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imaginepageant

Slytherin Alumni
Oh, don't get me wrong on this; I don't like Maven. I just find her one of the more intriguing characters, who just so happens to be a Jarl under certain circumstances.

On my first playthrough, I stayed neutral in the war, so I did the peace treaty. I gave Riften to the Imperials, thinking it was a fair trade for Markarth. But then I learned that Maven would be made Jarl. I reloaded the game and redid the entire peace treaty just so I could keep Maven off the throne. That is how much I hate her.
 

bulbaquil

...is not Sjadbek, he just runs him.
Riften is, technically, the fair trade for Markarth, a major hold for a major hold. But the main quest never forces you to visit Markarth, whereas you do have to visit Riften. And in visiting Riften, unless you do like I did the first playthrough and managed to bypass the entrance via jail, you will encounter Maul talking about the Black-Briars since that's a forced conversation, and you will probably will encounter Maven in the Bee and Barb (if you go there, which you probably will).

Even outside of Riften, you're still subtly reminded of the existence of the Black-Briars simply by the prevalence of Black-Briar Mead. The Stormcloak counterpart to the Imperial Black-Briars is of course the Markarth-based Silver-Bloods, but you hear virtually nothing about them outside Markarth, and again, you never have to go to Markarth in the main questline.

One of the more clever things about the game, I think, is that it forces you to have either a Silver-Blood or a Black-Briar (or both!) in political power at the time of Alduin's final defeat. Play neutral or partway through the Imperial quests, and Thongvor (and possibly Maven) will be on the thrones of Markarth (Riften) because of the peace treaty. Play Stormcloak to completion, and Thongvor will be. Play Imperial to completion, Maven will be. Play Stormcloak partway, and Maven will be because the Imperials will demand Riften in the peace treaty.

But, again, it's very possible if you're just playing straight through the main quest that the only time you ever hear the words "Silver-Blood" will be as Arngeir is announcing his accession as the new Jarl of Markarth.
 

imaginepageant

Slytherin Alumni
And in visiting Riften, unless you do like I did the first playthrough and managed to bypass the entrance via jail ...

Funnily enough, that is exactly how I got into Riften for the first time. :D

One of the more clever things about the game, I think, is that it forces you to have either a Silver-Blood or a Black-Briar (or both!) in political power at the time of Alduin's final defeat.

Nope. If you take Whiterun for the Stormcloaks, the peace treaty will not be required, as Vignar will immediately agree to trapping Odahviing in Dragonsreach, and you can continue the main quest from there without taking any more holds, leaving Laila Law-Giver as Jarl of Riften and Igmund as Jarl of Markarth. (No idea if the same can be said for siding with the Imperials, since... I never have.)

I've never thought of the Black-Briars and Silver-Bloods as on par with each other, though; that's a really interesting idea! Now there are wheels turning in my head about a clan feud, similar to but on a larger scale than the Grey-Manes and Battle-Borns.
 

bulbaquil

...is not Sjadbek, he just runs him.
That does make a lot of sense. In my own fanfic I state the Black-Briars controlled, by themselves, 5% of Skyrim's GDP, and it makes sense that the Silver-Bloods would also control a similar fraction to the Black-Briars. No feud between the two is ever mentioned in the game, but they probably figure that an adventurer isn't exactly too eager to deal with the vagaries of high business.
 

Jersey Dagmar

Just in time for the fiyahworks show! BOOM!
This is following the overall main plot and story of the actual game. Some parts are word for word. I understand this is a fanfiction, however even in a fanfiction some imagination can be used. When I read this (I'll be honest, more like skimmed, because it's just so close to the actual game) I seriously felt like I was making another character in the game.

Yes, you are changing things here and there, but the questline stories have already been told. You say you want to eventually get your character to battle Alduin. Well, don't your readers already know the outcome of that? That Alduin will lose? That's hardly a surprise ending. And your character is siding with the Stormcloaks, so, the readers basically know the outcome of that as well.

As you said, you are changing things here and there. That's fine, but couldn't you have created completely original and unique? Instead of focusing on two questlines in game that the readers are all too familiar with?

Now, I apologize for being harsh, but I just feel this could be better than what it is. I'm not a genius of writing either, and I make mistakes too. But, critique is always needed.
 

imaginepageant

Slytherin Alumni
This is following the overall main plot and story of the actual game.

Yes, that is the point. I appreciate that some fanfics are set in the world of Skyrim but follow an entirely new plot, but that is not what I'm aiming to do with this particular story. I want to narrate the main plot from the perspective of a character with a rather detailed (and, I suppose judging on the audience, original) backstory, which will gradually be revealed.

Some parts are word for word.

As I mentioned in an earlier comment, I have used exact dialogue from the game for a purpose. I don't care to completely throw away dialogue from a scripted scene that is canon within the game. Especially the opening scene, since it is precisely the same for everyone. I have read other fanfics that change the opening scene, either slightly or drastically, and I was bothered by it, as I felt that it was twisting the canon that we've been given too far. I made the choice not to do so here. I realize that some people won't like that, but I'm writing this first and foremost for my own enjoyment, not to cater to what a portion of the community is looking for in a fanfic.

As you said, you are changing things here and there. That's fine, but couldn't you have created completely original and unique? Instead of focusing on two questlines in game that the readers are all too familiar with?

The originality will be, as I mentioned above, in the main character's backstory, and in her interactions with other characters throughout the story. Aditionally, as bulbaquil guessed earlier, Hadvar will feature much more prominently here than he did in the game (if the Dragonborn joined the Stormcloaks). These are two examples of how I will be telling my own story within the frame of the story that already exists.

Will the game's main storyline be followed? Yes. Will the civil war storyline be followed? Yes. Will those two arcs be the only ones in this fanfic? No. The game allows us to create a character, and that's what the main focus of this story will be: my character.

Now, I apologize for being harsh, but I just feel this could be better than what it is. I'm not a genius of writing either, and I make mistakes too. But, critique is always needed.

I appreciate the time you took to share your input. However, it seems that we value different things when it comes to storytelling.
 

bulbaquil

...is not Sjadbek, he just runs him.
Please do continue this.

From my (admittedly somewhat biased) perspective, there are several indicators that suggest a "canon" Stormcloak victory (from the previous secessions in the last 200 years to the simple fact that you meet Ralof before Hadvar and Ralof's door in the keep is arguably closer to your position than Hadvar's, even though Hadvar's path is faster).

As for the Black-Briar/Silver-Blood feud idea, a problem I thought might come up with it is the fact that they more or less work in completely different industries. Silver mining has little if anything to do with mead production, at least to my knowledge.
 

imaginepageant

Slytherin Alumni
Please do continue this.

Oh, I will! :D

From my (admittedly somewhat biased) perspective, there are several indicators that suggest a "canon" Stormcloak victory (from the previous secessions in the last 200 years to the simple fact that you meet Ralof before Hadvar and Ralof's door in the keep is arguably closer to your position than Hadvar's, even though Hadvar's path is faster).

Agreed. A Stormcloak victory means a more conflicted Tamriel, and conflict drives plot and creates interest, so from a writer's perspective, that would be the best choice. Besides, the conflict created in Oblivion with the end of the Septim dynasty directly led to the civil war in Skyrim, so it makes sense that they would continue the rollover and use the conflict created in the event of a Stormcloak victory to set up the next Elder Scrolls installment (...if we get one after the MMO).
 

Uther Pundragon

The Harbinger of Awesome
Staff member
I do like this. It is a bit of a retelling of the game. In written format. As if Skyrim got transported to written form. Well I do like what you are doing, and understand, I wouldn't mind a little side adventures tossed in. A little off script romping. It wouldn't have to be much, but just a few twists and turns to surprise the readers. Overall, looking forward to more.


 

imaginepageant

Slytherin Alumni
The last scene of chapter one is finally up! I got somewhat sidetracked the past couple of weeks, but cracked down on myself yesterday and today to finish it and get it up.

I also want to say thank you, again, to all who are reading this, and for your patience. While the story is closely following the main quest at the moment, I promise you there will be off-script romping, as Pundragon so succintly put it, once Annika gets to Windhelm.
 

imaginepageant

Slytherin Alumni
I like how you wrote the interactions between Annika and Farengar.

Thank you. :) It was really just me getting out my frustrations about him; he's one of my least favorite characters in the game. Being able to metaphorically rub my muddy boots on his carpet is quite satisfying!
 

bulbaquil

...is not Sjadbek, he just runs him.
I like how Odahviing calls him out later in the game as well. "BEGONE, MAGE. DO NOT TEST MY PROMISE TO THE DOVAHKIIN."
 

imaginepageant

Slytherin Alumni
I like how Odahviing calls him out later in the game as well. "BEGONE, MAGE. DO NOT TEST MY PROMISE TO THE DOVAHKIIN."

I was so angry the first time I trapped Odahviing and Farengar ran up to poke and prod him. Ever since then I've made sure to release Odahviing immediately, so Farengar doesn't get that chance.

I happily discovered today that he can be killed during the Whispering Door quest. Dragonsreach is now without a mage. Oh well! :D
 

bulbaquil

...is not Sjadbek, he just runs him.
I was so angry the first time I trapped Odahviing and Farengar ran up to poke and prod him. Ever since then I've made sure to release Odahviing immediately, so Farengar doesn't get that chance.

I happily discovered today that he can be killed during the Whispering Door quest. Dragonsreach is now without a mage. Oh well! :D

Yeah. I'm not sure how much tangling I want Sjadbek to do with Mephala IC, but given the situation he has with Balgruuf it probably wouldn't be surprising if he ended up doing the quest without realizing that he'd done it before he got in over his head. (Certainly, he'd never use the Ebony Blade, likely would throw it into a river IC (OOC put it into a display case in somewhere like Honeyside he wouldn't use as his actual abode IC), and likely would spend the next several weeks begging Stendarr et al. for forgiveness and cleansing...)

I don't personally mind Farengar that much, but that's probably in part because on my first playthrough I cleared Bleak Falls at Lucan's behest before even going to Whiterun, having thought it a sidequest, and when I did I was more dumbfounded at the "Wait... I was supposed to do that?" element than I was Farengar's attitude.
 

Neriad13

Premium Member
I was so angry the first time I trapped Odahviing and Farengar ran up to poke and prod him. Ever since then I've made sure to release Odahviing immediately, so Farengar doesn't get that chance.

I happily discovered today that he can be killed during the Whispering Door quest. Dragonsreach is now without a mage. Oh well! :D

But isn't it even funnier to see him running in terror?
 

Templar of Talos

Bane of Elves and Vampires
I just finished reading this. Awesome piece of work, well written and much love put into your character (Annika). Some interesting twists (Ralof accompanying Annika to Dragonsreach) and some interesting (and mutual thinking let me assure you) on Farengar's patronising attitude.

Awesome writing, I salute you :)
 

imaginepageant

Slytherin Alumni
I just finished reading this. Awesome piece of work, well written and much love put into your character (Annika). Some interesting twists (Ralof accompanying Annika to Dragonsreach) and some interesting (and mutual thinking let me assure you) on Farengar's patronising attitude.

Awesome writing, I salute you :)

Thank you so much! It is very appreciated!
 

imaginepageant

Slytherin Alumni
I have a question for anyone following this story. Would you rather I post scenes as I finish them, or wait to post the chapter in its entirety?
 

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