Spoiler Biggest douche in Skyrim

[Docta Corvina]

I choose Jarl Balgruuf the Greater Even know I do pick him to be the next High king of skyrim (If Ulfric wasn't in the picture) I still think he should be nominated for biggest douche in Skyrim.

Reason? It's simple.

and whats worst is that he knows your Dragonborn, and he still makes you pay for the house.

Mmmkay, so, I don't agree with this one bit...but it's still amazing and one of the best Balgruuf things ever.

 

[Raijin]

Maven...meeehhhh. She just pisses me off way too much. She and Siddgeir are similar to me in that they both have their ridiculous egos and bad tempers and don't even have any charm to make up for it. Like I said, at least Mercer and Neloth make me laugh my ass off being so perpetually angry and arrogant. Can't at all say the same about Maven.

Maven gives me free mead if I assist in helping her gain her title as Jarl. Nobody else gives me free things.

As far as Siddgeir and Maven being similar, I don't see it that way. If you want to see someone similar go checkout the silver-bloods in Markarth... almost Identical scenario.

 

[Docta Corvina]

Maven gives me free mead if I assist in helping her gain her title as Jarl. Nobody else gives me free things.

As far as Siddgeir and Maven being similar, I don't see it that way. If you want to see someone similar go checkout the silver-bloods in Markarth... almost Identical scenario.

Maven gives me free jackassery.

And no, the circumstances of their posts aren't the same, but I see similarities in personality. That's all I was saying. Inflated egos, wretched tempers. Charmless. Though one thing I can say for Maven is that she hasn't leered at Pen the way Siddgeir has.

 

[Psiberzerker]

JUtG gave me a Steel Armor, Leather Helmet of Alteration, the Axe of Whiterun, and a halfway decent follower for all my help, not to mention the title of Thane. All the other Jarls make you run all kinds of stupid errands, and still pay more for a house. I'd rate Falkreath's douchier for that (and so much else) or Morthal's for making me play hide, and sneak with a ghost girl, and not even coming through with a purchasable home for my trouble. Thanks for nothing, jackasses.

Yeah, of all the Jarls, Siddgeir, definites.

I mean, look at the dude. Best thing about being a Stormcloak is deposing him, and sending him into Exile.

 

[feliciano182]

Morokei said something very similar as well.

I duess it depends on how you define Douchebaggery. A lot of the prior responses seem pretty obvious in context, while others didn't give enough specifics. I voted Ragnar the Red because of his actions in the song about him. Pretty much the only one in the Bard's repetoir given as a Ur Example of Douchebaggery. You pretty much have to be trying to top that.

Ragnar the Red (Played by Rob Schneider.)

Oh there once was a "Hero" named Ragnar the Red, who came riding to Whiterun from olde Rorikstead.

And the braggart did swagger and brandish his blade, as he told of bold battles and gold he had made

But then he went quiet, did Ragnar the Red, when he met the shieldmaiden Matilde' who said;

"Oh, you talk and you lie and you drink all our mead, now I think that its time that you lie down and bleed"

And so then came clashing and slashing of steel as the brave lass Matilde' charged in full of zeal

And the braggart named Ragnar was boastful no more when his ugly red head rolled around on the floor.

Da Derp Dee Derp Da Teetley Derpee Derpee Dumb

Funny, I think Matilde is the actual douchebag of the story.

 

[Psiberzerker]

While we're on the subject of the Courts, Sybille Stentor. You hear all the nasty stuff she says about Vampires? Spoiler alert: Detect Life. She's not even a Douche, she's a Tampon.

 

[Wildroses]

And now the winner:

Brynjolf. I know people like him. I don't want to upset anyone but Brynjolf is the biggest douche in the game. At least Mercer gets his comeuppance. But with Brynjolf, it's constant patronizing. "Running a little light on the pockets...." By a little light, you mean the 100,000 gold I'm carrying? What kind of thief are you that you can't pick up on that? "Never done a honest day's work..." Would killing you and sparing the good people of Riften your presence count? "Lad/lass" Pòg mo thòn, a bhodaich! (That's Gaelic for kiss my ass, old man) "We're counting on you..." Yeah, I figured as much because apparently You. Suck. And to top it all off, you have to kiss his ass to do the TG questline, so it just making his douchiness that much more foul.

YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES!!!!! I hated Brynjolf from the start. He got on my nerves big time from the very start on my very first character. Never done an honest day's work? I prided myself on having stolen nothing with that character. Not even a few gold from horrible people. Every septim I had I earned by selling off loot from dungeons and potions I made from legally harvested ingredients. Every item I owned I had acquired legally. And this massive douche was telling me he could tell by the way I dressed and walked I hadn't earned one single septim of my wealth honestly.

Brynjolf probably would never have recovered in my eyes from that point, but telling me he wanted to set up Brand-Shei clinched his irredeemability. I'd already talked to Brand-Shei before Brynjolf approached me and thought he was nice. Nice merchant who is polite and never done me any wrong vs guy who thinks I'm a crook? No contest.

Then on all my next characters I discovered this douche actually stalks you and forces a conversation on you, which didn't help. If you tab out of the conversation he says: "I can take a hint, lass. Come see me if you want to make some coin," but he's lying. I get within a one metre radius of him and he's all: "Glad to see you came to your senses, lass. Ready to make some coin?" One time I tried to piss him off by standing there watching while he did the distraction, but eventually the entire market just stood there silently, and after five minutes I was forced to admit defeat and reload.

 

[feliciano182]

While we're on the subject of the Courts, Sybille Stentor. You hear all the nasty stuff she says about Vampires? Spoiler alert: Detect Life. She's not even a Douche, she's a Tampon.

Aw come on, Sybille Stentor is awesome.

 

[Raijin]

I wouldn't say that Brynjolf is the biggest douche in Skyrim.... Just another idiotic douche that is.

A LONG story made short, well sorta
I love it how he approaches me at the stand, and then starts accusing me of not making an honest day of work.. really? Do you honestly believe that I have the ability to carry so many stolen items that I'm unable to sell to vendors? Not like I want to spend my perks on speechcraft when is far more important then the rest. Then he allows that dark elf bitch Karliah walk all over him... even went as far as to sell his soul to the crow bitch. What a sad soul he is. Whats even more funny is that I didn't even do 1 single thieves guild job, and already I'm being offered the position of being the Guidemaster. Ridiculous. I've been with the guide for less than a year... probably less than a month, and you are going to trust me to become the new leader of the guild? Pucker up Brynjolf. You have the most experience in the bunch. Instead of offering a stranger the position of being the leader, why not take the position yourself?

 

[Docta Corvina]

Yeah, of all the Jarls, Siddgeir, definites.

I mean, look at the dude. Best thing about being a Stormcloak is deposing him, and sending him into Exile.

LOL, speaking of his slimy self, I know this is just the angle of this particular shot and whatever, but...it really kinda looks to me like he's giving my character an invitation and offer she most definitely could refuse. That expression and where he's pointing...just...no.

Aside from that, that annoying smirk and overall smarmy'ness was just too much for me. Definitely one of the worst Jarls (and people), without a doubt.

 

[Raijin]

The Empire empowered Siddgeir as being the new Jarl of Falkreath so that makes the Empire the biggest douche in Skyrim. Dengeir of Stuhn seemed pretty healthy to me so I don't believe for a moment that he was force to step down as Jarl due to health.

 

[jRi0T68]

If you're going to label an entire group as epitome of douchedom, I believe it should be the Thalmor for the elitist attitude.

 

[Psiberzerker]

Aside from that, that annoying smirk and overall smarmy'ness was just too much for me. Definitely one of the worst Jarls (and people), without a doubt.

Lol, that's pretty much exactly what i was talking about.

 

[Docta Corvina]

Lol, that's pretty much exactly what i was talking about.

Deposing him will be one of the admittedly very few things I'll be enjoying in my first-ever Stormcloak file, lol.

 

[feliciano182]

Aside from that, that annoying smirk and overall smarmy'ness was just too much for me. Definitely one of the worst Jarls (and people), without a doubt.

I think he's hilarious, he has clearly no delusions about the magnificent perks of his job, and he makes no qualms about hiding it, so whatever degree of decency he has, it manifests in a complete lack of hipocrisy, unlike some other Jarls *looks at Windhelm*.

 

[Psiberzerker]

She's not cannon, but my main RPC, Dreadfall. I came up with her as a joke character, then fell in love with her, but she's a whiny Goth for Oblivion's sake. I guess that's kind of cheating, though.

 

[Docta Corvina]

I think he's hilarious, he has clearly no delusions about the magnificent perks of his job, and he makes no qualms about hiding it, so whatever degree of decency he has, it manifests in a complete lack of hipocrisy, unlike some other Jarls *looks at Windhelm*.

He is pretty plain-spoken, I'll give him that. Very direct. And I suppose there's something to be said for that. I'd just like it much more if he wasn't, well, such a wanton ass.

 

[jRi0T68]

I wish I could kill him.

 

[feliciano182]

He is pretty plain-spoken, I'll give him that. Very direct. And I suppose there's something to be said for that. I'd just like it much more if he wasn't, well, such a wanton ass.

I just love how the guy comes up to you and basically says:

"Damn bandits ! I was just doing my business extorting them for money and they decided they won't pay........THE NERVE !"

I can appreciate that far more than someone who repeats the words "True", "Nords" and "Skyrim" ad infinitum to convince me of their plopsty cause.

 

[KaitoGhost]

Ulfric. Hands down. Not even close. While Nazeem, Jarl Siddgier, and the others are giant douches in their own rights, none of them can compete with our good rebel leader.

Why, you ask? It's simple. Someone stated that while Ulfric is a douche, he has a reason, which makes it okay. I disagree. It's Ulfrics reason for being a douche, that makes him the crown prince of douchedom. He wanted to be High King. Plain and simple. For that reason, he started a war, using religion as an excuse (much like quite a few real life bag-douches, actually). Nobody in Skyrim, barring the Dragons, have anywhere near the amount of blood on their hands as Ulfric Douchecloak. Que the song:

"Here he is, the biggest douche of the universe. In all the galaxies, there's no bigger douche than yoouuu. You've reached the top, the pinnacle of douchedom. Good going douche, your dreams have come truueee."