Janus3003's Skyrim Marriage Counseling

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sticky runes

Well-Known Member
Dear Janus,

I hope this letter has reached you well, as the last courier I sent your way was captured by my husband's followers and dragged back to Mistwatch and tortured to death in front of me, and I have since had to share my cell with his corpse. The good news is, I no longer need to use my own blood as ink to write my letters. The bad news is, the smell of rotting flesh keeps attracting skeevers into my cell.

Anyway, I tried taking your advice about fleeing from my husband's castle, but I was shot with an arrow and dragged back inside by his followers. He asked why I would leave him when he's shown me nothing but love and devotion, and I said I was only going out to gather flowers to make an offering to Mara in honor of our anniversary. However, he saw right through my ruse, as one of henchmen reminded him it was the 14th Sun's Height when he abducted me from my hometown and burnt the place to the ground, before getting drunk and violating all the priests and priestesses who were forced to conduct our wedding ceremony. He was lenient with my punishment, though, as he realized it is easy for one to lose track of the days when spending most hours in darkness. I was only beaten with iron maces instead of ebony ones. He also said that if I tried to leave without his permission again, he would tie me to the back of his horse and drag me through the Eastmarch.

But with all these violent incidents, I'm beginning to wonder - is there any chance I can still make this marriage work, or is it doomed? I sometimes find myself praying that the gods will send a dragon to attack the castle. If I were to be burned alive or buried beneath rubble, it would surely be better than whatever pain my husband might inflict on me next. I know these are horrible thoughts and I should be thankful for the life he has provided me during these difficult times, but I'm starting to feel... Dare I say it.... Unhappy?

Yours sincerely,
Skeever Piss (sorry, that's the name my husband seems to call me most frequently these days)
 

Coronus

New Member
Dear Janus,

I am an Altmer with vampirism, in a very happy relationship with a vampire Bosmer named Ronthil. He gave me his vampirism, and I was even able to convince him to accompany me on my adventures through Skyrim. He never cooks for me, but that's okay. The real issue here lies in the odd dreams I've been having when I sleep next to him.
When I sleep next to my love, I dream of another life.. In these dreams, I am an Argonian named Eats-His-Kin, and I am nearly the exact opposite of what I really am; a brutish man in heavy armor who swings around a warhammer in battle. If I recall correctly, my dream counterpart had joined the Stormcloaks on the sole basis of Ulfric being attractive.
In these dreams, I am married to a member of the Companions, Torvar. Now, I am acquainted to this drunk in real life, but I have never thought of him as more than a friend before these dreams started. I've even had a few wet dreams of this nature, to be honest.
I do not intend to leave Ronthil, we are very happy together. I just want these dreams to end.
 

Undying Embers

New Member
Dear Janus,

Ever since I started the Companions quest line, I immediately fell in love with Farkas. I was delighted when I found out that he felt the same way and we got married very soon afterwards. Now we live in a beautiful manor in Falkreath, he cooks for me, goes on adventures with me, and gives me plenty of Lover's Comfort ;) I even accepted Vilkas's offer to become my steward. Farkas and I then adopted two beautiful children. The five of us lived as a family for three wonderful months.
The problem started when I let Vilkas furnish the kids' room. One night I went upstairs to our room, but Farkas wasn't there. I found him sleeping in a double bed that Vilkas put in the kids' room. I was kind of leery about this, considering the amount of Lover's Comfort we do every night. When I woke Farkas to tell him how I felt, he agreed with me, but he didn't want to hurt his brother's feelings. So we agreed that we would sleep in the new bed just for that night.
So we did. And I woke up feeling my Lover's Comfort and a Mother's Love. As I got out of bed, I reached a very dark and disturbing conclusion, and I freaked out. After I ran the whole map of Skyrim screaming, I loaded a save to before our kids' bedroom was constructed and resolved never to allow Vilkas to ever set foot in there and put this incident behind me (since it is entirely possible that nothing happened at all). I thought about adopting again (since I made that save before I adopted my children), but the whole incident left me traumatized. I am also unsure of what to do with my husband. Every instinct I have tells me that a man capable of doing something so horrible to his wife and children deserves to be Fus-Roh-Da'ed off a gigantic cliffside and be shot at with lightning bolts all the way down while two dremora lords waited at the bottom to f*** him up. However, as mentioned before, it is very possible that nothing happened, and I would be making a terrible mistake if I murdered my husband. I thought about confronting Farkas, but, since that night technically didn't happen, he probably wouldn't remember it any way.
In short I would really like to know whether or not my husband and children raped me so I can either bring justice to those sick fluffers or move on with my marriage.

Respectfully yours,
U.E.
 

Janus3003

Skyrim Marriage Counselor
Sorry for the delay, everyone.

Dear Janus...
*snip*
Girl-who-wishes-her-PS3-would-let-her-add-all-cute-guys-to-the-marriage-faction,
Ulundil does strike me as being genuinely interested in you, though I urge you to exercise extreme caution and care. I understand that we all have our own ways of dealing with tragedy, but his sudden change in demeanor strikes me as highly abnormal. Ulundil will need to grieve for his wife before you two should pursue anything more than friendship. If he isn't that hurt by her death, I have to question why he married her in the first place and, sadly, I question if you would fare any better with him than Arivanya.


Dear Janus.
*snip*
You may have to cut down on how often you indulge in your... hobbies, we'll call them. Your family should be the most important thing in your life. Put your kids and your wife before yourself if you want to save your family.

Dear Janus,
*snip*
"Skeever Piss,"
This is a very delicate situation. I am contacting some friends who can help you better than me.

Dear Janus,
*snip*
While this is not my area of study, dreams are a common, natural thing for all people. The happiest couples I know have admitted that sometimes they'll find themselves dreaming of other partners (past lovers being the most common). In the end, it doesn't affect their relationships because they don't act on it. They simply laugh and move on.
I also recommend more Lover's Comfort with Ronthil. That should help lessen your more... intense dreams.

Dear Janus,
*snip*
First off, do not murder anyone. That will only make matters worse and as you admitted, you do not have all the facts.
And as you said, that night never happened, so confronting Farkas won't do any good, nor will investigations of any sort. You've undone that particular event, and so the facts are gone. Indeed, they never existed now.

My personal recommendation is that you move on with the marriage. And don't put an adult's bed in the children's room.
 

Naginata

Huntress of the Shadows
Janus,

I am a male Argonian with a serious addiction to Skooma and moon sugar, as well as being a severe alcoholic. I tend to waste all my money on Skooma, alcohol, and moon sugar wherever it can be found, which has resulted in my poverty... yet I always find ways to get my fix.

Anyway, the issue here is that I'm very lonely. I'd like to meet a nice woman and settle down... but how can I take care of a wife, and a home of our own, if I'm so heavily addicted? I CANNOT say no to the stuff when I find it, regardless of the cost. If I have to rob several homes in order to get the gold I need, I will, and I have on many occasions. I don't want to give up my addiction, but I want a wife. How can I find a woman who will tolerate my addiction? And more importantly, how can I make enough money to buy a home and support us? I take small jobs with farming and wood-splitting to make up for the gold I spend, and I admit, I have a bad habit of breaking into homes and taking all the gold to be found. I manage to take care of myself just fine; I have all the food I need, I have enough booze to satisfy my addiction, I have the clothes on my back and a dagger to protect me. However, if I want to marry, things have to change; I have to make more money and I have to do something about this lust for drugs and alcohol. Help!

~ Zor-Fin-Rha
 

Writes-Many-Posts

Champion of Grottos and Gremlins
Dear Janus
First of all, I want to thank you for giving the world of gamers this... wow... this wonder! I have married several people, nay, things. From humans to daedra or spriggans. Anyway... When I was taking my Kynareth worshipping spriggan wife (who had some trouble into getting in another divine's temple for us to get married, funny story) in a vacation across Skyrim, I got past the Shrine of Azura. She now only gets home late, and no longer helps me fighting Hagravens. Now, she devotes to Azura and prays there all day! I think it was Ienith's fault, she converted my wife, but what should I say to get her back to guarding Kynareth's gifts?
leepdroon erm, Me...
 

Epic Keith

By Ysmir you're going to FREEZE to death!
Dear Janus
I have married Lydia for some time now. We have two children and she's pregnant with another. There's a problem. First, she still sees me as a Thane. I've tried to tell her shes my wife but she never listens. I once did some awful things to her rear with my manhood which had me in Jail for a month. Balgruuf treats his family with respect....

Second, she never takes off her armor. I've had two deformed children and I won't allow another!

Third, Serana is too hot! I can't even have a divorce. I even went to the Temple of Mara and they said I was bound by vows! And if I kill her I can't remarry! They also said YOMO(you only marry once)! Stupid Skyrim customs!

HELP ME!
 

Stigweard Ruadhan

Jeg er stolt. Jeg er sterk.
Dear Janus
I have married Lydia for some time now. We have two children and she's pregnant with another. There's a problem. First, she still sees me as a Thane. I've tried to tell her shes my wife but she never listens. I once did some awful things to her rear with my manhood which had me in Jail for a month. Balgruuf treats his family with respect....

Second, she never takes off her armor. I've had two deformed children and I won't allow another!

Third, Serana is too hot! I can't even have a divorce. I even went to the Temple of Mara and they said I was bound by vows! And if I kill her I can't remarry! They also said YOMO(you only marry once)! Stupid Skyrim customs!

HELP ME!

What you need to do is form your own church (a protesting one if you will) and then ex-communicate yourself from Mara in order to marry the woman of your desires...

It's a unique idea that nobody has tried before.

I think...oh, hang on...;)
 

High King of Skyrim

King of the barbarian horde
Hello, everyone.

Is your relationship with your Skyrim significant other not quite what it used to be? Is that spark lost? Are you considering illegal acts against your spouse?

I'm here to help. I will address your questions and concerns with patience and love, however, be warned that I may be very blunt. In some cases, the problem lies not with your NPC spouse, but with you.

I also accept cases regarding Skyrim courtship, so feel free to ask me anything in regards to love within the hold of Skyrim.
Dear Janus, I'm currently married to the lovely Sylgja, formerly of Shor's Stone. We met whilst I was working at the mine and hit it off immediately. Life at our home in Markarth has been perfect really, until last night that is. I went to the Silver Blood Inn to enjoy an ale after a hard days toil. It was there that a lovely blond maiden caught my eye. As I was drinking alone I struck up a conversation with her, her name is Hroki. It's what happened next that troubles me. One drink turned into 10 as the conversation flowed as easy as the mead. We ended up in her room and that's where I awoke today. Don't remember much, or where I left my loin cloth! What am I to do?
 

Janus3003

Skyrim Marriage Counselor
Janus,
*snip*
~ Zor-Fin-Rha

Simply put, things will have to change. Your wife will need to be the most important aspect of your life, and you absolutely cannot place her second to your addiction.
If you're robbing homes to get your fix, you have a worse problem than lack of a relationship. Your addiction is causing harm to others.
Get help. If you want a wife and a full, healthy, happy relationship, you're going to have to sacrifice your addiction.

Dear Janus
*snip*
leepdroon erm, Me...

Religion can be a touchy subject, particularly within marriage. Simply speak with her regarding her wishes. Don't try to force her to change, but have an honest, tactful, and most of all, loving conversation about how faith will factor into your marriage.
Also, I checked your character information (it's okay, I'm a professional) and notice that you are a male. I bring this up because I have heard rumors (I cannot emphasize this enough- rumors) of Spriggans somehow impregnating men.
Again, it's an unconfirmed rumor, but you might want to get yourself checked just to be sure.

Dear Janus
*snip*

I have no interest in answering your whole post because of your acts upon your wife's derriere. Anyone who hurts their spouse in such a manner has no business with a relationship, especially if he's actively looking for other women.

Dear Janus,
*snip*

1) You screwed up. Admit to it and make amends with your wife. Expect it to take a long time for her to trust you again, watch how you interact with members of your desired sex, and get your drinking under control. Alcohol's wrecked many a marriage.
2) You might be looking at some jail time. Hroki is actually considered a child in Skyrim.
 

Wolfking

Dark Elf wizard. Real name Casik.
Hello Again Janus. I'm talking to you know out of a different account, a D
Dear Janus,

I hope this letter has reached you well, as the last courier I sent your way was captured by my husband's followers and dragged back to Mistwatch and tortured to death in front of me, and I have since had to share my cell with his corpse. The good news is, I no longer need to use my own blood as ink to write my letters. The bad news is, the smell of rotting flesh keeps attracting skeevers into my cell.

Anyway, I tried taking your advice about fleeing from my husband's castle, but I was shot with an arrow and dragged back inside by his followers. He asked why I would leave him when he's shown me nothing but love and devotion, and I said I was only going out to gather flowers to make an offering to Mara in honor of our anniversary. However, he saw right through my ruse, as one of henchmen reminded him it was the 14th Sun's Height when he abducted me from my hometown and burnt the place to the ground, before getting drunk and violating all the priests and priestesses who were forced to conduct our wedding ceremony. He was lenient with my punishment, though, as he realized it is easy for one to lose track of the days when spending most hours in darkness. I was only beaten with iron maces instead of ebony ones. He also said that if I tried to leave without his permission again, he would tie me to the back of his horse and drag me through the Eastmarch.

But with all these violent incidents, I'm beginning to wonder - is there any chance I can still make this marriage work, or is it doomed? I sometimes find myself praying that the gods will send a dragon to attack the castle. If I were to be burned alive or buried beneath rubble, it would surely be better than whatever pain my husband might inflict on me next. I know these are horrible thoughts and I should be thankful for the life he has provided me during these difficult times, but I'm starting to feel... Dare I say it.... Unhappy?

Yours sincerely,
Skeever Piss (sorry, that's the name my husband seems to call me most frequently these days)

I'm coming with my party to free you. Be ready to go at midnight in 2 weeks. Do you mind if your husband dies?
 

Wolfking

Dark Elf wizard. Real name Casik.
Sorry for the delay, everyone.


Girl-who-wishes-her-PS3-would-let-her-add-all-cute-guys-to-the-marriage-faction,
Ulundil does strike me as being genuinely interested in you, though I urge you to exercise extreme caution and care. I understand that we all have our own ways of dealing with tragedy, but his sudden change in demeanor strikes me as highly abnormal. Ulundil will need to grieve for his wife before you two should pursue anything more than friendship. If he isn't that hurt by her death, I have to question why he married her in the first place and, sadly, I question if you would fare any better with him than Arivanya.



You may have to cut down on how often you indulge in your... hobbies, we'll call them. Your family should be the most important thing in your life. Put your kids and your wife before yourself if you want to save your family.


"Skeever Piss,"
This is a very delicate situation. I am contacting some friends who can help you better than me.


While this is not my area of study, dreams are a common, natural thing for all people. The happiest couples I know have admitted that sometimes they'll find themselves dreaming of other partners (past lovers being the most common). In the end, it doesn't affect their relationships because they don't act on it. They simply laugh and move on.
I also recommend more Lover's Comfort with Ronthil. That should help lessen your more... intense dreams.


First off, do not murder anyone. That will only make matters worse and as you admitted, you do not have all the facts.
And as you said, that night never happened, so confronting Farkas won't do any good, nor will investigations of any sort. You've undone that particular event, and so the facts are gone. Indeed, they never existed now.

My personal recommendation is that you move on with the marriage. And don't put an adult's bed in the children's room.

Visa Vi "Skeever Piss" I volunteer for rescue mission.
 

Edgeheaded

Dunmer Warrior
Dear Janus,

I am just a simple male Nord warrior dragonborn seeking to make the world not explode. :) But although I enjoy doing that I have been having some marriage trouble with my Companion Companion (;)) Farkas. We used to travel together and fight together for a long time as a couple, and even a while after marriage but I simply grew worried for him and so I sent him home.

Every time I come back to Farkas I see him less and less excited about seeing me, unfortunately that is a mutual feeling. He is getting depressed by the fact that he used to be a fighter and now he lives in a small sparsely decorated home.

A few weeks earlier I had met a Dunmer called Erandur, I feel a spark growing between us and pulling us together, I just want to be with him more and that is why I invited him to be my brother in arms. Now I am torn between my husband and my soul mate.

What should I do?
 

Janus3003

Skyrim Marriage Counselor
Dear Janus,
*snip*

How long before your soul mate becomes another person you're not very excited to see?
If Farkas is depressed with home life, get him back out in the field. You've fought together before, so let the man fight again.
 

Edgeheaded

Dunmer Warrior
How long before your soul mate becomes another person you're not very excited to see?
If Farkas is depressed with home life, get him back out in the field. You've fought together before, so let the man fight again.
Perhaps you are right.
 

Wolfking

Dark Elf wizard. Real name Casik.
Hello Skyrim goers. Do you have any problems not related to marriage? Then if so, check out

Skyrim Emergency Hotline/Therapy/Waffle Delivery. We take care of issues like post-traumatic stress disorder, bandit marauders, and a lack of fresh breakfast.

Sorry Janus. I just needed to get out the word on my discussion.
 

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