Spoiler Biggest douche in Skyrim

[Psiberzerker]

Morokei said something very similar as well.

I guess it depends on how you define Douchebaggery. A lot of the prior responses seem pretty obvious in context, while others didn't give enough specifics. I voted Ragnar the Red because of his actions in the song about him. Pretty much the only one in the Bard's repetoir given as a Ur Example of Douchebaggery. You pretty much have to be trying to top that.

Ragnar the Red (Played by Rob Schneider.)

Oh there once was a "Hero" named Ragnar the Red, who came riding to Whiterun from olde Rorikstead.

And the braggart did swagger and brandish his blade, as he told of bold battles and gold he hath made

But then he went quiet, did Ragnar the Red, when he met the shieldmaiden Matilde' who said;

"Oh, you talk and you lie and you drink all our mead, now I think that its time that you lie down and bleed"

And so then came clashing and slashing of steel as the brave lass Matilde' charged in full of zeal

And the braggart named Ragnar was boastful no more when his ugly red head rolled around on the floor.

Da Derp Dee Derp Da Teetley Derpee Derpee Dumb

[edit]Not just South Park, but the name of that episode is, wait for it, "The Biggest Douche in the Universe."[/edit]

 

[Grogmar Ghrobash]

And your rant doesn't? It was largely tongue-in-cheek. If you don't like my posts, please either report them or message me.

This was hardly a rant, and I cannot see how you could see it in that way. Never did I ever say that I didn't like your post, I don't even know who you are. I'm just telling you how illogical you're being. You say how much you hate him, yet heed more attention to him than is necessary.

 

[Falmer19]

Alright guys no need for fighting. Lets just forget about our friend Nordic.

 

[Psiberzerker]

This was hardly a rant, and I cannot see how you could see it in that way. Never did I ever say that I didn't like your post, I don't even know who you are. I'm just telling you how illogical you're being. You say how much you hate him, yet heed more attention to him than is necessary.

Why are people arguing in this thread? Seriously, it's an opinion, and your Opinion doesn't trump anyone else's except in your own mind. Believing it does in the absence of a definition of what Douche means is pretty douchy.

 

[Grogmar Ghrobash]

Why are people arguing in this thread? Seriously, it's an opinion, and your Opinion doesn't trump anyone else's except in your own mind. Believing it does in the absence of a definition of what Douche means is pretty douchy.

Never said his opinion was wrong.

 

[Raijin]

Unless if Nordic is a NPC in Skyrim can we please leave him alone? Enough with this obsession. Go take your OCD medication already. Geeze.

 

[Daedra'Mc'Bitch]

Maven Black-Briar, because she threatens to sic the Dark Brotherhood on me if I "make her angry". What a douche. Even if I'm the listener she'll say it.

 

[jRi0T68]

Sorry, guys. I had no intention of a simple joke turning into troll-bait.

On topic, I forgot just how much of a douche Jarl Siddgeir Is. I may need to switch my vote from Nazeem.

 

[Grogmar Ghrobash]

Sorry, guys. I had no intention of a simple joke turning into troll-bait.

On topic, I forgot just how much of a douche Jarl Siddgeir Is. I may need to switch my vote from Nazeem.

You actually made two of the same "simple jokes", regarding the same exact person. Which is why I intervened. And being reasonable is hardly being a troll.

 

[Psiberzerker]

You actually made two of the same "simple jokes", regarding the same exact person. Which is why I intervened. And being reasonable is hardly being a troll.

Why are you obsessing about him obsessing about a character? How many posts have you devoted to this digression? Don't be such a douche.

 

[Grogmar Ghrobash]

Why are you obsessing about him obsessing about a character? How many posts have you devoted to this digression? Don't be such a douche.

NordicVampireLord isn't a character, and I can't see how I'm obsessing over anything. And defending someone who isn't there to defend them self is hardly what I'd call being a douche.

 

[Psiberzerker]

NordicVampireLord isn't a character, and I can't see how I'm obsessing over anything. And defending someone who isn't there to defend them self is hardly what I'd call being a douche.

It takes at least 2 to fight, stop.

 

[Grogmar Ghrobash]

It takes at least 2 to fight, stop.

How ironic that you'd say that when I first started this with jRiot. If you'd like to defend the bully against the victim, fine. But you can't say that I'm carrying it on when you had no part of this in the first place and only added to it.

 

[Docta Corvina]

To get back on topic, I'd say there are several "douchey" people in Skyrim. People who are bad-tempered and ill-founded no matter what and who have no real redeeming aspects that make me overlook their doucheyness. One such individual is certainly Maven. No matter what, she's irredeemably obtuse. She's not even funny to me, which is what allows me to excuse Mercer and Neloth from my enmity. In any case, Maven for sure. I'd also include Ulfric on the biggest douche list, but I half-fear to lest it ignite the civil war debate all over again, which I don't really want to do. But, meh. Screw it. Ulfric is another.

Then, there are lesser douches that, while douchey, have not quite risen to the level of their superiors for any number of reasons. I'd include Dirge, Tonilia, and Vex in that. As well as Nazeem and Njada Stonearm. Oh, and Vekel the Man. And Siddgeir.

 

[Falmer19]

HOW DARE YOU INSULT ULFRIC. JUST BECAUSE HE STANDS UP FOR HIS BELIEFS YOU IMPERIAL DOG! HE IS 10000000000000 TIMES LESS DOUCHY THAN TULLIUS. I AM A STORMCLOAK AND WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO CALL ULFRIC A DOUCHE. IMPERIALS ARE STUPID............jk. He is definitely a douche, as well as Gunmar or whoever his buddy is

 

[Saozig]

By douchbaggery, I think people who are obnoxious for no other reason than to be obnoxious. So Ulfric doesn't quite count. he's obnoxious but with a reason. And Nazeem is just a snob.


My honorable mentions, and since I'm re-doing to Thieves Guild quest, a few of these will be from among them. Sorry, TG lovers:

Mercer Frey. They really needed to include a dialogue line for your character for whenever he's talking within earshot that says "Yeah, fluff you too, Mercer".

Vex and Dirge. I've tried to like them. They just make it impossible. And I thoroughly resent that in order for me to talk to Tonilla or Delvin, I have to put up with their bitching and posturing.

Ondolemar. Best thing about him is he dies when the Stormcoaks take over Markarth. Worst thing, you don't get to kill him yourself, like you do with Ancano. How weak of a person do you need to be to fail back on "breeding" as your baseline of personal worth? Do you not having anything to contribute beyond a genealogy over which you had no control and no say, asshole?

Ancano. See my note about Mercer Fry.

Delphine. OK, so lemme get this straight: the Greybeards found me, confirmed I'm the Dragonborn--the one your costume party of an organization has been waiting for--and have helped me in my quest to defeat Alduin, teaching me indispensable skills, despite their reservations, while you were hanging around the Sleeping Giant and Sky Have Temple doing what exactly and you want me to repay them by killing their leader because it's your sole raison d'etre is to kill dragons, which you seem to leave up to me alone to do. fluff you too, Delphine.

Astrid. She's just douch-a-rific, I'm sorry. Too much jumping through hoops with her.

Reburrus Quintillius. I love how his idea of being very busy is standing around outside the Treasury House picking his ass crack. But at least it makes it easy to pickpocket him whenever he pissing me off as my "outlander" self is running between Understone keep and the fluffing house I bought in Markarth.

And now the winner:

Brynjolf. I know people like him. I don't want to upset anyone but Brynjolf is the biggest douche in the game. At least Mercer gets his comeuppance. But with Brynjolf, it's constant patronizing. "Running a little light on the pockets...." By a little light, you mean the 100,000 gold I'm carrying? What kind of thief are you that you can't pick up on that? "Never done a honest day's work..." Would killing you and sparing the good people of Riften your presence count? "Lad/lass" Pòg mo thòn, a bhodaich! (That's Gaelic for kiss my ass, old man) "We're counting on you..." Yeah, I figured as much because apparently You. Suck. And to top it all off, you have to kiss his ass to do the TG questline, so it just making his douchiness that much more foul.

 

[Docta Corvina]

^ Some real shockers to me on your list there. I suppose it makes me petty and shallow, but Ondy gets away with the classic Thalmor arrogance. Because he's a) quite pretty and b) not entirely like the others. But I'll save that for another thread! As for Bryn, it always strikes me when people think he's annoying. He didn't come off that way to me as I played, though that could have been me blocking it out with my lusting fangirling. He's a career criminal and could be a little...aloof. But he warmed up to me. Oh, that he did.

I also find Ulfric to be among the biggest douches because he is so calculating. He's wantonly douchey, but with an agenda. Like Maven. That to me is so much worse.

 

[Psiberzerker]

Mercer always reminded me of Cave Johnson, or vice versa.

I second Ancano, and resent the 1 time I have to actually talk to him to move the story along. Other than that, I generally have 3 words for him, "Iis Slen Nus!" Shaddap.

My personal definition is a loser with an inflated sense of self. I include Bullies, Racists, and Anger Retaliatory rapists in this list. Napoleon Complex, I have some perceived fault I don't want to consciously aknowledge, so I turn around too make someone else feel bad so nobody will notice.

 

[Raijin]

I also find Ulfric to be among the biggest douches because he is so calculating. He's wantonly douchey, but with an agenda. Like Maven. That to me is so much worse.

In general I don't know why people hate Maven so much. I think shes fricken awesome. At least she doesn't kiss ass.

 

[Docta Corvina]

In general I don't know why people hate Maven so much. I think shes fricken awesome. At least she doesn't kiss ass.

Maven...meeehhhh. She just pisses me off way too much. She and Siddgeir are similar to me in that they both have their ridiculous egos and bad tempers and don't even have any charm to make up for it. Like I said, at least Mercer and Neloth make me laugh my ass off being so perpetually angry and arrogant. Can't at all say the same about Maven.