Corrupted Wish!

[Monolith]

Granted, but as world-wide peace reigns, we all degenerate into tree-hugging pacifists who are completely incapable of defending ourselves. And then the aliens invade and make short work of us.

I wish I could speak with animals.

 

[dunklunk]

Granted, but eventually, they'd start ignoring you, too.

I wish I could breathe underwater, a la Aquaman, without using any enchanted amulets or masks.

 

[ShadowMage]

Granted, but you can only go underwater.

I wish I could do anything with no penalty.

 

[dunklunk]

Granted, but the Riften Guards WILL find you.

I wish beer was always available on call.

 

[ShadowMage]

Granted, but the only kind you can get is moldy Aztec beer.

I wish people weren't so dumb.

 

[dunklunk]

Granted, but then you wouldn't get a word in edge-wise.

I wish I could command the elements like Storm, from the X-Men.

 

[Monolith]

Granted, but then you'd get careless and a lighting bolt would strike you.

I wish I were obscenely rich.

 

[imaginepageant]

Granted, but everything in the world also becomes obscenely expensive.

I wish I had a Time Turner so I could give myself more hours in the day.

 

[Monolith]

Granted, but you'd end up procrastinating those extra hours away.

I wish I'd never have to tweak or update computer games, that they would all run absolutely flawlessly out of the box with no effort required on my part.

 

[imaginepageant]

(That's exactly what I want those extra hours for! )

^ Granted, but after installing a game, your computer breaks down.

 

[Monolith]

Damn it, I'm supposed to corrupt wishes and instead I'm turning into a fairy godmother here.

You forgot to wish for something, btw!

 

[imaginepageant]

OOPS.

I wish I had some watermelon!

 

[Mikk]

Granted, but your watermelon gains consciousness and turns against you.

On that note, I wish I had a conscious watermelon pet...

 

[imaginepageant]

^ Granted, but it looks so delicious that you eat it, and then become consumed with guilt for devouring your pet.

I wish I didn't have writer's block.

 

[Mikk]

Granted, but you're also granted total indecision, and cannot decide between the ideas suddenly flooding your mind.

I wish I had the ability to lick my elbow.

 

[dunklunk]

Granted, but you lost your tongue when you were eight years old.

I wish I had a pet dragon in Skyrim.

 

[ShadowMage]

Granted, but it eats you. No matter what.

I wish I had some Dr.Pepper. WITHOUT PENALTY. No riften guards will find me, also. Nor any other guard or police or anyone else, anywhere.

 

[dunklunk]

Granted, but the ppfffttt of opening the can/bottle will always give your position away. Always.

I wish to be able to convince a sabre cat to be my follower.

 

[Mikk]

Granted, but you can't convince the sabre cat to STOP following you, and he tries to eat everybody around you.

I wish I could devour dragon souls for superpowers.

 

[dunklunk]

Granted, but dragon souls don't work too well with humans.

I wish I could speak any language I wanted.