'm pretty much on the right track.
So here is the thing. Don't worry about your peers and feeling pathetic about that certain thing. You aren't them. Just like I"m not those preppy highschool girls who think throwing their chest out there is gonna turn some heads (along like talking like valley girls -_-). You are you. No one else.
I'm not saying all teenagers are like bubble heads or ding bats. Nothing is wrong with you.
Think of it this way: There are two flowers. Those flowers, even though the same species, have almost NOTHING alike with eachother. One is gonna grow fast, but obviously have some major issues for some reason. And the other, is growing slow albiet steady. Then you look at another group. They grow about the same. Then the other one? Same as the first group. The second group although seems the same, they aren't. Because only one bee comes by for that second group and picks one of them, and flies away.
There's nothing wrong with you, it's just how things are. You'll find that one girl or should I say woman that will make you feel... Well.. Like you. The boy I talked about, he has defended me several times, and even though I act like a horrid person or biatch, I'm not as self centered as I used to be (kids can be that sometimes, oh the glory of maturity ), definately not as ignorant as I used to be, not nearly as depressed and in a crazy fashion where I almost strangled people like I used to be.
I changed, and I'm still an outcast aside from some of the 10 friends I have. Through it all they have stood beside me and I talked to them about my problems. They gave me advice and of course they judged me, they are human for Pete sakes! To no judge is to not be human.
So I thought of that. And I realized, those idiots aren't worth it all. I am for who I am. And I see all this dating and kissing and thought, "Why should I be envious? It's their life, not my own. My time will come for that kind of happiness/relations soon enough."
Same thing here. Obviously I don't know you so I can't make assumptions. I couldn't make assumptions anyways if I did know you. Personally or through chat. All I can say is: You just have to wait. But don't just stop looking. Don't stop being you. Because on thing is for sure. Life and time doesn't stop. And if you do, there is no retake.
For a further note, I listened to someone who fell in love with someone very deeply.
"You know when you're in love when every time you're away from them, even just a room away your heart breaks. You know when you're in love when you feel as though you're flying even from the darkest pits of sorrow when they are merely in the room. You know when you're in love when you would do anything in your power for them. And you know when you're in love when you can trust your soul to another and vice versa."
It's a little deep I know, but sex isn't apart from it, least not completely. I think of it as bondage. Others say differently.
But what I'm saying is:
You have your own beliefs. Nothing is wrong with you, you're fine the way you are. And be honest with the girl you're with. Most of the time if not all we like things straight foward. And hate beating around the bush. Unless of course it's a real guessing game for fun that is.
Hope I didn't offend anyone with this post. I have my opinions, and so do you all. I respect yours, so please do the same. Thank you.
So here is the thing. Don't worry about your peers and feeling pathetic about that certain thing. You aren't them. Just like I"m not those preppy highschool girls who think throwing their chest out there is gonna turn some heads (along like talking like valley girls -_-). You are you. No one else.
I'm not saying all teenagers are like bubble heads or ding bats. Nothing is wrong with you.
Think of it this way: There are two flowers. Those flowers, even though the same species, have almost NOTHING alike with eachother. One is gonna grow fast, but obviously have some major issues for some reason. And the other, is growing slow albiet steady. Then you look at another group. They grow about the same. Then the other one? Same as the first group. The second group although seems the same, they aren't. Because only one bee comes by for that second group and picks one of them, and flies away.
There's nothing wrong with you, it's just how things are. You'll find that one girl or should I say woman that will make you feel... Well.. Like you. The boy I talked about, he has defended me several times, and even though I act like a horrid person or biatch, I'm not as self centered as I used to be (kids can be that sometimes, oh the glory of maturity
), definately not as ignorant as I used to be, not nearly as depressed and in a crazy fashion where I almost strangled people like I used to be.I changed, and I'm still an outcast aside from some of the 10 friends I have. Through it all they have stood beside me and I talked to them about my problems. They gave me advice and of course they judged me, they are human for Pete sakes! To no judge is to not be human.
So I thought of that. And I realized, those idiots aren't worth it all. I am for who I am. And I see all this dating and kissing and thought, "Why should I be envious? It's their life, not my own. My time will come for that kind of happiness/relations soon enough."
Same thing here. Obviously I don't know you so I can't make assumptions. I couldn't make assumptions anyways if I did know you. Personally or through chat. All I can say is: You just have to wait. But don't just stop looking. Don't stop being you. Because on thing is for sure. Life and time doesn't stop. And if you do, there is no retake.
For a further note, I listened to someone who fell in love with someone very deeply.
"You know when you're in love when every time you're away from them, even just a room away your heart breaks. You know when you're in love when you feel as though you're flying even from the darkest pits of sorrow when they are merely in the room. You know when you're in love when you would do anything in your power for them. And you know when you're in love when you can trust your soul to another and vice versa."
It's a little deep I know, but sex isn't apart from it, least not completely. I think of it as bondage. Others say differently.
But what I'm saying is:
You have your own beliefs. Nothing is wrong with you, you're fine the way you are. And be honest with the girl you're with. Most of the time if not all we like things straight foward. And hate beating around the bush. Unless of course it's a real guessing game for fun that is.
Hope I didn't offend anyone with this post. I have my opinions, and so do you all. I respect yours, so please do the same.
Thank you.
Simus
An Excellent Site Member
I can't speak for anyone else, but I found your words quite comforting. Not to mention illuminating. Not offensive in the least. I find it fascinating that someone like you, much younger than I am and in a very different place in your life, can still share so much of my own experiences and help me out of one of my own ruts of despair. I also find it fascinating that I can live much of your above advice, remind myself of it several times, and yet still forget it! I suppose that's what makes me human eh? I also forget that most days I'm quite happy being single. A nice girl would certainly make my life much better (maybe) but I don't need one to be happy. I suppose that's what clawing out of two years of depression with your bare hands and learning how to be happy by yourself results in.
Even so, it's very comforting to hear these things come from another person with similar problems and similar experiences. I really appreciate you taking the time to help me and listen to what I had to say. So thank you
*hugs*
Even so, it's very comforting to hear these things come from another person with similar problems and similar experiences. I really appreciate you taking the time to help me and listen to what I had to say. So thank you
*hugs*
Znowcicle
Chimera~
To add on to Dabiene said already, which I agree - you should be you no matter what, no matter the person - I do believe that sex is important...but only after you break that barrier.
I commend you for saving yourself, it's not a common thing to hear guys say that they haven't had sex. Actually, some guys will tell lies about it because they feel so self-conscience. Which I hate that they do, because there is nothing wrong with being a virgin! I believe in monogamy, where you have one and only one partner for the rest of your life. I don't force my belief on others but I do share my belief with others as just a "hey this is what I think". I believe in monogamy because I believe that taking each others' virginity is a special moment. There aren't any problems with jealousy, for the most part, because another person hasn't taken that part that that person can only give one time. And I know some people say that the rape victims aren't virgins, but (and this is totally another topic but I want to voice it anyways because it applies) they didn't give their virginity in my eyes, so therefor - they still have it.
I'll be open, I'm not a virgin myself (if you hadn't already gathered that) but I've only had one partner and I'm still with him now and the same applies for him. He's only been with me. But the point I'm really trying to make is that once we did take each others' virginity, sex became important because it was a bond that each of us shared from the first time onwards. I compared it to the way dragons or eagles mate. They fly up real high, lock claws, and dive bomb (head first) towards the ground and don't let go until they nearly hit it. The reason I make that comparison is because they trust the other to let go and continue living. It proves to the other that they have the courage to make that dive into their relationship, in my eyes. I hope that all made sense. ^-^;
My very main point being, sex isn't important until you've done it. It doesn't matter until you're ready for it, and once you have done it with your partner, it's important to keep that bond (to me anyways). And that's why I believe in monogamy, because if you stay with that partner, then neither of you should taint that bond, that trust, that you gave the other when you let them connect with you on that level. I won't say what I consider cheating, because it doesn't apply (kind of), but most sexual acts, I would think, would taint that bond.
All of what I said is based on my own personal experiences and my opinion before I ever became active. I didn't change myself for him, and he didn't change for me. When we met, we were two very depressed people and we help heal each other with love for the other. Now we're stronger I think, because we have more ties to each other in a physical way, and a spiritual way. I just wanted to add my input because what you brought up, Simus, I feel very strongly about, and I thought I could help a little with you're feelings of impotence and loneliness simply because (or at least I hope I brought that about) you shouldn't feel that way about yourself for not having done "the dirty". It comes along when it does, and when it does I really hope you stay with that partner if that's what you wish. But most importantly, like Dabiene said already (and I'm sure I'm being redundant and I apologize), that you should never forget yourself. Never forget what you think about these kinds of things. Because you are the most important. Not anyone else.
I commend you for saving yourself, it's not a common thing to hear guys say that they haven't had sex. Actually, some guys will tell lies about it because they feel so self-conscience. Which I hate that they do, because there is nothing wrong with being a virgin! I believe in monogamy, where you have one and only one partner for the rest of your life. I don't force my belief on others but I do share my belief with others as just a "hey this is what I think". I believe in monogamy because I believe that taking each others' virginity is a special moment. There aren't any problems with jealousy, for the most part, because another person hasn't taken that part that that person can only give one time. And I know some people say that the rape victims aren't virgins, but (and this is totally another topic but I want to voice it anyways because it applies) they didn't give their virginity in my eyes, so therefor - they still have it.
I'll be open, I'm not a virgin myself (if you hadn't already gathered that) but I've only had one partner and I'm still with him now and the same applies for him. He's only been with me. But the point I'm really trying to make is that once we did take each others' virginity, sex became important because it was a bond that each of us shared from the first time onwards. I compared it to the way dragons or eagles mate. They fly up real high, lock claws, and dive bomb (head first) towards the ground and don't let go until they nearly hit it. The reason I make that comparison is because they trust the other to let go and continue living. It proves to the other that they have the courage to make that dive into their relationship, in my eyes. I hope that all made sense. ^-^;
My very main point being, sex isn't important until you've done it. It doesn't matter until you're ready for it, and once you have done it with your partner, it's important to keep that bond (to me anyways). And that's why I believe in monogamy, because if you stay with that partner, then neither of you should taint that bond, that trust, that you gave the other when you let them connect with you on that level. I won't say what I consider cheating, because it doesn't apply (kind of), but most sexual acts, I would think, would taint that bond.
All of what I said is based on my own personal experiences and my opinion before I ever became active. I didn't change myself for him, and he didn't change for me. When we met, we were two very depressed people and we help heal each other with love for the other. Now we're stronger I think, because we have more ties to each other in a physical way, and a spiritual way. I just wanted to add my input because what you brought up, Simus, I feel very strongly about, and I thought I could help a little with you're feelings of impotence and loneliness simply because (or at least I hope I brought that about) you shouldn't feel that way about yourself for not having done "the dirty". It comes along when it does, and when it does I really hope you stay with that partner if that's what you wish. But most importantly, like Dabiene said already (and I'm sure I'm being redundant and I apologize), that you should never forget yourself. Never forget what you think about these kinds of things. Because you are the most important. Not anyone else.
Simus
An Excellent Site Member
Wow Znow, you really do love this guy. I hope he feels lucky to be with you becaus he has a lot of reason to be. I'm no sure you know how much I appreciate your kind words and your continued support. This isn't something I enjoy talking about, as you may have figured out by now and it really helps to have someone to talk to when I need to. Thank you so much.
*hugs*
*hugs*
Znowcicle
Chimera~
I'm glad it shows in what I write about him. ^-^ because I do, I really do. He is my first and only love, and I his. We feel very fortunate to have each other. If I had made a different decision in any point of my life I might not have met him and it's wondrous to us how the universe, or forces of pure coincidence, made it possible for us to meet. (For example, I waited to take P.E. until my Sophomore year and we first began to talk in that class, and if I hadn't changed schools and made the goal to branch out I would have never spoke to him) It was weird how we met, very meet cute, but anyways - I'm very, very glad that my words have influenced you in some way. It's not the easiest thing to talk about, I know, but it needs to be talked about regardless of difficulty. I would be glad to help you further if you needed it, I enjoy helping/talking with others.
I find the saying "grow a pair" derogatory, but I understand the meaning. It does take courage to talk to another that you're attracted to. But I assure you, once you meet that girl that you just can't get out of your head you will have the courage to speak to her. It'll just bug you until you do! ^-^ As for your past relationship, I hope you can either mend it or move on in peace. It's hard to do either, but I really hope you don't get stuck in the middle to be strung along by residual feelings of regret or anger or anguish or just incompetency. I'm sure that you are none of those at heart, and eventually you will have time to think, heal, and make a choice since I'm not sure of the details of the situations or if there even is a choice involved. But to make my point clearer, I wish the best for you.Man.. my view currently on dating is f***f it! I screwed up my relationship with a beautiful and intelligent girl, when I look at a girls rack or back, they don't really care, and I STILL can't get a girl to like me... maybe I have to grow a pair and actually talk to one...
samgurl775
Cerberus Officer
^ That's me.
Pingu
a.k.a Charlie Goodvibes
Ha. The cat on the right is trying to get the hell away from that fiasco and the one on the left is just going ''....*sigh*''.
On the whole dating thing.. I could write an essay here on the whole subject, but what it comes down to is this: There's no wrong or right, and everything is an experience in its own right. Go with the flow, take life as it is and things will work out.
On the whole dating thing.. I could write an essay here on the whole subject, but what it comes down to is this: There's no wrong or right, and everything is an experience in its own right. Go with the flow, take life as it is and things will work out.
