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Kaleia

Active Member
The Pariah's Journal is to be my journal alongside Stains Eternal. It is a challenge in complete independence from Skyrim's trade system, in addition to nocturnal roleplay and the no-leveling restriction. In order for my character to remain flexible, I will allow the possibility of these being dropped if it becomes necessary, which I doubt.

And so, my third entry into the BIGWooly hardcore journaling cult begins.

Altmer Female Vampire

GENERAL RESTRICTIONS
- dead is dead
- difficulty set to 'expert'
- HUD set to 0%
- May only carry 20% of what the game allows
- brightness dropped down 2 notches
- may not level or use perks
- may not fast travel (not even via cart)
- may not use in-game map unless at a known location
- if injured by a trap then dead is dead is applied (no exceptions)
- every 10 arrows are considered to weigh 1 pound
- may carry up to 30 arrows max
- must have a hand free to use a potion
- must wait 3 seconds between taking potions during combat
- must have hands free to pick up items or search bodies/containers
- must have both hands free to pickpocket
- may only carry 10 lockpicks max
- may not remain crouched for extended periods of time
- may not harvest unreasonable items from bodies (garnets from elk, etc.)
- must wait 1 hour for each animal skinned
- may not loot from bodies that you saw someone else kill (assumed that they looted)
- must sleep for at least 8 hours every day (allowed to make rare exceptions)
- must always carry clothing (assumed it is worn under armor)
- may not swim while wearing/carrying armor
- must drop all armor if entering deep water unexpectedly (armor is lost)
- may not use game exploits

CHARACTER SPECIFIC RESTRICTIONS

- May not use horses or followers
- May not use shields
- May not use heavy armor
- May not participate in any faction
- May not do main quest or learn dragon shouts
- May not enchant, smith, or use alchemy
- May not use hammers, maces, or axes
- May not worship aedra or daedra
- May not carry or use gold - unneeded

JOURNAL

Cover:
Pariah, you are. Pariah, you will always be.
They fear you, as do you them.
Pariah.
This is the way, it has always been.
They are as you cannot be.
They are mortal, you are free.
Pariah.
Hastily scrawled below the poem's fine penmanship:​
Returning tomorrow night. Patience, young mind.
 

Kaleia

Active Member
BACKGROUND

Two days past, the Scholar disappeared into the night, soon after one of my late evening lessons - a particularly interesting one concerning the ways of the Dwemer, a people perhaps close in capacity to the immortal kin such as I and the Scholar. But even them we far surpass, for they are extinct and we forever.

It wrinkles my nose that the Scholar so chidingly addressed me as 'young mind' in the note he left on the journal. He'd mentioned he was leaving an empty book for me to occupy my time, but I was rather surprised and annoyed to find that he had written on the cover. I'd much rather a blank cover. Still, he made a point with his ramblings, and he does often remind me that prose is an important production of a keen and clear mind.

And so I write. Perhaps, for the first few pages, it would do well to tell of myself? I shall.

Very nearly a half century past, I was born in the hills between Skyrim and Cyrodil. To this day I do not know who I was born of, for my earliest memories have long since faded, and the furthest back I can remember is my late adolescence - and by that time, I had been adopted by my good family, my sweet and simple family - a father, a mother, and nearly a dozen brothers and sisters. The wolves protected me, and I them, for from a young age I was far more agile than the mortal.

Together, myself and my family, we raided farms at the base of the mountains, brought down deer and elk with our bared teeth and determination. My knowledge of language was rapidly deteriorating, but my understanding of wildlands grew.

One day, a warrior ascended into the mountains, and fought a fire none of us could match. I still do not remember his face, or if it was even male. All I know is that by the time he left, my family was dead, burned to ashes.

I wandered gradually out of the hills, and bared my teeth to all who dared to come near me, and for many years I wandered, growing more savage and feral with each passing day.

It came to happen that I was captured when I rested in a vampire den. They were intrigued by me, and instead of killing me, tried to change me into their kind. Tried.

I did not understand what they were doing. I attacked, and wrestled free, and fled. But I never forgot their strange powers and appearances.

A woman near a city Bravil fed me when I collapsed near the wall, weak from hunger and fatigue. She was cold but kind, and began to steer me to speak. But she was ignorant, and so she perished.

More years passed, and I found myself in Skyrim, growing older, though still strong. I felt ready to die. Then, the Scholar found me, when I wandered the marshes of northern Skyrim, in the area I now know is called Hjaalmarch. He brought me to his home deep within those marshes, and told me the truth. He told me I was a perfect being, flawless to his eyes, a clever beast. I tried to fight him, but could not hope to win.

He changed me.

I felt the change come upon me as ice on the winter shore - cold, deadly, unwavering. I knew thirst, I knew hunger.

I knew the flesh of beasts would never satisfy me again.

Gradually, the Scholar taught me the way: to be the clever beast, but the noble immortal as well. Knowledge, understanding, wisdom. Reading, writing, vocabulary. Anything and everything. Under his guidance, I flourished.

I am the beast, the clever beast.

I am the forever.

Man, mer, khajiit, argonian...ignorant, the lot of them. I am greater, higher, immortal. The noble beast. Coin does not tie me, nor faith, nor allegiance. I exist outside of time, and thus time does not sway me.

I live. Forever.

The Scholar named me, aptly, the Pariah.

For I am the outcast of both time and its prisoners.
 

Kaleia

Active Member
Several days and nights have passed now, and still the Scholar has yet to return. I ache for the hunt, but the learner of the way is taught to control this ache, for those who control it wield greater power, and less dependency.

And so I wait, and meditate, and sleep, and still the Scholar has yet to return to me. So I ache to hunt. I have studied the scrolls he left behind, and still no sign of him. The Scholar told me that he was going north to investigate the source of a mysterious letter he received from a rather nervous courier two weeks prior.

As I never saw the letter, I do not know its contents. However, after such a time has passed, I feel that there is no point in lingering night after night in this shack. I desire to emerge, and so emerge I shall, to find books, and potions, and perhaps pretty things. The night calls, and into night I wish to emerge.

I'll leave my journal here, in case the Scholar returns. When night falls, I'll wander out into the marsh, and see what there is to be seen.
 
Does this tie in with your other journal, or is this seperate? I hope to learn more about this guy, what race he is, what he does. Should be fun.
 

Kaleia

Active Member
Does this tie in with your other journal, or is this seperate? I hope to learn more about this guy, what race he is, what he does. Should be fun.

It's completely separate. As for race and such, near the top of the restrictions post, I always give race and gender. In the case of the Pariah, Altmer Female Vampire.
 
It's completely separate. As for race and such, near the top of the restrictions post, I always give race and gender. In the case of the Pariah, Altmer Female Vampire.
Ah, totally missed that. I feel stupid, but whatever. I've been wanting to try playing a nocturnal roleplay, maybe even try writing for it, but you beat me to it. ;)
 

Kaleia

Active Member
Ah, totally missed that. I feel stupid, but whatever. I've been wanting to try playing a nocturnal roleplay, maybe even try writing for it, but you beat me to it. ;)

It's fine. ;) And yeah, I'm kinda mixmatching a number of challenges in this. Avoiding cities/people, no trading, nocturnal, no shrines, limited magic and weapons, dead is dead...not to mention that I'm starting out with a stage 4 vampire.
 
It's fine. ;) And yeah, I'm kinda mixmatching a number of challenges in this. Avoiding cities/people, no trading, nocturnal, no shrines, limited magic and weapons, dead is dead...not to mention that I'm starting out with a stage 4 vampire.
Maybe you should drop dead is dead, or at least edit it. I would hate for all this to go to waste.

Edit: Unless you planned on using the journal swap Wooly is using.
 

Kaleia

Active Member
Maybe you should drop dead is dead, or at least edit it. I would hate for all this to go to waste.

Edit: Unless you planned on using the journal swap Wooly is using.

I'm going to consider the 'dead is dead' rule arguable (dead is inn for a week) until I determine precisely what direction I want to go in this journal's quirks. The journal swap only works for Wooly because his 'journal' compels its new masters to write in it. I'd need a reason for such a thing to work for me.

EDIT: *facepalm* I can't do the inn rule. It's a level 4 vampire.. >.<
 

Kaleia

Active Member
What...what have I done? All those years, all that learning, all that time...wasted.

At dusk, I set out across the marshlands, exploring slowly, thoughtfully. I picked a few lovely purple flowers, which now decorate the floor of the shack, and once I ventured further from the shack, I used my immortal abilities to drain a beast's life for the first time in a while - three spiders, whose deathly venom now rests in the chest in the corner. Perhaps someday it will be of use.

Then, a high stone came into view - but not a stone, I realized. I remembered my lessons, and recalled as I distanced myself from the monolith I saw it - Solitude, the city on the outreach. City meant potions, meant books. Mortals have their uses. I crept around the base of the monolith, and across the water spied a shadowy area that might have been a cave going under the city. I studied the far shore for a moment, and then glanced to my right.

To my surprise, in the shadow of the monolith, I saw a small camp (or what might have been one) under an outcropping. Two hay piles covered in animal skin and a cold fire with a cooking spite, and several barrels. The disarray of the camp suggested that it had been abandoned for some time.

So, I opened one of the barrels, and one by one, I placed my things in it - even my robe, for I didn't wish it to be soaked. Then, I swam the long way to the far shore, crescent moon gleaming overhead. It felt good to be under night and shadow after so long in seclusion.

My instinct proved true - a small doorway lay in the shadow of the city, and I passed through it into a tower. Ignorant of mortals to have such an obvious way into their city. I gazed down a long hallway to the tower's exit, but thought against it, and turned to climb the stairs to my left instead.

"Traitor!" The cry, so near it seemed, startled me well, for I worried that I had been discovered. But then it occurred to me that accusations of betrayal couldn't possibly apply to me. I paused to glance again down the hall to see if any poor turncoat was being chased into its depths, then decided that the distraction lay elsewhere.

I continued up the staircase as before, ignoring additional cries, and the stair opened into a path over the city into another building. Perhaps a guard quarters, or some other such thing. In any case, I went to it, and was pleased to find the door unlocked.

A single room was available to me, for all rooms beyond it were locked, but that was fine. I found two healing potions and two books which I gathered in my arms, and I quietly made my exit out of the room and out of the city.

Just outside the secret entrance of the city, I met another dilemma. If I swam across, I would lose the books or ruin them - to say nothing of hampering my swimming ability. I would have to find a shallower place to cross. So I silently made my way past the docks and down to the shore, where I saw a lumbermill and house, and thought perhaps there would be more to be found there, or even a basket to carry the things in. But the door was locked, and so I started to move on, when suddenly I heard a man's voice.

"I'll end you!" Fearing the worst, I glanced all about, and suddenly realized the threat was not directed at me. Down by the shore near the mill, an orc was being attacked by a mud crab. I sized up the situation, realized the man must live in the mill - maybe. So, naturally, I slew the mud crab as the orc fell to his knees in fear. After a moment's contemplation, I slew him as well, and found in his pockets a key, which opened the mill house to me.

I slunk about the house, and to my relief found a basket, as well as another book. The fire was hurting my eyes, so I went upstairs, to be sure.

Then it happened.

In the upstairs bed, I saw another mill worker, another man, sleeping peacefully, chest slowly rising and falling. My vision blurred red for a brief moment, my tongue felt dry, my throat parched, my limbs weak. I found myself creeping upon him, staring at his steady pulse. My jaws parted.

Minutes later, I sat against the wall, trembling, vision still blurred, thirst satisfied. I had failed in the way. On my first test of strength, I had surrendered my will to the ache, and now was weakened, made dependent. I hated myself for it. Hate myself for it.

Soon, I gathered book and basket, and went back outside to retrieve the rest of my things. A short way up the river, I found stepping stones on which I could cross. Uphill from the stones, a bright blaze betrayed a camp, but I went undetected as I slipped along the shore.

As the sky began to lighten, I reached the overhang camp and retrieved flowers, venom, and clothing, which I hastily put on, and my pace quickened toward the shack. The sun would only be uncomfortable, the Scholar had told me, but it had been so long since I had seen the sun that I feared stronger effects.

I reached the shack and the sky grew brighter, and I sagged against the door in relief at the cool, dry shack. I stowed most things in the trunk, save for the purple flowers that fell to the floor, and now I sit on the bed, writing, and worrying. There is no sign of the Scholar's return. That means that almost two weeks have passed since he left, more than a week since his promised return. I'll have to fend for myself for now, it seems.

But giving in to the ache has weakened me, robbed me of powers that preserve me. I must be exceedingly cautious in nights to come, and must exercise much control of these wants.

But for now, sleep.

Sleep sounds nice.
 

Kaleia

Active Member
It has been a fairly long night, though not nearly as eventful as last night. At dusk, I went to the abandoned camp under the monolith, where I left my clothing once more before swimming across to the secret tunnel under the city. This time, I went undetected, and found my way to an unlocked door, a building full of books, several of which I took for study. Soon, perhaps, I will have amassed enough to entertain me in seclusion.

When I moved on to another room of books, a female mortal spied me, and drew a knife. I considered killing her, but I hope to return, and do not wish the populace to swarm the building. So, I withdrew, and returned to the camp under the monolith after a long trek over the stepping stones and to the far shore.

The Scholar still has not returned, and I am growing concerned. He may not return at all...
 

Kaleia

Active Member
Dead is dead.

The pariah met an early demise when caught attempting to steal interesting things from the apothecary in Morthal.
 
Dead is dead.

The pariah met an early demise when caught attempting to steal interesting things from the apothecary in Morthal.
Well. That was a quick ending. It must have SUCKED to have had this one die. You seemed to have such plans for her.
 

Kaleia

Active Member
Yeah, no kidding... o_O When I turned around to see if I was being followed and saw that sword...oh, plops. o_O

I'll be getting back to M'aditi full time after a break of about three weeks. I have some personal things that need more attention for now.
 

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