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meben15

Lord of the Meeblings
Brilliant meebs. :)

A chapter through the eyes of the enemy. :)

Nice one. :)
I thank you sir Wiki for your generous compliments :) I am planning on putting several more like this scattered throughout the story, I feel it gives the reader a better idea of who the enemies actually are (personality wise). I did have a little harder time writing for them though, which is a contributing factor in the lateness.
 

Docta Corvina

Well-Known Member
Heya Meben, I just read the prologue. :) Sorry I've been so slow to read, just been up to my ears in work stuff and trying to get my own story updated. :p

Anyway, what I've seen so far is very well done! You have a knack for description and dialogue. I know you probably didn't mean for this, but I actually found myself feeling badly for the Imperial captain by the end. You've managed to make a briefly appearing character sympathetic in such a way. Maybe because I'm personally biased as well. xD

But in any case, well written and as Bulba said, it's a neat premise! I will be reading on very soon and am excited to do so. The only thing I can say right now as far as any critiques is you have a few minor grammatical errors here and there (hardly any really) but that's really it. You've broken up the dialogue in such a way that makes it easy to follow, so that's good.

Excellent work so far! :)
 

meben15

Lord of the Meeblings
Heya Meben, I just read the prologue. :) Sorry I've been so slow to read, just been up to my ears in work stuff and trying to get my own story updated. :p

Anyway, what I've seen so far is very well done! You have a knack for description and dialogue. I know you probably didn't mean for this, but I actually found myself feeling badly for the Imperial captain by the end. You've managed to make a briefly appearing character sympathetic in such a way. Maybe because I'm personally biased as well. xD

But in any case, well written and as Bulba said, it's a neat premise! I will be reading on very soon and am excited to do so. The only thing I can say right now as far as any critiques is you have a few minor grammatical errors here and there (hardly any really) but that's really it. You've broken up the dialogue in such a way that makes it easy to follow, so that's good.

Excellent work so far! :)
Thanks for the imput Docta! That was actually my vague intentions about the Imperial captain, I am glad you caught on to it :) I felt it would be a good way to introduce my antagonist.
 

meben15

Lord of the Meeblings
(Pics of Hashan are up in my fanfic Character album ;))
 

meben15

Lord of the Meeblings
For those of you still waiting for Chapter 5: I PROMISE IT WILL COME....eventually. I have no intention of giving up working on this fanfic ;)
 

thesuldani

New Member
I have not read the fourth chapter yet, but I will as soon as I can. I can't wait to. Sir Meeb, you are an excellent writer and you have clearly got a gift for writing. please keep writing this, I love your story and your writing. I would be more than happy if you kept on writing this. Keep up the awesome work! :)
 

meben15

Lord of the Meeblings
Thank you very much Suldani! This compliment gets a lot to me :) I haven't been to active on this site for a while, but you have inspired me. Glad someone is enjoying my work :D
 

Deadpool.

OG Forum member
Prologue
4E, 177, 13 Last Seed
Hashan Kelkôr overlooked the defenses of the Imperial fort sitting in the valley below him with a grim smile. To long had the Imperial dogs ruled over the proud warlords of Hammerfell. Well, the fall of the pathetic third dynasty will begin tonight, Hashan thought to himself. During the great War against the elves he had fought with the empire. He had watched his troops die at the hands of the elves all because of the Emperors stubbornness and stupidity.

Hashan sneered in disgust as he remembered the great Titus Mede II fleeing the Aldmeri Dominion forces and leaving him to die. “Worthess coward,” he snarled to himself.

“What sir?” One of his officers, Maren his name was, standing nearby asked hesitantly.

“Nothing you fool!” Hashan snapped at him, “Didn’t I already give you your orders?”

“Y-yes sir!” Maren stuttered, taken aback.

“Then MOVE!” Hashan screamed at him, whacking him heavily in the back of the head to encourage speed. As Maren scurried of Hashan readied himself for the coming battle. He made sure that his rough steel armor was all positioned properly and drew his deadly scimitar, running a finger gently down its cool, carved edge. Two years ago it had torn through the flesh of the elves of the Aldmeri Dominion. Now, however, he had seen the true enemy of his people. Hashan’s redguard brothers did not see that the elves were really their allies in a war against the oppression and tyranny of the empire. When he had spoken to the other warlords they had called his words treason and thrown him and his followers out of Skaven. Those who had defied him would pay in good time but for now his blade would soak in the blood of the Imperials.

As the attack commenced the Redguard Warlord watched with a twisted smile. First his men shot a volley of arrows down from the cliffs surrounding the fort, killing many of the soldiers patrolling the walls. Shouts of alarm echoed across the battlements and Hashan’s men started throwing ceramic balls of flaming oil down into the courtyard of the fort using two large catapults.

“The Imperials are in disarray, my lord,” Aranel said from behind him, “We can start the charge whenever you wish.”

Hashan looked to his Altmer advisor sent to help him after he had contacted the Dominion and told them of his plans to attack the Empire. He nodded curtly at the tall elf, “Very well, fetch me my steed.”

Aranel nodded, calling to a nearby soldier to complete the menial task. Hashan smiled coldly, grasping the hilt of his scimitar firmly and looking at Aranel, “Soon our blades will drink the blood of the Imperial bastards.”

Aranel smiled at Hashan, nodding again. He tried not to show his disgust at such a barbaric statement, he had been sent here by his leaders to ensure the success of Hashan’s attacks. While they shared a common goal Aranel was often times disgusted by Hashan’s sick and twisted ways.

“Your horse, my lord,” the soldier had returned, leading both Hashan and Aranel’s horses. Hashan grunted, mounting up, “Order the charge! Aranel, destroy the gate!”

The Altmer nodded; lifting his hand into the air he shot a ball of pearly white light into the sky. Immediately a dozen or so other altmer mages that had accompanied Aranel on his mission cast there spells. Balls of raging fire blazed through the night towards the main gate of the fort, smashing it to splinters as the frontline of Redguards charged through into the courtyard.

It was a massacre. Caught by surprise the Imperial forces didn’t stand a chance against Hashan’s battle hardened veterans. The Redguard forces quickly flooded through the fort, killing all in their path. As the battle ended Hashan stood int the center of the courtyard and watched as Maren brought forward four captured Imperials, all that was left of the garrison.

“This one says he is the leader,” Maren said, kicking them man down in front of Hashan.

Hashan stepped forward, towering over the Imperial on his knees, “Name and rank!” He screamed at the man.

The Imperial man looked up at him, a stubborn fire burning in his eyes, “Captain Darilous.”

Hashan laughed at the man, swinging his bloody scimitar before him in a intimidating fasion. “Well Darilous, you didn’t put up much of a fight did you.” With a swift swipe of his blade he slapped the man’s cheek, splattering the blood of his fallen men across his face.

Captain Darilous took the blow without flinching, and when he next spoke his voice was filled with hate, “The Empire will have your head rebel! You will pay for what you have done here!”

Hashan sneered again at the man, “The empire is weak, you will be the ones to pay.” As he said this he casually strode down the line of prisoners that had been forced to their knees. “Yes. You will pay for everything,” Hashan continued, “For my peoples SUFFERING! For their PAIN! For their DEATHS!” with each word Hashan cut down a prisoner in the line until there was only the captain. As he approached the kneeling man Hashan cast aside his sword and pulled a vicious curved dagger from his belt. His had swooped down, wrapping around the Imperial’s throat.

As Hashan’s dagger drew near to Darilous he whispered into the mans ear, “yesss, you will pay, not me. And you will pay right NOW!” As he ended the sentence he drove his dagger into the eye of the man. Hashan threw the limp body of the Imperial captain back to the ground and turned to face his men. Walking over to retrieve his scimitar Hashan held it into the air and roared into the sky, “Down with the Empire!”

The cheers and howls from the Redguard troops could be heard for miles around, that is if there had been anyone left to hear them.
(this is only the prologue, I will introduce the main characters in the first chapter.)
you should rite a book because what you writ was exillirating
 

thesuldani

New Member
Thank you very much Suldani! This compliment gets a lot to me :) I haven't been to active on this site for a while, but you have inspired me. Glad someone is enjoying my work :D
I'm glad it got to you :) If there were no writers such as yourself then I would never even have been motivated enough to start my own writing. So thank you for that.
 

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