Janus3003's Skyrim Marriage Counseling

[sticky runes]

Dear Janus,

I love my husband more than anything in the whole world. He's handsome and strong, with a body to die for. The sex is amazing. He tends to all my needs. He protects me when we're in battle together, he takes care of me when I'm sick, he provides for me financially. We love each other deeply, and there's nothing more I could ask for in my life partner. I could not imagine my life without him.

We're not having any problems, I just wanted to let you know how happy I am with my marriage.

Kind regards,

Sticky xx

PS - could one of your clients kindly bring some candles and clean rags to Mistwatch? It's very cold and dark in this cell, and my husband's followers tend to beat me more fiercely if I try to go outside while he's out getting drunk on raids.

 

[Raijin]

WARNING! This thread is a scam! A fraud! Janus3003 is a marriage breaker, not a counselor! Hes sneaking around with my wife, Lydia! Here's the evidence.

Janus3003's Skyrim Stuff | Skyrim Forums

Time to send a certain wife of mine to soul cairn and use her soul gem to enchant myself a pair of shoes. That'll teach her to double cross me, that slut! And as for you, Janus3003 you can toggle along with her since I also need to do an improvement on a piece of armor that I am going to be making.

 

[Janus3003]

PRO-TIP: Janus3003 =/= Julius, so TRY AGAIN, SUCKER!

LoverEx, I haven't forgotten you, don't worry.

 

[Lifts-Her-Tail]

I know and I will be awaiting your counselling

 

[Naginata]

I have a problem that is really bugging me.

I married Sylgja, and I love her to death, she is so sweet and caring and beautiful. However, I feel like she is lacking in the wife department. I never see her cooking or cleaning or talking to the kids, all she does is sleep and mine outside. I don't know what to do, because every time I come home, I'm the one to talk to the kids and make them feel loved, as she never does. And I always do the cooking, despite the fact that I am the Dragonborn, here. I bring in the money, she should at least cook a little. And be a good wife.

Plus, all she wears are these ugly rag things, and never takes her pickaxe off. I have lots of beautiful clothes I want her to wear and she won't wear them. Does she not like the married life?

Please help? I think she is a wonderful woman, but feel very unsatisfied by the fact she never does anything useful.

 

[Anwrise888]

Dear Janus
I am a 480 year old dark elf who keeps himself young by absorbing the souls of his enemys. I am also the most powerful mage since the King of Worms. I can not find a suitable wife that will be there for me when I raise a undead army and retake Morrowind and declare my self king of Morrowind. I am considering courting a Deadric goddess. But I do not know which Deadric goddess to pick.

 

[Elenwen The Enlightened]

Dear Janus,

I'm a very successful member of the ruling class elite of one of the most powerful nation states in Tamriel. In my particular line of work my special skills translate into my social life and have made me a highly skilled dominatrix and I had enjoyed many partners including some mixing of business and pleasure over the years.

A little less than four decades ago one of my work assignments was to interrogate a young soldier of a rival nation state. I can't say exactly when it happened but during our long sessions we both began to feel this animal attraction to one another and our interrogation sessions began to turn into long hot evenings of kink and bondage for our mutual pleasure. He was a wonderful submissive and our feelings began to evolve into love.

Eventually he offered valuable information against his nation state as a pledge of his love for me. I reciprocated his gesture of love by convincing my superiors that he would be of more value to them as an asset if we released him thus securing his freedom with no harm other than that which he willingly submitted to as my paramour and love slave.

To our mutual delight I was assigned to be his handler which led to many secretive and steamy encounters in remote locations in his homeland. Alas, my love is an ambitious man and has already made a name for himself here, perhaps too much so. While my superiors find that his latest ambitions are to our nation state's advantage, I'm beginning to fear for his safety.

I'm also feeling somewhat guilty because we travel very light for our amorous encounters ultimately leaving our escorts behind us. Because of this he was recently easily ambushed and caught by some of our mutual enemies and would have been beheaded but for some rather extraordinary circumstances.

While the constant danger of our affair being discovered by either of our people has always been a source of excitement in our relationship, it's now becoming a source of anxiety for me. I would be willing to give up everything for him at this point just so we could be together safely in some far away place, perhaps the Telvanni Isles. We could certainly fend for ourselves as I am well trained in the ways of magic and he is both skilled with a sword and has mastered the Voice. However I am afraid that he might be unwilling to abandon his ambitions for me and might even resent me for even asking given that I know how much his career means to him.

What should I do? Carry on and hope for the best even though it may end with his head on a pike in the capital city of his enemies? Or risk losing his love in a bid to secure our ever lasting happiness?

Sincerely
Aldmeri Domgurl

 

[Janus3003]

LoverEx
I can say little more than that you need to have an open and candid conversation with Farkas, possibly with an impartial mediator present. If you haven't voiced your concerns, it's possible that Farkas has his own. I'm not saying either of you are more right or wrong than the other, but if the relationship is to be saved, you need to be honest with one another.
As for Camilla- Fus Ro Dahing people down the stairs is assault and potentially murder, and you can be put in jail for that. Don't do it.

sticky runes Sticky xx
Really pleased to hear things are going well.
Understand that I'm always happy to hear about sucesses in matrimony.
No one should be in an unhappy relationship.
Never stop being the person you want to be married to.
Oh, be sure to share your advice.
Well, I have to answer the next client!

Naginata
You two need to have a long, serious talk about what you're both looking for in the relationship and family. It shouldn't be a one-person job, but a partnership.
As for the clothing- buy her something slinky (Belethor has a wide selection of scandalous scanties), and leave it in the room for her to find. Put on something attractive yourself.
Also, be sure to tell her she's beautiful, and even sexy. It could be that she's dressing frumpily because she's uncomfortable with her body.

Anwrise888
I really am no expert on the Daedra, though I understand that Azura is generally considered the most benevolent of the Princes.
Also, be advised that the Daedra are sexless and only assign themselves a gender based on their current whims. Mephala's been known as both a male and female, for instance. Just something to keep in mind.

Elenwen The Enlightened Aldmeri Domgurl
I think you should take the risk of asking him to come with you. Should he fall in battle, you'll never know what his response would have been. I know he's leading a cause, but Ulfric is certainly no stranger to making choices detrimental to those around him.
Also, consider contacting him in subtle ways. Sneak a note into his chambers. Slip a spiked dog collar into a shipment headed to Windhelm. Anonymously mail him a copy of Fifty Shades of Coldharbour.
Good luck, mistress!

 

[carz101]

Ummm, I have a big problem. I married a very nice orc lady, and as a Khajiit we had no trouble connecting. However recently I met Serena, this kind woman, who despite being a vampire, disobeyed her father to find me and stop him from, well, turning the sun cold. However, I have no quarrel with my orc wife, I just love Serena. What do I do?

 

[Saint Vicious]

Yes I have a marriage problem, serious one. I spent quite some time completing the companions questline so I could marry Aela. Before I could marry her however, My buddy thought it would be funny to use my character and marry Farkas. So now, i'm married to Farkas. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a gay basher by any means. But I hate being married to a man that's manlier than me.

He can cook good though, I'll give him that.

 

[Skulli]

Dear Janus,

I own a private bath house and my wife never seems to mind that I ogle and molest all those nekkid hawties skittering about.

Not even a bit jelly, does that mean she doesn't really love me after all?

Should I just kill and eat her then?

 

[Anwrise888]

Dear Janus,

I own a private bath house and my wife never seems to mind that I ogle and molest all those nekkid hawties skittering about.

Not even a bit jelly, does that mean she doesn't really love me after all?

Should I just kill and eat her then?

Depend on how you eat her

 

[Lifts-Her-Tail]

Janus thank you for your help and yesterday i gave him many gifts and even stayed all day with him, but today he was caught sleeping with another girl, Alea the Huntress and I couldn't bare to be with him any more.... and Camilla.... she's a bitch and deserved all she got, especially taking advantage of my husband, but farkas is too into the sex with different women so it has come to an abrupt end, so this morning I burnt both of them too death and they are now both corpses in my bed.

Thanks for the advice, but i think the time for talking was too far behind us and I don't there was anyway of reviving our marriage, but I have a mod, which lets me get a new husband so i'm now married to Farkas's brother Vilkas and anyway i think we both had more of a conection.

So thank you very much Janus and i hope my new marriage goes better than the last!

LE xxx

 

[Wildroses]

Dear Janus,

My marriage was going perfectly until I was a complete idiot and decided to have a drinking contest with some random guy I met in the pub. I have no memory whatsoever of that night, but my wife says I came to her with this 'really sweet story' of how I met this woman I wanted to marry under the biggest tree in Witchmist Grove surrounded by fireflies. Her reaction to this upsets me greatly.

Apparently she sold me a wedding ring on credit 'because I was so obviously in love' and placidly waved goodbye as I ran off to give it to my fiancee. When I came back sober she was mad only because I hadn't paid her back yet. When I returned the ring she actually told me she was sorry things hadn't worked out between me and my lady.

I'm feeling rather hurt. Is this her way of telling me she wants a divorce? Or am I just overly possessive for wanting her to be more upset about my wanting to marry someone else?

Sincerely, Milk-Drinker. (I'm never drinking again).

 

[Skulli]

Depend on how you eat her

Slow simmer with onions and red potatoes.

 

[Janus3003]

carz101
Be loyal to your wife and stop lusting after others.

so this morning I burnt both of them too death and they are now both corpses in my bed.

WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?

Saint Vicious
Jealousy in a relationship can be poisonous. Confide in Farkas of your feelings of inadequacy, and work through it. Chances are you have other talents he admires and wishes that he had.

MorriganWitch


Wildroses Milk-Drinker
Her reaction sounds very sudden and extreme. Do you know if she's been involved with drugs at all? Skooma's been found to have some very extreme effects on people, including amnesia.

 

[bulbaquil]

Dear Janus:

I am a wealthy Redguard female who has been a thane of Eastmarch for ten months now. I reside in a stately house in Windhelm and, as befitting a thane, have been granted a housecarl named Calder. I found him quite attractive, and married him.

However, after returning from a recent trip to visit a newborn niece in Skaven, I noticed that Calder was shagging an Argonian in a maid outfit in our bedroom. After consulting several beggars for gossip, I discovered that this had in fact been a regular event. With Ulfric on the throne, I am not sure how he even is managing to get the Argonians into the city in the first place, let alone the bedchamber.

I am unsure what to do. I like Calder and all, but he needs to stop this, particularly as scales are starting to interfere with my sleep. How can I let him know to desist?

Sincerely, Saadia

 

[Lifts-Her-Tail]

carz101
Be loyal to your wife and stop lusting after others.


WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?

Saint Vicious

Jealousy in a relationship can be poisonous. Confide in Farkas of your feelings of inadequacy, and work through it. Chances are you have other talents he admires and wishes that he had.

MorriganWitch


Wildroses Milk-Drinker
Her reaction sounds very sudden and extreme. Do you know if she's been involved with drugs at all? Skooma's been found to have some very extreme effects on people, including amnesia.

I'm sorry, but it was revenge and me and Alea have a history of bitching and well it was the perfect reason to kill her

 

[Stigweard Ruadhan]

I'm married to the job...

 

[Isara12]

Dear Janus

My relationship with Brom is fantastic, except for one teensy problem.

And his name is Mikael.

I now see the trouble Carlotta had with him. If flat told him I happily married, yet he wont leave me alone!

How can I stop him before Brom uses violent methods?



May you see the sun rise and set,
Uwayna Drarara

Ps. Have you seen a cow talking to thalmor agents recently?