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Seanu Reaves

The Shogun of Gaming
(First Attempt at FanFic so please help me get better :D )
Prologue:
An Old Imperial sits on a hill waiting to die. His little house in Rorrikstead stands beaten down behind him. No, He thought, Hold in there Severus. Throughout his life there was no profit in that. He closed his eyes as a breeze rolled through, and catching his gray beard Severus started smiling. Each morning breathing in the crisp morning Skyrim air Severus was happy, and in his life happiness was a great treasure besides real treasure of course. He watch the elk prance around the valley fields as a sabre cat stalked closer. "I remember when I was a hunter like you," Severus whispered to himself, "Unfortunately time hunts down even the strongest of us." The old man turned back and walked back to his house barely glancing at the grave he came to see every morning. He opened the door to his simple house to see a master crafted ebony mace and glass shield hang above his mantle. His mind drifted to the chest holding his old armor still as efectinve as the day he bought and improved the fit and re-enforced the material. He also thought of all the skooma he had buried to signified his new start. Bygone weapons of a bygone man, Severus thought. And so went Severus' days with his son moving on as a successful merchant.
One day there was a knock on Severus' door. Grumbling Severus walked to the door and yelled,"I'm poor I don't want or can afford you wares!" "Oh are you sure about that?" A strong voice that Severus barely recognised rang out. Severus quickly opened the door, and saw his young son standing outside,"Avitus! My boy! What are you doing here?" Severus hugged his son picking up the younger man. "My father I see being a blacksmith perserved your strength. How are you?" Rubbing his chest needless to say Avitus didn't have the roughest life. Severus laughed,"Well enough how are the wife and kids?" And on que Minerva appeared ushering her three children.
Tarkus was the oldest, thirteen and already had the body of a boy three years his senior. Maria was the middle child and the only girl, she took an interest in the merchant business and had a stealthy streak. And lastly, Ezio the youngest and he was a thinker. Severus also suspected he had a bit of magical talent likely from his mother because Minerva was a breton. Tarkus simple bowed and said,"Grandfather." But Maria and Ezio where squeeling, "Grandpa!" "Hello children. Tarkus your growing strong the legion will be proud to say they could field such a strong soldier. Maria your getting quite beautiful. And Ezio you sound so grown up you must be stuying well." The children where soon smiling widely at the praise.
Soon, they where each asking," Grandpa will you tell us some stories?" Minerva chastized her kids,"Your grandpa is tired, don't worry his so much." And went back to cooking. "Oh It is quite fine my dear," Severus turned to his anxious audience,"So what do you want to hear?" Ezio spoke up first,"What about The Bandit and The Quest for Auriel's Bow?" Maria imedately piped in,"I love Seraphina. She was really strong and clever and brave and..." She was interupted by Takus,"All that is great but Salthar was the best. Strong smart and was always in control and the strongest." Ezio pouted and said,"But Drapor and Ysarth where the only real heroic people. Grandpa who is right?" Severus laughed at his grandchildren, the look in his eyes was of recalling a memory not a story,"I alway preferr the bandit, but I wouldn't want a fight to start so I will tell you a new story of the clever bandit. An origin of sorts." Maria mad a face of disgust,"I don't like Indicum he is way to vulgar." Avitus's head twitched as he heard that this would be a new story. He heard hints from his father of his past, but his father was close to the chest with his black history. Avitus once asked his father when he was a boy about The Bandit and the Search for Auriel's Bow, Avitus knew it was a fairy tale version of a real chain of events. Severus raised his voice,"Gather around, Avitus I see your interested join us, you as well Minerva no need to work so much." Severus took out his old travel beaten lute struck a chord, and cleared his voice.
 

Madrar

The Shadow in the Dark.
Keep it up, man! I like it so far!
 

Seanu Reaves

The Shogun of Gaming
(note: for the "actual events" of The Bandit and the Quest for Auriel's Bow Private - Dark purposes | Skyrim Forums.)
Chapter 1
During Skyrim's Civil War no one truly won, and in fact everyone lost something. Such was the story of our I guess hero Indicum. Now, Indicum was like any other man he became what fate made him to be, not some Bandit Messiah born and raised into that life. He was born in Cyrrodil, he lived in the city of Cheydinhal. Though his name was made in Skyrim the heart of the empire is his first love. Now Indicum's parents paid for Indicum to be an apprentice to the cities blacksmith, and Indicum proved to have been talented at craftsmanship. These where years of hard work but they where good. That all changed when he was thirteen. And so the first leason of Indicum's world was taught to Indicum not by Thalmor or Stromcloaks, but back-water thugs. Indicum was in the back of the shop working on his masterpiece, an ebony mace.

Avitus and Tarkus glanced at the peice hanging over Severus' head, the vicious head of the mace peaking from behind the shield. Severus stopped his story when he noticed those looks,"Yes." Ezio asked confused,"Yes? Yes what grandpa?" "I think the food is ready." "By the divines!" Minerva jumped up to save the families' dinner. Avitus gave another nod, this time of achknolegement. "Now where was I? Ah here we go."

Indicum heard a loud crash, and came out to the front of the store to find three armed orcs talking to his master in a hushed tone. Indicum still believed in honor at this time as or gave into his hotheaded nature. Indicum unsheathed his dagger and charged the closest orc. Now, as you can guess three fully grown orcs can handle a thirteen year old imperial boy. And soon Indicum was restrained by the orcs.

"Idoit," Tarkus said," Grandpa you always taught me knowing the odds is the only way to beat them." "Your right. I learned that from this story. Even the wildest tales can help you survive the real world." "I don't like this there isn't a woman even involved," Maria pouted. "Indicum lived his life not for quantity of women. But the quality of a few." Severus nodded when Avitus mouthed "Mother?" "Now, please let me finish this part of the story."

Indicum's master didn't appreciate Indicum's heroics and he said along the lines of "You done good work up to this point. But you are a fool. The situation now will only get worse. I will help you finish your masterwork so you may be a full blacksmith. But then you will have to leave for you have broken the honor of this establishment. They where only customers not bandits, the represent an orc stronghold." Indicum left the smithy crying his master was a benevolent and good man, and his rejection truely hurt Severus. That is where he found the name of his mace, Honorbreaker. His parents where upset by the way his apprenticeship ended, but now they knew that the blacksmith had done what he could for Indicum. And so Indicum started the journey to Skyrim.
 

Znowcicle

Chimera~
I like what you're writing, the atmosphere is very lovely and warm. I only have a few things to say that you might want to work on.

First off, you write chunks together. Dialogue is usually split off so it's easier to read, so it's good that you added color to each line. Sentences that are thought are usually set apart from the rest of the writing with italics or maybe apostrophes. I noticed a lot of dialogue, which is fine, you just have to balance it out. Add more detail to do that.

I also noticed that your writing seems kind of rushed, slow it down a little. I started reading and the man was on a hill wanting to die, then inside looking at weapons ,then his son was there in a very short time span. It's like BAM! Which can be good in fight scenes or when you add a big piece of information that makes it really dramatic, but you just started. These first few posts are your foundation and your background.

Lastly, you have a small problem with spelling errors, and placement of commas. That can be easily fixed, just take time to look it over a few times before you post it. It's always good to check, check, and recheck.

Now don't get me wrong, this is great! I love how you're working this into a story an old man is telling his grandchildren. It makes it all the better and gives it more personality! I just want you to show more of that personality through the detail and the flow you're lacking right now. But don't despair, everyone gets better the more they write. I tell that to everyone because it's true! So keep writing, keep improving, and keep entertaining! :)
 

Seanu Reaves

The Shogun of Gaming
Thank you. This is really helpful. I sometimes feel like my writing is more for a movie than like a book. But I will use this and hopefully improvement can be seen. :D
 

Seanu Reaves

The Shogun of Gaming
Chapter 2
Now at this point is when Indicum discovered his purest love for travel. He loved the glorious forest of Cyrrodil, and marveled at the still awe-inspiring Imperial City. Though there wasn't many bandit attacks, Indicum proved to be a capable warrior. Even then he could tell that these men where unprofessional, but he still feared for his parents and that is where his strength came from. They were an unwashed mass, Indicum mused, Unworthy of having the honor of being broken by Honorbreaker. After yet anouther small skirmish on the road between Anvil and Skingrad, Indicum had grown to know his traveling companions. He looked around their camp, and found himself sizing up his company. His father was strong but was growing old, his mother a shrewd trader but no fighter, their guide a dour wood elf who as I recall were of the same village of Drapor. Funny how fate worked for the clever bandit. There were a few others but the only notable one was a mercenary. He was well groomed and clean, where his fellows where dirty and roughly forged me like their weapons and armor, his name Wulfgar Proffit.

Now Wulfgar Proffit had been watching Indicum during their battles against bandits and goblins alike. This young man had gained the attention of this veteran mercenary, Indicum obviously had something special about him. Proffit soon approached Indicum's parents asking for their son as an apprentice. Though dubious Indicum's parents soon saw that this apprenticeship was the best option they had. This is when Indicum began training, and proved to have a keen tactical mind planning and beating older and stronger sparring partners.

Avitcus breathed deeply as he heard the name Wulfgar Proffit, no to Avitus he was Uncle Proffit. Who had mysteriously died during the civil war. Avitus knew that there was a falling out when Wulfagr chose the Stormcloaks. Severus stopped his story and looked at his son holding up a hand and saying "Do not ask. It will be covered in a different story." "Father. How did he die?" Avitus' stern eyes communicated that an answer was requiered. "CRYING LIKE A BABE!" Severus exploded in anger. "A COWARD AND A TRAITOR! MY SWORD THROUGH HIS GUT! GRASPING AT MY UNIFORM AS HE BLED TO DEATH!" Everything grew still even the fire seemed to die slightly as Severus colapsed into his seat into a coughing fit. Minerva had set the table, but was petrified by the sudden shift. Maria and Ezio clutching each other tight for they had never seen their grandpa anger before, even Tarkus looked scared. The violent coughing subsided a few moments later, and Severus stood and spoke in a forced calm tone "Let us eat and then continue the story." Everyone else nodded dumbly as they moved for their dinner.
 

Seanu Reaves

The Shogun of Gaming
Chapter 3
It was possibly the most uncomfortable dinner that had ever graced Tamriel. Even the infamous party at Leyawiin, when every guest lost their clothes had some guards chuckling. It had grown quite dark, though the full moon peeping over the horizen tried to keep the house bright like daytime. Avitus was the one to break the silence. "Father. I am sorry." Not as much as I was, Severus thought his eyes distant. "It is fine. You always where so fond of him. I should have known the truth was needed." Severus didn't even offer an apology, in truth the only place and person he apologized to for his actions was his wife's grave to her and Selena. "Well off to bed now. Maybe tommorrow we can continue if your good."

Everyone was soon bustling about thier business, while Severus sat staring into the fireplace mind far away. That is until the kids asked to be tucked into bed, and even then he gave half-hearted kisses. Severus waited until he thought he was the only one left awake in his home. He climbed the hill and watched the full moons reach thier glorious zenith, the chorus of wolves hidden in the dense forest. An old man waiting to die, Severus thought, Just like that old orc I met during my travels all those years ago.

Avitus lay next to Minerva eyes watching the ceiling, when he heard the front door to his father's house open. Avitus crept towards the door as he watched his father walk towards the hill where he had buried mom. Avitus tried to creep up as silently as possilbe when his father said without turning "Son, you should be alseep. Rest is a luxury, and the night is no place for men." "Father why do you hate Proffit so much. He basically raised you." Severus sighed obviously saddened by the memory. "He killed Selena." "But you said a werewolf did that. That you could barely fight it off." "Yes. Yes I did. It was many years after our great struggle. When the wolf's blood found my wounds and entered my mouth. That I learned the truth. He said Selena made we weak. That was when I struck that man down." "Father I dont know..." "Then don't say anything."

Avitus left his father to his thoughts. Severus thought of the Past and Proffit, his curse to never truly rest, and death. All I see when I sleep is Selena, watch as the wolf chases and mauls her. Then I am the one mauling her young form. I see myself chasing her my blood up, somehow reveling in her terror. I watch in horror as I tear her in half and eat her flesh. The worst part is I won't be able to see her when I go, to beg for forgiveness for not being strong enough. No, I am bound to Lord Hircine and I am such then bound to the Eternal Hunt. There I will kill Proffit again and again, the Eternal Hunt becoming the Eternal Cycle of Revenge. Severus felt his bloodlust rise as he thought of his eternal gift. But soon he fought it down. My family is everything and he took away the first walls, but Avitus is the present. Selena and Proffit are the past. No matter how hard he tried he found himself playing with Selena's ring. She was so young when she had made it, barely eight. He remembered the day before she was killed, running through the fields raven hair flying behind her. Severus walked down to his house. Mind still remembering his first child, Selena. Severus tried to sleep, but he just saw his past failures.
 

Seanu Reaves

The Shogun of Gaming
Chapter 4
Severus awoke, but he didn't feel very well rested at all. Since his "Blessing fo the Wolf" He slept less and less. He thought of Hircine: His partner, His god, and his eternal oppressor. And so he was awake and active before the moon even set and the sun rose. He began his chores, his old body still quite strong, and he was chopping wood as the sun peered over the green horrizen. Seeing him away and at work, the children soon began thier own chores of Severus' house. They worked like dwarven machines for most of the morning. As they stopped for lunch Ezio spoke up "Grandpa, could you please continue the story?" "Sure. Why not?" And so they gathered arround as Serverus continued where he left off.

The mercenaries thaught Indicum much, and it was more than how to fight. They taught him how to catch fish with only his hands, build a smokeless campfire, and how to properly treat a wound without magic. He was a better soldier at fourteen than most fully grown legionares. With his increased skills, Indicum and the group made it to Anvil with little to no trouble. The group dispersed, the wood elf simply dissappearing into the forest, the other mercenaries got on boats and spread to the winds. Except for Proffit, now he didn't wnat to lose his promissing student so one day he approached Indicum's family.
"My wonderful ex-companions! I have a glorious proposal." You see Proffit had the personality of an entertainer. "I believe we should continue together of course to Skyrim."
Indicum's mother raised her eybrows "Maybe for you sellsword types, but Civil war will hold no glory for us commoners."
"Ah my dear the reports are exaggerated."
"M'lord I just don't think..."
She was cut off as Wulfgar held his hand up "Well I will be taking my apprentice. So your invitation is just a formality."
Indicum's mother held a hand up to her mouth, obviously trying to hold in tears.
And so our clever bandit would be coming to Skyrim.

"Who is there?" Severus said suddenly, and seconds before the first timmid knocks came from the door. The young ones stared in amazement at thier grandfather and his display of old skills. The courier was as odd fellow saying not a word, he handed Avitus a letter and departed.
"I have to be leaving," Avitus announced as he read the letter. The children started to fuss, but where soon silenced. "Goodbye father. Wonderfully seeing you, but I have other family business to attend to." Severus watched his son, a small smirk on his face. Dark brotherhood bussiness, Severus mused. Guess he isn't as soft as I thought.

"Don't worry children. The story will continue."
 

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