TES Comedy Club

[Stigweard Ruadhan]

Come and have a giggle about the world of Tamriel...share some in jokes, stereotypes and hilarious observations from our favourite alternate reality!

All of those one liners, puns and the use of witty sarcasm by the NPC community? Feel welcome to stick them in as well!

Enjoy and have fun!

 

[Stigweard Ruadhan]

Did you hear that Simon Cowell has created a Demi-God singing competition?

It's called "Britain's Got Talos"

 

[ChiefScalyNipples]

I have created a pickup line thats only usable by Argonians, like myself.

*hot chick of any race walks past* "DAAAYUM. Ours is to knock the dust off that pussay!" (Friday reference)

 

[Stigweard Ruadhan]

Why is an Argonian like a teenager?

They're all mouth and no ears.

 

[ChiefScalyNipples]

Why is an Argonian like a teenager?

They're all mouth and no ears.

I'm offensive and I find this Argonian.

 

[jRi0T68]

Why are attractive women like Khajiits?

Because even when you're fighting it's hard not to watch the tail as it sways.

 

[Brizzle Kicks]

I'm offensive and I find this Argonian.

I'm not listening too anymore of your chat up lines the last one I tried out I wore a glass of wine and got slapped round the mush.

 

[Twiffle]

Comment made by the beggar in Solitude attending the execution,,,,
as he walks away he says... ''man opens a gate and they chop his head off. doesnt seem right to me'' cracks me up every time i hear it, ,








What's the best way to eat the Riverwood Chicken?

One leg over each shoulder.

 

[Stigweard Ruadhan]

Found on another site...

A blind Dunmer is sitting in a tavern when he suddenly pipes up. "Hey, anyone wanna hear a joke about a dumb Nord?" The man next to the blind Dunmer speaks up, "Before you tell this joke, there's a few things you need to know." "Sure," says the Dunmer, "What's that?" "Well, for one thing, the bartender is a Nord." the man says, "And so is the doorman. And the man next to you, he's a Nord, too. And the two very large men in the corner by the door, they're Nords, as well. In fact, I'm a Nord, too." The man leans in really closely to the blind Dunmer. "So, you still want to tell that joke about a dumb Nord?" The blind Dunmer cleared his throat and smiled, "Nah... not if I'm going to have to explain it 6 fetchin' times!"

 

[ThriceHeart]

I remember hearing this one from Oblivion in the City of Leyawiin as told by the Argonian Dar Jee: "Why do Khajiit lick their butts?", finishing it with, "To get the taste of Khajiit cooking out of their mouths! Hahaha! A real thigh-slapper, that one, eh? Phew. I heard lots others, only I can't remember them."
Made my day that little bit better

 

[ChiefScalyNipples]

I remember hearing this one from Oblivion in the City of Leyawiin as told by the Argonian Dar Jee: "Why do Khajiit lick their butts?", finishing it with, "To get the taste of Khajiit cooking out of their mouths! Hahaha! A real thigh-slapper, that one, eh? Phew. I heard lots others, only I can't remember them."
Made my day that little bit better

I watched that on YouTube. Classic.

 

[ThriceHeart]

I have yet to find someone in Skyrim that could do the same in terms of Cheesy jokes and wise cracking.

 

[ChiefScalyNipples]

I'm not listening too anymore of your chat up lines the last one I tried out I wore a glass of wine and got slapped round the mush.

I didn't really understand that...

 

[Brizzle Kicks]

I didn't really understand that...

I was on about that Skyrim chat up line thread from the other day.

 

[ThriceHeart]

I didn't really understand that...

Incomprehensible, My mind is boggled by such an image.

 

[Stigweard Ruadhan]

A Thalmor returned to his home one day to find his wife sleeping with another man. In his anger, he murdered his wife, to be caught not too much later. When on trial, the magistrate asked him why he killed his wife rather than the man sleeping with her.

He replied, "It'd be easier to kill one woman than a different man every week."

 

[Anwrise888]

 

[Stigweard Ruadhan]

Why does Ulfric Stormcloak smell so bad?

Because he refuses to use imperial leather soap...

 

[Stigweard Ruadhan]

Imperial Leather Soap 2 x 200G [AL063031] - £1.95 : SML Hygiene

 

[Twiffle]