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Funniest amateur writing mistakes

Discussion in 'Author's Roundtable' started by Janus3003, Aug 5, 2013.

  1. PeTeTe809

    PeTeTe809 The Great Instigator

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    I have no words to describe how much fun I had reading this. It made my day. :')
     
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  2. Janus3003

    Janus3003 Skyrim Marriage Counselor

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    Found a Zelda fanfic that's left me going :confused:

    -Link (hero) is in love with Zelda (princess). Ilia, Link's childhood friend, is very jealous, so she calls in her cousin (original character) to woo Zelda. Her cousin's a prince. Ilia's a farmer. Wtf.
    -Link and Zelda get together. Prince gets angry, turns evil, and kidnaps the Queen. Zelda's asleep when Link finds out, and he decides to just let her continue sleeping.
    ---Pretty sure we never see Link actually telling Zelda her mom's been kidnapped. In fact, I think Zelda herself has only referenced it one time, and she's really not at all shook up about it. Heck, no one is.
    -The heroes start finding pieces of a prophecy. Part of it says that an old friend will turn evil, and Zelda immediately knows it's referring to the prince. She somehow forgets this later and is shocked when she finds out he's evil.
    ---Link apparently figured it out on his own, and decided not to tell her until they were confronting the guy.
    ------Link actually figures out pretty much everything in this story. Please note that Zelda has a relic called the Triforce of Wisdom, meaning that the gods of that world really freaking respect her wisdom. Zelda's in awe of Link's intelligence, and thinks to herself about how he should be carrying the relic.
    ---Just before the confrontation, the author stopped everything with a "Sorry to interrupt this tense scene, but this is the part where everything comes together!" It was in bold text and everything.
    -Evil prince shows his power by turning Zelda and Midna (another friend) temporarily evil. They break free of that control (or are released, I can't remember), with no memory of that happening. The prince tells them what he did, but Zelda doesn't believe him and says, "Prove it." He turns Link evil.
    ---Zelda officially went full retard.
    ---Link broke free of the prince's control through the Power of Love.
    -They leave the evil prince both alive and free for no reason whatsoever. They just walk off with his prisoner, Ganon (the series's villain). The prince blocks the door by standing in front of it, so the heroes just teleport out.
    -Ganon reveals that he was evil because he never had any real friends. Link and Zelda give him a hug. They're all best friends.
    ---Link was told to put aside his differences with Ganon. I don't think that can really apply when you're dealing with a man who helped throw most of the kingdom into a nightmare realm.
    ---Nobody freaking hugs Ganon and lives, dang it.
    -Zelda's captured by the evil prince. The prince is sitting there, laughing, when suddenly there's an explosion from the roof, and Link appears through a hole in the ceiling.
    "That roof was bomb proof!" the prince cries.
    "That wasn't a bomb," retorts Link. "That was fire."
    A daring rescue ensues. The prince is once again left to do his thing.


    You know, I'd like to see a Zelda fanfic where Zelda actually enjoys being royalty (and isn't a spoiled brat that's obsessed with her image and tells the little people to eat cake).
     
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  3. Lucid

    Lucid Well-Known Member

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    I give you points for being able to read the entirety of that Zelda mess you recapped. That would have exceeded my "two eyeroll" rule. I abandon a story after my second eyeroll over writing style or plot development.
     
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  4. Janus3003

    Janus3003 Skyrim Marriage Counselor

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    I guess you could say that I'm a glutton for punishment.

    Ran into another one where Link was going to kill himself because he thought Zelda loved someone else (hooray, totally not unhealthy obsession).
    The author asked if anyone was familiar with a particular fanfic where Link is about to jump off a roof, but Zelda stops him. The thing is that Link's particularly watching kids play in the street when he's about to jump.
    ...was he planning on killing himself in front of a bunch of kids!?
     
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  5. ultimatedovahkiin

    ultimatedovahkiin Now's not the time for fear. That comes later.

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    Oh God, please I need more. I can't stop laughing. This makes me wonder what kind of writing mistakes I'VE made in my stories. :D
     
  6. Hæð Eik

    Hæð Eik Active Member

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    The run-on sentence just destroys me. I can handle a misspelled word. They are like little orange construction cones that the brain can simply run over with their trusty Toyota Camry, only incurring scratches on the bumper. Punctuation rules my world and governs my existence, and I have just run the length of three marathons and died halfway through your first chapter. I wanted to scream "STOP!" but I was too busy trying to breathe and now my lungs have failed me. My heart has burst and my head has exploded with the effort. You could have at least thrown me a semi-colon or comma, but no, nothing. Thanks, friend. You've killed me with your blatant disregard of punctuation.

    (I'm kidding! I know I'm not the best writer out there, and I make every mistake there is to make! That is just the one thing that drives me nuts!) :p
     
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  7. shadowkitty

    shadowkitty Mistress of Shadows

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    I agree with you wholeheartedly Eik. I especially hate those who think they are clever enough to make themselves a Meme and then totally fail by using bad grammar or spelling.
     
  8. Janus3003

    Janus3003 Skyrim Marriage Counselor

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    I started reading a Mario Bros fanfic. At least, it says it's a Mario fanfic, but the only official characters are Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Daisy. Then there are a bunch of poorly described original characters that are getting too much screentime.

    It's set in high school (why are there so many of these? Write what you know? Or think you know?), and Peach and Daisy are both princesses sent to public school for some reason. It's the first day, the two arrive in class. A guy tries to introduce himself to Daisy (author informs us the guy is a troublemaker, so Daisy immediately knows it, too), she tells him off, and so all the boys in the class try to gangrape Peach and Daisy, thinking they'll get away with it because the teacher hasn't arrived.
    They're friggin' 15 years old.
    The rape is stopped by an OC (BFF of Mario/Luigi, because of course), and everyone goes to the principals' office. The would-be rapists are sentenced to two weeks' suspension, having to tell their parents what they've done, and a threat of expulsion if they ever do it again. And Peach and Daisy just go back to class.

    On a lesser note, every character has an acute knowledge of how long ago events were. "We met 7 months ago!" - "I knew him in kindergarten, which would be a decade ago!"
     
  9. Janus3003

    Janus3003 Skyrim Marriage Counselor

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    Last night, I read a story written by someone who attends the school I work at. It's all about him killing his family (even though most of his wrath is for his stepfather). He put a lot of thought and detail into it.
    Aside from all those worrisome details, he wrote tons and tons of similes and metaphors, most of which didn't make any sort of sense.
    There was one that made sense, though. And it was horrifying. It went something like this:
    "I gasped for breath, like the people trapped in the crumbling Twin Towers."
    ...no. Just.... no. No! WTF

    ---

    In lighter news, I just found an interesting typo in a story I'm writing. The hero's being all sweet with his love interest, and puts his hand on her cheek.
    Apparently, I wrote "check." Yeah. Real smooth, hero. You're the type to ask for money on first dates, aren't you?
     
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  10. Janus3003

    Janus3003 Skyrim Marriage Counselor

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    *dusts off thread*
    Well, I just skimmed over somebody's 117 page design document for a sequel to Doom.
    For those unfamiliar with Doom, it's an old FPS that got really friggin' popular (to the point that FPSs used to be called "Doom clones"). Its plot can be summed up as, "Hell is invading, you're a space marine, go kill 'em all."

    The proposed sequel has a slightly more involved plot, featuring several different characters and personalities. Like Doom, it doesn't take itself too seriously. Unlike Doom, it hits Duke Nukem Forever levels of trying-too-hard.

    -Main character is an atheist. We learn this again and again.
    ---One of the hero's one-liners is about how he would crucify a thousand Jesuses. Yeah.
    ---Upon killing a demonic baby, he'll quip about how much he likes abortion and how it's helped him have a healthy sex life.
    ---He doesn't like Christmas.

    -The game would feature fatalities. One example was tearing off a religious fanatic's crotch and shoving it down their throat. The other was flipping a succubus over, announcing that it's time for an abortion, ripping her spleen out through her vagina, then asking for $400.
    Yeah.

    -Another hero's main personality trait is, "I love hentai and watch it whenever I have down time."

    -The protagonist's wife is a former prostitute. We find this out because the hero tells the demon, Asmodeus, about it and also informs him that they Lover's Comfort "up to 3 times a week."
    ---Protagonist and his wife met when he went to Vegas to endorse prostitution. All the prostitutes paid money to sleep with him, and they asked him out on dates. I bring this up because the designer felt it necessary to inform us that prostitutes are typically paid for sex, and they don't usually ask clients out on dates.

    -Hero rescues his wife from a former friend who's in the middle of raping her. We're told that the hero feels "disappointed" by his old buddy.

    -The heroes are eventually joined by a demon named Lillith, who walks around naked save for a snake growing from her right leg (???) that covers her naughty bits, including her "breast nipples." I'm going to assume that Lillith has nipples in other locations on her body.
    ---She later gains cool clothes like fingerless gloves and snow boots.
    ---If a succubus has sex with a human, the human will get some nasty diseases. Lillith accidentally lets that slip out, resulting in another character following her with a sign that says, "DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH LILLITH."
    -------This is all supposed to be a military operation, by the way.

    -Designer insists more than once that the game needs to avoid references to Heaven or religion of any sort. I'm guessing the existence of Hell, demons from all sorts of mythologies, the protagonist's willingness to crucify Christ a thousand times, and a bunch of other religious references in the design document do not count as religious references.
    ---While they weren't on the nose, Doom did have religious references such as Hell being a punishment for sinners and arguably two characters winding up in Heaven in Doom 3's expansion.

    -You fight the Order of the Nine Angles (sic)
    -One of the hero's quips is, "The Geneva Convention does not apply to your kind dickface" (sic). Commas are important. I do not recommend complimenting someone's "kind dickface."


    At least the site he posted this all on garnered "wtf" as the primary response.
     
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    #30 Janus3003, Jun 10, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2015
  11. Lucid

    Lucid Well-Known Member

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    ^ gawds that awful!
     
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  12. Skyrimosity

    Skyrimosity Fine Southern Gentleman

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    117 pages of that hypocritical garbage? Well, I guess we all know why you hadn't posted in this thread since January.
     
  13. imaginepageant

    imaginepageant Slytherin Alumni

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    Yeah. "Somebody."
     
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