Because Skyrim is such a vast, bemusing game, we have been able to develop some pretty strange habits while playing it. From my own experiences, these are some of the humorous products of the freedom it offers.
1. ATTEMPTING TO CLIMB VERTICAL SLOPES
Every once in a while, you'll be journeying to a wondrous, newly marked destination, invigorated by the fresh mountain air (or as invigorated as you can be while playing a video game that is simulating fresh mountain air). You're trudging along in the snow, filled with the glorious optimism of adventure; but then, as if it has intent to completely spoil your jolly travels, a five-hundred-foot high slab of solid rock erupts from the earth in front of you - at an eighty-five degree angle. Okay... Where there's a will, there's a way, right? In Skyrim, the answer is yes - so, what do you do? You run straight into your (literally) granitic foe as fast as your parkour-champion legs can carry you, jumping relentlessly. Perhaps twenty real-time minutes later - if you're lucky - you will have proven victorious over this foul spawn of nature! Atop the cliff you stand, with a smug look etched on your face, knowing with a lack of modesty that not even physics can restrain you! BWAHAHAHA!
Image from Skyrim Nexus
2. HOARDING EVERYTHING WE CAN POSSIBLE GET OUR GRUBBY PAWS ON
I think we've all done this at some point in our Skyrim life. You've hacked, slashed, burned, sneaked, electrocuted and decapitated your way through hordes of baddies, and - lo and behold, what's this? A chest? WE MUST TAKE EVERYTHING IN IT! From the multitudes of unneeded Iron Swords, to the fat piles of Leather Bracers; everything must be taken and sold, regardless of it's worth. Leave nothing for the other petty, unworthy explorers that are sure to follow. This seems to be our mindset when scavenging Nordic ruins or delving into the depths of a cave.
A particular instance of this habit - and perhaps the rudest - is when we defile the graves of a complete stranger's ancestors. Imagine taking your monthly stroll to ol' great Uncle Hadvor's tomb. Oh - but, what has happened!? Great Uncle Hadvor now lies strewn across the surrounding catacombs in multiple pieces, his ancient corpse mutilated by some terrible grave-robber's blade. What foul, beast could have done such a thing? Not only has the immoral barbarian forever ravaged the peaceful silence of your great uncle, but he has stolen everything from tribute septims, garnets, and amulets to even the eulogistic poems that you have given to dear Hadvor as offerings of reverence over the years... You dare not dwell on the unspeakably evil crimes of this grave-defiling demon, lest you fall into a dreary depression...
Think about it this way, next time you're tempted to search that burial urn.
Image from Giant Bomb
3. BECOMING THE ALMIGHTY, OMNIPOTENT DEITY OF ALL THINGS IMPORTANT
This one only applies to some people, some of the time; nevertheless, it is still a popular practice (and more of a bad one than an embarrassing one). The guards should eventually begin addressing you: "Hail, Listener of the Dark Brotherhood, Harbinger of the Companions, Arch-Mage of the College of Winterhold, Guild Master and Nightingale of the Thieves Guild, Thane of Whiterun, Eastmarch, Falkreath, Haafingar, Hjaalmarch, The Pale, The Reach, The Rift, and Winterhold, concluder of the civil war, and Dovahkiin," then gasp for oxygen that their lungs have given up for twelve seconds in order to address you properly. Of course, Bethesda didn't see it as rational for guards to address you as such, nor did they see it rational for their fans to attempt to experience the entire game with a single, solitary play-through. So, sit back, relax; this game is an RPG, not an action game, meaning that you should try to savor every moment of slipping around in the shadows, stalking the clueless target of an imminent Dark Brotherhood assassination (if you're sadistically twisted like me), or every opportunity you get to rush into another blood-boiling battle in the name of The Companions. This game is too big for one character.
Image from Skyrim Nexus
4. ABUSING SHOUTS FOR MEANINGLESS, SOMEWHAT DESTRUCTIVE PURPOSES
"Oh, what a lovely dinner you've prepared for us this fine evening, Jarl Balgruff!"
"Oh, I appreciate the food equally as much, but you must give your thanks to my cook - a most excellent one from Hammer-"
...Am I the only one who gets a little laugh out of attacking the Jarl's dining hall with Unrelenting Force? Perchance, but I suspect many others share a similar form of this unusual propensity. What would the Graybeards say if they saw you, the Dovahkiin, abusing your power over the Dragon Tongue to form potentially dangerous streams of flying plates, beautiful venison roasts, flagons, and cheese wedges? (Are you raging, Rale?) Oh, the joy of irresponsibility.
Image from Badass Digest
5. STRIPPING THE CLOTHES FROM YOUR FALLEN ENEMIES WHILE IN MID-COMBAT
You're crouching behind a rock not quite large enough to hide your body completely from the endless volley of arrows whose poisonous tips whistle past your ears, eager to imbed themselves in your skull. By some miracle, you've survived, and your bandit foes take a moment to position for another wave. You seize the opportunity, desperately scrambling toward a nearby patch of young trees whose branches spread outward, forming a natural barrier. Exhausted and drained by the adrenaline rush you are so familiar to, you stop a moment to catch your breath. You don't get the chance: a bandit dashes toward your cover, raising an axe above her head. You react automatically - a skill possessed by seasoned fighters such as yourself: your enemy receives a dagger to the stomach before crumpling lifelessly to the earth. At this moment, something strange happens. You begin to catch your breath, and everything seems to come to a standstill...
Back in real life, your mind grows bored in this sliver of a moment, and this very boredom forms a mysteriously compelling urge to keep yourself entertained. An idea hatches in your mind. You approach the bandit's dead body, and proceed to strip them of every article of clothing they own - as if being dead isn't insulting enough. You sit there, game paused, slightly intrigued, yet you cannot pinpoint the exact reason why... Perchance it is the shocking yellow undergarments that she chose to wear in battle. No, it's something more... something deeper... Bah, I should stop this before... well, never mind. I've made my point.
Image from Blogger
I hope you found this list somewhat interesting - it's more for enjoyment than for game tips, news, and the like. Let me know if you've developed similar quirks while playing.
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