Immortal Blood II (REWRITTEN)

[TheDovakhiin]

(Prologue) I wrote this story already but it had grammar errors and lack of punctuation,hopefully this will be much better and get some comments and also make some more sense,if it doesn't then its obvious that I am pretty much am a really bad writer.--(The story starts here) The night was cold and the moon glistered,the towns people of the hold slumbered in there beds peacefully.But not knowing what was happening outside there bedrooms,the dark thing happening outside there bedrooms! A man in some sort of vampire slaying suit entered the chapel, not expecting the local priestess to be awake "A little late for you to be awake,isn't it child? what is your name?" questioned the priestess "My name is Sifking Onming,charmed" replied the nord "What is yours?" "My name is Annissit" said the priestess,a strange name thought Sifking but he decided he should just shrug it off.--This was just a little part,there will be a poll of if I should continue it or not, please vote and comment,thanks! ​

 

[Jersey Dagmar]

Please, don't take this the wrong way, but you seriously need to work on your writing. Grammar and spelling need to be improved, as well as overall description of events, places, and characters. I understand everyone makes mistakes, but what you have written goes far beyond simple mistakes.

 

[TheDovakhiin]

Please, don't take this the wrong way, but you seriously need to work on your writing. Grammar and spelling need to be improved, as well as overall description of events, places, and characters. I understand everyone makes mistakes, but what you have written goes far beyond simple mistakes.

I don't know what you mean,point out something as a example please?

 

[Jersey Dagmar]

The night was cold and the moon glistered, the towns people of the hold slumbered in their beds peacefully. But, not knowing what was happening outside their bedrooms, the dark presence that lingered right outside their doors!

A man in a dark cloak entered the chapel, not expecting the local priestess to be awake. Placing his gear up against the wall, he sat down in one of the pews, gazing up upon the stained glass windows.

"A little late for you to be awake, isn't it child? What is your name?" The priestess wandered over to the unknown man, treading carefully as not knowing what to expect.

"My name is Sifking Onming, pleased to meet you fair lady. And what might your name be?"

"My name is Annissit," replied the priestess. The man did not meet her eyes, her name sounding odd in his mind.

---

There, something along those lines perhaps?

 

[TheDovakhiin]

The night was cold and the moon glistered, the towns people of the hold slumbered in their beds peacefully. But, not knowing what was happening outside their bedrooms, the dark presence that lingered right outside their doors!

A man in a dark cloak entered the chapel, not expecting the local priestess to be awake. Placing his gear up against the wall, he sat down in one of the pews, gazing up upon the stained glass windows.

"A little late for you to be awake, isn't it child? What is your name?" The priestess wandered over to the unknown man, treading carefully as not knowing what to expect.

"My name is Sifking Onming, pleased to meet you fair lady. And what might your name be?"

"My name is Annissit," replied the priestess. The man did not meet her eyes, her name sounding odd in his mind.

---

There, something along those lines perhaps?

Eh,okay