My new favourite guard comment ever!

[Breton]

Try walking up to Vilkas, you will have a good laugh, the way he says it = ROFL!

Yeah, I laughed when I first heard him say it.

Also Phinis Gestor: "Put on a cloth sack at the very least. You're making me... unseasonably warm."


I always get creeped out when the Markarth guards say this: "I wonder what sort of things they've got the Dibella doing, over in the temple... Mostly praying, I reckon." I mean, the new Sybil, she's, what, 12? I hope she's just praying...

 

[Kaleia]

A solitude guard once told me (right after I broke out of prison) after I said "You're making a mistake":

"The only mistake you've made is showing your face here."

 

[No Guarantees]

I was hanging around in Riften, seconds after killing a dragon. I pass a guard and he says:

"If the Whiterun guards can take down a dragon, so can we!"

1) I did most of the work to kill that dragon in Whiterun, not the guards.
2) I just killed a dragon here in Riften, and some guards DID help me.

 

[Epic Keith]

Yeah, I laughed when I first heard him say it.

Also Phinis Gestor: "Put on a cloth sack at the very least. You're making me... unseasonably warm."


I always get creeped out when the Markarth guards say this: "I wonder what sort of things they've got the Dibella doing, over in the temple... Mostly praying, I reckon." I mean, the new Sybil, she's, what, 12? I hope she's just praying...

LOL

At the last part, this came in my mind

 

[Arthur Swift-Sword]

*Equips 2 fire enchanted Daedric Mace's *

Guard: Woah woah woah! Watch the magic!

Really? just...no.

 

[Kruise]

Walking through town.. See a dragon appear in Solitude... Shoot arrow up at dragon.. Hits lady on head. Attacked by guards, puts away weapon. Dragon is BREATHING FIRE ON US
Guard: "Wait.. I know you"
Me: "...Here, take 500 gold and leave me alone"

 

[Drewski]

After completing `Missing In Action`.....

"From what I hear, you're the one that gave the Thalmor a black eye. Sure know how to pick your enemies, don't you?"

How can a guard, in Whiterun POSSIBLY know this? I ran just about all the way back, and even more relevantly, I didn't leave anyone alive to report this fact.

Guards truly have a psychic network in Skyrim.......

 

[Ritterkreuz]

After completing `Missing In Action`.....

"From what I hear, you're the one that gave the Thalmor a black eye. Sure know how to pick your enemies, don't you?"

How can a guard, in Whiterun POSSIBLY know this? I ran just about all the way back, and even more relevantly, I didn't leave anyone alive to report this fact.

Guards truly have a psychic network in Skyrim.......

The Gray-Manes aren't too good at keeping their mouths shut and have been boasting of your deeds.

 

[Kaleia]

After completing `Missing In Action`.....

"From what I hear, you're the one that gave the Thalmor a black eye. Sure know how to pick your enemies, don't you?"

How can a guard, in Whiterun POSSIBLY know this? I ran just about all the way back, and even more relevantly, I didn't leave anyone alive to report this fact.

Guards truly have a psychic network in Skyrim.......

Alternatively, the mages (who I'm fairly sure have scrying abilities) are complete and utter busybodies...and we just don't know it.

 

[SaveVsBedWet]

LOL! I actually do that IRL!
When they say, "Wait I know you..." With this face

I say, "No! You don't know me!"

Vampire's Kiss > Fresh Oxygen, Food, Warmth, etc...

 

[Hadean]

"What is it? Dragons?!"

Yeah... Yeah, you've guessed it. It's dragons.

this is still my favourite line ever, so simple