What are your views on dating?

[Dabiene Caristiana]

Honestly? I'm old fasioned. I agree with pretty much most if not all your points Znow (my jaw started to drop actually on how alike our views are.)

I know a guy. We have been classmates/friends since Kindergarten. That's over a decade. I know the signs that he shows says he likes me, and does want to date. My father however, has other ideas, and same with myself. I respect his opinions, and they matter a lot to me (there is more in the history to him and other stuff but I wont get into that.). He doesn't seem too keen on him. The guy is accused of breaking my guitar when I was 8 (yes it was that long ago, dad knows how to hold a grudge, albeit rarely) and he also accused him of taking 5 bucks when he was in the house. But he gave 5 bucks still saying he didn't take it.

I'll admit, I have some feelings toward him, but it's torn between friendship and a brother like relationship. We've stuck up for each other good times and bad. Heck I've scolded him when he does something stupid. I'm almost like a sister like person lol. (Not including the times with my female friends who also scold him for doing something stupid XD) And we also banter back in forth. Since I'm sarcastic, and he can be a smart alic, it works. It just does.

What I like is that he doesn't pressure me into anything. But only if it's for my well being (like me being a hermit and staying in the house, he and the other girls will actually kidnap me and have a part at someones house) Haha, I got good friends. I'm not into that smoochy stuff either, especially when you aren't even dating or dating right off the bat.

But even though he likes me, he has never asked me out, except when this weird kid pushed us together (not literally) and forced us to say yes to dating. It wasn't official to my standards and the guy knew that, and politely said, "You don't have to do this if you don't want to." He didn't say we, his tone was more concerned for my opinion. Which was sweet.

But I have school that I need to focus on, and I believe I'm actually too young to date. All this kissing and smooching in Junior high, or even High school doesn't appeal to me. Meh, I got a year or two before I decide my future. That includes relationships.

I'm just happy the guy is patient. Y'know you don't see that much, where I live. If a girl rejects them, the guys try to get revenge or put a cold shoulder out and just annoy the crap out of the girls. Not all of them though. Some of em are gentlemen. And I'm glad. Takes a lot of sting out of the drama in School.

Sorry if I offended anyone, if I did that is, idk. XD

 

[Drecon]

Although I must admit I'm not above picking a girl up from the dance floor and just see what happens, that can never be a basis for a healthy lasting relationship (it can happen, but it would be an unreasonable expectation).

My personal experience is that once you like someone just ask them out on a date. After the second date it's usually time to check whether both are on the same page. After that... well, that depends on how fast both are prepared to take it (one important thing here: the one that wants to go the slowest is always right).
I think the standard is two dates and then talk about where to go from there. two dates is enough to get to know the other a bit and still give a lot of escape room.

And finally: just get out there and have some fun. Just don;t do anything you might regret and you'll be fine.

 

[Znowcicle]

I'm glad there are so many different ways to go about this. The world is a very vast place with very different people and I can see that very clearly through all the different posts here on this thread which was my exact purpose. Since this thread has been going on, I've come to believe, or hope rather, that some lost person might stumble upon it and read through the posts and get help for their situation. Or perhaps even define what they believe if they're unsure about their beliefs.

My opinions, I know, will differ from others but I'd like to share a bit more on my relationship since it holds all my views very well. Although the relationship I'm in is my first actual serious one (meaning that I'm not dating him just to be his friend and that I actually liked, and now love him, when we started dating.) and I his first serious relationship, and I know that a lot of people would disagree with us being so seriously involved with each other, we don't believe we'll part. A lot of people might say that we're too young or that we're naive (I've actually had people tell me so), but I disagree and I don't regret any of the decisions that I've made while I've been with him. I feel very safe with him, despite the lust filled pot that America has become in my opinion, and I trust him just like he trusts me to stay true. Because to me that's very important, to be monogamous. It's just the way I am, and I really like that he is too. He's actually said one of the things he loves about me is that I'm like the female version of him. Which might sound weird to some but I like hearing it. It makes me think that he wouldn't do anything that I wouldn't do which is a comfort because I have strong morals when it comes to dating.

We don't hide things from each other, and we talk a lot. Be it about the future or what's happened in the past or what's bothering us at the moment and how we can fix it. We never leave each other angry. Ever. Not even to sleep. We talk through it until it's resolved and we feel better about the situation, whatever is going on. I feel that communication is so very, very important and that the disability not to communicate has torn apart other relationships that have started like ours. You should know what I'm talking about, you know like the typical "high-school sweethearts". Either lack of communication or differing views on how life should be or the all famous cheating scandal. We understand each other, bottom line. It's not a spur the moment thing for high-school like a lot of people might think.

The only reason I explained that so much might be because of all the negativity I've received about, like I said earlier, how young we are or that it won't last or that we're just being plain stupid. I also wanted to outline the most important foundations for our relationship, for help of others if it helps because I like helping others and it's working for us. (Note that I realize that it won't work for everyone, just that it is working for us)

Bottom line, (for me) cheating isn't okay, keeping secrets isn't okay, always talk to each other, and never leave each other in anger (not even for sleep). Just to sum all that up.

 

[Ebonyflesh]

I'm 15, and I've been dating this girl for about a year and three months (be 1y4mo on the 28th) and she's one of the most level headed girls in the school that I go to. She doesn't nag at me, yet she still gives me ideas and such and doesn't try to force me to do something that I don't want to. She's gorgeous, smart, funny, and loves video games! She doesn't like to play them, but I spent thirty minutes to an hour explaining the plot behind The Saboteur because she was so interested.

I've never cheated on this girl, and I don't plan on it. All the other girls at my school? Ha, trashy... Well, not all of them, more like far and few in between. Other girls would literally stab you in the back and take your wallet and give it back to you with no cash inside of it.

This is also my first "serious" relationship. She's always gone to my football (american football) games and I've always gone to her band competitions (she's a majorette). It brightens her day, since her mother and father hardly ever come to watch. But don't get me wrong, she has great parents.

And another thing most people here will laugh at me about: I'm agnostic. She's a Christian, but she's okay with it, including her very religious dad. She's not always in my face about "why I don't believe and God" and "how I'm going to spend an eternity in Hell" and such.

My ex (the only other girlfriend I had) was a total bitch. Hands down. We were together for six months and she was cheating on me for four of those.

We also get told a lot (as a couple) people could see us being highschool sweethearts and marrying after college. She's pretty warm to the idea, and I guess I am too.

All in all, I'm pretty happy.

 

[Drecon]

I'm glad there are so many different ways to go about this. The world is a very vast place with very different people and I can see that very clearly through all the different posts here on this thread which was my exact purpose. Since this thread has been going on, I've come to believe, or hope rather, that some lost person might stumble upon it and read through the posts and get help for their situation. Or perhaps even define what they believe if they're unsure about their beliefs.

My opinions, I know, will differ from others but I'd like to share a bit more on my relationship since it holds all my views very well. Although the relationship I'm in is my first actual serious one (meaning that I'm not dating him just to be his friend and that I actually liked, and now love him, when we started dating.) and I his first serious relationship, and I know that a lot of people would disagree with us being so seriously involved with each other, we don't believe we'll part. A lot of people might say that we're too young or that we're naive (I've actually had people tell me so), but I disagree and I don't regret any of the decisions that I've made while I've been with him. I feel very safe with him, despite the lust filled pot that America has become in my opinion, and I trust him just like he trusts me to stay true. Because to me that's very important, to be monogamous. It's just the way I am, and I really like that he is too. He's actually said one of the things he loves about me is that I'm like the female version of him. Which might sound weird to some but I like hearing it. It makes me think that he wouldn't do anything that I wouldn't do which is a comfort because I have strong morals when it comes to dating.

We don't hide things from each other, and we talk a lot. Be it about the future or what's happened in the past or what's bothering us at the moment and how we can fix it. We never leave each other angry. Ever. Not even to sleep. We talk through it until it's resolved and we feel better about the situation, whatever is going on. I feel that communication is so very, very important and that the disability not to communicate has torn apart other relationships that have started like ours. You should know what I'm talking about, you know like the typical "high-school sweethearts". Either lack of communication or differing views on how life should be or the all famous cheating scandal. We understand each other, bottom line. It's not a spur the moment thing for high-school like a lot of people might think.

The only reason I explained that so much might be because of all the negativity I've received about, like I said earlier, how young we are or that it won't last or that we're just being plain stupid. I also wanted to outline the most important foundations for our relationship, for help of others if it helps because I like helping others and it's working for us. (Note that I realize that it won't work for everyone, just that it is working for us)

Bottom line, (for me) cheating isn't okay, keeping secrets isn't okay, always talk to each other, and never leave each other in anger (not even for sleep). Just to sum all that up.

That sounds like you've got a healthy thing going on. The reason this might not last is that people change. Someone who is the right person for you at this point in your life might not be the right person for you five years from now (and I'm speaking from personal experience here). For that reason marriage might be too early.

On the other hand, having a serious relationship with someone you trust, respect and feel good about can never be a bad thing. Just make sure to keep talking to each other and accept each other for all their faults. Then you'll be fine.

One last thing: Cheating is in my eyes, always inexcusable. You can really destroy a person with that (another thing I know from personal experience, sadly). There's never a good excuse for it. If you wanted someone else, you should've broken up with the other one first, it's that simple.

 

[Ebonyflesh]

One last thing: Cheating is in my eyes, always inexcusable. You can really destroy a person with that (another thing I know from personal experience, sadly). There's never a good excuse for it. If you wanted someone else, you should've broken up with the other one first, it's that simple.

Agreed times one thousand. Cheating is stupid, maybe even beyond the word stupid. I hate to see when people get played by their significant other, and I try to stop it. Alas, I also know this from experience.

 

[Znowcicle]

I'm 15, and I've been dating this girl for about a year and three months (be 1y4mo on the 28th) and she's one of the most level headed girls in the school that I go to. She doesn't nag at me, yet she still gives me ideas and such and doesn't try to force me to do something that I don't want to. She's gorgeous, smart, funny, and loves video games! She doesn't like to play them, but I spent thirty minutes to an hour explaining the plot behind The Saboteur because she was so interested.

I've never cheated on this girl, and I don't plan on it. All the other girls at my school? Ha, trashy... Well, not all of them, more like far and few in between. Other girls would literally stab you in the back and take your wallet and give it back to you with no cash inside of it.

This is also my first "serious" relationship. She's always gone to my football (american football) games and I've always gone to her band competitions (she's a majorette). It brightens her day, since her mother and father hardly ever come to watch. But don't get me wrong, she has great parents.

And another thing most people here will laugh at me about: I'm agnostic. She's a Christian, but she's okay with it, including her very religious dad. She's not always in my face about "why I don't believe and God" and "how I'm going to spend an eternity in Hell" and such.

My ex (the only other girlfriend I had) was a total bitch. Hands down. We were together for six months and she was cheating on me for four of those.

We also get told a lot (as a couple) people could see us being highschool sweethearts and marrying after college. She's pretty warm to the idea, and I guess I am too.

All in all, I'm pretty happy.

That's really nice to hear that you're in a good spot, too. I think it's really neat that her parents aren't on your back about being a Christian. The people in this town are so uptight about it. They look down on you and start rumors about you if you aren't, which I'm not. My boyfriend and I are pretty much the same, we claim no religion but we like to read and learn about all of them.

It's also nice that you support each other, support is very important!

I'm sorry to hear about your last ex, it's sad that she couldn't stay true to you. But I wish you the best for your current relationship, it sounds like you've got a good thing going and I hope it continues for you. The best thing in life, to me, is happiness. And if you can find a person to share, and boost, your happiness then it's all the better.

That sounds like you've got a healthy thing going on. The reason this might not last is that people change. Someone who is the right person for you at this point in your life might not be the right person for you five years from now (and I'm speaking from personal experience here). For that reason marriage might be too early.

On the other hand, having a serious relationship with someone you trust, respect and feel good about can never be a bad thing. Just make sure to keep talking to each other and accept each other for all their faults. Then you'll be fine.

One last thing: Cheating is in my eyes, always inexcusable. You can really destroy a person with that (another thing I know from personal experience, sadly). There's never a good excuse for it. If you wanted someone else, you should've broken up with the other one first, it's that simple.

I've often heard that people change after a while and that it breaks people apart, we've also talked about that. He reassures me he won't, and I him, and every time I can't help but ask "How do you know?" and he always replies that he just does with a smile and hug. Everyone I know keeps saying, or I've heard, that people will change, but we haven't in the nearly two years we've been together (2 years next month-September 30th). I only feel like we've done nothing but grow closer, not apart. Though I hear that it'll change after a really long time, like you said five years from now, but I can't help but notice that I never hear anything good. I'm always told, or it's implied, that we'll fail...And yet it doesn't dampen our spirits because we love each other. Maybe that's what makes me naive like everyone says...I thought it just meant that I was really happy with the man I have.

It's nice, I confess, to have such good reassurance because of how I've watched my mom go through violent relationships after her and my dad divorced. Nearly all of them cheated on her so it makes me paranoid, but when I tell him "Hey I'm havin' those paranoid thoughts again.." he doesn't get angry, he just tries to help me clear my head. He's patient with me and that helps a lot.

I've always wondered that exact same thing. Why would you want to hurt anyone like that? Just part with them and then go screw around...but I suppose it's a power-play. It will never make sense to me.

 

[Punz]

My wife and I have been together for 11 years and married for 6. The best thing to do is take your time when dating someone. Too many people rush into situations out of passion that when it fades, which it will, they wonder what the hell just happened. To be in a long term relationship, there has to be something about that person that holds you to them. Something internal. Maybe their personality or charm. You love the way they think or act. The way they challenge you. Maybe it's something you can't describe at all. Looks, although important in the initial attraction, will disappear. If the relationship was based on how hot that person was, then it will fail. Building a bond is key to building a future together.

My advice, take things at your own pace, but do it slowly. No need to rush.

 

[Znowcicle]

My wife and I have been together for 11 years and married for 6. The best thing to do is take your time when dating someone. Too many people rush into situations out of passion that when it fades, which it will, they wonder what the hell just happened. To be in a long term relationship, there has to be something about that person that holds you to them. Something internal. Maybe their personality or charm. You love the way they think or act. The way they challenge you. Maybe it's something you can't describe at all. Looks, although important in the initial attraction, will disappear. If the relationship was based on how hot that person was, then it will fail. Building a bond is key to building a future together.

My advice, take things at your own pace, but do it slowly. No need to rush.

Exactly my thoughts Punz, and congrats on being together so long. ^-^ I know that a lot of relationships nowadays make that mistake, and then wonder what went wrong when it was so very obvious. It was pure lust, lust for the body and not the person. I think you can only truly love someone when you can see past the figure that holds the mind and into their mind. How they think, and what not like you said. It's important to know someone, because if you know them on a different level, rather than just what part of their body you like best, you can connect better.

Personally, I like to have intellectual conversations instead of talking to someone who uses "like" waaaay too much. It makes me feel like they're on the same level with me. Especially if we can talk about something that we both enjoy and get really tangled up in it and work our brains together. It's nice to actually wonder things, that others wouldn't wonder, together.

 

[Medea]

In my first relationship, I got obsessive and scared him away. Now, I guess as divine retribution or karma coming back to bite me in the arse, every guy that I date is absolutely obsessed with being with me every minute of the day, or calling me/messaging me to the point where I tell him to F OFF, and none of my relationships work-out. Seeing people in-love makes me sick

 

[illuminist]

I personally can't stand it. And that's relationships in general. My standards are set so terribly high that I usually judge a person the minute I converse with them for the first time. Not only that, I'm anti-social. I can't stand going out. I don't like being around people. Hell, I don't even have any friends to hang out with. So, I've resigned myself to being alone for the rest of my life. And good thing, dating, courtship, and an actual relationship just seems like too much damn work.

mate I almost said the same thing just like you,but I dunno about a relationship yet until this time but restricting yourself from a girl I just feel now,like nah I dont know.maybe there is a certain girl out there for every guy who thinks nah relationship is just not worth it but I was told that I dont know if I ever will have a relationship and I said I do know.but now my feelings are changing real quick.

 

[illuminist]

now as you see I made a skyrim conversation on a first date thread and yes, you should always talk about skyrim on a first date its very optional.


I am just staying here waiting for some girl to just be my freind and I hardly have any female freinds yet at this time.

I am a guy who is just waiting , not looking for love but just taking life as it comes to me.
if I meet a girl I really click with, cool but chances are I dunno i could meet some girl online.who knows??

 

[Docta Corvina]

A lot of what I would say has already been said in some form here and there. But I will just add that gaming can be amazing for beginning relationships. I met my boyfriend of two years while playing Red Dead Redemption (we met on a forum that I eventually helped moderate). He's halfway across the world in Australia and while long-distance comes with its definite challenges, it's been worth it. Every moment. We have joked about our RDR-themed wedding cake.

Now if I could just get him to do Elder Scrolls cosplay with me.

 

[Znowcicle]

In my first relationship, I got obsessive and scared him away. Now, I guess as divine retribution or karma coming back to bite me in the arse, every guy that I date is absolutely obsessed with being with me every minute of the day, or calling me/messaging me to the point where I tell him to F OFF, and none of my relationships work-out. Seeing people in-love makes me sick

I'm sorry for your bad luck. I've been in a similar situation before, with the clingy-ness. It does get annoying. I'm not sure if you're still looking but I hope the best for you.

A lot of what I would say has already been said in some form here and there. But I will just add that gaming can be amazing for beginning relationships. I met my boyfriend of two years while playing Red Dead Redemption (we met on a forum that I eventually helped moderate). He's halfway across the world in Australia and while long-distance comes with its definite challenges, it's been worth it. Every moment. We have joked about our RDR-themed wedding cake.

Now if I could just get him to do Elder Scrolls cosplay with me.

I'm very happy that you've made the long distance relationship work for so long. I often hear that they will fail (I'm so sick of all the negativity people present today -_-) but I think that if you can make it work, and be happy doing so, that it shouldn't matter what the nay-Sayers have said or will say. Congratulations on beating them thus far and I'm sure you will continue to!

 

[SilverSorcerer]

Well, as someone who has been married nearly four years, we took it a bit slow. But that was because I had a certain "feeling" about her and didn't want to ruin it by rushing it.

There is nothing wrong with casual sex, I've done it in the past. Didn't make a habit out of it, but it defaintely happened.

 

[Znowcicle]

Well, as someone who has been married nearly four years, we took it a bit slow. But that was because I had a certain "feeling" about her and didn't want to ruin it by rushing it.

There is nothing wrong with casual sex, I've done it in the past. Didn't make a habit out of it, but it defaintely happened.

I disagree with your last statement...but that doesn't mean that I'm saying you're wrong by any means. I just wouldn't do it myself and that's where my disagreement comes in. I wouldn't oppose it, unless it were a habit (If a friend of mine were doing it that is), because that's their decision. If they wanted to continue with the habit, I couldn't stop them, so I wouldn't hound them over it but that doesn't mean I have to agree with their decision. I just wanted to explain further than just saying "I disagree" because some people might have taken it offensively and I didn't want to come off as offensive. I only wanted to share my opinion as opposed to yours, which is a bold statement since the predominant opinion here is that casual sex wouldn't be okay so I commend you for sharing despite the majority.

Plus, congratulations on the near four years! I'm happy you found that special girl and took her for yourself. ^-^

 

[SilverSorcerer]

I disagree with your last statement...but that doesn't mean that I'm saying you're wrong by any means. I just wouldn't do it myself and that's where my disagreement comes in. I wouldn't oppose it, unless it were a habit (If a friend of mine were doing it that is), because that's their decision. If they wanted to continue with the habit, I couldn't stop them, so I wouldn't hound them over it but that doesn't mean I have to agree with their decision. I just wanted to explain further than just saying "I disagree" because some people might have taken it offensively and I didn't want to come off as offensive. I only wanted to share my opinion as opposed to yours, which is a bold statement since the predominant opinion here is that casual sex wouldn't be okay so I commend you for sharing despite the majority.

Plus, congratulations on the near four years! I'm happy you found that special girl and took her for yourself. ^-^

Thanks. Well, we've been together for over six, and we met when I was 25.

The way I view it, there is probably a time, usually in the 18-24 range, for some people shorter, some people longer, where they have their "wild" phase where they don't date real seriously (not necessarily sex, but not real serious relationships) where they figure out mostly what they are looking for in a person.

There's a reason why most (but not all) marriages between teeenagers don't work out.

 

[Znowcicle]

Thanks. Well, we've been together for over six, and we met when I was 25.

The way I view it, there is probably a time, usually in the 18-24 range, for some people shorter, some people longer, where they have their "wild" phase where they don't date real seriously (not necessarily sex, but not real serious relationships) where they figure out mostly what they are looking for in a person.

There's a reason why most (but not all) marriages between teeenagers don't work out.

Which is true enough, and I've heard as much. Because I'm curious, would you mind elaborating on what you think that reason is?

 

[SilverSorcerer]

Which is true enough, and I've heard as much. Because I'm curious, would you mind elaborating on what you think that reason is?

Well, I can't explain why all relationships of a certain age group fail, that would be too wide a net to cast. But I think that certain people have the urge to go out and party and have fun and socialize and date, and at a certain point they get tired of doing those things and want to settle down and have a family and get serious about relationships.

I think that a lot of these relationships between teenagers start out with great intentions, but after a year or two, one or both partners end up wanting to play the field, or they end up having a kid and realize at 19 years old they don't want to deal with an 18 year commitment, and then it causes problems in the relationships.

Then, there are people who meet when they are 15, are high school sweethearts, and are married 65-70 years. So you never know.

 

[Znowcicle]

Well, I can't explain why all relationships of a certain age group fail, that would be too wide a net to cast. But I think that certain people have the urge to go out and party and have fun and socialize and date, and at a certain point they get tired of doing those things and want to settle down and have a family and get serious about relationships.

I think that a lot of these relationships between teenagers start out with great intentions, but after a year or two, one or both partners end up wanting to play the field, or they end up having a kid and realize at 19 years old they don't want to deal with an 18 year commitment, and then it causes problems in the relationships.

Then, there are people who meet when they are 15, are high school sweethearts, and are married 65-70 years. So you never know.

Thank you for indulging my curiosity. Not only did you give one example, you gave three, which I rather enjoyed reading. It clarified all of the things that I've seen and cleared up some of my confusion that I have watching high-school drama. One of my friends' sisters actually went through your second example. It was really hard to watch/hear about so I suppose it's a kind of comfort to know that these things happen everywhere and not just on T.V. and in the town I live in.