Prelude: To begin, please do not be intimidated by the length of this review. When asked to do this I was determined to do an in depth deconstruction of the card as I believe that is the best way to make improvements and reframe the way in which to approach character cards. Keep in mind that this review is geared towards application to a lore conscious story with experienced writers. It is not meant to address characteristics or personality but rather focuses on facts and accuracy. Also, as I have been extremely busy for what seems to be months I had to steal time wherever possible to add a sentence or two, it may be a little scattered and inconsistent because of that. Bear with me.
When considering how to undertake this analysis I came across a dilemma on how to best present it so that it would be both cohesive and easy to follow. In an attempt to control any digressions I will be addressing each section as they appear in order within the character card making links where necessary and relevant. We will begin reviewing the “general information” section, moving on to the “appearance” section so on and so forth. With that, let us begin the analysis.
I will not be addressing name or age in this analysis, however, I do have a minor comment to make on the subject of height and weight. Though only minor I would suggest increasing the weight some, 140 is the lowest “healthy” weight for someone of 6’0 with a very slight build according to several sources with the majority labeling such a combination under “malnourished.” If “Kivuli” has even the slightest muscle she would have an increased weight. Again this is minor and I find weight can be deceptive however I would like to bring any potential issues forward for the sake of improvement and transparency. A similar attitude will apply to the whole of this piece, please keep that in mind.
The next, and I’ll admit, largest of the issues is the “race” subsection. Of course, I am referring to her khajiit and argonian hybrid background. This issue bleeds into many of the other sections however I will first isolate the simple logistics of this particular type of hybrid. Lore aside, physiologically the conception of a "cat" humanoid (mammal) and a "lizard" humanoid (reptile) is physiologically impossible. One core issue would arise in the vastly contrasting methods of development and birth. In short, egg vs live birth which requires very different adaptations from the unborn offspring as well as the internal systems of the parent. Another core issue linked with the above is that they are not classified in similar enough taxonomic "ranking" which would allow them to produce young. Even animals sharing "families" do not always produce young, others do but with sterile young (1st or 2nd generation sterile ie mules.) this means that even if offspring from this coupling could come to term, which again is not viable, they would likely be sterile and unable to produce a 2nd generation hybrid such as your character.
Moving on to the “appearance” section I believe this is the appropriate time to consult the lore and its dictations of hybrid appearance and adaptations. It is widely accepted and known in Elder Scrolls lore that when a cross of race occurs the offspring will resemble the mother’s (carrier's) race visually though some non-physical traits may be inherited from the father. An example of such is the “Grey Prince,” who appears as an orc, as his mother with no physical resemblance to his imperial father. It is important to note, however, that his vampirism does have some impact on his appearance, though in no way which relates to your character. Therefore if this type of hybrid was indeed viable your character would appear either as an argonian or as a khajiit in all aspects depending on the genealogy. A mixture of fur, scale, feather, and horns would not be in line with the lore of this universe. Considering this “Kivuli’s” appearance will have to be addressed revamped to suit a lore abiding roleplay such as this.
In passing, I would like to pose a question relating to the tattoo subsection. I will not be addressing any one subsection above this as I feel the previous address has appropriately confronted the issues that lay within. Having said that, my question or rather my questions are as follows; would any tattoo show through or be visible through the fur of a khajiit? Likewise, if scales could hold the ink, which I am not qualified to determine, would the colouring remain or disappear as the reptilian sheds? Please ponder this and determine how to proceed with any necessary changes.
Before we can move on one more point must be brought forth, though only mentioned briefly in the “Armor” subsection, it is again one of the largest issues existing within this card. I am of course referring to the information which I would classify under “affiliations.” For ease of organization, I will split this into two separate sections the first to discuss the “Listener” aspect and the second on the topic of non-Nords in the Stormcloak army.
I would like to speak on this first topic broadly before returning to discuss your specific situation as I believe it will prevent any similar missteps in the future, please keep this in mind. There are several difficulties that arise when making a character the leader of any one (or multiple) powerful factions that exist in, and at times out, of the Elder Scrolls universe. To begin making a character such an important figure gives them power over a large number of people, resources, and characters. This both gives them a wildly unfair general advantage and advantage and control over the characters (and “NPC’s”) that may be affiliate with this group. Even if the “leader” does not chose to use these advantages characters will need to react differently to the “leader” because of this. Other character or writers may also be better fit to write this role, but even so how would this be determined and who would have the authority to do so? For this reason it is better for no one to have such power. There is theoretically one or few positions for Listener, Archmage, High King/ Queen, Emperor, Guild Leader, Harbinger, or Dragonborn etc and to give that position to one writer would be unequitable. Unless all characters involved are of similar status this does not work, unless agreed upon. Ignoring all this your characters every action could have a profound impact on Skyrim or other areas within Tamriel which is a huge responsibility. A RP leader and co-authors/ writers can only determine if you are able to take this on, on a case by case basis and with complete consensus. If you were to create your own faction or group whose power was limited enough as to not have a profound impact on Skyrim or other areas of Tamriel and lead or participate within ( ex Florists of Skyrim ™ , Markarth Miners Union, Perturbed Skeevers Mercenary Co) it would be less of an issue though such involvement would also have to be discussed with the individual group.
Moving on we are now faced with another faction related dilemma. Though both relating to the position of the character within each group the issues vary greatly and are unique to the Stormcloak officer position, once again relating to race. As we are all familiar minimally with a basic knowledge of the Stormcloaks I will operate on the assumption that certain knowledge is widely known and without need for explanation. An example of such, and our starting point, is the root of the factions strong nordic leadership and favouritism. Note; in attempt to keep this post neutral I will use neutral language though there is a strong argument for blatant racism which would be wise to consider as well. It is common knowledge that the groups focus operates on religious freedom and control of the nordic homeland for and by the Nords. Emphasising this are statements such as “Skyrim belongs to the Nords!” and other similar phrases.The act of fighting to put Nords in power coupled with the segregation and open racism within their city of origin makes it highly unlikely that the faction or the general populace would accept a non-nord as an officer. With each race having its own distinct and shared reasons for rejection it would be tedious to explain each in detail and I believe unneeded. Beyond this it is reasonable to assume that it would also be difficult for a non-nord to be accepted within the base ranks, without significant harassment and suspicion. Such an individual would have to be extremely dedicated and compliant, long trips and absences would appear suspicious and would not bode well. Having said this it is still possible for a character without nordic blood to support the stormcloaks and still keep with the lore and tone from outside of the faction itself. Using your character “Kivuli” as an example we can see how an assassin may seek out imperial spies, or make it a mission to kill Imperial officers and other significant figures, hindering them wherever possible. This would allow the freedom needed and allow you to interact in a similar way without needing the approval of the army itself. Likewise this would allow you to use your skills in a way that makes sense, as the officer or general position would also have a large tactical and leadership focus best suited for one who has been part of the base ranks or has a great knowledge of how best to situate them considering how each type of soldier functions. Though not impossible for an assassin to have this knowledge other classes would be better suited while an assassin would do best as a spy or infiltrator. Consider your character's strengths over a desired rank, would they not want to be in the position to use their abilities to the fullest? However, I digress and think it best to leave this as it stands.
The upcoming section, “Gear,” will be addressed starting with an admonishment rather than directly pointing to one misstep relating to the subsection of “weapons.” Though I do not necessarily have an issue with the enchantments on your weapons do always ensure that they stay within the realm of reason. In other words, ensure that you keep them from being overpowered. Two enchantments on one item would only be possible if done by someone with great skill, which would not come without a high cost. Keep this in mind as it is something you can reflect on or draw emotion from in your writing. One last thing to note before we move forward. Found in the “Other” subsection is a mention of a multitude of potions containing the ingredient “ Jarrin Root.” Though gameplay does not always follow in realism and should be considered alongside logic and the lore there is only one sample accessible within the game. This is an indicator that though not impossible to attain it is rare with a description of its plant of origin mentioning its rarity. The quest for which it is given is also of extreme importance and impact throughout the empire and so the reservation of such a component for this job exclusively hints at the same. Having a large supply of these on hand would, therefore, be improbable if not outlandish and foolish. Wasting such a rare ingredient or risking losing all your samples would be unwise, to say the least. Please consider this as you edit.
Though I have little to say about the personality or voice portion of the “Personality and Voice” section, as the purpose of this review is not to enrich or diversify personality, there are some details, however, that I would like to bring forward and into question. Beginning in the “Fighting Style” subsection, which in itself I find slightly out of place, is the mention of a “thrall” “Alfiq Khajiit.” I’ll be operating under the assumption that you are referring to a creature raised under the master level conjuration spell “Dead Thrall.” Having little sources to draw on it is difficult to determine the likelihood of this spell working on such a creature, would a Alfiq Khajiit fall under beast folk? What then separates beast from beast folk? Questions I am not qualified to answer, surely. This is another example of something that would have to be addressed on a case by case basis. It is important to note that in becoming a thrall the original personality and comprehension does not return, though you may raise the dead you can not restore them completely so limit the awareness to responding to commands and threats as well as navigation. As a final note on wording, attempt to be consistent in using lore appropriate titles or designations throughout the character card, words such as “Zombie” will immediately conjure not lore friendly images and may detract from the character card.
Moving to the “Habits” sub-section I would like to also warn against imputing holidays from our world into the Elder Scrolls universe as it operates against the lore. I am of course referring to the mention of “All Hallow’s Eve.” This particular holiday, as many celebrated in western culture, has roots in Christianity which does not exist in Tamriel. I will save you the long winded description of the history of the celebration, however, I will mention that in my research I did not uncover any comparable holidays within Tamriel. If I have missed a source which indicates otherwise, please relay it to me so that I may review it. Note: Exclude “Elder Scrolls Online” as the writing has been outsourced and is not necessarily correct to the pre established lore.
In regards to the subsection “Properties”, I have only a few quick points to make before moving on. First addressing “Vlindrel Hall,” I would caution you against claiming well-known player homes for much the same reason that was given for information under the “Armor” subsection. There is only one “Vlindrel Hall” to be filled and so you may run into conflict here. This is only minor, however, and just something to consider. On much the same note I would pose this question; would the sanctuary not belong to the brotherhood as a whole rather than one individual despite their position? Perhaps labeling these under residences would fit your intended meaning more accurately.
The issues under the “Job” subsection have already been addressed, please consult “Armor” subsection commentary.
When arriving at the “Weakness” we encounter a problem which is very closely tied to the racial aspects of this character. I will attempt to ignore the impossibility of this hybrid coming to term here but do keep it in mind. When crossing animals it can not be done simply by inputting one trait which has physiological requirements into the body of a creature with completely different adaptations. This anatomy would interact differently and need different adaptations internally. It is possible for the character to have a breathing problem but it will need to be formated and sourced differently. As an added comment if the character has “no trouble breathing underwater” the base should be argonian, whose eyes would also have underwater adaptation leaving no need for a lore bending “scuba apparatus.”
Finally, we come to the “History/ Backstory” section. I will attempt to go in order of issues as they arise however should that fail I will try and keep this as organized as possible. Let us begin with the point of a Khajiit or Argonian holding the position of Jarl as it pertains both to all holds and Markarth in no particular order. Considering the civil war we can see how having a Jarl who is neither Nord nor Imperial would be wildly unlikely. In the homeland of the Nords, it would be disapproved of to have a political figure who rules over a largely nordic population who is not nordic. The exception is the Imperial leaders who are put into power by the Imperial Legion who are accepted because of the power, history, and support of the Legion. All that aside it is unlikely that the citizens of Markarth would allow an outsider to take the seat after all the bloodshed and conflict that has been endured as they combat the forsworn for control over their city. Linking with this is the idea of having beast-folk represent a nordic city for much the same reason.
On the topic of the Dark Brotherhood, I have a few more points I would like to bring forward. To clarify I would hope that in mentioning that your character was raised to “command the Dark Brotherhood” it was meant as an aspiration rather than an inherited position. There is nothing to suggest within the structure or the lore that the position would be inherited unless I have missed a source or other information. As well I would like to mention that although the Dovahkiin may lead various factions it is unreasonable to think that a member with a high-level position, and therefore a large amount of responsibility would be able to juggle multiple positions or even to be absent from the group's headquarters for extended periods of time and remain effective in their position. Just a thought.
Though my latest paragraphs may have been lacking in organization and perhaps some points were missed I do hope that this review has been useful. If you have any questions or are in need of clarification feel free to contact me and we can discuss. In closing, I appreciate your patience while waiting for this review.
PS, forgive my switching between subsection and section as well as the random lack of capitalizing. I’m lazy and can’t be bothered to fix it quite yet.
@Kivuli_The_Khajit