Need to Vent & Rage?

[Haru]

RANT WARNING: I am actively in the throes of a major emotional breakdown as I write this, so I sincerely apologize if I'm rambling or sound like a total nutjob or just generally don't make any sense.

So my best friend, let's call her June, and I have known each other for six years. Unfortunately, shortly after meeting for the first few times (I was 11 and she was 12), we had to move away- since then, I have lived in Arkansas and she's lived in California, but we've kept in contact over the internet the entire time. I've seen her exactly one time in person since then, which was last year, for a two day visit. The biggest reason I've never been able to see her is that my mother is overprotective and simply won't let me- that's how it's always been with every plan we tried to make save for the short visit last year, no matter how hard we tried. Well, in just a few short months, it's going to be June's 18th birthday, and for her present, her parents are taking her on a trip to Hawaii- but what she wants more than anything is to see me. So they invited me, and for once in a lifetime, my mother said yes. My mother NEVER says yes. Miracle, right? Well, not exactly- because to put it bluntly, I really don't have the money for this. I'm moving out of my parent's house in a year, and I need cash. I really can't put off moving, for the plain and simple fact that my family is very dysfunctional (which I'm not going to go into now), and I'd rather gnaw off my own arm than live here longer than I absolutely have to. I have no job right now- I am actively trying to find one- and I only have so much money left over from my last job, which I'm trying to save. Well, while my step-father agreed to pay for my plane ticket and her parents said they would pay for any other expenses- I have this weird hang-up about letting people spend money on me or accepting gifts. It drives me flipping insane, I can't stand it, I barely allowed my friends to buy me a cake for my birthday. It might not make sense, but to let them pay would make me feel so incredibly guilty I would wanna kill myself- it's not a pride thing, I just feel terrible for making people do things like that for me. So, I declined the offer- and I felt like such a huge asshole that I literally told my younger brother to hit me repeatedly with a clothes hanger (he did it, too). I don't think I've ever felt so awful over a friend, I started crying, I felt like I deserved to be eaten alive by midgets because I was basically denying my best friend the only thing she really wants because I don't want to spend any money. So I was in my room already having a nice little emotional breakdown when he mother calls me on the phone and yells at me (quite literally, yells in my ear), saying how could I possibly do this to my best friend. I already felt like the biggest asshole on the planet so I ended up agreeing to go after all. Well, most people, if they were going on an all-expense paid trip to Hawaii would be jumping for joy. I am having a full scale freak-out. My weird thing is way too strong, I don't know how to get rid of it, but I still won't be able to let them pay, I will be paying with my own danged money. That stuff I have a very limited supply of. Then I will come home and be broke, and I had very little chance of getting a job in the first place (it's hard to get one around here and few places are hiring), now I have to try to find one and save up enough money to be able to move, and I will not be able to, and I will feel incredibly guilty if I have to make the friends I'm moving in with pay for something I need because I just don't have the money, and I will run away and become a hobo and will never be able to bear speaking to another human again. I'm sure this all sounds stupid as fluff, but the whole money thing is an actual problem I've always had, ever since I was a kid. You ever see a kid who says "No! You bought me candy? But... but... let me pay you back! Please? Please? I'm begging you! *crying*"

Lord...

 

[Lady Redpool the Unlifer]

Above post

Not gonna quote the entire breakdown, but I am gonna reply cuz, well, I had the same issue awhile back(kinda). The main issue here seems to be the money thing. That is one serious hang up that you have, and let me say that while her yelling at you isn't a good thing, you changing your mind is. Money is just pieces of paper with dead president's faces that we let rule our lives. Your friend's happiness is not only much, much more valuable than those pieces of paper, but while there will be future opportunities to make money, there won't be another chance to make your best friend's birthday absolutely as perfect as it can be. As far as you spending your move-out money on the trip, at this point, while it may be hard/impossible, you should try to let them pay. I know you have a serious problem with that, but they are offering, it will make the experience much more enjoyable for you and your friend, and less stressful for you, and if they are offering then they are probably better equipped than you to do so. Much better than being in that situation next year when you move out. If you absolutely cannot get over it, and HAVE to pay yourself then do it, but don't stress. These things tend to work out eventually. The way that I've discovered really solves these kind of stressed out dilemmas is that if it's an opportunity to help someone/make someone happy/ make their day,month,year and it doesn't put your health at risk, then do it. Happiness is highly underrated in the world and the memories and experiences will almost always make it worth it.

 

[imaginepageant]

"OMG, how dare this person judge me for the way I look! By the way, check out this picture of him. Isn't he hideous?"

I've heard this from two people in the last twenty-four hours. Hypocrisy is one of the few things that make me angry, and boy, does it make me angry.

 

[imaginepageant]

@Haru--

What if you agreed to let your parents pay for half of the expenses, while you cover the other half? Then, you won't be losing too much of your moving-out nest egg, and you (hopefully) won't feel quite as guilty for accepting help.

I also want to say... as someone who also comes from a rather dysfunctional family and who knew moving out was the key to saving my sanity, I don't fault you for choosing the financial security of your immediate future over a few days in Hawaii. Will your friend have another 18th birthday? No, but she will have a 19th, and a 20th, and a 21st. You will have other opportunities to visit each other and take trips together, especially once you're out from under your mother's overprotective thumb. I'm pretty sure you not going to Hawaii will affect her less than you living with your family for another year will affect you. Do she and her mother know about your situation at home? Do they know about your issues with accepting money from others? If they don't, I would tell them about both things. Her mother may not see it from your perspective, but if June truly is a good friend, she will understand why this is so hard for you.

Best of luck with it all.

 

[Stephen Daidalus]

RANT WARNING: I am actively in the throes of a major emotional breakdown as I write this, so I sincerely apologize if I'm rambling or sound like a total nutjob or just generally don't make any sense.

So my best friend, let's call her June, and I have known each other for six years. Unfortunately, shortly after meeting for the first few times (I was 11 and she was 12), we had to move away- since then, I have lived in Arkansas and she's lived in California, but we've kept in contact over the internet the entire time. I've seen her exactly one time in person since then, which was last year, for a two day visit. The biggest reason I've never been able to see her is that my mother is overprotective and simply won't let me- that's how it's always been with every plan we tried to make save for the short visit last year, no matter how hard we tried. Well, in just a few short months, it's going to be June's 18th birthday, and for her present, her parents are taking her on a trip to Hawaii- but what she wants more than anything is to see me. So they invited me, and for once in a lifetime, my mother said yes. My mother NEVER says yes. Miracle, right? Well, not exactly- because to put it bluntly, I really don't have the money for this. I'm moving out of my parent's house in a year, and I need cash. I really can't put off moving, for the plain and simple fact that my family is very dysfunctional (which I'm not going to go into now), and I'd rather gnaw off my own arm than live here longer than I absolutely have to. I have no job right now- I am actively trying to find one- and I only have so much money left over from my last job, which I'm trying to save. Well, while my step-father agreed to pay for my plane ticket and her parents said they would pay for any other expenses- I have this weird hang-up about letting people spend money on me or accepting gifts. It drives me flipping insane, I can't stand it, I barely allowed my friends to buy me a cake for my birthday. It might not make sense, but to let them pay would make me feel so incredibly guilty I would wanna kill myself- it's not a pride thing, I just feel terrible for making people do things like that for me. So, I declined the offer- and I felt like such a huge asshole that I literally told my younger brother to hit me repeatedly with a clothes hanger (he did it, too). I don't think I've ever felt so awful over a friend, I started crying, I felt like I deserved to be eaten alive by midgets because I was basically denying my best friend the only thing she really wants because I don't want to spend any money. So I was in my room already having a nice little emotional breakdown when he mother calls me on the phone and yells at me (quite literally, yells in my ear), saying how could I possibly do this to my best friend. I already felt like the biggest asshole on the planet so I ended up agreeing to go after all. Well, most people, if they were going on an all-expense paid trip to Hawaii would be jumping for joy. I am having a full scale freak-out. My weird thing is way too strong, I don't know how to get rid of it, but I still won't be able to let them pay, I will be paying with my own danged money. That stuff I have a very limited supply of. Then I will come home and be broke, and I had very little chance of getting a job in the first place (it's hard to get one around here and few places are hiring), now I have to try to find one and save up enough money to be able to move, and I will not be able to, and I will feel incredibly guilty if I have to make the friends I'm moving in with pay for something I need because I just don't have the money, and I will run away and become a hobo and will never be able to bear speaking to another human again. I'm sure this all sounds stupid as fluff, but the whole money thing is an actual problem I've always had, ever since I was a kid. You ever see a kid who says "No! You bought me candy? But... but... let me pay you back! Please? Please? I'm begging you! *crying*"

Lord...

RedNek's response seems right on cue.

Additionally, why not accept the money, but don't take it as a gift? Take it as a loan instead, and work out a way to repay them over time. There is nothing weak or fragile or uncool about borrowing money.

 

[Lady Redpool the Unlifer]

RedNek's response seems right on cue.

Additionally, why not accept the money, but don't take it as a gift? Take it as a loan instead, and work out a way to repay them over time. There is nothing weak or fragile or uncool about borrowing money.

See, I wanted to add this, but didn't know how to say it.

 

[Lady Redpool the Unlifer]

Alright, gotta get this one out. I absolutely HATE that rather than ask me if I can give a member of my family a ride somewhere the night before, they wake me up a half hour before they need to be somewhere after I've had 2-3 hours of sleep if I'm lucky, THEN ask me if I will. I then have to get up and take them because otherwise I'm stranded for the day and I usually have somewhere to be later on. Possibly the most annoying thing I've ever had to deal with.

 

[imaginepageant]

Alright, gotta get this one out. I absolutely HATE that rather than ask me if I can give a member of my family a ride somewhere the night before, they wake me up a half hour before they need to be somewhere after I've had 2-3 hours of sleep if I'm lucky, THEN ask me if I will. I then have to get up and take them because otherwise I'm stranded for the day and I usually have somewhere to be later on. Possibly the most annoying thing I've ever had to deal with.

In the same vein. I got a text from my manager yesterday morning at 9:15 saying, "I need you to come in a few hours early, the store is busy." The store doesn't even open until 9:30, so obviously it isn't busy. If she anticipated it being busy because of how busy it had been on Monday, why didn't she call me Monday night instead of the morning of, with only a couple of hours' notice? And she never asks if I can come in early, she just tells me I have to. That really, really bothers me. And she didn't even thank me for going in early yesterday.

 

[Gunnbjorn]

In the same vein. I got a text from my manager yesterday morning at 9:15 saying, "I need you to come in a few hours early, the store is busy." The store doesn't even open until 9:30, so obviously it isn't busy. If she anticipated it being busy because of how busy it had been on Monday, why didn't she call me Monday night instead of the morning of, with only a couple of hours' notice? And she never asks if I can come in early, she just tells me I have to. That really, really bothers me. And she didn't even thank me for going in early yesterday.

My manager is always stressing how if we need to take days off, we need to tell her at least 3 days ahead of time.

Fair enough.

But the same thing should go for her asking people to work certain days, ask them 3 days ahead of time. So that they can see if they're free or not.

But no, I still get those early 4:00am calls of her begging me to come open up the store at 5:00am because she was too lazy to ask somebody when somebody else took that day off. She'll say it in that pleading voice that almost makes you feel bad.

 

[imaginepageant]

My manager is always stressing how if we need to take days off, we need to tell her at least 3 days ahead of time.

Fair enough.

But the same thing should go for her asking people to work certain days, ask them 3 days ahead of time. So that they can see if they're free or not.

YES!

That reminded me of another work rage—my manager, and our district supervisor when she drops in, likes to adjust the schedule every now and then, usually adding an hour to a few shifts. But they never tell us about it. Maybe it's just me, but I think you should verbally confirm with your employees that they need to be in an hour early on this or that day, instead of just assuming they're going to check the schedule ten times a day to make sure nothing's been changed.

 

[Gunnbjorn]

YES!

That reminded me of another work rage—my manager, and our district supervisor when she drops in, likes to adjust the schedule every now and then, usually adding an hour to a few shifts. But they never tell us about it. Maybe it's just me, but I think you should verbally confirm with your employees that they need to be in an hour early on this or that day, instead of just assuming they're going to check the schedule ten times a day to make sure nothing's been changed.

I work regular during the summer, but part time during the school year for obvious reasons.

Towards the beginning of this year I would work 7:00am-3:00pm, Saturdays and Sundays... the usual.

Which means that once I leave work on Sunday, I am completely gone for 6 days, if the store gets robbed I won't know about it until the next time I work (which has happened before, actually).

There was a couple of instances where my manager just switched me from coming in at 7:00am to coming in at 6:00am, and she didn't have the audacity to call or text me of this change!

Because of this there were a couple of occasions where I showed up to work an hour late, because I didn't know when I was supposed to work, because my manager didn't notify me of the changes she made to my schedule! I couldn't have found out about it because I'm gone for a whole week! I always come in at 7:00am, but I am more than happy to come in at 6:00am if that's what you need, all you have to do is tell me and I will be there! There's no point in changing my schedule to be hour early and you don't notify me, because I'm going to come in my regular hours because that's what I usually do!

Now I open, which is 5:00am, It's the earliest possible shift you can work. This is one of the reasons I now work this shift.

 

[Docta Corvina]

Far, FAR too many pretentious, self-indulgent, flippant and privileged jackasses out and about for my taste.

Pretty sure to be that way should be fluffing illegal. But then, most of the world would be in prison for it, so I guess that's just a pipe dream. But it sure as hell doesn't stop me from wishing.

 

[Lady Redpool the Unlifer]

Far, FAR too many pretentious, self-indulgent, flippant and privileged jackasses out and about for my taste.

Pretty sure to be that way should be fluffing illegal. But then, most of the world would be in prison for it, so I guess that's just a pipe dream. But it sure as hell doesn't stop me from wishing.

Going back to another conversation we had on another thread, I think that it should be legal to just hit those people right in the teeth.

 

[CaptainPollux]

Okay. I need back in just for a moment.

I'm leaving for college in a few short months and I also have a job over the summer at a summer camp. My mum reminds me day in and day out that I "need to spend more time with the family" that I "need to contribute more" and "be more present" and most ironically, "get off that damn computer."

It's a Friday evening. I came home and fell asleep promptly because this last week has been freaking exhausting and it's not like I have anything that I have to overtly worry about.

One of my brothers woke me up and we made dinner and set the table, and we were waiting for my mother to get home from her hike that she had embarked on earlier in the day.

She got home, got on the computer, and spent the next hour making a post on facebook about her hike. She also yelled at us to "get off your lazy asses" and do the laundry. After we did the laundry, she was still making her facebook post and she told us to eat without her.

I give the hell up. WHAT DO YOU WANT. I mean, thanks, thank you for taking the only evening I can afford these days to have a family dinner and spending it on facebook.

 

[Anouck]

 

[kyleekay]

I hate when the IT Department for the client I work for doesn't test issues (to make sure they are actually bugs in the system) before sending them to me. I waste so much fluffing time replying back to them going "No, uh, you actually need to do such-and-such and then it'll work..." and then they get mad at me for my "slow" response time on issues that are actually important.

Just. Really?!

 

[xsneakyxsimx]

I hate when the IT Department for the client I work for doesn't test issues (to make sure they are actually bugs in the system) before sending them to me. I waste so much fluffing time replying back to them going "No, uh, you actually need to do such-and-such and then it'll work..." and then they get mad at me for my "slow" response time on issues that are actually important.

Just. Really?!

That leads to an annoyance that I hope all of us can agree on. When people DON'T DO THERE FLUFFING JOBS!!!

 

[Irish]

It appears that with the weather getting nicer and summer being around the corner, conceited, rude, and self-absorbed jackasses are coming out in full force. There's no reason to act like that and not only is it very unbecoming, but no one is impressed. Usually I can ignore it, but it's become so evident and excessive that I'm about to start knocking those people off their high-horses, be it verbally or physically. I don't want to sink to that level, but it's getting harder and harder not to.

 

[Lady Redpool the Unlifer]

It appears that with the weather getting nicer and summer being around the corner, conceited, rude, and self-absorbed jackasses are coming out in full force. There's no reason to act like that and not only is it very unbecoming, but no one is impressed. Usually I can ignore it, but it's become so evident and excessive that I'm about to start knocking those people off their high-horses, be it verbally or physically. I don't want to sink to that level, but it's getting harder and harder not to.

Those people are very fun to knock into the mud, though I'm sorry that you've had to deal with enough of them to feel that way.

 

[Lifts-Her-Tail]

It appears that with the weather getting nicer and summer being around the corner, conceited, rude, and self-absorbed jackasses are coming out in full force. There's no reason to act like that and not only is it very unbecoming, but no one is impressed. Usually I can ignore it, but it's become so evident and excessive that I'm about to start knocking those people off their high-horses, be it verbally or physically. I don't want to sink to that level, but it's getting harder and harder not to.

Who are you talking about hun? Send me a pm if you dont wanna say out loud xxx