Governmental Analogies

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Delusional

Connoisseur of Hallucinations
I don't remember where I found this, but it's goddamned hilarious.


Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you all the milk you need.

Bureaucratic Socialism: Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you should need.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

Real World Communism: You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead from starvation.

Russian Communism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.

Perestroika: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free" market.

Cambodian Communism: You have two cows. Your government takes both and shoots you.

Militarism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

British Democracy: You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Pure Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

Pure Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Capitalism: You don' have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

Political Correctness: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phalli-centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
 

Hargood

Defender of Helpless Kittens
Thats funny.

However, it makes me wonder who wrote this. These two should be switched. Socialism is a less "Goverment" intrusive "ism" than Communism of any state.


Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you all the milk you need.

Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
(Infact the Pure Communism should be "Tribalism".... i know, im getting so anal about this lol)

and Capitalsim should be:

You have two cows and no apples. Your neighbor has two apple trees but not milk. You trade your Neighbor Milk for apples and now you both have Apples and Milk.
 

Rimfaxe96

Well-Known Member
I'd replace the "Pure Anarchy" part with:

You have two cows. They both attack you and try to kill you, since they changed their diet to human meat and there's no government left to feed to them.
 

Delusional

Connoisseur of Hallucinations
I'd replace the "Pure Anarchy" part with:

You have two cows. They both attack you and try to kill you, since they changed their diet to human meat and there's no government left to feed to them.

Though I don't know who wrote this, I do agree with the Pure Anarchy one and wouldn't edit or replace it. Pure, true anarchy is the people working together to sustain themselves without need for a higher, governing body, which also means there is an absence of rules or laws that prohibit one from committing various acts, such as your neighbors killing you if you try to scam them. It's a true barter economy, with the consequences for ripping others off being possible death. Pure anarchy says nothing about your possessions, whether they be livestock or not, trying to kill you. Perhaps your neighbors will try to kill you, since it is a lawless society after all, but not your own possessions. Or livestock.
 

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