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    The Honorable Gidian Diva of Sass

    Sahrot Vahlok Spaan. Bahnahgaar. Minion #88!
    Staff member
    Hi there @The Honorable Gidian the Diva , I was wondering if there was still an open spot in this rp. And if there is, may I apply?
    There could possibly be quite a few open slots, as quite a few cast members kinda stopped responding to my messages. You may apply, and we'll see if we can make room for you ;)
     

    The Honorable Gidian Diva of Sass

    Sahrot Vahlok Spaan. Bahnahgaar. Minion #88!
    Staff member
    @Kivuli_The_Khajit I'm truly sorry for making you wait so long. I've had a lot of distractions lately and I lost communication with the other cast members. However, while we were able to discuss, we decided that, like your last CC, your character is not fit for this setting or atmosphere. The hybrid species stuff is too far removed from the grounded and gritty portrayal we're trying to form. Not only that, but she has too many titles.

    I wish I could give you more to go on, more of an in depth analysis of sorts, but I really need to focus on writing the next post whenever I get the opportunity to sit down and write something substantial
     

    Hlíf 'Ulfr

    Nothing but a lyre
    Staff member
    I've been tasked with writing an analysis, though I can't give you a timeline as to when exactly it will be done it should give you a better over view as to how the card would need to be edited to fit into such a rp.

    Sent from my LG-H831 using Tapatalk
     

    Jarrede

    Silvani Fire-Brand
    General Information

    Name: Silvani Fire-Brand

    Age: About 25-30 (He doesn't bother to keep track of his age)

    Race: Nord(80%),Altmer(20%)

    Birth Date: 27th of Hearthfire

    Birth Place: Somewhere in the Reach

    Birthsign: The Warrior

    Class: Barbarian/Tank

    Gender: Male

    Height: 6'4"

    Weight: 225 lbs.

    Build: Muscular, Tall

    Laterality: Ambidextrous

    Sexuality: Heterosexual

    Marital Status: Divorced

    Properties: A small shack outside of Riften

    Affiliations: The Companions, College of Winterhold

    Afflictions: None

    Religion: None

    Patron Deity: Meridia, he only prays to her because of his hatred for the undead

    Habits: Mainly sharpening his sword or polishing his armor

    Hobbies: He practices his smithing everyday, and studies Restoration magic heavily

    Positive traits: Persistent, Headstrong, Intuitive

    Negative Traits: Smartass, sometimes overconfident

    Likes/Loves: His child, his ex-wife, and smithing

    Dislikes/Hates: Most importanly the undead, Necromancers

    Fears: Becoming an undead himself

    Aspirations: To cleanse as much of Tamriel' s undead as possible


    Appearance

    Hair Length: Suprisingly short for a Nord

    Hair Color: Crimson red

    Facial Hair: Usually has a rough beard

    Facial Hair Color: Same as his hair

    Eye Color: Light blue mingled with golden specks

    Skin Color: Fair skinned

    Scars: Only one above his eye from a confrontation with a sabre cat

    Casual Attire: Usually just wears a light jacket with a padded vest over it and simple pants along with custom made boots

    Armor: Slightly modified steel plate armor reinforced with ebony. Due to the ebony, it takes on a dark shade of grey, with golden highlights. It is very durable and is self-enchanted
    32070-1-1362772725.jpg.


    Skills

    He is a threat to anyone who is facing him, as he will fight with every ounce of will in his body. One handed weapons are his specialty, but won't falter with a two handed weapon. He also has vast knowledge in Restoration magic. The only other skill he bothered to put his time into is enchanting.

    Gear: A katana resembling a smaller version of the Ebony Blade. This is is the only weapon he carries as he needs nothing else.

    History (Will be updated at a later time)

    Speech Color
     
    Last edited:

    The Honorable Gidian Diva of Sass

    Sahrot Vahlok Spaan. Bahnahgaar. Minion #88!
    Staff member
    General Information

    Name: Silvani Fire-Brand

    Age: About 25-30 (He doesn't bother to keep track of his age)

    Race: Nord(80%),Altmer(20%)

    Birth Date: 27th of Hearthfire

    Birth Place: Somewhere in the Reach

    Birthsign: The Warrior

    Class: Barbarian/Tank

    Gender: Male

    Height: 6'4"

    Weight: 225 lbs.

    Build: Muscular, Tall

    Laterality: Ambidextrous

    Sexuality: Heterosexual

    Marital Status: Divorced

    Properties: A small shack outside of Riften

    Affiliations: The Companions, College of Winterhold

    Afflictions: None

    Religion: None

    Patron Deity: Meridia, he only prays to her because of his hatred for the undead

    Habits: Mainly sharpening his sword or polishing his armor

    Hobbies: He practices his smithing everyday, and studies Restoration magic heavily

    Positive traits: Persistent, Headstrong, Intuitive

    Negative Traits: Smartass, sometimes overconfident

    Likes/Loves: His child, his ex-wife, and smithing

    Dislikes/Hates: Most importanly the undead, Necromancers

    Fears: Becoming an undead himself

    Aspirations: To cleanse as much of Tamriel' s undead as possible


    Appearance

    Hair Length: Suprisingly short for a Nord

    Hair Color: Crimson red

    Facial Hair: Usually has a rough beard

    Facial Hair Color: Same as his hair

    Eye Color: Light blue mingled with golden specks

    Skin Color: Fair skinned

    Scars: Only one above his eye from a confrontation with a sabre cat

    Casual Attire: Usually just wears a light jacket with a padded vest over it and simple pants along with custom made boots

    Armor: Slightly modified steel plate armor reinforced with ebony. Due to the ebony, it takes on a dark shade of grey, with golden highlights. It is very durable and is self-enchanted
    View attachment 51181.


    Skills

    He is a threat to anyone who is facing him, as he will fight with every ounce of will in his body. One handed weapons are his specialty, but won't falter with a two handed weapon. He also has vast knowledge in Restoration magic. The only other skill he bothered to put his time into is enchanting.

    Gear: A katana resembling a smaller version of the Ebony Blade. This is is the only weapon he carries as he needs nothing else.

    History (Will be updated at a later time)
    Before we go any further, I would like to request a writing sample to show us what you're made of. It can be however brief or however long you want it to be and there is no requirement for content or setting, though it is an opportunity to give me a better idea of your character's character than a CC if you know what I mean.
     

    Jarrede

    Silvani Fire-Brand
    The sun started to rise, slightly peering through the curtains. "Hmph, morning already?"Silvani muttered as he awoke from his slumber. "Just another day towards Sovengarde. I will see you again someday my dear child." He mourned at his daughters death and payed her grave a visit. "Oh, how I miss you Svella, I will see to it that that vampire is slain and set ablaze in your honor."
    Svella, Silvani's only child, had been ambushed by vampires, thinking her to be "easy prey". Silvani had found her too late after she had been attacked, he had found her body limp, lifeless, and drained of color. Since that day, he had vowed to destroy any undead that would dare come across his path.
    After paying his respects, he left his shack and headed to Riften. Once there, he visited the Bee and Barb, ordering a brew of Black-Briar mead. "One Black-Briar please," Silvani asked Talen-Jei,"you know what, make that two."
    "Come to drown your sorrows again, huh?" Talen-Jen remarked,"Here, have a reserve instead, on the house."
    "Thanks Talen, you always were my favorite here" said Silvani, "I swear, I will find that undead sum and he'll regret ever setting his eyesight on my daughter."
    Talen-Jen chuckled, "Don't worry friend that vamp will come up eventually."
    "One can only hope," Silvani gazed down, "I'll see her again one day."
    Silvani took this time to head over to the smithy and smelt a few weapons to sell. After he had finished, he sauntered back home.

    Hope you like this @The Honorable Gidian the Diva
     

    The Honorable Gidian Diva of Sass

    Sahrot Vahlok Spaan. Bahnahgaar. Minion #88!
    Staff member
    The sun started to rise, slightly peering through the curtains. "Hmph, morning already?"Silvani muttered as he awoke from his slumber. "Just another day towards Sovengarde. I will see you again someday my dear child." He mourned at his daughters death and payed her grave a visit. "Oh, how I miss you Svella, I will see to it that that vampire is slain and set ablaze in your honor."
    Svella, Silvani's only child, had been ambushed by vampires, thinking her to be "easy prey". Silvani had found her too late after she had been attacked, he had found her body limp, lifeless, and drained of color. Since that day, he had vowed to destroy any undead that would dare come across his path.
    After paying his respects, he left his shack and headed to Riften. Once there, he visited the Bee and Barb, ordering a brew of Black-Briar mead. "One Black-Briar please," Silvani asked Talen-Jei,"you know what, make that two."
    "Come to drown your sorrows again, huh?" Talen-Jen remarked,"Here, have a reserve instead, on the house."
    "Thanks Talen, you always were my favorite here" said Silvani, "I swear, I will find that undead sum and he'll regret ever setting his eyesight on my daughter."
    Talen-Jen chuckled, "Don't worry friend that vamp will come up eventually."
    "One can only hope," Silvani gazed down, "I'll see her again one day."
    Silvani took this time to head over to the smithy and smelt a few weapons to sell. After he had finished, he sauntered back home.

    Hope you like this @The Honorable Gidian the Diva
    Hmmm. A bit of advice: don't be so heavy handed with dropping story elements like that. I felt like you were jabbing me in the eyes in the beginning when you were getting it across that his daughter had been killed by vampires. It also felt a little odd reading some events twice, like saying he got there too late and then describing that she was dead, or saying he was ordering mead and him then ordering mead. I think I'm guilty of doing that too though.
     

    Jarrede

    Silvani Fire-Brand
    Haha, sorry if I sounded repetitive. I thought it had been good. And as for the daughter part, I was giving that part as a little more explanation of his backstory. Just give me whatever criticism you need to and I'll correct it. I'm still faithfully new to RPs. I've only done 3 so far. But they weren't on this website.
     

    The Honorable Gidian Diva of Sass

    Sahrot Vahlok Spaan. Bahnahgaar. Minion #88!
    Staff member
    Haha, sorry if I sounded repetitive. I thought it had been good. And as for the daughter part, I was giving that part as a little more explanation of his backstory. Just give me whatever criticism you need to and I'll correct it. I'm still faithfully new to RPs. I've only done 3 so far. But they weren't on this website.
    The vote was no. We feel that you need to develop more as a writer, and while we would love to give you that opportunity here, this RP isn't exactly a good starting point. I welcome you to follow along so that you can improve and apply again when you believe you're ready. Good luck.
     

    Hlíf 'Ulfr

    Nothing but a lyre
    Staff member
    Prelude: To begin, please do not be intimidated by the length of this review. When asked to do this I was determined to do an in depth deconstruction of the card as I believe that is the best way to make improvements and reframe the way in which to approach character cards. Keep in mind that this review is geared towards application to a lore conscious story with experienced writers. It is not meant to address characteristics or personality but rather focuses on facts and accuracy. Also, as I have been extremely busy for what seems to be months I had to steal time wherever possible to add a sentence or two, it may be a little scattered and inconsistent because of that. Bear with me.


    When considering how to undertake this analysis I came across a dilemma on how to best present it so that it would be both cohesive and easy to follow. In an attempt to control any digressions I will be addressing each section as they appear in order within the character card making links where necessary and relevant. We will begin reviewing the “general information” section, moving on to the “appearance” section so on and so forth. With that, let us begin the analysis.


    I will not be addressing name or age in this analysis, however, I do have a minor comment to make on the subject of height and weight. Though only minor I would suggest increasing the weight some, 140 is the lowest “healthy” weight for someone of 6’0 with a very slight build according to several sources with the majority labeling such a combination under “malnourished.” If “Kivuli” has even the slightest muscle she would have an increased weight. Again this is minor and I find weight can be deceptive however I would like to bring any potential issues forward for the sake of improvement and transparency. A similar attitude will apply to the whole of this piece, please keep that in mind.


    The next, and I’ll admit, largest of the issues is the “race” subsection. Of course, I am referring to her khajiit and argonian hybrid background. This issue bleeds into many of the other sections however I will first isolate the simple logistics of this particular type of hybrid. Lore aside, physiologically the conception of a "cat" humanoid (mammal) and a "lizard" humanoid (reptile) is physiologically impossible. One core issue would arise in the vastly contrasting methods of development and birth. In short, egg vs live birth which requires very different adaptations from the unborn offspring as well as the internal systems of the parent. Another core issue linked with the above is that they are not classified in similar enough taxonomic "ranking" which would allow them to produce young. Even animals sharing "families" do not always produce young, others do but with sterile young (1st or 2nd generation sterile ie mules.) this means that even if offspring from this coupling could come to term, which again is not viable, they would likely be sterile and unable to produce a 2nd generation hybrid such as your character.


    Moving on to the “appearance” section I believe this is the appropriate time to consult the lore and its dictations of hybrid appearance and adaptations. It is widely accepted and known in Elder Scrolls lore that when a cross of race occurs the offspring will resemble the mother’s (carrier's) race visually though some non-physical traits may be inherited from the father. An example of such is the “Grey Prince,” who appears as an orc, as his mother with no physical resemblance to his imperial father. It is important to note, however, that his vampirism does have some impact on his appearance, though in no way which relates to your character. Therefore if this type of hybrid was indeed viable your character would appear either as an argonian or as a khajiit in all aspects depending on the genealogy. A mixture of fur, scale, feather, and horns would not be in line with the lore of this universe. Considering this “Kivuli’s” appearance will have to be addressed revamped to suit a lore abiding roleplay such as this.


    In passing, I would like to pose a question relating to the tattoo subsection. I will not be addressing any one subsection above this as I feel the previous address has appropriately confronted the issues that lay within. Having said that, my question or rather my questions are as follows; would any tattoo show through or be visible through the fur of a khajiit? Likewise, if scales could hold the ink, which I am not qualified to determine, would the colouring remain or disappear as the reptilian sheds? Please ponder this and determine how to proceed with any necessary changes.


    Before we can move on one more point must be brought forth, though only mentioned briefly in the “Armor” subsection, it is again one of the largest issues existing within this card. I am of course referring to the information which I would classify under “affiliations.” For ease of organization, I will split this into two separate sections the first to discuss the “Listener” aspect and the second on the topic of non-Nords in the Stormcloak army.


    I would like to speak on this first topic broadly before returning to discuss your specific situation as I believe it will prevent any similar missteps in the future, please keep this in mind. There are several difficulties that arise when making a character the leader of any one (or multiple) powerful factions that exist in, and at times out, of the Elder Scrolls universe. To begin making a character such an important figure gives them power over a large number of people, resources, and characters. This both gives them a wildly unfair general advantage and advantage and control over the characters (and “NPC’s”) that may be affiliate with this group. Even if the “leader” does not chose to use these advantages characters will need to react differently to the “leader” because of this. Other character or writers may also be better fit to write this role, but even so how would this be determined and who would have the authority to do so? For this reason it is better for no one to have such power. There is theoretically one or few positions for Listener, Archmage, High King/ Queen, Emperor, Guild Leader, Harbinger, or Dragonborn etc and to give that position to one writer would be unequitable. Unless all characters involved are of similar status this does not work, unless agreed upon. Ignoring all this your characters every action could have a profound impact on Skyrim or other areas within Tamriel which is a huge responsibility. A RP leader and co-authors/ writers can only determine if you are able to take this on, on a case by case basis and with complete consensus. If you were to create your own faction or group whose power was limited enough as to not have a profound impact on Skyrim or other areas of Tamriel and lead or participate within ( ex Florists of Skyrim ™ , Markarth Miners Union, Perturbed Skeevers Mercenary Co) it would be less of an issue though such involvement would also have to be discussed with the individual group.


    Moving on we are now faced with another faction related dilemma. Though both relating to the position of the character within each group the issues vary greatly and are unique to the Stormcloak officer position, once again relating to race. As we are all familiar minimally with a basic knowledge of the Stormcloaks I will operate on the assumption that certain knowledge is widely known and without need for explanation. An example of such, and our starting point, is the root of the factions strong nordic leadership and favouritism. Note; in attempt to keep this post neutral I will use neutral language though there is a strong argument for blatant racism which would be wise to consider as well. It is common knowledge that the groups focus operates on religious freedom and control of the nordic homeland for and by the Nords. Emphasising this are statements such as “Skyrim belongs to the Nords!” and other similar phrases.The act of fighting to put Nords in power coupled with the segregation and open racism within their city of origin makes it highly unlikely that the faction or the general populace would accept a non-nord as an officer. With each race having its own distinct and shared reasons for rejection it would be tedious to explain each in detail and I believe unneeded. Beyond this it is reasonable to assume that it would also be difficult for a non-nord to be accepted within the base ranks, without significant harassment and suspicion. Such an individual would have to be extremely dedicated and compliant, long trips and absences would appear suspicious and would not bode well. Having said this it is still possible for a character without nordic blood to support the stormcloaks and still keep with the lore and tone from outside of the faction itself. Using your character “Kivuli” as an example we can see how an assassin may seek out imperial spies, or make it a mission to kill Imperial officers and other significant figures, hindering them wherever possible. This would allow the freedom needed and allow you to interact in a similar way without needing the approval of the army itself. Likewise this would allow you to use your skills in a way that makes sense, as the officer or general position would also have a large tactical and leadership focus best suited for one who has been part of the base ranks or has a great knowledge of how best to situate them considering how each type of soldier functions. Though not impossible for an assassin to have this knowledge other classes would be better suited while an assassin would do best as a spy or infiltrator. Consider your character's strengths over a desired rank, would they not want to be in the position to use their abilities to the fullest? However, I digress and think it best to leave this as it stands.


    The upcoming section, “Gear,” will be addressed starting with an admonishment rather than directly pointing to one misstep relating to the subsection of “weapons.” Though I do not necessarily have an issue with the enchantments on your weapons do always ensure that they stay within the realm of reason. In other words, ensure that you keep them from being overpowered. Two enchantments on one item would only be possible if done by someone with great skill, which would not come without a high cost. Keep this in mind as it is something you can reflect on or draw emotion from in your writing. One last thing to note before we move forward. Found in the “Other” subsection is a mention of a multitude of potions containing the ingredient “ Jarrin Root.” Though gameplay does not always follow in realism and should be considered alongside logic and the lore there is only one sample accessible within the game. This is an indicator that though not impossible to attain it is rare with a description of its plant of origin mentioning its rarity. The quest for which it is given is also of extreme importance and impact throughout the empire and so the reservation of such a component for this job exclusively hints at the same. Having a large supply of these on hand would, therefore, be improbable if not outlandish and foolish. Wasting such a rare ingredient or risking losing all your samples would be unwise, to say the least. Please consider this as you edit.


    Though I have little to say about the personality or voice portion of the “Personality and Voice” section, as the purpose of this review is not to enrich or diversify personality, there are some details, however, that I would like to bring forward and into question. Beginning in the “Fighting Style” subsection, which in itself I find slightly out of place, is the mention of a “thrall” “Alfiq Khajiit.” I’ll be operating under the assumption that you are referring to a creature raised under the master level conjuration spell “Dead Thrall.” Having little sources to draw on it is difficult to determine the likelihood of this spell working on such a creature, would a Alfiq Khajiit fall under beast folk? What then separates beast from beast folk? Questions I am not qualified to answer, surely. This is another example of something that would have to be addressed on a case by case basis. It is important to note that in becoming a thrall the original personality and comprehension does not return, though you may raise the dead you can not restore them completely so limit the awareness to responding to commands and threats as well as navigation. As a final note on wording, attempt to be consistent in using lore appropriate titles or designations throughout the character card, words such as “Zombie” will immediately conjure not lore friendly images and may detract from the character card.


    Moving to the “Habits” sub-section I would like to also warn against imputing holidays from our world into the Elder Scrolls universe as it operates against the lore. I am of course referring to the mention of “All Hallow’s Eve.” This particular holiday, as many celebrated in western culture, has roots in Christianity which does not exist in Tamriel. I will save you the long winded description of the history of the celebration, however, I will mention that in my research I did not uncover any comparable holidays within Tamriel. If I have missed a source which indicates otherwise, please relay it to me so that I may review it. Note: Exclude “Elder Scrolls Online” as the writing has been outsourced and is not necessarily correct to the pre established lore.


    In regards to the subsection “Properties”, I have only a few quick points to make before moving on. First addressing “Vlindrel Hall,” I would caution you against claiming well-known player homes for much the same reason that was given for information under the “Armor” subsection. There is only one “Vlindrel Hall” to be filled and so you may run into conflict here. This is only minor, however, and just something to consider. On much the same note I would pose this question; would the sanctuary not belong to the brotherhood as a whole rather than one individual despite their position? Perhaps labeling these under residences would fit your intended meaning more accurately.


    The issues under the “Job” subsection have already been addressed, please consult “Armor” subsection commentary.


    When arriving at the “Weakness” we encounter a problem which is very closely tied to the racial aspects of this character. I will attempt to ignore the impossibility of this hybrid coming to term here but do keep it in mind. When crossing animals it can not be done simply by inputting one trait which has physiological requirements into the body of a creature with completely different adaptations. This anatomy would interact differently and need different adaptations internally. It is possible for the character to have a breathing problem but it will need to be formated and sourced differently. As an added comment if the character has “no trouble breathing underwater” the base should be argonian, whose eyes would also have underwater adaptation leaving no need for a lore bending “scuba apparatus.”


    Finally, we come to the “History/ Backstory” section. I will attempt to go in order of issues as they arise however should that fail I will try and keep this as organized as possible. Let us begin with the point of a Khajiit or Argonian holding the position of Jarl as it pertains both to all holds and Markarth in no particular order. Considering the civil war we can see how having a Jarl who is neither Nord nor Imperial would be wildly unlikely. In the homeland of the Nords, it would be disapproved of to have a political figure who rules over a largely nordic population who is not nordic. The exception is the Imperial leaders who are put into power by the Imperial Legion who are accepted because of the power, history, and support of the Legion. All that aside it is unlikely that the citizens of Markarth would allow an outsider to take the seat after all the bloodshed and conflict that has been endured as they combat the forsworn for control over their city. Linking with this is the idea of having beast-folk represent a nordic city for much the same reason.


    On the topic of the Dark Brotherhood, I have a few more points I would like to bring forward. To clarify I would hope that in mentioning that your character was raised to “command the Dark Brotherhood” it was meant as an aspiration rather than an inherited position. There is nothing to suggest within the structure or the lore that the position would be inherited unless I have missed a source or other information. As well I would like to mention that although the Dovahkiin may lead various factions it is unreasonable to think that a member with a high-level position, and therefore a large amount of responsibility would be able to juggle multiple positions or even to be absent from the group's headquarters for extended periods of time and remain effective in their position. Just a thought.


    Though my latest paragraphs may have been lacking in organization and perhaps some points were missed I do hope that this review has been useful. If you have any questions or are in need of clarification feel free to contact me and we can discuss. In closing, I appreciate your patience while waiting for this review.


    PS, forgive my switching between subsection and section as well as the random lack of capitalizing. I’m lazy and can’t be bothered to fix it quite yet. @Kivuli_The_Khajit
     

    Daryl Dixon

    Absentee
    I think you are taking this way too seriously. You are writing like it's a resume to a high paying corporate job or hes going into politics.
     

    Hlíf 'Ulfr

    Nothing but a lyre
    Staff member
    I was asked to do an indepth review so that the writer could see what we were looking for and what might be the obstacles for her card when applying to rps such as this. Obviously just saying we voted and its a no with a little blurb did not clarify properly. This is the polar of that and hopefully between the two there will be something useful. If she is interested in these rps I would like to give her every bit of information I can to help her in that pursuit. If I didnt care I wouldn't have taken all this time to write this out and go over the CC. You can say I'm taking this too seriously but I would personally prefer this was I in this same situation. From this she can pick and choose what info to take, she doesn't have to change nor adhere to all of this. we all hold our cards to different standards and expectations and thats fine and I'm sure that cards that do not meet all of this would still be acceptable. Just thought I was helping [emoji108]

    Sent from my LG-H831 using Tapatalk


    Edit: Its much easier for me to keep things organized and also unbiased that way.
     
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    Daryl Dixon

    Absentee
    It's just the writer has a name and there's more informal ways to go in depth. If you ever do something like that for me, make it informal. Because that would come off condescending to me, like you're my boss.

    Sent from my SM-G955F using Tapatalk
     

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