OOC The Ula
- Thread starter Rekamennos
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Hey there, and welcome to our roleplaying section. Please take some time to read two of these useful resources below, if you're already a roleplaying expert, then there's no need to read the following beginner's guide, but be sure to read the rules.
Free Form Role Playing Guide for Beginners
meben15
Lord of the Meeblings
lol XD do you have that video handy all the time?
Mini Mongo
Drog Do Faal Mongonite Lahvu
You see, me and Rekky, we are long lost siblings within the order of the universe, we love like a family, so we are already united!
The_Madgod
LordLlamahat
Kir the Silent
Until Your Flesh Is Consumed
"You guys are a few ingredients short of a full recipe huh? Ah, that makes sense. I didn't expect mangy dogs such as yourselves to be all there in the head. But don't worry, I'm sure someone will take you in and give you a good home. The Silver Hand has free room and board, or so I hear."
My Second-in-Command is awesome
If he talks like that all the time I will have a hard time being cold and emotionless, no wonder I promoted him!
"This is me being awesome. I make this angry face and shout really loud, like this, while waving my sword around frantically in the air. It is very effective startling chickens. See, there goes one now, scurrying from my awesomeness."Rekamennos
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Uther Pundragon=King of Awesomeness=My Wonderful Uthybear
"Magic, my dear pup. No need to go to a barber when you were born with fabulous hair such as this. Oh, I didn't know flea ridden dogs such as yourself needed barbers. Don't you, like, just lick your own fur?"
UnLonged
True to the Name
"Magic? I dare not allow my hair to be touched by unknown arts. I prefer it to be properly molded and sculpted by trustworthy artisans. It's not some pile of hay that is to be kicked around by magic. And just for the record, Ricardio, my personal stylist, works wonders with my luscious golden locks and I would allow his spit to touch my wondrous crown if it helps shine brighter."Rekamennos
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Name: Kylar Grye
Rank: silver hand
race: Imperial
age: 23
skills: Crossbowman, good with longsword, hunter.
weapons: Crossbow named Retribution with bi-pod and silver bolts and a Silver Longsword called Justice.
Unique skills: excellent hearing and sight which helps when hunting
Armour: wears black leather armour and and a black hood.
likes: hunting, nature, reading, killing werewolves and homemade Cookies!
Dislikes: werewolves and confined spaces.
Looks: short, crimson red hair, pale eyes. no facial hair.
Background: kylar was born into the the silver hand. his family was hunting werewolves before the order of the silver hand was even formed. as a child he showed great skill with crossbows and was assaigned to serve with the orders hunters. Kylar was a natural hunter, killing his first werewolf at 15. he quickly roce through the ranks and became the orders top hunter.
Personality: very loyal. a ruthless hunter but easy to get along with when not hunting. he has a deep hatred for werewolves and will stop at nothing untill they are wiped from the earth. his hatred for the werewolves is because he was by his trainers that they are nothing but abominations.
thats him in hunting gear but he would have a crossbow instead. the other one he looks like except older and with pale eyes.
I'm debating your character card, but here, I will be honest with you on what I am feeling right now.
To me, making a character card is extremely important. It used to be less important to me, and the focus I brought my character in through the story seemed more important, but over time I found equality of measure. I am not asking you to make your character card a novel, but I am asking you to put more thought it into rather than me looking at it and feeling like you took a 3x5 notecard out for a quick reference of notes for class and quickly jotted things down. Don't get upset with me for saying this, and please don't be offended as I am just trying to get my point across. As you can see by those I have accepted, I am not asking for you to make huge contributions to the character card--just be more personalized and creative with it. Add some length, full sentences, and do not be stingy. Like, when I asked you to add a better description of his appearance, in my opinion adding a picture is being stingy. Sure, I can grasp the concept of what a guy with no facial hair and red hair would look like--I could put that on any male--but I am asking you to put forth the creative mental image you view when you see that character into words.
I haven't heard anything bad about your roleplaying skill, and I would like to add you to my team because if you are in Shew's RP, then I regard you as having to be a talented writer since I respect Shew himself for such reasons. And he, and I mean this lightheartedly, is pickier than I am. haha!
And also, if you are going to be apart of the group, I have already picked Kir the Silent to be the leader and Uther to follow after as second in command. So you will need to format your character in order to reflect the third position. Plus, I underlined the fact of your character having killed a werewolf at the age of 15. Because if one knows the story of the Ula, then one would understand that the werewolves in this role-play, for both packs, are both extremely powerful supernatural beasts and it would take a great deal of experience and strength in order for a character of the silver hand to take them down. Not that it isn't possible, just that it isn't easy to do and most likely in general for a regular werewolf would probably take more than one person if thought in a realistic aspect.
I know this is fantasy based, and is a spin off from actual lore, but it doesn't mean that I don't take into account for a realistic quality to be had about characters. Embellishing is fine and all of that, and I myself love to talk up the great qualities and strengths that my characters possess--but I feel you went just a tad overboard with the whole 15 thing.
Reform your thoughts, please check for grammatical error, spelling errors, and punctuation mistakes. And then get back to me.
Thank you for understanding. Sorry I am being a nitpicker!Rekamennos
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Name: Servina
Race: Bosmer
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Personality: Servina very respectable and will follow after those who are in charge of her. She is very kind hearted considering who she is, but she has a rather nasty side when it comes to it and she will kill those who anger her, even if she likes them or not.--> So she's nice with a mean streak that automatically results in death for the person who angers her? So, then that means she doesn't have a sense of humor? She's like that quiet one who sits in the corner, always with a smile on their face silently waiting for the moment to unleash their brutal force? Sounds kind of twisted, if you ask me, and from what I have read from the rest of her character card, as well as you making a point to say she is very respectful, I don't think that is the personality image you are trying to go for. The reason I am saying all of this is that what I mean by adding length and being more personal with your character card is that I want you to become apart of the character. She may be an elf, but remember that elves are just as humanistic in their emotional qualities just as many of the races in TES Lore. By that, I mean that you need to be less vague, be more specific so it doesn't sound as confusing, and put more thought into bringing forth more humanistic qualities. A personality is supposed to be one of the most important things about a character, as is their background, but a personality defines the day to day interaction that people have with the role you are taking up. So what you need to do is show those qualities in your character card, and sometimes even having negative things that may make her seem more humanistic is not a bad thing. Remember, she doesn't have to be perfect, and perfection is dull anyways.
Appearance:
I give kudos to you for a picture , it give a direct idea of what you want her to look like, but in order to grow as a writer you have to be able to explain the character's appearance in words as well as with an optional visual contribution. So please, add a physical description, and have fun with it. Put details into your description about her that don't show up as an image, because in character cards, images should only be used as a reference and not the actual full on appearance. I am not asking for you to be as detailed as to suggest the amount of pores she has on her skin from head to toe, lmao, but I am asking for a few brief sentences to describe her physical attributes.
She has beautiful red hair which has been in her family for over a century and no one in her family has ever had different coloured hair for that long.What about her beautiful red hair is relevant to a description of her physical apperance? She has sharp yellow eyes which are fast. What do you mean by her eyes are fast? She is slim and she is 6'9 foot tall. Servina is quite strong and her other formand her other form? What does that mean? And if she were a werewolf, which is what you are applying for, then it is common sense to know that she is strong in her beast for silly!, she has red fur I won't accept this color for her beast for only due to the fact that it is not a realistic wolf color, sorry (please dont hate me)and she has large claws which she uses to kill her enemies. Again, it's common sense that she would use her claws in combat to kill her enemies. I understand you were using it as a detail to add length, but just being honest to say it makes you sound redundant. I am not saying any of the things I am saying here to make you feel bad, but to help you grow as a writer. that's all! I promise! (and I wouldn't put all of this time into reviewing over your card if I didn't think you had writing potential
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Weapons: She thinks of her mind as a kind of weapon as she is quite intelligent and knows what she is doing.Do you mean in the sense that she has mental abilities, or that she is very cunning? Her bow also comes in handy which was made by her out of wood, and the arrows are drenched in poison. This is just my personal opinion, but a wooden bow and poisoned tipped arrows feels a bit underpowered for a supernatural werewolf, you DON'T HAVE TO CHANGE IT AT ALL, just a thought. She has claws which she sometimes sharpens in her spare time and she uses them like knives and her teeth she uses to suck the blood out of her enemies. This also like in your former paragraph really is unneeded. Her being a werewolf itself implies her sharp claws and sharp teeth. If you wanted to add her werewolf qualities to your weapon list, I would just say something basic like "enhanced strength, and werewolf traits," but of course more defined and in your own words.
Armor: She doesn't have much armor, she usually wears tavern clothes and in times of need she wears rangers clothes. Why doesn't she have armor? I understand she is a werewolf, and it's not set in stone that all of the characters have to be warrior style, because if they all were, that would make for a very neutralized and bland story. But it just feels a bit out of place for a werewolf in the Kumori pack to not have some form of protection in the least bit, but then again, she is an archer so she isn't one for close combat. This isn't really something you need to change, just perhaps look over. Totally up to you.
Bio: Her life began in Skyrim suprisingly as her family moved there after a hard life in Valenwood as they were treated badly being poor and not having anything of any value. Servina was born on Dragon Bridge ( the actual Bridge) as they were on their way to Solitude before her mother had the babywhat baby?, but it was too late and Servina was born.
Servina, in her early days from about the age of 10 to 18 she was a serving girl at the Winking Skeever.I really like this detail it's very humanistic like I was talking about, and I like the gentle approach you are going for with your character that has a hidden strength from within--very creative. She had eventually got fead up of serving people, being treated like a second class citizen and she had also been attacked many times and also some men tried to seduce her, so she ran away leaving her family, but later she was surrounded with guilt and she felt sick,felt sick from what?This entire sentence needs revising but she didn't know her way back to Solitude and she couldn't bring herself to going there after abandoning them.
Servina was then transformed into a Kumori and joined a pack where she learnt how to hunt well and how to kill. Servina was transformed and joined the Kumori pack when exactly? What point in her life, or a rough time span to give an idea? Your words kind of string together in a way that you can't tell when something happened, and where. Servina respected her elders and those who ruled over her, she thinks her life had improved, but she still worries about her family, every waking hour in fact wishing she had brought them with her, but it was too late now she would probably be thought dead. I love the details of her concerns about the family--you should put more work into that idea and add a bit more length to your history section about it to help round out your character's backstory a bit more.
Rekamennos
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Hi Namira and everyone else I'm happy to be Ula, Kumori or a Silver Hand, whichever you prefer if you still need people and decide to take me on, I completely understand if not.
Name: Alia
Race: Imperial, from the town of Skingrad, Cyrodiil
Gender: Female
Age: 20
Appearance: 5'8" in height, tall and slim. Pretty face with green eyes and light skin. Long brown hair, worn in a braid down to her waist. Has scar across left side of lip from a brawl with a khajiit, some years ago.
Personality: Happy, trusting, optimistic, compassionate and caring. Speaks freely and kindly to everyone, but will not be taken for a ride. If she senses lies or deceit, her mood will turn dangerous.
Class: Archer for long range combat, dual daggers for close range. Practices Restoration magic and Alchemy in her spare time.
Occupation: Traveler and Sellsword
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From what I know of you personally, I know that you know how to write and that you know your TES Lore at least to some degree. Basically, you are a gamer girl, and you know what you are talking about. But as I have critiqued other character cards, I have to critique yours as well to be fair.
Your words are brief, and to the point, which is good if you were trying to make notes for a school study guide. (lol XD) And one thing also good about your card is that by your word choice and small details it shows to me that you have a strong sense of an idea of who your character is going to be. It's not a bad character card, and I have also learned that you are still new to roleplaying--so I am only saying the things I am because I am trying to bring you further into strength as a literary role-player.
The first thing I want you to do, like the others, is to put more thought into your card. Like your words give a good idea of the basic fundamentals to your character, I don't just want to see your character for who they are on the outside, but for also who they are on the inside. Get personal with it, make your have a bit more length because paragraphs aren't your enemies but your friends!
Also, I would like for you to add a bio about them. Sure, we have a physical idea and emotional understanding of who they are, but, who are they really? Get into your character's head and remember, when you are roleplaying--you are doing literally just that! You are "Role-Playing!" So, you know, think of this untold story as a play, and that you are one of the actresses, and the best part about this play is that YOU get to make up your role as you take part! So have fun with it, be creative, and add some more details.
Last but not least, please form your character to reflect the faction that YOU want them to join. You are too vague, and I want that to be your decision not mine. If you want to be Ula, there is a spot open for it, but you will have to change physical attributes such as your eyecolor and your beast form color to have black fur, as well as, the mark of the Ula under your right foot.
Get back to me--and I do hope I didn't scare you away!Rekamennos
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Rek, I just want to ask, I'm guessing my character card was Ok then? I think I may go back and add some about what she wears as it is not a typical thing for people to wear and isn't armour. Not that anyone will bother to go back and read it, but oh well!
XD You really had to ask?
Minstrel
Queen of Evil
Just checking. Off I go to learn now! BYE TO ANYONE WHO IS ONLINE!
meben15
Lord of the Meeblings
*cannot believe this man is his Gamma*Rekamennos
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