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  • Hey there, thanks for visiting our fan fiction section. You should only write stories that aren't related to your character's encounters, if you wish to write a story about your character please post an entry in your blog.

    Before reading or writing a story, please make sure to read this thread. Thanks, Guest, and we hope you enjoy this section.

Chirurgeon

Active Member
so now we find out this plague is in Riften as well. I continue to enjoy this story greatly. The interaction between Onmund and Nikhaya is quite interesting. It has taken some time to get past the inter racial aspect as it is a new concept for me in the Skyrim world. Dating a woman that is hairier than myself would be a challenge haha. I liked the sequence at the funeral pyre. The description of Nikhaya throwing the flowers into the fire was good and I felt myself there with them. Onmund seems to have a rather non-understanding family as well.

I did notice a few things however that seemed a bit odd. If Riften had been locked down for a week then how come they let them in so easily? Would they not be worried about someone bringing the plague? I also think it unlikely that any guard would let a Khajiit stormcloak in so easily. Haha that just has imposter written all over it. I also feel that the trip to Riften was really fast.

I hope you are ok with my critique I am simply putting my impressions on here. I think i would have had them sneak into Riften somehow instead of getting past the guards with a spell scroll. It is funny but perhaps a bit unrealistic if it is that easy to get past guards. Maybe they could have met in the ratway at the bar down there.

I notice alot of people in here reserve posts for chapters. How is it you know exactly how many chapters you are going to have? I simply cannot predict something like that!

Anyway I really love the fanfic so far and I can tell you have put a lot of time. It is one of the most original stories I have read. I can claim to have read many. The bantering, the plot, the mystery as to what is happening, and the fact that this is a zombie story in Skyrim tugs at the zombiephile inside me :) Keep up the great work and cannot wait to read more :)
 

Khasrin

Fusozayiit
I hope you are ok with my critique I am simply putting my impressions on here. I think i would have had them sneak into Riften somehow instead of getting past the guards with a spell scroll. It is funny but perhaps a bit unrealistic if it is that easy to get past guards. Maybe they could have met in the ratway at the bar down there.

I notice alot of people in here reserve posts for chapters. How is it you know exactly how many chapters you are going to have? I simply cannot predict something like that!

Nah, I'm totally fine with getting honest, thoughtful feedback like yours. I appreciate it actually, there's no way to become a better writer if nobody is willing to play editor :D

The whole Stormcloak ruse has been bugging me since I posted this actually :p Kind of funny but definitely a weak point in the story, not terribly realistic as you said. It has a feeling of "I rushed through this part because it didn't interest me" about it (which was true, but that's not good writing...lol) I think I'm going to take Part II down temporarily for some retooling this weekend and see if I can come up with something better.

Haha, yeah...the Nord-Khajiit romantic tension thing is tricky. I'm trying to create a sense of two friends becoming so fond of each other that they're willing to work around their differences to be happy together (as opposed to having instant chemistry). They're an odd couple even by Skyrim standards, so naturally their relationship would raise some eyebrows. Definitely no explicit sex in this fanfic though, I am SO not going down that road :p Some implied intimacy, maybe, but I'll worry about that when I get there.

The whole "how long does it take to get to Riften" thing is puzzling me...I tried to abridge the journey to leave out the parts where nothing of interest was happening, but maybe I need to make the breaks more distinct.

Actually I think I underestimated with the whole post-reserving thing. I thought 6 chapters would cover it, but now I don't think it will...might post the last few parts as a shorter sequel in a new thread.

Thanks for taking the time to write such a helpful and articulate response, I sincerely appreciate it :)
 

Chirurgeon

Active Member
Well i know i always appreciate it when people balance the good with the needed improvement. So havi g said that I will help as much as i can. :-) keep it up!
 

Khasrin

Fusozayiit
Part II lives again :D All the better for the helpful suggestions I received. I'm about 90% pleased with it now :p
 

ultimatedovahkiin

Now's not the time for fear. That comes later.
Great chapter can't wait to see what happens with the pair as they fall for each other, this is an amazing story and wonderful idea. Keep it up.
 

Khasrin

Fusozayiit
Part III is finally done. Hopefully nobody gags on all the Nord-Khajiit lovin'. :rolleyes: I don't know...aside from a few word changes that need to be made, I'm not feeling good about this one and I can't figure out why. Maybe it's not that bad and I just need sleep.
 

ultimatedovahkiin

Now's not the time for fear. That comes later.
Wonderful chapter. I couldn't stop laughing after the part about J'zargo watching them. I can just picture him silently sneak in the room, sit down in a chair next to the entrance, pull out a thing of bread, and start eating the bread as he watched the two of them.
 

Khasrin

Fusozayiit
Wonderful chapter. I couldn't stop laughing after the part about J'zargo watching them. I can just picture him silently sneak in the room, sit down in a chair next to the entrance, pull out a thing of bread, and start eating the bread as he watched the two of them.

Thank you :D

I know, right? J'zargo's actually done that to me a few times...go to bed, wake up w/Lover's Comfort bonus, and there he is in the chair, checking it all out o_O lol
 

ultimatedovahkiin

Now's not the time for fear. That comes later.
Thank you :D

I know, right? J'zargo's actually done that to me a few times...go to bed, wake up w/Lover's Comfort bonus, and there he is in the chair, checking it all out o_O lol

Haha what a creep! o_O Guess you gotta get action wherever you can in the land of Skyrim, whether you're doing it or watching it.
 

Khasrin

Fusozayiit
Aw man :oops: Sooo, Part III...apparently I derped out and posted the wrong draft, leaving a huge chunk out of the ending, including Nikhaya's prophetic Soul Cairn-ish nightmare. But it's all fixed now and the final draft is up. Jeez. o_O Lol sorry...
 

Dradin

Tribunal Temple Acolyte
Khajiit thinks this tale is exceptional... And he is not talking about the one Nikhaya owns

In all seriousness, great story so far.
 

Khasrin

Fusozayiit
Khajiit thinks this tale is exceptional... And he is not talking about the one Nikhaya owns

In all seriousness, great story so far.


Haha, thanks very much :D It's about to get dark and ugly, but on the plus side that means more zombies.
 

Khasrin

Fusozayiit
Quick question for those of you still following this story (thank you, BTW! :D It means a lot to me!) - are these chapters running on for too long? Would the story be easier to digest in a bunch of shorter chapters instead of a few long ones?

Just curious as I've been reading others' fanfics and my chapters seem ridiculously long in comparison...lol
 

Chirurgeon

Active Member
My rule of thumb is basically four pages in MS Word for a chapter. But then again I also have screenshots. Instead of length let events dictate chapters. If you have to you can break up something and make two chapters. I personally think they are fine
 

Khasrin

Fusozayiit
My rule of thumb is basically four pages in MS Word for a chapter. But then again I also have screenshots. Instead of length let events dictate chapters. If you have to you can break up something and make two chapters. I personally think they are fine

Mine run about 10-12 pages in Word, now that I look o_O Good lord. I try to end chapters where it seems natural to do so, but as the story gets more complex it gets harder to keep such long chapters cohesive and flowing...made me wonder if I was also overwhelming/confusing the reader.

Thanks for the feedback. Really enjoying The Nascent Ranger, BTW :) you've inspired me to change up my own writing style a bit.
 

Chirurgeon

Active Member
My rule of thumb is basically four pages in MS Word for a chapter. But then again I also have screenshots. Instead of length let events dictate chapters. If you have to you can break up something and make two chapters. I personally think they are fine

Mine run about 10-12 pages in Word, now that I look o_O Good lord. I try to end chapters where it seems natural to do so, but as the story gets more complex it gets harder to keep such long chapters cohesive and flowing...made me wonder if I was also overwhelming/confusing the reader.

Thanks for the feedback. Really enjoying The Nascent Ranger, BTW :) you've inspired me to change up my own writing style a bit.
Anytime :) One of the greatest challenges of writing is where to give the reader a break :)
 

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