Dear Janus,
Not too long ago I met a starving child on the streets of Whiterun. Seeing that she had no where else to go, I took her into my home. As I soon discovered, motherhood was something that I was not quite prepared for. Due to the nature of my oftentimes lonely and dangerous profession, I spend a great deal of time off on long expeditions, with only the briefest of respites at home in between trips. In those times, I leave my daughter in the care of my housecarl, a capable woman, but not the most accommodating of people.
When I do stop at home for a moment, my daughter doesn't quite seem to know what to make of me. She gives a warm greeting, eagerly awaiting the present that I invariably bring back from long trips. But then she seems shy and distant, hiding in her room to play with her doll or running off for a game of tag with the other city children. It breaks my heart, but I know that I can't spend much more time with her, to be the parent that she so desperately needs.
What's more, as we seem to be outgrowing our miniscule accommodations in Whiterun, I've been planning to make a move into a larger house. In all likelihood it won't be the last move we make either, as I would ideally like to keep my family close as my work takes me from one end of Skyrim to the other. However, this only increases my worry for my daughter's well-being. Is that any life for a child? To be shifted from one nanny to the next, shlepped across the province on the fickle whim of dragons?
It was then that it occurred to me that I might marry and find a proper father for her, so that she might have one constant in her young, tumultuous life. Until then, I had never even considered marriage. Lasting relationships have never been something that my profession permits for too long.
I worry about whether I'll be making the right decisions for the right reasons. Is it right to bring a man into a family chiefly for the sake of my child? Should I be forming such a bond if I'll be spending as little time with him as I do with my daughter? Can I, a perpetual loner, a recent arrival in a strange land, even dream of finding romance in a wilderness such as Skyrim? Can any man even live up to my impossible standards, knowing that I want nothing but the best for my child?
Any help is appreciated,
- A Stranger in a Strange Land