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Janus3003's Skyrim Marriage Counseling

Discussion in 'General Skyrim Discussion' started by Janus3003, Nov 30, 2012.

  1. Janus3003

    Janus3003 Skyrim Marriage Counselor

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    Hello, everyone.

    Is your relationship with your Skyrim significant other not quite what it used to be? Is that spark lost? Are you considering illegal acts against your spouse?

    I'm here to help. I will address your questions and concerns with patience and love, however, be warned that I may be very blunt. In some cases, the problem lies not with your NPC spouse, but with you.

    I also accept cases regarding Skyrim courtship, so feel free to ask me anything in regards to love within the hold of Skyrim.
     
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  2. Raijin

    Raijin A Mage that loves a Templar

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    Ra-Horakhty doesn't have marriage problems, but he does have a deep crush on beautiful woman named Penelope. I firmly believe you know her too :) The problem is shes an imperial supporter (Shes a legate working with General Tullius in Solitude) while he strongly supports Ulfric and his cause.
    [​IMG]
    She wont even look at him knowing that he supports Ulfric and the Stormcloaks. Ra-Horakhty gets very jealous when shes around other men. He is seriously reconsidering of not only kidnap the men that she hangs out with, but also using them for his cattle at castle Volkihar. This is to get rid of all of the competition. Ra-Horakhty wants to know if that would be a good idea? and what is the possibility of Penelope finding out what he did with her male friends?

    Ra-Horakhty also wants to know why are women so complicated?
     
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  3. Janus3003

    Janus3003 Skyrim Marriage Counselor

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    Ra-Horakhty's problem is not an uncommon one, I'm afraid. I imagine each of us have gone through a time where we've felt desires regarding a certain someone, knowing full well that they don't feel the same way.

    I recommend that Ra-Horakhty calm down and think for a bit. Has he tried speaking with her? Taken her out to get some of that sweet mead with juniper berries blended in? Has he even met young Penelope?

    As for kidnapping and murdering her associates, I strongly suggest that he refrain from such a course of action. Indeed, this was attempted by a young man named Erik, better known as the Phantom of the Opera. In the end, it didn't win his beloved Christine's heart, but her tears, anger, and in her own words, hate.

    And if Ra-Horakhty's plan is to win over this young lady by being the only man left, what joy will there be in that relationship? Deep down, he will know that she's settled for him.

    He should get to know her and learn to respect her views. If she feels attracted to him, bless them both. If not, he needs to step away. It will hurt for a while, but not forever. I'm sure there'll be plenty of other women interested in a man with his own castle.

    ---

    Regarding why women are so complicated-
    That discussion is not part of the free service. Send me a check for $1,000, and we'll talk about it.
     
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  4. Saozig

    Saozig Hippy

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    Greetings,

    I am seeking counsel regarding my unhappy marriage.

    My name is Tareth and I am a Dunmer archer and aspiring mage who recently wed another Dunmer, a merchant from the Gray Quarter in Windhelm. Our courtship was nothing special, I confess, but thinking we being two Dunmer here in Skyrim, our marriage would yield both of us some comfort regardless of how hot (or not) the "flame" between us burned.

    I fear I was quite in error.

    I noticed something was seriously wrong when immediately after our wedding, my new husband abruptly left the temple without discussing with me were we would live together. You see, while he has a shop in Windhelm with a modest if not cramp living quarter attached, I have a much more comfortable residence in Whiterun as well as a piece of property in Falkreath where I am currently building an even more lavish estate that I had hoped would eventually be our permanent residence. Yet, I had to travel back to Windhelm from Riften--by myself--to catch up with my new husband simply to ask him this very important question that he apparently had decided on his own. When I tried to discuss the matter with him, he was completely silent, leaving me to more or less assert my own choice--that we ought to at least spend our first nights together at my Falkreath estate to celebrate our new beginning together. He agreed, although is a somewhat patronizing way.

    Once we were both at my our Falkreath estate, more problems arose. He appeared very disgruntled at my asking him to do any cooking, insisting that was something he ought to be asking me to do for him. I'm sorry but this is 4E 201 and I find that kind of attitude just a bit too old-fashioned, even for a Dunmer marriage.

    Additionally, while he insisted that I was the only person in the world he found "worth loving" I could not help but notice that he behaved far more excited when I was leaving than when I would return home.

    If this wasn't troubling enough, he refused to continue his merchant trade while staying at our Falkreath home and simply hung around the house doing nothing, not even pitching in with the building of the new wings or with the gardening. After a few days, I asked if he wanted to return to his shop in Windhelm, and he agreed with a simple "I'll see you when I see you" kind of response that left me feeling a confused mixture of sorrow and relief.

    Now he's back in Windhelm and I'm in Falkreath continuing to finish the house. A mage friend of mine from Riften is staying with me, helping me with the acquiring of necessary building materials as well as assisting me in magic practice, and I am considering making this friend my estate steward. But I fear that, in my despair over the unhappy and lonely state of my new marriage, I am beginning to have deeper feelings for this friend, and I simply do not know what to do.

    Please help.

    Sincerely,
    Tareth Farr
    Lakeview Manor, Falkreath
     
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  5. Hargood

    Hargood Defender of Helpless Kittens

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    Dear Janus3003,

    I need your help and I am sure your advice for me could help others.

    I intially didn't want to get married. I thought it was silly. Soon the New ..umm.. Housing decree's for Land Ownership's came out from the Jarls, as well as the Orphanage in Riften was taking new parents so I thought it would be nice to finally settle down and start a new Family.

    I wanted to find the greatest girl to Marry. I wanted one that was Beautiful, Smart, Fun, Understanding and Rational.....

    .............so Natuarlly I had to create one with a Mod!

    Now everything is great. She is always happy to see me after adventuring, she takes care of the children with love, and even cooks me meals. The only problem I have with my marriage is the Sex life. Don't get me wrong the Sex life is Great, but I'm having a Hard time Playing the Game only using one hand. I would like some Advice on how to tell her this without hurting her feelings.....

    ..Or getting my Keyboard Sticky.

    [​IMG]

    I know that Many MANY other's that create Mod's on the SkyrimNexus must also be having this problem. Infact their problems must have magnified into living a lie. Lies such as "NO Mom! Don't open the Door. I'm just reading the Bible!!!".

    Do you have any advice for this situation.

    Thanks for your help,

    Sincerly,

    Problems-of-the-heart
     
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  6. Janus3003

    Janus3003 Skyrim Marriage Counselor

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    Saozig
    I sympathize with your situation, Tareth, and I will do my best to help you.

    To be honest, it sounds to me like you rushed into things. It's not uncommon for couples to show their worst traits after the marriage has been done and things have calmed down, but never have I heard of a groom walking right out of the wedding without a word to his bride.

    Pardon me if I am wrong, but based on what you have told me, your husband seems to be a complete narcissist. His comments regarding the two of you being the only ones worth loving tells me that he sees you as a trophy, not as a woman, and much less an equal partner in the relationship.
    I am also greatly concerned by his apparent pleasure at your leaving. I've seen this in other cases before, and in many of them, it meant that spouse was not being faithful. Not in all cases, certainly, but in a frighteningly high amount of them.
    If I may be so bold, how many times do you "Lover's Comfort" a week? Who starts it? Is there any passion there, or are you simply going through the motions?

    I think you're right to separate for the time being. However, I urge you to make a decision regarding your husband before pursuing your mage friend. Your marriage may be unhappy now, but things will only worsen if you pursue another man during the middle of it.
    And should you divorce and then begin a relationship with this mage (or any other), I urge you to get to know them better before tying the knot. It will be well worth the effort.

    Marry for love, not convenience.
     
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  7. Wildroses

    Wildroses Well-Known Member

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    Dear Janus,

    I fell in love with a wonderful man. We were married six months ago. I don't want him to leave me, but I'm afraid he may. He's still in love with me, I'm sure of that. He's pleased when I come home, happily cooks for me, shares all the profits from his store and I get the lover's comfort bonus every night I spend at home. But he keeps asking questions about why I have to travel so often, gossiping about assassinations and murders he heard about, and making comments about how he had no idea that adventuring earned as much gold as I bring home. Basically, I fear he is figuring out I am the Listener of Dark Brotherhood.

    I'm so afraid if I tell him what I really do for a living he'll leave me, but the only halfway decent excuse I can come up with is having an affair with a rich man and even that doesn't account for all the assassinations which happen when I'm not at home. It would also probably cause him to leave me, which would defeat the purpose of lying in the first place. Can you think of a decent excuse which accounts for my frequent absences, the deaths which occur over Skyrim when I'm away, and all the gold I come home with? It'll have to be a good one because he's no fool. If I can't come up with one, I think I'm going to lose my husband, and I couldn't bear that.

    The Listener
     
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  8. Janus3003

    Janus3003 Skyrim Marriage Counselor

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    Hargood
    Problems-Of-The-heart
    *sigh*
    So, for all intents and purposes, you've created a sexbot. Why ask me how to avoid offending her when you created everything about her yourself?
    As for "playing with one hand," what you are doing is a wicked thing. The Divines are angry when you do that.

    Good day to you, sir! :mad:
    And if the sexbot apocalypse begins because of this, you'd better run, because there is no place you will be able to hide from those who will seek justice.

    Wildroses
    I'll be honest with you, Wildroses- the best option is to tell your husband the truth. You cannot hide it from him forever, and the longer it takes for him to find out, the more hurt he'll be when he knows. As you said, he is a smart man, so he'll be able to see this.
    Marriages thrive on honest, open, respectful, and continuous communication. Lies can destroy a marriage. I've seen it dozens of times, and it's never pretty.
    And stop killing people, dang it!
     
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  9. Mr1cammando

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    Dear Janus,

    I have deep feelings for Lydia, and am a firm supporter of the Stormcloak cause. After becoming Thane of Whiterun, I left to join Ulfric. Lydia wanted to come too, but was bound to the Jarl, and the Jarl was favoring the Empire. After taking Whiterun, I came back to Lydia and I looked at her and I realised that she wore blue eye-shadow which is completely disgusting and I want a way to murder her in a completely indiscreet and "accidental" way. If I am at the wrong helpdesk, please notify me.
     
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  10. Janus3003

    Janus3003 Skyrim Marriage Counselor

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    Mr1cammando

    ....sir, have you tried talking to her about the makeup if it's such an issue for you? I run a counseling service of repute! I will have no part in assassinations!

    Good day, sir!
     
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  11. Hargood

    Hargood Defender of Helpless Kittens

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    Guy! Don't use my Real Name!!! I signed it "Problems-Of-The-heart" so no one would know who I was.. SHeeez!!
     
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  12. Janus3003

    Janus3003 Skyrim Marriage Counselor

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    I said "good day," sir!
     
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  13. i K33L n0085

    i K33L n0085 Destroyer Devour Master

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    Dear Janus, my wife and I are both vampires, and we adopted two human kids. We have been training them to be Dark Brotherhood assassins. My wife and I have been arguing when to turn them into vampires. I personally think we should do it when they are young adults, when they are the strongest. But my wife thinks we should do it now, when no one can doubt their innocence. How should we make this important decision? Flip a septim?
     
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  14. Jeremius

    Jeremius Guest

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    Dear Janus

    My name is Jeremius, a half-breton, half-imperial spellsword/battlemage writing on behalf of a friend. She is a Nord by the name of Brunhylde Iron-horn. She and I met back in high rock at the local arena in Daggerfall. She herself has joined the companions and met a lovely nord lady she has fallen head over heels for. I told her to just talk to her, but she is afraid to.

    Back in the arena, Brunhylde met a Dunmer woman that was her equal in a battle and the two fell madly in love. The Dunmer was turned into a Vampire and ran to Skyrim. She is personally afraid that her crush will ask about any ex-lovers and she never really broke up with the Dunmer, though she says that the next time she sees the Elf, one of them is not leaving. I think she is just conflicted by her feelings for her "former" lover and her current love interest.

    Any information you can give her would be great.
     
  15. Clau

    Clau The Fateless One

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    Dear Janus,

    My marriage seems dead due to mistrust within one another. I married this Nord woman, Ysolda. I once thought that she was the honest to goodness, hard-working type that pursues her dreams of trade and enterprise. The first months were very blissful as I had been very supportive in building her dreams of owning a tavern and setting up a trade network with the Khajiits. One day, I found out that my wife is a Sleeping Tree Sap dealer. I confronted her and I saw no remorse, she just spilled the beans and wanted me to be a part of her schemes.

    That was when I started sleeping outside the house and I was reduced to being a drunkard. I met this mysterious fella named Sanguine and we had one too many it seems. I was drunk enough to sleep with a Hagraven, in which I regret bitterly. Feeling the guilt crushing me, I told my wife about my mistake. She acted coldly and she confessed that love between us has withered. She only cared about the ring and not my indiscretion.

    I think she is having an affair with this bar named Mikael as I saw them once, seated in a table. They did not know I was there as I had a Dragon Priest Mask on.

    Should we just go our separate ways? The trust is not there and so is the love.

    Sincerely,

    Galbrandur
    Harbinger of the Companions
     
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  16. PrisonerLizzie

    PrisonerLizzie Well-Known Member

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    Dr. Janus

    I am married to a beautiful woman that I care for deeply, Sylgja. I met her when I was passing through Shor's Stone. She was a miner with her own house. I rode to Darkwater Crossing and asked her parents permission before even approaching beautiful Sylgja with my amulet of Mara.

    Her mother sent me to test my muster and when I came back I had their blessing. I approached my darling and we were wed. We tried to live in her home for a short time but I don't think she was happy with me being there. She kept locking me out of the house and my weapons and armor were forever being marked as stolen. :sadface: Not to mention that I was worried sick. Every time I came back from somewhere a dragon would attack and if she was outside Sylgja would run after it with her pickaxe. I love that my wife is a trooper, but jeez I got this. And the mine full of spiders????

    So we talked about it and bought a house in Windhelm. She appears to be very happy there, she has been pursuing alchemy and enchanting, and her store has been taking off. Also she has become very good friends with our housecarl Calder who I'm thankful for as he keeps her company and keeps her safe while I'm away even if he doesn't know who I am half the time.

    I can't help but think that she would be more comfortable in a less severe climate though. I know she has a bad leg and those cold Windhelm nights make even my bones ache from time. She never complains though. I have been doing more work in the Whiterun hold, and also have a house there. I just don't know if Sylgja would be happy there. The house isn't as well appointed and I would be worried as the housecarl met with a tragic accident during the war. I have been doing my best to decorate it to her tastes but it is just not a grand house. I've even thought of purchasing a house in Riften as she could continue her interests and its closer to her parents, but with all those thieves running around?

    Thanks for any advice
     
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  17. Janus3003

    Janus3003 Skyrim Marriage Counselor

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    i K33L n0085
    Have you considered asking your children what they would like? If they are turned to vampirism now, they will forever remain children in the eyes of the world. While this may be beneficial for those of your... profession and persuasion, you must also keep in mind that they will likely never experience a romantic relationship of their own, bear their own children, or even reach the top shelf without help.

    I understand there's a young lady in the Dark Brotherhood who became a vampire as a child. You may wish to hear her opinion and history.

    Jeremius
    It sounds to me that in the mind of the Dunmer, that relationship is over. Your friend should speak with her crush. Even if it doesn't work out, it sounds like she could use all the camaraderie and protection of the Companions that she can get.

    Clau
    Before you do anything, you need to sit down and have a talk with Ysolda and see if there's still a chance to save the relationship. Try going out with her to where you first met. Participate in simple activities that you both enjoy. Perform random acts of service for her, no matter how small.
    Be open and frank, but loving and patient.

    In any case, be careful with alcohol. As I'm sure you've noticed, it brings short-term satisfaction with long-term pain.

    PrisonerLizzie
    Is there any chance you could stay in Windhelm? You say that Sylgja hasn't complained, and maybe it's because she has nothing to complain about. With her newfound interests in alchemy, perhaps she has concocted something to take care of her leg. It's sweet of you to be concerned for her well-being, but always make sure that she has a say in matters. Being over-protective can lead to abuse.

    Your initial story had me concerned, particularly the matter of locking you out and attacking dragons with a pickaxe (I'm assuming unarmored, as well). I'm glad to hear that she is doing better, but I'm concerned that she's suffering from major depression. If that is the case, she needs to get professional help, and quickly.
     
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  18. i K33L n0085

    i K33L n0085 Destroyer Devour Master

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    Nah, I'll just tell my wife I was right. Thanks Janus!
     
  19. Urzek

    Urzek Active Member

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    Dear Janus,

    I really like Aela and planning to marry her. But i am also sexually attracted to Serena. I love her voice, the way she talk and her cleavage. But i also like my horse back in Whiterun, she's always there for me. Through highs and lows (literally).

    Can you help me who to choose? Or should i stick with my current girlfriend? The Nord Mead.
     
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  20. Brizzle Kicks

    Brizzle Kicks Welcome To The Underground

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    Dear agony aunt.

    I have this weird rash on my oh plops wrong forum................
     
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