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ultimatedovahkiin

Now's not the time for fear. That comes later.
The Marksman story 1 (maven).jpgRonark, Scarlet, & Sibbi (cropped).jpg
Background
Maven Black-Briar represents everything that is wrong with Riften. Through her dark connections to the Theive's Guild and Dark Brotherhood Maven has become the most powerful woman in Skyrim, an untouchable beast who will not hesitate to kill you if you spill so much as a drop of wine on her gown. She keeps her children at arms length to keep them vying for her love which makes them willing to do whatever she asks. Jarl Leila Law-Giver has been blinded by Maven's lies and fake acts of friendship. Many people have tried to defeat Maven and save Riften but all have failed and the lucky ones are buried in the cemetery of in the Hall of Dead. The unlucky ones, well let's just say if Maven ever adds a secret ingredient to her mead, don't drink it. But Maven has made her last mistake, the sleeping dragon has been awakened and there is no putting him back to sleep.​
By having her personal assassin murder a woman named Mjoll, Maven has put herself in the cross hairs of her most powerful enemy yet: Mjoll's younger brother. After being forced to watch his sister fight for her life and fail Ronark has sworn vengeance upon Maven Black-Briar, causing him to don a hood and bow and become Riften's greatest protector: The Marksman. Now, all the criminals in the city have something to fear in the night and maybe they'll think twice before trying to rob an innocent man and if not, well they might end up with a few arrows in the chest.​
Main Characters:​
The Marksman (cropped).jpgRonark/The Marksman​
Scarlet.jpgScarlet​
sibbi.jpg Sibbi Black-Briar​
maul (cropped).jpgMaul​
Chapters:​
Chapter 4​
Chapter 5​
Chapter 6​
Chapter 7​
Chapter 8​
Chapter 9​
Chapter 10​
Chapter 11​
Chapter 12​
Chapter 13​
Chapter 14​
Chapter 15​
Notes over the entire series: This series will be five stories long, I know what will happen in each story and yes I know how the series will end. Given my average time each story takes, this series will last about a year or so. For each of the five stories they will have their own information post (that's what this is) I will not be editing this one in anyway for the stories. Meaning that I will not change this whole post for the next story but I will also not add the next story on because if I do that eventually this post will get so large that in might take up a whole page or two on this thread and that is WAY too long. This series takes place five years before the time of the dragons so there is no Dragonborn yet, however that being said there will be mention Dragonborn-type characters, he does all the things that the Dragonborn can do in Skyrim but he is not the main character from Skyrim. There will be more than one of these characters so the guy who does the Theive's Guild questline is NOT the same guy who does the College of Winterhold or Companions and so on. These mentioned (and one of them WILL eventually be encountered) characters are added so to explain something that has happened or is happening in the story that the Dragonborn does in the game. That's about all for right now but keep checking back because this is subject to change although I will most likely leave a post saying to check this for the update check back every so often in case I forget. For notes over this individual story look below.​
Notes this story: For notes over the series look above. There will be events in this story that are quest breaking, especially for the Theive's Guild story line and some side quests. So keep in mind that there is no Dragonborn (and will not be one for the entire series) to do those quests so breaking them doesn't matter that much. The main quests that will be broken is the Theive's Guild and in my opinion if there was a Dragonborn in this story he would actually stop the Dragons, but this takes place five years before Skyrim so there is none. For my other stories I usually put this next part in its own section but I don't feel the need to this time since there is not much to say on the subject. Lore: My other stories are sometimes not very lore-friendly, however for this one I am trying to put as much of a realistic feel to it as possible and not make it seem like I am creating my own universe so lore is not much of an issue for this series, like always there will be a few things that go against lore but if that does happen in this story that will most likely happen with minor stuff. And unlike my other stories the Divines and Daedra are NOT characters in this. Back on the realistic feel subject, and I guess I should put this in the series notes but I'm just going to put it here, throughout the series magic is downgraded ALOT not many people are magic and most encountered people are just people with nothing magical about them, that being said staffs and scrolls are not very common either. Destruction spells and all others except for restoration will be just as powerful. Restoration is the least common form of magic and is not as powerful as in-game because if I have a character who loses a limb or has a fatal wound and is dying and restoration is common or powerful but the person ends up dying, then the characters seem like idiots because they could have healed themselves or whoever was wounded and prevent the death. So healing potions don't do much either, they give minor healing and can make the person feel better somewhat or prolong their lives for a few minutes until they get to a healer or something. Restoration pretty much acts as pain killers. Maybe then I could have restoration addicts or something somewhere in the series...... That's it for this section for now, like above check back every so often as this IS subject to change, at least until story 1 ends that is.​
Chapter Release Speed: If you read down to here, congratulations! You've reached the final section! Don't get excited, it's not over yet. My release speed is typically one chapter each weekend, on occasion two, and rarely three. Before I start releasing chapters I usually write at least 10 before I release the first one, that way I almost never fall behind on my writing thus eliminating a large break between chapters (largest break so far: about 3 to 4 months haven't had a very big one since I started doing things this way though).​
Rating: Okay, I lied, not the last section sorry. The story has not 18+ rating because it is a whole series and some stories may be less than others in the rating. However, there will be some talk of sexual things in this story, not too much and not too extreme. I don't write out sex scenes so do not worry about that. There WILL in every story be intense violent scenes which I WILL write out and describe, because no one wants "They fought the good guys won, the bad guys are dead." That's just boring right?​
Reviews: Okay, I was WAY wrong when I said that was the last section, this one is. I promise. Please, please, please give some review after each story or at least do something to let me know you are reading this. If I don't get any reviews I feel uninspired to write and feel like I am wasting my time doing this. I know the forums say how many views the story has but that's not always enough for me because those views could just be me checking back or adding a new chapter or updates on the story's progress. The Marksman is one of my most planned stories and is one of my favorite stories I will write and I don't want to scrap it because of a lack of reviews. You don't even have to post something saying how much you enjoyed it, just go and hit that like button or one of those rating markers under the chapter. I know a lot of people say this a lot and it seems like something people just say but it is 100% true: reviews do help. They inspire me to write because I know someone even if it is just one person cares. My current story (at the time this was written): Revenge has no reviews whatsoever and it is like 6 chapters in. If it wasn't the series finale and had I not spent an entire year planning it and making the villain the best possible villain he could be then I would have scrapped it by now. That's all folks time for the story, so please, enjoy The Marksman​
 

ultimatedovahkiin

Now's not the time for fear. That comes later.
Chapter 1: The Hunted Hunter

"Good shot Ronark, your skill with a bow never ceases to amaze me." A young woman just at the beginning of her thirties said to her younger half brother named Ronark, "Now go retrieve it."

"You know Mjoll, since I'm the one who hit it the least you can do is be the one who retrieves it." Ronark joked.

"Haha, elder privilages." Mjoll joked back.

Mjoll had short blonde hair that only stretched down to her shoulders and on both the sides of her face were two equally long braids. A thick blue stripe covered a half of her face and had it been yellow and not blue it would have hidden her left which would have blened in. She wore banded iron armor and fur gauntlets and boots. At her side hung her green glass sword that glowed in the sun, she had named the sword Grimsever. Flung across her back was a quiver or iron arrows and stretching from her left shoulder to her right leg was her bow. Currently Mjoll was out hunting with her brother Ronark whom she had been living with for three years after their father had died.

Ronark had orginially lived and grew up in Solitude but when their father had died Ronark was only seventeen and not yet old enought to raise himself. So, before he died their father told Ronark of his sister who lived down in Riften. Mjoll's father had her illegitimately with a woman who lived in Cyrodiil. After learning the woman was pregnant the father fled to Solitude where he settled down and fell in love with a woman named Mari, the two were married and eventually Mari became pregnant with Ronark. Ronark never got to meet his mother however, for she had died in childbirth. Two years befor his death Ronark's father, named Leo, decided to take a trip down to Riften one day leaving Ronark in Solitude. It seemed fate had brought Leo to Riften because that was where he had met Mjoll.

As he had been wandering the market one day he saw her and right away recognized her mother in Mjoll. He talked to her and after a big blow up from Mjoll about abandoning her and her mother, they began a healthy father-daughter relationship. When it was time to return to Solitude Leo offered to take Mjoll with her with him so she could meet her half-brother. Mjoll denied saying she had much work to do in Riften but perhaps one day Leo could send Ronark down to Riften.

When he returned to Solitude Leo was too ashamed to tell Ronark of Mjoll. His love for both his children was great, but he didn't want to shatter Ronark's image of him. Leo felt that if he told Ronark the truth, that he had impregnated a woman and then abadndoned her to give birth and raise the child on her own, that Ronark might never speak to him again. So for the next two years Leo said nothing of Mjoll, he went to visit her a few more times but the two siblings never met. At least, not until after Leo's death.

Mjoll watched as Ronark returned from the trees holding the rabbit carcass in one hand and a bloodied arrow in the other. Ronark really was skilled with his bow. A rabbit might not provide as much meat or coin as a buck, but the shot with which Ronark had killed it with was much more valuable. The rabbit had been darting full speed in and out of trees from at least a hundred feet away and in a split second Ronark had an arrow on and off the bow and in the rabbit's heart.

"So," Mjoll said, "you ready to turn in for the night?"

Ronark nodded.

********
The brother and sister headed back towards the city chatting as they went. Behind her Mjol was dragging a large dead bear which she had snuck up on and killed with her sword, and on Ronark's belt dangled four dead rabbits.

A warm breeze blew through Ronarks short blond hair which cut off right above the ears, eyes, and back of his neck. He had striking eyes the same shade of blue as the sky, he like Mjoll had iron arrows and a hunting bow around his back.

"Mighty good haul today." Ronark said.

"Indeed, Keerava and Talen will be overjoyed by all the meat. And I'll be overjoyed by all the coin." Mjoll winked and Ronark.

"Have you ever thought about expanding our business?" Ronark asked.

"How do you mean?"

Ronark thought for a second before answering, "Well, for starters, why not sell to other vendors? There are plenty of people in Riften to sell to. I'm sure the jarl is looking for someone to hunt for her, and Sibbi said Maven is looking for a new source of meat. I guess her last one quit, or died, or something."

Mjoll's blood boiled at the sound of Maven's name but hid it from her brother, "I'll have to think about it, but perhaps you're right. We could make much more coin if we sold to more than just one tavern."

"Alright cool, I'll tell Sibbi that it's a maybe." Ronark said, "Anyways, I heard The Lioness was spotted again last night."

"Really? What happened?" Mjoll asked.

"Four thugs were trying to steal from The Pawned Prawn when out of no where she appeared shroudded in shadows and took them all out single-handedly." awe filled Ronark's voice as he spoke of Riften's mysterious vigilante.

"That woman really is something else." Mjoll said.

"Mmm hmm." Ronark said in agreement.

*******
As they neared the city the guards spotted them and shoved open the large wooden gates. Two guards assisted Mjoll in carrying the bear to the tavern and Ronark trailed behind them.

One of the guards managed to shove open the tavern doors with the back of his foot but he couldn't get it to stay open.

"Hold on, hold on." Keerava said in her lizard accent as she ran over to hold the doors for them. "Just take it downstairs." she commanded.

Mjoll let go of the bar and allowed the guards to take in to the basement.

"So, an entire bear this time? You're quite the hunter Miss Mjoll." Keerava said to Mjoll.

"So let's talk prices." Mjoll said, "Four rabbits and a whole bear. I think that's worth more than the usual wages."

"I'd agree, the bear alone is worth at least two thousand gold. The four rabbits, I'll give you a hundred a piece. Unfortunately, I only have two thousand to spend but since we're such good friends I'll dip into my savings and give you an extra two hundred. For the rest of the rabbits I can make up for by giving you free drinks for a while. How does a month sound?" Keerava offered.

Mjoll thought for a second and held out her right hand, "You've got yourself a deal."

Ronark untied the rabbits from his waist and held them out, two in each hand.

Keerava snapped and called over to Talen-Jei, "Talen, take those downstairs will ya? And see what is taking those lousy guards so long. They should be back by now."

"Yes, my dear." Talen hissed and he took the rabbits from Ronark and went downstairs.

"Please sit down, let me get you something to drink." Keerava said and she motioned to the table against the wall.

Ronark and Mjoll sat down at the table and Keerava called out to the waitress, "Scarlet! Fetch them some mead!"

"Yes Keerava." the waitress, Scarlet, called back.

"Actually, Scar, I'd like something different than mead this time." Ronark smiled.

"Oh Divines, here it comes." Scarlet laughed, "What is it this time?"

"Okay, this is a big order, ready? Of course you are. Instead of just mead I want half Black-Briar and half nordic, but don't forget to add in the little bit of spiced wine mixed with juniper berries. Not too much now, I want to be able to taste the mead but not so little that it will block out the juniper berries. For the last bit, now this is the hard part, I want you to put three and A HALF not a whole a half drops of Khajiit tears. No more, no less. Oh, and I want it in the next thirty seconds. Alright, go!" Ronark told his complicated order.

Scarlet stood and stared at him, "So mead then?"

"Yeah that sounds good." Ronark answered.

Scarlet went over to the counter and pulled out two bottles of mead. She walked over to Mjoll and Ronark and placed the bottles in front of them. "Here you go, Black-Briar mead for Ronark and Honningbrew mead for Mjoll. I don't see what you have against Black-Briar mead, Mjoll but there you go."

"Thank you." Mjoll said and she watched as Ronark sipped from his bottle. The crest on the bottle made her blood boil also, the circle with the bees on the sides and flowers on the tob where corners would be if circles had corners, and underneath the wooden flagon overflowing with flowers and bubbles. What really set her off about it was the name in the middle: Black-Briar.

The Black-Briars represented everything that was wrong with the city. The matriach Maven, she was the one pulling all of the strings. Her ties were in more places than just Riften and Skyrim, she had friends close to the Emperor and she was always looking to expand her power. Her children were complete followers of her. Hemming was willing to do whatever his mother asked of him and even things that she hadn't asked but he wanted to do anyways. Ingun, she may not have been evil like her mother and brother but she was always trying to impress Maven and win over her love. Therefore, she did everything Maven asked of her. EVERYTHING. She even went so far as the poison someone in his sleep. Then, there was Sibbi. Ronark's friend. At first Mjoll hated Sibbi, she didn't trust him. He always talked of how Maven was such a bad person and he despised the things she did, Mjoll thought it was all just a ruse to cover his involvement in Maven's plans. That was until Ronark came to live with her and he befriended Sibbi, then Mjoll saw Sibbi completely and she realized he really wasn't that bad of a guy. However, he was still a Black-Briar and the Black-Briars had once killed someone Mjoll was very close to.

A tear ran down Mjoll's face as she recalled the day her friend had died. He'd saved Mjoll's life, but she couldn't save his. The assassin had showed up out of nowhere and stabbed him from behind, there had been no time to fight back. No time to catch the killer, no time to save her friend. All Mjoll could do was hold her dying friend and comfort him on his transition to Sovngard. That was Mjoll's saddest day, the day she had failed. All she had seen was the black execution hood he wore, but this one had been different than the rest. It stood out. The assassin had made the hood look as though it were a beaten human face. That were spots blacker than the rest that represented bruises, there were gashes that had been patched to represent scars, and a long slash across the face that had been stitched and represented a great wound. There were also thing parts of the mask so the assassin could look out of it. Mjoll was sure that the assassin had been called by Maven and it was because of her actions against that family for which the assassin was called. A tear rolled down Mjoll's face and the war paint made it turn blue as it washed a small strip of it off.

Ronark noticed the tear and reached across the table and put his hand on his sister's fist. "Thinking of Aerin again?" he asked, "It wasn't your fault. What were you supposed to do? You're a hunter, not The Lioness. She should have saved him. It's her fault he died."

Another tear.

A man walked through the doors of the tavern that led to the market. He was a tall nord with brown hair that was almost all cut off except for a thing layer. He wore blue fine clothes with a red shirt and he had blue eyes like Ronark. He walked over to the table and pulled up a chair and sat down.

"Excellent taste in wine Ronark!" Sibbi said, "Mjoll, you're getting there." Sibbi joked.

Mjoll wiped away the tears, even if he wasn't like the rest of his family Mjoll did not want to let a Black-Briar see her cry. "Why hello Sibbi. How are you today?" Mjoll asked.

"I've had better days. Mother is mad about something, she won't say what. I'm sure she was the one who sent the guards The Lioness beat up last night. I love my mother, but I sure wish someone would do something about her." Sibbi complained.

"Welp, my shift is over. Sorry Sibbi you came in a little bit late, guess you gotta get your own drink." Scarlet laughed as she pulled another chair over and Sibbi moved his own over so Scarlet could have some room.

"You are just so very nice. You know that right?" Sibbi said sarcastically.

Scarlet joked back, "Aw Sibbi that's so sweet but you know I only like you as a friend so please stop hitting on me."

Everyone at the table had a good laugh and thus began their evening of jokes and laughter. Throughout the dinner Ronark stole glances at Scarlet when she wasn't looking. He was captivated by her beauty. She had long red hair that went halfway down her back and all over her hair was adorned with pink flowers, her lips were cherry red, and stretching across the bridge of her nose, under her eyes, and the top part of her cheeks she had a faint patch of freckles that in Ronark's opinion made her beauty better than it already was.
Scarlet wore her own custom green waitress clothes which she had designed herself. There was a strap when stretched from her chest and met behind her neck which held the dress up, the top part of the outfit had no cover so her shoulders and top of her breast were showing, however she did have sleeves that covered the midpoint of the top half of her arms and stopped and two inches from her elbows. The dress was all one piece and in ended in a short skirt which covered Scarlet's private areas but stopped right then and didn't cover the rest of her legs. The green dress was completed by a leather corset around her stomach which was tied together in the middle by a brown lace, and just below the corset she had a leather strap which she had turned into a belt with a small pouch attached. Scarlet wore another sleeve-like thing which she'd craftyed out of an animal skin, it started an inch below her elbow and wrapped around the arm until it got to the hand, once it was there the tube ended in a triangle at the top side of her hands and only covered the middle of them, there was no point to the triangle because where the point would be it broke off into a band which Scarlet wore round her middle fingers to keep the sleeves on. Finally, were her boots. The boots were made completely of leather except for the soles which was made of some other solid material, despite the different materials the brown colors were perfectly matched. The boots were a little bit baggy on Scarlet but she had made them that way and at the very top an inch and a half from her knees the top part had been folded down and pinned over the top of each boot.

After the four had finished their drinks and dinner they all left the tavern except for Scarlet who lived there. Scarlet had been living in Riften sicne she was fourteen years of age. Both of her parents had been murdered in a bandit attack when she still lived in a small cottage not far outside of Ivarstead. After her parents were murdered she was sent to the Honorhall Orphange. One day Scarlet managed to escape the orphange and Grelod's wrath, and she went to the Bee and Bard for some food before she was going to leave the city. An offduty guard spotted her and recognized her as a child from the orphanage. The guard grabbed her and was about to take her back to the orphanage when Talen-Jei stopped him. Talen was impressed by Scarlet and after a small talk with Keerava he offered to let Scarlet stay at the tavern under the condition that once she reached the age of sixteen she would begin to work for them. Fourteen-year-old Scarlet agreed and now six years later she had no regrets on that decision. The Argonians had been kind to her and they raised Scarlet as if she was their own child and loved her as one also.

********
Ronark and Mjoll headed back across the bridge to their house, Honeyside. For her first few years in Riften Mjoll had lived with Aerin but eventuall decided she needed a palce of her own. So, after doing some errands for Jarl Leila she was allowed to buy the special house Honeyside at a discounted price. Without the discount it would have been out of her price range and she refused any offers from Aerin to loan her money.

Honeyside was a quaint little place, probably not worth all the money Mjoll would've had to pay for it but it had all the essentials and then some. One the top floor there was a bed fit for two people which Mjoll used and downstairs was a bed for one which was Ronark's.

After arriving home Mjoll and Ronark stripped to their undergarments and put on their night clothes.

"Gods, I am so tired." Mjoll sighed as she put her armor and sword in the chest beside her bed.

"I am too. I'm going to go to sleep, goodnight Mjoll." Ronark said as he began to head downstairs.

Suddenly, the wardrobe in front of Mjoll's bed flung open and a man wielding a steel greatsword stepped out. "Don't. Go. Anywhere." the man said pointing his sword at Ronark. Ronark stopped cold in his tracks. "Good, now get on your knees and put your hands behind your back." Ronark looked to Mjoll who nodded to him.

Ronark went to the top of the stairs and did as the assailant said. The man went behind Ronark's back and bound his hands and feet with leather strips. Mjoll grabbed Grimsever from her chest and faced the man. She recognized him, how could she not? The man in the mask. The man who had murdered Aerin. Mjoll let out a loud nordic war call and charged at the man. The assassin raised his sword and blocked hers.

Mjoll dove out of the way as the assassin swung his sword at her. "You killed my friend!" she shouted at him. "And now I am going to kill you!" the assassin shouted back, "Mjoll a.k.a. The Lioness, you have caused Maven Black-Briar enough trouble! It is time that you pay for your crimes against her!" Ronark sat in fear and disbelief as he witnessed the battle between the two enemies. Mjoll swung low but the assassin foraw the attack and hopped backwards. He shoved Mjoll backwards into the shelves and apples and cheese fell on her head. Catching an apple Mjoll threw it at the assassin but he hacked it in midair with his sword. The Lioness got herself out from the wreckage of the shelves and ran towards her chest. The mysterious man ran after her and grabbed her by the leg, he pulled her to the floor and she dropped Grimsever. Mjoll rolled out of the way as the man's large greatsword came down crashing down at her a split the floorboards where she had just been. Mjoll grabbed the railing of the stairs and ripped it off, splinters flew in the air and landed on the floor. Mjoll attempted to use the wooden plank as a makeshift sword but Maven's assassin slashed the top half of it off and it was so short now that Mjoll would have to get upclose and personal if she wanted any kind of effect but it wasn't worth it so she dropped the plank and ran at Grimsever.

Mjoll's assasilant kicked her in the back and knocked her to the ground on top of Grimsever. Mjoll rolled over with the sword in her hand and rose it in the air to try and defend herself. The man tore the sword from her hand and threw it across the room. He raised his sword up and stabbed her in the stomach. "NOOOOO!!!!!!" Ronark cried out as the man stabbed Mjoll. Ronark fell over and tears streamed from his eyes and dripped down to the bottom floor of the house. The assassin walked over to Ronark and cut the binds around his hands and wrists and then quickly fled the scene.

"Ronark... Come here..." a dying Mjoll called out to her younger brother.

Ronark scurried to her side and held Mjoll's hand. "It's going to be alright, you'll be fine." he assured but he did it more for himself than her.

Mjoll looked into her brother's sad eyes and told him the plain truth, "No I won't, this is where the road ends for me. I wish there was more time, but I know there isn't. There's a place, hidden in the waterway on the sub-level of the city. The door is disguised as part of the brick wall, there is one brick though that has an orange stripe on it, push in on that brick and the door will open. Inside you'll find everything you need to know, it's all up to you now Ronark. I love you."

"I love you too." Ronark said and he squeezed her hand harder as more tears poured from his eyes and Mjoll's soul left her body.
 

ultimatedovahkiin

Now's not the time for fear. That comes later.
Chapter 2: May Your Soul Find Rest In Sovngarde

Scarlet was wiping down the bar after it had closed and the Argonians went to bed, for some reason she had a horrible feeling something was wrong. She shook the feeling off assuming that she'd had too many bottles of ale that night. As she continued to wipe down the bar her eyelids began to droop and she became increasingly tired, as she rested her head on the bar just for a quick nap the doors to the inn flew open and a gust of wind knocked an empty plate off of a nearby table. The clatter of the plate was enough to jolt Scarlet out of her nap and she looked up to see Sibbi coming towards her.

"Damn it Sibbi, you knocked a plate down. Sorry if you came here for a drink but the bars closed, besides can't you get some for free at the meadery? You ARE a Black-Briar you know." Scarlet smiled but the grim look on Sibbi's face caused her to drop it, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that to be insult--"

Sibbi cut her off, "Come quick, it's Ronark. There's been an accident."

Scarlet dropped her rag and vaulted over the bar and her and Sibbi ran out of the tavern.

********
There was a ringing in Ronark's ears, guards were wandering all over his house picking up items, examining them, and putting them back down. Ronark sat in a chair across from the door, outside there were at least eight on lookers staring into the house and three guards held out their shields to keep the crowds back. Everything had happened so fast, one moment everything had been fine and the next Mjoll was lying dead on the wooden floor with a large hole in her stomach. Ronakr refused to look at the area where Mjoll had been killed, the guards had removed the corpse but there was still a puddle of blood that the guards had yet to mop up. The captain of the guards a man named Cicle walked up the Ronark and towered over him.

"How are you feeling?" Cicle asked.


"How should I answer?" Ronark counter-questioned.

Cicle frowned and said, "Honestly."

"Honestly, my sister the only family I have left, a woman who took me in after out father had died and became my best friend was just murdered and I was forced to watch the whole bloody experience. I am feeling a whole mix of things. Anger, sadness, regret that I was helpless to stop the man, scared, scarred, and a whole jumble of other things. I honestly don't know how I feel." Ronark snarled.

Cicle curved the edge of his lip and contemplated this before replying to Ronark, "I understand. I know this is probably the last thing you are going to want but we have to question you."

"Question me? Why?! You think I killed her?!" Ronark yelled out.

Cicle held out his hand to calm Ronark, "No, no, no, nothing like that at all. We just need to get a better insight of what happened."

"What else is there to tell? She was okay one second and the next she had a sword in her stomach." Ronark said.

"Well for starters, who killed her?" Cicle asked.

"If I knew that, he'd already be dead." Ronark said.

"Well what did he look like?" Cicle asked and a guard next to him took notes.

"Tall, strong built, definitely a nord. He was a man, could tell by his voice. Iron Greatsword I think. He wore steel armor, and the mask. The horrible dark mask. It was designed to represent a man's face, but a face that had been wounded. There was a large stitching stretching from the left eye to the right side of the chin. That's the most prominent feature." Ronark described in a much calmer but more forlorn voice.

"So you got a good look at him?" Cicle said as the guard kept writing down Ronark's description.

"Yeah. I got a good view of him as he killed my sister." Ronark said but in the same voice.

"Why would anyone want to kill your sister?" Cicle asked.

"I don't know. We're in a corrupt city, is it any shock that an innocent woman would just suddenly be murdered?" Ronark said rhetorically.

Cicle shook his head, "No, no it's not. Okay that's enough questions, we'll finish up here and then leave. Don't worry, we'll catch your sister's killer." Cicle promised.

A female guard walked up to Ronark, "I'm, sorry I just need to check your wrists."

"Why?" Ronark asked.

"You said you were tied up, the Captain wants to know what the killer used to bind you." the lady said.

"I showed you, they're right over there," Ronark gestured, "he cut them off me before he left and didn't bother to take it with him."

"I know, but we need to be sure. There are many reasons severed leather strips could be laying on the floor. They could be from a package or something." the woman explained.

Ronark relucantly held out his wirsts and the guard examined the imprints, after a moment of looking she pulled out a leather stirp from the pouch around her waist and held it up to Ronark's wrists. She examined for another minute until she was content that the imprints were identical to a leather strip. She let go of Ronark's arms and stood up.

"Got everything you needed?" Ronark asked.

"Yeah, it's a match." she said, "You know, I had a brother once he was murdered also. It's hard at first, but it does it get better."

"Thank you." Ronark said and he actually meant it, "So, is it a boy?"

"Huh?" the woman said confused.

"You're pregnant, I can tell. What is it?" Ronark asked.

"The priestess at the Temple of Kynareth says she awaiting an answer from the Divines. I should find out soon." the guard rejoined her fellowmen in the house.

Ronark held his head in his palms and sighed. He sat like that for a few minutes until he heard a familiar female voice calling out to him. Ronark looked up and saw his two friends being held back at the door with the rest of the crowd.

"Sibbi? Scarlet?" Ronark called out.

One of the guards looked back at Ronark, "You know these two?"

"Yeah, they're my friends. Let them in." Ronark commanded.

"I can't this is a crime scene, no civilians allowed." the guard argued.

Cicle overheard this exchange and called out the the guard, "It's okay. We're done here anyways."

The guard stepped out of the way and Scarlet and Sibbi walked inside. The crowd tried pushing through the opening but the two other guards drew their swords and held them off until the third guard reclaimed his place.

Sibbi and Scarlet rushed to Ronark's side. Cicle led the rest of the guards out of the house but turned back to Ronark and told him, "Don't worry son. We will catch the son of a bitch.". Ronark nodded at him and the house cleared up except for the three friends. Ronark was sad to see the guards go, at least with them there he felt safe.

"Hey buddy, how you holding up?" Sibbi asked.

Ronark shook his head, "Not well." he answered.

"Ronark I'm so sorry, if there is anything we can do for you..." Scarlet trailed off and wrapped Ronark is a warm hug.

"What happened?" Sibbi asked.

Ronark retold the story that he had told multiple times that the night but each time he left out one little detail, what the man said about Maven Black-Briar. This time especially Ronark left that part out.

"Buddy, I am so sorry. Look you can't stay here tonight. Too much has happened, come stay with me at my place for the night." Sibbi offered.

"Thank you, but I'd rather be in my own bed tonight." Ronark declined.

"I understand. Tomorrow then?" Sibbi reoffered.

"Tomorrow." Ronark agreed.

"Alright, well you get your rest. I'm gonna head out." Sibbi patted Ronark's knee and walked out the door.

"I'm gonna go too. I need to finish cleaning the bar." Scarlet said squeezing Ronark's hand before she stood up to head for the front door.

"Scarlet, wait." Ronark stopped her.

Scarlet let go of the door handle and turned around, "What is it?" she asked.

"Is this what it feels like? When my father died I was sad but not as sad as I am now, probably because he died of disease and wasn't murdered. So, is this what it feels like to have someone you love murdered before your very eyes?" Ronark questioned.

Scarlet half frowned and thought for a moment then answered, "Yeah, it is. I know you have probably heard this a lot tonight, but it really does get better Ronark. After my parents were killed I hated the world, thought it deserved to burn under my feet along with those who had wronged me, but despite that the world made up for my parents deaths. The world gave me Keerava and Talen, so just remember, for every evil there is a good but for every good there is an evil. Something good will come of this evil, I promise."

"Thank you Scarlet." Ronark said. Scarlet walked back to Ronark and gave him another big hug and told him, "I'm here for you if you need to talk. I know what you're going through, don't let it break you." Ronark looked up at her, "I know." he answered and Scarlet left.

********
Ronark tossed and turned in that night, every time sleep was about to overcome him it was interrupted by another thought. Not, the thought of Mjoll dying in front of him but what she had told him before he passed away, which was another detail Ronark hadn't told anyone else. Why did Mjoll want Ronark to go to this hidden location, and what if it wasn't really a real place? Ronark kept tossing and turning as he attempted to shake the thought from his head but it eventually became too much for him and he climbed out of bed. He slipped his shoes on and left the house.

Ronark walked down the stairs to the waterway and crossed the small bridge to the other side where there were no doors. He began to walk along the wall checking each brick for an orange stripe. Finally he found a brick with orange on it, but it was more of a streak that a stripe. Nevertheless, Ronark pushed in on the brick and it moved itself back. A part of the wall flung out in front of Ronark and revealed a large room filled with supplies. Before anyone could look Ronark slipped inside and shut the door behind him.

The room was filled with items. Hanging on the walls were weapons of every kind, swords, daggers, axes, bows, and warhammers. There were three tables lined up next to each other ontop of which sat multiple sets of banded iron armor. In the back corner there was a bed large enough to fit two people. Sitting next to the bed was a bookshelf with only three books on it.

Ronark walked over to the bookshelf and examined the books, they were journals. Ronark picked up the journal that was sitting on top of the other three and opened it. Written inside the journal was a message. A message from Mjoll and it was adressed to Ronark! Ronark did a double take when he saw his name at the top of the first page, and he began to read the rest of the text. It said:

Ronark,
Do not be alarmed though I'm sure you are. If you're reading this it means the worst happened and I am dead. I wrote this not long ago just in case I was killed and if you're reading this then I obviously was. I knew the assassin was coming after me, I just didn't know when. If I'm dead then it means he came sooner rather than later and I didn't have much time to prepare for our fight. If I had more time then you wouldn't be reading this. Back to the subject, yes I knew he was coming after me and you're probably wondering why he was. There is something I have been keeping from you for all the years you've known me. Every time I've held you at arms lenght, every time I didn't tell you something, every time I masked my sorrow and pain, I did it for your own protection. If you knew what I was doing and how I was spending my nights you would have been in more danger than I was in.

You see, as you know there is a shadowy woman who goes around each night saving lives and fighting the bad guys. The city calls her The Lioness, not a bad name if you ask me. I quite like it. However, what you don't know Ronark is her identity. It's time you did. I am The Lioness, and what you are standing in right now is my base of operations. Welcome to The Lion Cave.

Ronark shut the book and couldn't move his body. The shock of what he had just read was too much for him. Mjoll, The Lioness? There was no way, but it all made sense. Everything. When Mjoll acted strange, when she acted quiet, when she disappeared from the house some nights. Even the room Ronark stood in. Mjoll was The Lioness. Ronark breathed heavily for a moment as he came to terms with what he just read, and finally he brought himself to open the book again.

I understand that this is a lot to take in. Especially just after my death, but you need to know the truth not just for yourself but for the whole city. If I am gone that means so is The Lioness, and now without someone to save it the city will succumb to the evil within it and innocent people will die. Riften needs a hero Ronark, and you are the best one to protect it. If you look in the corner to the right of the door if you were facing the back wall you will see a mannequin. What the mannequin is wearing was not designed for me, it was designed by me for you. I made the mistake of not wearing a mask and Maven found out who I was and that is why the assassin came after me. I refuse to let that happen to you so I have equipped this outfit with a hood, it will hide your identity from your enemies.

As I've always told you, your skill with a bow is unmatched. I've never seen anyone with as much skill as you have, that is why I have equipped the outfit with a bow and a quiver full of elven arrows. The bow is special, Dwemer made, I found it in a ruin once and I have taken to calling it Zephyr. It's design will assist you in firing arrows much quicker and more efficient than ever before, you will need this as you attempt to bring down your enemies.

Your enemies being Maven Black-Briar. She is what is wrong with Riften, through her connections she has an army at her side and most of her soldiers don't even realize that they will fight for her. Maven has Jarl Leila in her back pocket and thus she has power over every decision this city makes. Don't trust the guards, though they may be nice and some of them are good people, the majority of them are corrupt and will not hesitate to kill you. Maven has major connections with the guild, she keeps them funded despite her "campaigns" against them. She even has connections with the Dark Brotherhood. You cannot under any circumstances trust the
Black-Briars. All of them are evil and corrupt, all except Sibbi. I used to think he was horrible and I didn't trust him, I always thought he was lying about hating his mother and I decided to give him a chance because you, Ronark, were so close with him. Thank the Divines I did, if not I would have eventually killed an innocent man.

What I am asking you to do is a difficult task, but do not think you are doing it alone. There is a man, an ex-guild member, who works for Maven or so Maven thinks. This man's name is Maul, he keeps up appearances that he is loyal to Maven when in reality, he seems to hate her just as much as I do. You can trust him, he has given me much assisstance throughout my mission and I am sure he would assist you too. Also, I have left you two other books. One of which is filled with information about everyone in the city, who you can trust and who you cannot. The next is filled with evidence I have collected over the years. Evidence against Lady Black-Briar, use it and add to it, you will need evidence to bring Maven down.

Ronark, I know I am asking much of you but I am sure you can pull it off. The Lioness may have been your hero, but you were always my hero. If anyone can save Riften it is you. Becareful who you trust and don't tell your secret to those you are cloests with, it could put their lives in jeopardy. Only tell them if it is necessary. On a final note, don't think I haven't seen how you look at Scarlet. I can tell that you love her, she is a good fit for you. Which is exactly why you have to keep this life as far away from her as you can if you ever want a normal life with her. Remember Ronark, it is all up to you now. I know you will pull it off. I love you. Goodbye.

~Mjoll

Ronark reached the back of the book. That was it. Mjoll's final goodbye. He threw the journal across the room into the wall where it fell open onto the ground. He cried out as loud as he could. Mjoll's final goodbye and she had asked him to risk his entire existence for a corrupt city, the city that had taken her from him. Ronark looked at the corner Mjoll had pointed out and he saw the outfit she had left for him. Ronark stormed over to the mannequin and knocked it over and then he shoved the door to The Lion Cave open and walked out, slamming it shut behind him.
 

ultimatedovahkiin

Now's not the time for fear. That comes later.
Chapter 3: Dinner With the Devil

Ronark stood in front of the Jarl Laila's throne where the jarl was sitting with her head resting on a fist. On Ronark's left side stood Sibbi and to his right side stood Scarlet. Ronark had asked them to come to the reading of Mjoll's will because he felt he would not be able to go by himself.

A guard handed a slip of paper to the Anuriel, Laila's steward. Anuriel rose from her chair next to the jarl and stood in front of the three people standing before her. She unfolded the paper and began to read, "Today we gather for the reading of the will of Mjoll who was unfortunately taken from us. She was a good friend and hunter but a much loved sister, so today we read her final will. 'I Mjoll, hereby bequeath all of my belongings, all my money, and my very house to my younger brother Ronark. Everything I own is now belongs to Ronark. My final words to my little brother are these:

Ronark, you are a wonderful young man and I know you do not need me any more. Your life is your own and I hope you do what makes you happy, do not be sad I am gone. Rather, take comfort in knowing that I will watch you from Sovngarde. You are my little brother and I wish the best for you in life.'"

Anuriel folded up the paper and handed it to Ronark and said to him, "I am sorry for your loss." Ronark nodded and took the paper from her hand.

**********
"You okay?" Scarlet asked Ronark, "You've barely said a word since before the reading."

"Huh? Yeah. I'm fine." Ronark said, "Sibbi, that was heavier than I expected. I need some time to sit. I'll be over in a few hours."

"Yeah, sure thing buddy. Take as long as you need." Sibbi said reaching behind Ronark and slapping him on the back. Sibbi walked off and went to his house.

Scarlet turned to Ronark, tilted her head, and asked him, "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. I promise." Ronark said to the woman.

The two walked together through the marketplace until they came to the front door of The Bee and Barb. "I gotta go." Scarlet said, "Talen and Keerava will kill me if I don't do some work today. See you tomorrow?" "See you tomorrow." Ronark said. Scarlet opened the door which gave off a loud creak and she walked inside the tavern.

Ronark put his hands in his pockets and walked across the bridge back to Honeyside.

**********
Ronark was laying on his back ontop of Mjoll's old bed which was now his. Above his head Ronark held the will open and he studied each word. As he looked at the will he began to trace each word with his fingers, he traced each letter perfectly until he came to a sudden stop before the word "everything". There was something different about this word it seemed, darker. Ronark sat up on the bed and held the will close to his face. He glanced back and forth from the word "everything" to other words on the will. It was darker. Not by too much, but just enough that someone with a good eye would catch it.

Ronark began to wonder why Mjoll would have bolded the word, was it an accident? Or maybe she was trying to secretly emphasize the word. That was when Ronark remembered the journal he'd found in The Lion Cave. By bolding this word Mjoll was once again passing on her hideout and the mantle of being Riften's hero to Ronark.

A surge of anger once again filled Ronark's body. In the will Mjoll gave Ronark her "last words" or at least what Scarlet and Sibbi thought were her last words to Ronark. No, her true last words had been written in a journal that was hidden in a secret hideout below the city. Mjoll's true last words to Ronark consisted of her telling Ronark to risk his life and the lives of everyone he cared about just so he could save a bunch of people whom anyone of them could have killed Mjoll. Mjoll's fake last words were the ones in which she told Ronark to do what he wanted. Maybe Mjoll was giving him a choice by giving Ronark two sets of last words to him. Maybe Mjoll was letting Ronark choose which ones he truly wanted to Mjoll to say to him, but the thing is Ronark didn't know which set he would rather follow. Be a hero, or do what he chose?

**********
Ronark stood before Sibbi's door and he furiously tapped his knuckles on it for about ten seconds. After another thirty seconds of waiting the door opened to reveal a young woman standing in front of him. She was about two years younger than Ronark and Sibbi which would put her at the age of eighteen. She was a rather pretty girl, which fair white skin and brown hair that hovered above her shoulders. The right front side of her hair had been braided and held together by a small band. Her lips were a pale pink and her eyes seemed to be a faded brown. She wore fine burgundy colored fine clothes with a diamond pattern decorating it.

"Hello Ingun." Ronark greeted her.

"Ronark! Come in!" Ingun answered hugging the man, "It's good so good to see you! Sibbi told us you were coming."

Ronark stepped inside the manor and Ingun closed the door behind him. "And I wasn't lying." said Sibbi walking into the front room.

"I heard about your sister." Ingun frowned, "I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, well, it is what it is. At least she died fighting. So how are your experiments going?" Ronark changed the subject.

Ingun was beaming, "Pretty well actually! Master Elgrim says I am progressing very quickly. Unfortunately though I did acccidentally waste a lot of alchemy ingredients the other day, but thankfully some kind stranger went into the wilds and replaced them for me."

"Is she still going on about that? By the nine she's been talking about that man for days!" said Hemming the eldest Black-Briar child as he walked in to the room.

"Nice to see you again Hemming." Ronark said.

"Ronark." Hemming nodded. Hemming could be a nice guy to Ronark at times but he had always been a bit cold towards him for some odd reason. "Please, come in sit down. Mother says she will be right with us." Hemming motioned for everyone to go and take their seats at the dinning room table. Hemming had a black mustache and small beard that he shaved only occasionally. His skin was darker than the rest of his siblings but still light. He wore a tan hat on his head that covered the top of his hair while the rest came flowing over his shoulders from the back. He wore Green fine clothes with yellow edges and orange triangles. There were two necklaces hanging from his neck both with a similar amulet but they were different colors. Finally, he had the fur of a small animal covering the top portion of his back and his shoulders.

The four people took seats and different sides of the table. Ronark sat on the side facing the wall and to the left. Sibbi sat next to Ronark and across from Ronark was Ingun who was sitting next to Hemming. "This all smells really good." Ronark complimented the food.

"Let's hope it tastes as good as it smells. I don't like hiring new chefs." said Maven when she finally walked into the room. Maven's skin was palest of all, she looked almost as white as a cloud. Her hair was the opposite of her skin as it was a dark charcoal black. All of her hair was behind her shoulders in one long waterfall of black and at the tip of her forehead she had a widow's peak. Her grey eyes almost blended with her white skin. Maven wore clothes identical to those of Ingun, excepts Maven's were larger. Maven took her seat at the head of the table. "Ronark, welcome back to our home. Sibbi says you will be staying the night with us."

"Thank you Lady Black-Briar as always this is a beautiful place you've got. Yes, Sibbi was telling the truth." Ronark confirmed.

"I keep telling you Ronark, call me Maven. Someone as close to my son as you should be permitted to call me by my first name. However, I do appreciate the respect." Maven held up a goblet when he said the last line.

"Thank you Lady Black-Briar, with someone as much power as you I feel as though it is my duty to call her by a proper title."

"Maven is my name. Is that not a proper title?" Maven said sternly.

"Well, I- Uh.. I just thought that, maybe..." Ronark floundered for words.

Maven laughed and once again raised her goblet, "I am only joking Ronark. Thank you." Maven nodded her head.

They had a wonderful dinner and the food really was as good as it smelled. Which was good or else the chef would be a head shorter. About halfway through the dinner Ronark stopped eating to ask a question. "Lady Black-Briar, how goes work at the meadery?"

"Again with the Lady Black-Briar." Maven laughed, "It is going pretty smoothly. Why do you ask?"

"No particular reason, I just love your mead." Ronark said.

Maven nodded, "Thank you. I do try to make it to its utmost perfection. Well, I don't, the workers do. Speaking of business, children, do you remember that 'problem' I've been having for a while?"

"Yes mother." they all said.

"Well, I have finally gotten it taken care of." Maven smirked.

A shockwave went through Ronark's body. 'Problem I've been having?' was she talking about...?

Maven noticed Ronark's shocked state. "Is there a problem Ronark?" she asked very curious as to why he would have been upset by her statement.

"Uhm, no. I'm just impressed by the fact that you've managed to take care of a long term problem." It wasn't a very good excuse.

Maven became more curious, did Ronark know something he shouldn't? "I heard your sister was murdered Ronark. I'm sorry."

"It seems to be the talk of the town." Ronark sighed, "Don't worry though. Whoever did this to her will get what's coming to them."

Maven was taken aback by this statement. "What do youu mean?" she asked beginning to lean over the table.

Ronark cooly covered up, "The guards. They assured me that they will catch Mjoll's killer. I believe them."

Maven sat back in her seat content with the explanation, "Well, I hope they do. You know, my husband was killed also. Did you get a good look at the killer's face?"

"No." Ronark said, "He was wearing a mask."

"That's unfortunate. The guards would have been able to use a good description."

The dinner continued on after that and eventually ended with everyone being full. Sibbi and Ronark went upstairs where they talked for a while before going to sleep.

**********
The next day Sibbi walked Ronark back to his house.

"Thanks for having me over." Ronark said putting his hand on the door.

Sibbi spoke in a hushed voice so no one would hear him, "You're welcome. Listen, I wanted to tell you but couldn't while we were at my house. Don't trust my mother. I know I say this a lot, but she really is a bad person. That problem she took care of, that was The Lioness. By the way she said it, she made it seem like she killed her. My mother killed The Lioness, the only good thing to happen to this city and my mother killed her, probably dumped the body in the bay or something. Don't trust Maven. It'll probably only cause you to end up like The Lioness."

"Thank you Sibbi." Ronark said patting his friend on the back.

After Sibbi walked off Ronark stood at the door and thought about what Sibbi had just said and the night before. Maven was a bad person who had no qualms about hurting people. Power ran through her veins and she used it to excel and try to control the world. People like that shouldn't be allowed to exist and it was time a firm stand was made against her. Ronark knew what he had to do. He knew what set of last words he wanted from Mjoll. It was time to put Maven down. It was time, for The Marksman.
 

ultimatedovahkiin

Now's not the time for fear. That comes later.
After a rather long hiatus, I've decided to continue with this story as well as my other story Revenge. The next chapter for this story should be up in about a week, possibly less.
 
This is a really great story so far. I like it.
I only have two sort of critiques for it: when in chapter one Ronark says "cool", it's kinda breaking up the story for me. "Cool" is a modern term. I would suggest putting in a different term, maybe something like, "Alright I'll let them know it's a maybe." Without the cool, you know?
And secondly the spending the night thing that Sibbi and Ronark do after Mjoll dies. I understand they're friends and it also seems to be a plot device, but Sibbi is a grown man. It seems a little out of place. I would suggest adding something that shows Maven wanted Ronark over to keep an eye on him or get a read on him after the murder of his half sister. It would make more sense.
Other than that though it's a great story so far. I hope to see the next chapter up soon. :)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

ultimatedovahkiin

Now's not the time for fear. That comes later.
This is a really great story so far. I like it.
I only have two sort of critiques for it: when in chapter one Ronark says "cool", it's kinda breaking up the story for me. "Cool" is a modern term. I would suggest putting in a different term, maybe something like, "Alright I'll let them know it's a maybe." Without the cool, you know?
And secondly the spending the night thing that Sibbi and Ronark do after Mjoll dies. I understand they're friends and it also seems to be a plot device, but Sibbi is a grown man. It seems a little out of place. I would suggest adding something that shows Maven wanted Ronark over to keep an eye on him or get a read on him after the murder of his half sister. It would make more sense.
Other than that though it's a great story so far. I hope to see the next chapter up soon. :)


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Those are good critiques, so thank you. Those are actually two problems I came across, I'm not the best at putting Skyrim-esque words in my stories, so there is the occasional modern day saying that will pop up. I do try not to add too many of those, because I understand how those break immersion. Also, I was feeling odd about the night over thing because they are grown men about 20 years of age like you said, and having Maven invite Ronark over to keep an eye on him actually was my original idea so it's funny you suggest that. I'm not exactly sure why I threw it out when I think about it, that is a small regret I have because they aren't 12 they shouldn't have "sleep overs". So I agree 100% with both of those, and I thank you for pointing them out to me. I'll do my best to add more Skyrim-esque words and don't worry Ronark and Sibbi are done with sleep overs, haha.
 
Those are good critiques, so thank you. Those are actually two problems I came across, I'm not the best at putting Skyrim-esque words in my stories, so there is the occasional modern day saying that will pop up. I do try not to add too many of those, because I understand how those break immersion. Also, I was feeling odd about the night over thing because they are grown men about 20 years of age like you said, and having Maven invite Ronark over to keep an eye on him actually was my original idea so it's funny you suggest that. I'm not exactly sure why I threw it out when I think about it, that is a small regret I have because they aren't 12 they shouldn't have "sleep overs". So I agree 100% with both of those, and I thank you for pointing them out to me. I'll do my best to add more Skyrim-esque words and don't worry Ronark and Sibbi are done with sleep overs, haha.

I would suggest if you have a hard time coming up with different terms to use, using www.thesaurus.com.
All you have to do is type in a word and it will give you alternatives to use. It's helped me with my writing so maybe it'll help you too. :)
And hey, you don't have to end the sleepovers, just weave them into the story a bit more. Make it more apparent that Maven wanted it to happen for instance.
Stranger things have happened in Skyrim after all. :)


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ultimatedovahkiin

Now's not the time for fear. That comes later.
This is a really great story so far. I like it.
I only have two sort of critiques for it: when in chapter one Ronark says "cool", it's kinda breaking up the story for me. "Cool" is a modern term. I would suggest putting in a different term, maybe something like, "Alright I'll let them know it's a maybe." Without the cool, you know?
And secondly the spending the night thing that Sibbi and Ronark do after Mjoll dies. I understand they're friends and it also seems to be a plot device, but Sibbi is a grown man. It seems a little out of place. I would suggest adding something that shows Maven wanted Ronark over to keep an eye on him or get a read on him after the murder of his half sister. It would make more sense.
Other than that though it's a great story so far. I hope to see the next chapter up soon. :)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Those are good critiques, so thank you. Those are actually two problems I came across, I'm not the best at putting Skyrim-esque words in my stories, so there is the occasional modern day saying that will pop up. I do try not to add too many of those, because I understand how those break immersion. Also, I was feeling odd about the night over thing because they are grown men about 20 years of age like you said, and having Maven invite Ronark over to keep an eye on him actually was my original idea so it's funny you suggest that. I'm not exactly sure why I threw it out when I think about it, that is a small regret I have because they aren't 12 they shouldn't have "sleep overs". So I agree 100% with both of those, and I thank you for pointing them out to me. I'll do my best to add more Skyrim-esque words and don't worry Ronark and Sibbi are done with sleep overs, haha.
Those are good critiques, so thank you. Those are actually two problems I came across, I'm not the best at putting Skyrim-esque words in my stories, so there is the occasional modern day saying that will pop up. I do try not to add too many of those, because I understand how those break immersion. Also, I was feeling odd about the night over thing because they are grown men about 20 years of age like you said, and having Maven invite Ronark over to keep an eye on him actually was my original idea so it's funny you suggest that. I'm not exactly sure why I threw it out when I think about it, that is a small regret I have because they aren't 12 they shouldn't have "sleep overs". So I agree 100% with both of those, and I thank you for pointing them out to me. I'll do my best to add more Skyrim-esque words and don't worry Ronark and Sibbi are done with sleep overs, haha.

I would suggest if you have a hard time coming up with different terms to use, using www.thesaurus.com.
All you have to do is type in a word and it will give you alternatives to use. It's helped me with my writing so maybe it'll help you too. :)
And hey, you don't have to end the sleepovers, just weave them into the story a bit more. Make it more apparent that Maven wanted it to happen for instance.
Stranger things have happened in Skyrim after all. :)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
That's actually a really good idea, I can't believe I never considered that. Thank you for the idea, I'll try to make use of it. As for the sleepovers, that is a good point it wasn't weaved in well but I didn't really like the idea much anyways. There will still be sleepovers, just not between Ronark and Sibbi. Plus they'll have a lot less sleeping haha, but those won't be for a while. I do have another sleepover planned for later in story 1, and for now that's the last "normal" sleepover. It's weaved in a lot better though and the whole event becomes a major plot element for story 2.
 

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