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Five Embarrassing Habits We All Have

Discussion in 'Skyrim Articles' started by Gorzash, Mar 19, 2012.

  1. Gorzash

    Gorzash Battle-Jaded Orc

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    Because Skyrim is such a vast, bemusing game, we have been able to develop some pretty strange habits while playing it. From my own experiences, these are some of the humorous products of the freedom it offers.


    1. ATTEMPTING TO CLIMB VERTICAL SLOPES
    Every once in a while, you'll be journeying to a wondrous, newly marked destination, invigorated by the fresh mountain air (or as invigorated as you can be while playing a video game that is simulating fresh mountain air). You're trudging along in the snow, filled with the glorious optimism of adventure; but then, as if it has intent to completely spoil your jolly travels, a five-hundred-foot high slab of solid rock erupts from the earth in front of you - at an eighty-five degree angle. Okay... Where there's a will, there's a way, right? In Skyrim, the answer is yes - so, what do you do? You run straight into your (literally) granitic foe as fast as your parkour-champion legs can carry you, jumping relentlessly. Perhaps twenty real-time minutes later - if you're lucky - you will have proven victorious over this foul spawn of nature! Atop the cliff you stand, with a smug look etched on your face, knowing with a lack of modesty that not even physics can restrain you! BWAHAHAHA!
    [​IMG]
    Image from Skyrim Nexus

    2. HOARDING EVERYTHING WE CAN POSSIBLE GET OUR GRUBBY PAWS ON
    I think we've all done this at some point in our Skyrim life. You've hacked, slashed, burned, sneaked, electrocuted and decapitated your way through hordes of baddies, and - lo and behold, what's this? A chest? WE MUST TAKE EVERYTHING IN IT! From the multitudes of unneeded Iron Swords, to the fat piles of Leather Bracers; everything must be taken and sold, regardless of it's worth. Leave nothing for the other petty, unworthy explorers that are sure to follow. This seems to be our mindset when scavenging Nordic ruins or delving into the depths of a cave.

    A particular instance of this habit - and perhaps the rudest - is when we defile the graves of a complete stranger's ancestors. Imagine taking your monthly stroll to ol' great Uncle Hadvor's tomb. Oh - but, what has happened!? Great Uncle Hadvor now lies strewn across the surrounding catacombs in multiple pieces, his ancient corpse mutilated by some terrible grave-robber's blade. What foul, beast could have done such a thing? Not only has the immoral barbarian forever ravaged the peaceful silence of your great uncle, but he has stolen everything from tribute septims, garnets, and amulets to even the eulogistic poems that you have given to dear Hadvor as offerings of reverence over the years... You dare not dwell on the unspeakably evil crimes of this grave-defiling demon, lest you fall into a dreary depression...

    Think about it this way, next time you're tempted to search that burial urn.
    [​IMG]
    Image from Giant Bomb

    3. BECOMING THE ALMIGHTY, OMNIPOTENT DEITY OF ALL THINGS IMPORTANT
    This one only applies to some people, some of the time; nevertheless, it is still a popular practice (and more of a bad one than an embarrassing one). The guards should eventually begin addressing you: "Hail, Listener of the Dark Brotherhood, Harbinger of the Companions, Arch-Mage of the College of Winterhold, Guild Master and Nightingale of the Thieves Guild, Thane of Whiterun, Eastmarch, Falkreath, Haafingar, Hjaalmarch, The Pale, The Reach, The Rift, and Winterhold, concluder of the civil war, and Dovahkiin," then gasp for oxygen that their lungs have given up for twelve seconds in order to address you properly. Of course, Bethesda didn't see it as rational for guards to address you as such, nor did they see it rational for their fans to attempt to experience the entire game with a single, solitary play-through. So, sit back, relax; this game is an RPG, not an action game, meaning that you should try to savor every moment of slipping around in the shadows, stalking the clueless target of an imminent Dark Brotherhood assassination (if you're sadistically twisted like me), or every opportunity you get to rush into another blood-boiling battle in the name of The Companions. This game is too big for one character.

    medslide.jpg
    Image from Skyrim Nexus

    4. ABUSING SHOUTS FOR MEANINGLESS, SOMEWHAT DESTRUCTIVE PURPOSES
    "FUS..."
    "Oh, what a lovely dinner you've prepared for us this fine evening, Jarl Balgruff!"
    "RO..."
    "Oh, I appreciate the food equally as much, but you must give your thanks to my cook - a most excellent one from Hammer-"
    "DAH!!!!"

    ...Am I the only one who gets a little laugh out of attacking the Jarl's dining hall with Unrelenting Force? Perchance, but I suspect many others share a similar form of this unusual propensity. What would the Graybeards say if they saw you, the Dovahkiin, abusing your power over the Dragon Tongue to form potentially dangerous streams of flying plates, beautiful venison roasts, flagons, and cheese wedges? (Are you raging, Rale?) Oh, the joy of irresponsibility.
    [​IMG]
    Image from Badass Digest

    5. STRIPPING THE CLOTHES FROM YOUR FALLEN ENEMIES WHILE IN MID-COMBAT
    You're crouching behind a rock not quite large enough to hide your body completely from the endless volley of arrows whose poisonous tips whistle past your ears, eager to imbed themselves in your skull. By some miracle, you've survived, and your bandit foes take a moment to position for another wave. You seize the opportunity, desperately scrambling toward a nearby patch of young trees whose branches spread outward, forming a natural barrier. Exhausted and drained by the adrenaline rush you are so familiar to, you stop a moment to catch your breath. You don't get the chance: a bandit dashes toward your cover, raising an axe above her head. You react automatically - a skill possessed by seasoned fighters such as yourself: your enemy receives a dagger to the stomach before crumpling lifelessly to the earth. At this moment, something strange happens. You begin to catch your breath, and everything seems to come to a standstill...

    Back in real life, your mind grows bored in this sliver of a moment, and this very boredom forms a mysteriously compelling urge to keep yourself entertained. An idea hatches in your mind. You approach the bandit's dead body, and proceed to strip them of every article of clothing they own - as if being dead isn't insulting enough. You sit there, game paused, slightly intrigued, yet you cannot pinpoint the exact reason why... Perchance it is the shocking yellow undergarments that she chose to wear in battle. No, it's something more... something deeper... Bah, I should stop this before... well, never mind. I've made my point.
    [​IMG]
    Image from Blogger

    I hope you found this list somewhat interesting - it's more for enjoyment than for game tips, news, and the like. Let me know if you've developed similar quirks while playing.

    slide.jpg
     
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  2. ShenziSixaxis

    ShenziSixaxis Article Writer

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    This was DEFINITELY amusing to read! :D
     
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  3. imaginepageant

    imaginepageant Slytherin Alumni

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    Yep, I've done all of these things. The best (or worst) part about climbing those vertical slopes is that when you finally do reach the top, you see a perfectly traversable path just off to the left that leads all the way down to the bottom. If only you'd walked another minute around the base of the mountain, you would have found it. This happens to me almost every time.
     
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  4. Skullrattla

    Skullrattla Button Pusher

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    Good stuff!

    I enjoy running on tables and kicking everything off, in full armor, while people are eating.

    One little spelling issue: (Part 2 first paragraph)"regardless of it's" should be regardless of its...
     
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  5. boman250

    boman250 New Member

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    Im guilty of all but fus roh dahing everything. Awesome writeup

    Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk
     
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  6. Pete

    Pete Well-Known Member

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    On #3 - Roman Emperor's liked having long names that were full of their accomplishments too. Typical name: Gordian II CAESAR MARCVS ANTONIVS GORDIANVS SEMPRONIANVS ROMANVS AFRICANVS AVGVSTVS
     
  7. Rale

    Rale Full-time Skeever King, TaliWhacker, Cheeseman

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    Fuming...
     
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  8. Gemini Sierra

    Gemini Sierra Pre-emptive Salvage Specialist

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    I'm guilty of almost all of these LOL... well except the part of using shouts. I almost never use them unless really handy.

    The mountian climbing is probably my worst thing and like imaginepageant said, I usually find a dang path that would've been easier.
    My real gripe is seeing a slope that isn't nearly as steep and finding that I can't climb it... come back to it while riding a horse and can go up it no problem?! THAT drives me nuts!
     
  9. Icy Seeker

    Icy Seeker Member

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    I suffer from 5,4,2,1, and 3. Lol I l especailly like to take my enemy stuff .2 seconds after I killed him.
     
  10. SilverRhythm

    SilverRhythm Member

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    LOL, well i like number 2, cause i am a real greedy brute that wants to take everything i can away from a dungeon :p only the valuable ones though like tons of ebony sword, greatsword and stuffs.
     
  11. Gorzash

    Gorzash Battle-Jaded Orc

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    Thank you guys for the ratings, and nice comments. ^_^
    Pete, firstly, I like how you got away with such a simple, cool username. :p Secondly, I would hate - ABSOLUTELY HATE - to be the equivalent of a Roman emperor's secretary.
    "I beg your pardon, Emperor Gordian II CAESAR MARCVS ANTONIVS GORDIANVS... SEMPRONIANVS ROMANVS..... AFRICANVS AVGVSTVS......." *faints from deprivation of oxygen*
     
  12. imaginepageant

    imaginepageant Slytherin Alumni

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    So there I was, defiling the graves of ancient Nords, and I thought of this article. I felt bad for roughly two seconds. Then a Draugr stuck an axe in my back. I will never again hesitate to pilfer every gold coin I can dig out of those burial urns. The ancient Nords don't deserve my respect when they're all trying to kill me.
     
  13. The Black Cloud N9ne

    The Black Cloud N9ne Article Writer

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    Brilliant! I do everything on the list, but only when I'm tired and in a hurry to finish what I'm doing. (Excluding shout abuse, I only do that when I try new ones.)
     
  14. Perkless in Skyrim

    Perkless in Skyrim Bad to the Dragonbone.

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    I too am guilty of all these ... except Shout abuse, though there may be a few deaf dead rabbits. I'll rectify that one shortly. Good article, made me chuckle.

    I'm especially bad about looting. Hide armor, longbows, hide shields ... like I need these? o_O I'm surprised I don't grab iron dag- oooh look!
     
  15. Oren74

    Oren74 Active Member

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    Outstanding, nice work. You could add something along the lines of crafting 1000 iron daggers and rationalizing it, save reload on failed pickpocket attempts, all the crafting exploits, talking to absolutely everyone in a town to make sure you cleared all the quests, blocking a Giant non-stop to powerlevel blocking, etc etc.
     
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  16. SkinnedLikeScum

    SkinnedLikeScum Dragon Slayer

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  17. Dirtcopter77-

    Dirtcopter77- Member

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    That was very good, but it went 1,2,3,5, skipping 4 completely.
     
  18. Gorzash

    Gorzash Battle-Jaded Orc

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    4. ABUSING SHOUTS FOR MEANINGLESS, SOMEWHAT DESTRUCTIVE PURPOSES
    "FUS..."
    "Oh, what a lovely dinner you've prepared for us this fine evening, Jarl Balgruff!"
    "RO..."
    "Oh, I appreciate the food equally as much, but you must give your thanks to my cook - a most excellent one from Hammer-"
    "DAH!!!!"

    ...Am I the only one who gets a little laugh out of attacking the Jarl's dining hall with Unrelenting Force? Perchance, but I suspect many others share a similar form of this unusual propensity. What would the Graybeards say if they saw you, the Dovahkiin, abusing your power over the Dragon Tongue to form potentially dangerous streams of flying plates, beautiful venison roasts, flagons, and cheese wedges? (Are you raging, Rale?) Oh, the joy of irresponsibility.

    Dunno if your computer is being a troll, or if you're trying to be a troll :)P) but here it is: number 4.
     
  19. Arthur Dragon Born

    Arthur Dragon Born Breton Mage

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    So True. ;)
     
  20. Dirtcopter77-

    Dirtcopter77- Member

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    I guess it was just my computer. Anyways, thanks for showing me 4 and not just getting mad.
     

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