Winter gazed at Hale for a long moment as she tried to find the right words to begin. Her eyes swam in and out of focus, taking in the tiniest details of his features, the rough look of his skin beneath the pale moonlight, the shadow creeping beneath his eyes, how tired he must be, maybe even tired like her? Could anyone ever really be such? Could anyone ever really compare to that pain? Was she just selfish in thinking her sorrow was any greater or lesser than his? Than anyone in this camp? Perhaps time would tell.
"Once... a long time ago, but not so long that I've yet to forget, I met a strange man." She began, taking a deep, ragged breath, as if preparing herself to dive underwater and hold her breath. That was, however, strikingly similar to what telling the story would be like. Long, agonizing moments where you never know if you've said too much and you find yourself bursting inside for the breath of cool air that will never come, the happy ending just around the corner. Only you're walking a straight and narrow path, no corners in sight. Just a long and tedious drudge. No point in stopping, you'll only suffocate.
"He was... beautiful. Which is an odd word to use for a man, but handsome did him no justice. He really was lovely. I was young, naive, a simple girl in a simple village. He was new, foreign, exotic, exciting. And he wanted me. Quiet, boring little Winter with her little sister Sera always at her heels. And like a moth to a flame I was drawn to him." Winter stopped for a moment, shivering slightly. Was she cold? More likely telling this tale was like dipping her soul into a bucket of ice and holding it down for good measure. When she began to speak once more, her voice had a noticeable edge to it, pain, hate, agony, maybe something more, an aftertaste of a trust long betrayed lingering like a bad smell somewhere untraceable in the mix.
"He began to court me. Being as simple as I was, it didn't take much I assure you. Flowers and trinkets and prose, oh the way he spun words was like poetry to the ears. He told me everything I wanted to hear. He had me wrapped around his fingertips. My family too, adored him. Everyone adored him. This tall dark and handsome stranger was making the village economy boom. He bought so much, paying twice the amount anyone else would, leaving tips for the smallest of things, smiling all the time. People loved him and loved us being together because of that. It was natural that we were engaged to be married. Everyone wanted it to be so."
Again, Winter stopped, her breath quick, shallow, dragging on raggedly. Her eyes seemed to flicker, as if searching Hale for the right response but finding none. Pushing forward, she continued,
"On the eve of my wedding, he told me his secret. He was a vampire. It explained so much, and yet, I didn't think twice. I loved him so anyway, and when I should have asked a million questions, I asked none. I swore to stay with him still. He smiled..." Winter remembered the look on his face when it broke out into that wide, elegant grin. How could she find him beautiful, even now? Memories... they were so... deceiving.
"I awoke in the dead of night to find my town in flames. My parents were dead. The townsfolk were being slaughtered mercilessly by a coven of vampires. We were outnumbered, though even if we weren't I doubt that would have done much. And My love, my hero, was... nowhere to be seen. I'm sure he led them there. He used me to gain the towns trust, to gain access, to learn every nook and cranny of our tiny little stronghold as if it were a game to him, and then? Then he attacked. At that point, it was like picking fruit from a vine. Easy."
Winter stopped again, resting her head in her hands for a moment as flashes of memory flickered through her brain. The fire. The screaming. The blood. So much blood.
"Thank the 9, my sister Sera was alive. We escaped." She pressed on, her head still in her hands, her voice slightly muffled but still audible.
"We ran. We ran so far and so fast and never, ever looked back. I think she knew, she knew as much as I did that... that life was behind us now. There was no going back."
Her fingers locked into her hair, gripping the soft black strands tightly, almost pulling, as if she needed the pain to keep her grounded in reality.
"A long ways away, a couple found us. Or I guess we found them. They were... Old. Tired. Weak. But... they were kind. They took us in. They promised us safety. And somehow? With time and space between it.... we.... got better. We trusted them. We were almost normal. But... they found us. The monsters from that night. I don't know how. I don't know WHY! But they found me twice." Her voice began to catch as tears slid down her cheeks, her eyes wide, as if horrified in shock, staring at the dirt below her feet, reliving every single moment.
"They killed them. The couple. Sera... SERA!" Her voice rose, above a whisper, nearly a shout, but not quite.
"I destroyed them. The vampires who found me twice. The whole group wasn't there, but I killed the ones who were. I was just... too slow. Too weak. They were dead, but oh god at what COST?! ...I.... I left their corpses to rot in the sun. And...I held Seras cold and lifeless body in my arms and wept. Then... I buried my little sister in the ground. The couple too. I buried them all and kept moving. There was no place for me there anymore. There's been no place for me since."
Winters fingers loosened, releasing her slightly knotted strands of hair from her iron clad grasp.
"I vowed to find him. To find the man who destroyed my world. The vampire I had loved and lost. The one I KNOW did this. It had to be him. Who else could it have been? Who else would take such amusement in making a simple, stupid girl adore him, only to rip her life apart? TWICE. And now? Now... with Sera in that cave... alive? No... undead... how can I move on? How can I end this while she lives an unlife? I have to see my sister killed again, but this time... I'm the one who has to do it. This time, when I bury her, she won't be coming back."
Winter raised her head, pain in bright blue eyes as clear as day.
"So there you have it. My miserable tragedy. That's why I refuse to let anyone in. I couldn't stand it if... if I lost someone else. Everyone close to me is doomed for death or something worse. At least if I pretend not to care, it won't make me die inside all over again." Her face hardened back into that mask as she blinked tears away, trying her best to be normal, angry Winter all over again.
"And don't you dare try to bring Lilumae up in this conversation. It's bad enough that she makes me feel... awake. Not quite alive but awake inside. She reminds me of Sera, and at the same time, she is nothing like Sera and that... is beautiful. She has known pain and regret the likes of which Sera never knew. She is strong and capable and willing, She is bright and charming and adorable. And I would die TWICE for her before I'd let anyone, vampire, human or anything else the gods might send, take her away. She makes me feel awake when all I want is to be alive again. I want to feel... something. Anything more than this... this still life. This existence. Torn between regret and revenge and all the hate and confusion thrust between it. I can't sleep... I can't think, I can barely even breath until Sera is dead and that man is found and brought forth to pay for his sins."
Somehow, despite it all, a subtle smirk played at her lips and she tilted her head with that grin, "I guess maybe that makes me some kind of antipaladin, right? Or like, antihero? Lawful Good? Okay, maybe more like Lawful Neutral. Wait, is there such a thing as Lawful Chaotic? I'm that!" For a rare, flickering moment, it seemed like a hint of who Winter used to be, someone bright and fun and loving, slipped through, but within a breath, it was gone, her sullen, quiet demeanor slipping back into place, like a mask worn as armor.
