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Ihab Darawshy

New Member
Introduction:

So this is a story about an immensly powerful vampire i imagined. I don't think story is the most accurate thing to call it however. It doesn't dive into indistinct details like conversations or battle strategies or how some knowledge came to be known. It's more of a history record type fiction, so it's pretty short and i didn't split it into chapters. It's my first time writing fan fiction, or writing pretty much anything worth sharing, so please be gentle. But don't be too shy to share constructive criticism, i'm all for that. Also, i don't expect there to be many grammatical or spelling errors, but i should note that my mother language isn't english.




*************

Part 1:


Long ago, he was but a tale. The legends told of a vampire who'se eyes would shine even redder than the rivers of blood he so eagerly devoured. Who'se breath was colder and reeked death more than even that of the infamous draugr or the undead skeletons, even though he fed solely on the source of life, flesh and blood. This deathly vampire's name was Raithor.

It is said that he possessed a blade more powerful than any other, enchanted with the strongest and most damned magic. This blade could send the life forces of his unfortunate foes to his body as fast as he could take them away, fixing any wounds his enemies could inflict on him.

This combination of master and blade was powerful to no measure or limit. The ancient vampire would turn the numbers advantage of the helpless enemy armies against them, healing his short-lived wounds as he inflicts deadly ones on the enemy troops. He slew many armies of men and mer alike in skyrim all by himself, until the dragons took pity on their poor human worshippers, something they had never done before and haven't since, althought some claim that wasn't the case and that they simply despised the undead and wanted this noisy, noticable one gone.


Whichever the case, dragons were Raithor's weakness. While he could easily heal his wounds drawing blood from mortals, the dragons were immune to the power of the blade, as they were the immortal children of Akatosh. While a pack of dragons rained fire on him, Raithor escaped to the dense white forests of Hyna, the likes of which you could find many in skyrim at the time, where the dragons lost sight of him. He died slowly from his wounds because he was not strong enough to hunt and feed. Or so we thought.


Today, after the death of Alduin, and the following diminishing in the numbers of the dragon who were once again hunted by the blades, this ancient vampire seeks to return, but he is not planning to take skyrim alone, and there are many vampires eager to follow him.


Part 2:


Before Raithor emerged from the shadows, the vampires were already being hunted constantly by the Dawnguard, who nearly drove them to extinction. Upon recieving word of this legendary vampire's return, the vampires sought to eliminate the Dawnguard. But just as the vampires gather to face their ultimate enemy, fear of their unison allowed the Dawnguard to gather many more troops, and grew significantly in numbers, they did however, have a way of dealing with that. Fortunately for the vampires, the Dawnguard were oblivious to the identity of their leader.

With the help of their leader, who had only gotten better in battle through the millenium he had waited patiently, the vampires secured a quick victory over the Dawnguard, in a battle that came to be known as The Vampire's Revolt. However, the leader of the Dawnguard, Isran, among with a few of the Dawnguard's elite members and leaders, did manage to escape.

The vampires started to raid villages and consume their people. Men,women and children alike. And at the end of each raid, Raithor would walk to whatever place he was staying that night, carrying on the edge of his blade the head of the village's leader, his calm and steady steps spooking even his flesh eating followers. He was an extremely private leader, who kept everything to himself, and had no one intrude on him for whatever reason. No one knew whether he kept these heads as trophies or simply found them the tastiest. No one knew which would be more terrible. His followers began to fear him, and the kind of leader he would be at the end of their conquest.

Meanwhile, the Dawnguard, or what few members were left, sought out the help of the Dragonborn, who had previously helped them kill the vampire Lord Harkon, who threatened to bring about "The tyranny of the sun".

They told the Dragonborn that should they manage to gather an army capable of defeating Raithor's hordes, there was the matter of Raithor himself, and they needed someone that stood a chance against him. They wanted the Dragonborn to dig into Raithor's past and the source of his power, so he could find a way to defeat him. He obliged.



Part 3:


After doing alot of research, asking scholars and reading books, the Dragonborn concluded that in order to find out how a vampire could gain that much power, he had to talk to their maker, Molag Bal, the Daedric Prince of domination and enslavement of mortals.

When the Dragonborn finally gained audience with the evil Molag bal, he told him that Raithor was once his champion, a long time ago, and he betrayed him when he saw the chance to drain some of his power with an artifact he was supposedly retrieving for him. Striking Molag Bal with the blade, it became charged with the power it possesses today, Molag Bal became weaker and could only banish Raithor from his realm, as he was no longer powerful enough to take revenge on him himself. However, angry as he was, Molag Bal was still as patient as any Daedric Prince. He had foretold of everything since then, from the vampire uprising lead by Raithor, to the arrival of a Dragonborn seeking his help. He prepared appropriately, and spent many years crafting and perfecting a blade to give to the Dragonborn for him to strike vengeance into the heart of Raithor. This blade would take away the power from Raithor's blade upon touching it. He gave the fine blade to the Dragonborn.

Meanwhile, the few remaining Dawnguard were having trouble gathering an army. With the vampire menace spreading, no one was willing to donate a single guard or soldier. All they could muster up were a few brave but cheap mercenaries and people who had lost all other motive to live than revenge.

Fortunately, the fear that Raithor put in his army's hearts finally made some of them reach out to the Dawnguard in secret and express their willingness to turn on Raithor when they were needed to. But this was still not enough. However, Molag Bal's fury with Raithor motivated him to help. He lent an army of powerful Daedra that were immune to all like draining abilities he had given the vampires millenias ago. This army of oblivion gave irony to the common saying at this time, that an army suitable for defeating the vampires could never be found anywhere on Tamriel. However, ever since Raithor betrayed and weakened Molag Bal, his followers have been in number due to his weakened state. Thus the army of Daedra although powerful individually, were few in numbers aswell, and not enough to defeat the vampires all by themselves, but there was no more help to be sought, and the only hope for Skyrim was that the courage and perseverance of men, as well as the fearlessness of Daedra, would be able to overcome the horrors of these pale skinned fiends.



Part 4:



And so the Dawnguard stood in formation, ready to fight the vampires yet again, in a battle that came to be known as "The End of The First and Last Union of The Vampires". Which took place on the same field of battle where Raithor was defeated by the dragons once before,the same snowy field that was almost as white and pale as the cheering vampires standing on it, and hopefully, the same field of battle where Raithor will be defeated once again.

And as they sounded the horns of battle, the two sides started slaughtering eachother, each almost as ruthless as the other. It was a battle of blood against steel, tooth against shield, and bravery against malicious rage fueled by centuries of hate and cruelty.

The betraying vampires did do as they promised, but they did little damage to the massive hordes of their kind before they were extinguished. Perhaps they got wind of their visit by a traitor of traitors, or perhaps they were just too noticable and easily spotted as vampires killing other vampires.

By any account, the battle was not looking in Skyrim's favour. The hordes of vampires viciously charged at their enemies with their swords, teeth, and vast numbers. The Dawnguard were recieving more than they could handle, and thoughts of inevitable loss and demise started dwelling in their heads. The image of pools of blood being drunk by thirsty vampires was much more than they thought they could handle. Faith in survival and victory was fading.

But then, there was a glimmer of light falling from the sky, from beneath the clouds it came charging every Dawnguard warrior full of hope. It was dusk! Finally dusk! Every head still risen in the battle turned east, as they saw the sun climbing up above the mountains, filling the field with light, the Dawnguard with hope, and the vampires in painful burns.

The shift of the tides of battle was quickly felt, as the Dawnguard finally had a distinct advantage, and Raithor and his army finally started to deplete in numbers, stricken by the winds of change, as well as the blades of their enemies ofcourse.

Raithor fought well, and slayed many foes before he met the Dragonborn in battle, but as excpected his blade was powerful no more when it touched the Dragonborn's. He escaped him temporaily in the heat of battle by fleeing to his lair, the same lair which he had hidden for a millenium, but as the combined armies of Dawnguard and Daedra swept through his, it became inevitable that he would have to face him again.
While Raithor didn't have his god-stolen powers any more, he was still an ancient vampire that had been training for the past millenium for this war.

When he faced the Dragonborn once again, instead of exchanging words before their battle (as most pre-battle confronations do) he simply shushed the Dragonborn when he saw him start to open his mouth and said "I have been silent for the past millenium, I do not intend to break my silence now." as he drew his dark, ruined blade.
And so began their battle. Tongue against tooth they engaged eachother in a fury that shook the walls and floor as their blades striked time and time again. They seemed equally matched, the mortal with a Dragon soul, and the vampire with the centuries of experience and training in his advantage. After a long battle, the Dragonborn's lack of experience almost proved to be his undoing, when the vampire managed to manuever a swing of his blade and quickly cut the back of his left leg. The Dragonborn fell, but just as the vampire raised his blade to deliver the finishing blow, he shouted with a rage he had never shouted with, collapsing the top of the lair down to the ground. While they both managed to escape the falling rocky roof without considerable injuries, there was one change they did not remember would happen. Light. Both of them stood up again, with no time to find their blades, to charge at eachother with the beams of light falling on the ground, and on the vampire's skin, giving the Dragonborn an advantage he desperately needed, especially since his leg was slashed. Raithor started trying to bite the dragonborn with his sharp teeth, but even though Raithor was a vampie, the Dragonborn has the soul of a Dragon, hence, he was the more fierce beast of the two. Bringing out the Dragon inside him, the Dragonborn scratched and bit Raithor's nearly melting skin off and when Raithor finally started giving in to pain, he opened a whole in his chest and plunged his hand in, snatching out the heart of the wretched monster. Not that he wasn't one on that day and in that battle. The Dragonborn staggered outside, triumphantly held his foe's torn heart up high, and with his news of Raithor's doom, the vampires surrendered. It was finally over, at last the battle was won.
Raithor put up a good fight and an extreme challenge, but in the end, the Dragonborn we all know and love overcame that challenge. Thus the terror of Raithor, the first and last vampire uniter, the betrayer of Molag Bal, the Army Slayer, was no more, as was his vampire menace.

The end.



Thank you for reading. Please DO leave feedback, it is my first time writing after all and i would love to hear your thoughts.
 
Last edited:

T. Rakinson

A Brute among Beasts
Hmm... an interesting story. I will not criticize based upon its size, for I know many stories that are short for their own good. A story of this length shouldent worry about character, but the 'Raithor' character has enough history to make him an interesting villian. Dragonborn could have been fleshed out a bit more though.
Also, the story could have been more climatic. I figured a win when the 'good guys' got an army of Daedra and a sword which removed the antagonists powers. I think the whole Molag Bal thing was great, but would a Prince really give his would-be champion so such aid?

Other than that, a job well done. I hope to see more of your works in the future (if you choose to continue writing).
 

Ihab Darawshy

New Member
Hmm... an interesting story. I will not criticize based upon its size, for I know many stories that are short for their own good. A story of this length shouldent worry about character, but the 'Raithor' character has enough history to make him an interesting villian. Dragonborn could have been fleshed out a bit more though.
Also, the story could have been more climatic. I figured a win when the 'good guys' got an army of Daedra and a sword which removed the antagonists powers. I think the whole Molag Bal thing was great, but would a Prince really give his would-be champion so such aid?

Other than that, a job well done. I hope to see more of your works in the future (if you choose to continue writing).

Thank you very much for your feedback. I will make sure not to repeat the mistakes you mentioned if i write again.
 

Ihab Darawshy

New Member
Hmm... an interesting story. I will not criticize based upon its size, for I know many stories that are short for their own good. A story of this length shouldent worry about character, but the 'Raithor' character has enough history to make him an interesting villian. Dragonborn could have been fleshed out a bit more though.
Also, the story could have been more climatic. I figured a win when the 'good guys' got an army of Daedra and a sword which removed the antagonists powers. I think the whole Molag Bal thing was great, but would a Prince really give his would-be champion so such aid?

Other than that, a job well done. I hope to see more of your works in the future (if you choose to continue writing).

Hey there, would you mind reading part 3 and 4 again and see if you still think it's anticlimatic? I made alot of good changes and would like to see what you think.
 

T. Rakinson

A Brute among Beasts
Hmm... an interesting story. I will not criticize based upon its size, for I know many stories that are short for their own good. A story of this length shouldent worry about character, but the 'Raithor' character has enough history to make him an interesting villian. Dragonborn could have been fleshed out a bit more though.
Also, the story could have been more climatic. I figured a win when the 'good guys' got an army of Daedra and a sword which removed the antagonists powers. I think the whole Molag Bal thing was great, but would a Prince really give his would-be champion so such aid?

Other than that, a job well done. I hope to see more of your works in the future (if you choose to continue writing).

Hey there, would you mind reading part 3 and 4 again and see if you still think it's anticlimatic? I made alot of good changes and would like to see what you think.
Well done! I enjoyed reading that fight sequence in particular. The details, though somewhat gory, ultimately DID give this story the climax it deserved. Congratulations on this improved Story, I'm glad to see your dedication to your story!
 

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