OOC (18+) The Expedition

[Blackdoom59]

Not bad Black. A couple hiccups with past and present tense`but otherwise it was good. I would like to see a little more detail though. Describe the setting, I had no idea they were on a ship until Phyrior said so, or that he was eating. Remember, I, the reader, can only imagine what you describe to me.

Instead of just saying that Phyrior looked at Lai`Quir, you could say, Phyrior looked up from his meal at Lai`Quir, a fellow passenger aboard the ship, the Boers Eye, and carefully scrutinized the assassin.

It helps to paint a better image of the situation, rather than giving it to us piece by piece. Unless of course you want to only reveal bits and pieces at a time. However, other than that I thought it was good. Nice job describing his flashback too by the way.

So without chewing you out any further, I think I will just go ahead and say, Welcome to the Expedition!

Thanks for letting me in and for the hints mate!
English is not my native language so grammar and tenses are always messed up, but i do my best to double check everything. I gave you a sample in the middle of the RP, in a past post i had already mentioned what Phyrior was eating. In past posts, the ship was mentioned too many times. The thing the sample I gave you was like a random page in a book, and I imagine it might be confusing if you don't know the other pages. But I will try to describe things more, and thanks again for letting me in!

 

[Wolfbane]

I'm writing my CC now.

 

[Andre Marek]

You still recruiting?

Yes Indeed. Feel free to post a CC and a sample piece.

 

[Blackdoom59]

And btw, this is the color i will use for Garret

 

[Andre Marek]

Sounds good, regardless of whether Wolfbane gets his CC up first, I'll probably put the IC thread up tomorrow or the next day and we can get this underway.

 

[Wolfbane]

I'm half way done. I'm writing a new part, and I'm going to add pictures later on. Sorry if the pictures are overly big.

 

[Andre Marek]

No problem Wolf.

 

[The Phantom]

» NAME - Lord Pinarus Baenius

» ALIAS - The Mockingbird

» AGE - 41

» BIRTH SIGN - The Serpent

» ORIGIN - Imperial

» CLASS - Not Applicable

» GENDER - Male

» HEIGHT - 5'01"

» WEIGHT - 120lbs

» LATERALITY - Ambidextrous

» SEXUALITY - Heterosexual

» MARTIAL STATUS - Single

» HEALTH - Very good

» AFFILIATION - Solitude, Blue Palace, Imperial Legion and the Court

» AFFLICTIONS - None

» RELIGION - He neither admits nor denies the presence of the gods, choosing to ignore then. Admires Sithis

» PATRON DEITIES - Sithis

PERSONALITY

» POSITIVE TRAITS - Calm, Intelligent, Self Confident, Straight Forward, Well Spoken, Ambitious, Quick Witted, Cares Greatly For the Few He Loves, Can Read Body Language

» NEGATIVE TRAITS - Cunning, Ruthless, Narcissistic, Lack of Empathy, Ambitious

» LIKES - Reading, Plotting, Wealth, Power, Knowledge

» DISLIKES - Most People, Bullies, Those who underestimate him, Stupidity

» FEARS - Death

» ASPIRATIONS - To one day either be crowned High King or Emperor

» QUIRKS - Makes use of hand gestures a lot to express himself


APPEARANCE

» HAIR - Dark Brown with grey streaks, short hair that's ever so slightly stuck up at the front

» EYE COLOR - Grey Green

» SKIN COLOR - Pale

» BUILD - Rather slim and elegant

» SCARS - The scar left from a stab wound he sustained in his teens during a duel for a lady's hand runs from his navel to his collar.

» PHYSICAL - A short man of slender build, with handsome features, Pinarus has gray-green eyes, a small pointed beard on his chin, and threads of grey running throughout his dark hair. He is by no means, a fighter

» ATTIRE - He wears a set of brown fine clothes and a distinctive Mockingbird sigil/pin.

» GEAR - Lord Baenius will always be carrying at least 1000 gold septims with him at all times. He also carries his trusted ebony dagger that he named, "Littlefinger"


History
» Pinarus Baenius was born into a small and poor family somewhere in High Rock. He was never in his homeland for very long, as he was fostered to a wealthy family in Windhelm, Skyrim. As he grew up, Baenius proved to be a shrewd and intellectual young man, often outsmarting people to get his own way. People also often commented on his ambition, theorising that he would let the Thalmor destroy the world, provided he could be King of the Ashes. The family who he grew up with had a child his age, a beautiful and intelligent girl named Sottilde. Pinarus gradually fell in love with her, although his feelings were unrequited. They were still very good friends, she told him everything and he told her.

She was eventually wed to a man from a wealthy House at the age of 17. Desperate to prove himself, Baenius challenged her suitor to a duel for her hand. The duel was long and chaotic, with Pinarus clearly at a disadvantage as he suffered many wounds. Baenius refused to give up however, and battled on until finally, his opponent snapped. The man smashed Pinarus' shield out of his hand and, despite Sottilde begging him to spare Pinarus, stabbed him in the chest and slashed up to the collarbone. Pinarus passed out from his wounds, the last thing he saw before losing consciousness was Sottilde, it was also the last time he saw her. It was after this that he realised that he would never win attempting to fight with honour, and that to get what he wanted he would rely on HIS intellect, and the strength of others. After being nursed back to health from his wounds, he still had a large scar, leading from his navel to his collarbone. He was no longer welcome in Sottilde's household and was banished to Whiterun.

There, he was appointed tax collector and Master of Whiterun's Finance. This was a job he proved very efficient at and made Whiterun a very wealthy city. Pinarus spent years in Whiterun until High King Torryg personally requested that Baenius be given a Lordship and made Master of Coin in Skyrim. Pinarus, now known as Lord Baenius, accepted this offer and moved to Solitude. While he was here, he proved to be a master of court intrigue. If intrigue was chess, he would be considered a brilliant rapid play strategist and player, thriving on chaos and using it to further climb the social ladder. For this, the court nicknamed him, "The Mockingbird", for many reasons. To name but a few: he was a self-made man with so many songs to sing, he heard so many "songs" and secrets and was very capable of remembering them. The Mockingbird took a liking to the nickname and even fashioned his own sigil, that of a silver mockingbird perched on a branch. He even had a pin made from silver to be worn on his clothes at all times and it eventually became his distinctive feature. During a bet with the smith, Beirand, he won an ebony dagger which he began to carry around with him at all times. Lord Baenius gave it an enchantment that caused paralysis from even the most minor cut, and named it, "Iittlefinger".

Now he is very powerful, very wealthy and even more ambitious. He longs for the throne and is searching for anything that may give him an advantage in that regard. With the death of Torryg, Skyrim is in chaos and the Mockingbird is in his element. In his search for knowledge and anything that may give him an advantage to seize the throne, he has heard of an expedition in the Reach. Curious as to what secrets may be hidden there, Lord Baenius has decided to attend with two personal bodyguards.

SAMPLE:

http://skyrimforum.com/threads/days-of-prophecy-18.30152/page-2#post-489822

Is it okay if I add colour and photos later? Provided I am accepted that is. I believe there is a lot of potential in this RP and would be honoured if you you were to allow me to join.

 

[TheShadedOne]

You could also try spacing out your characters background. Seeing as at the moment, all it is is a wall of text.

 

[The Phantom]

Ah, that is a good point. It slipped my mind as I was writing it. I'll try and change it

 

[Wolfbane]

I'm writing a sample right now. Can I use this color?

 

[Andre Marek]

Ah, it pains me to say it but I think I`m going to have to deny you Phantom. Don`t hate me for it please but I just found your sample a little stilted. Almost as though you tried to say to much with not enough words. That probably doesn`t make sense but, well, thats just me. Sorry man, I hate to turn ya down.

Maybe give me another sample written from Pinarus perspective. Something like an intro post. If you do that, I`ll take another look and maybe change my verdict.

 

[CapObvious]

Almost forgot about colors, I think.

I would prefer this setup, if it is okay.

Dolmas

Valen

Krisandra

 

[Drahkma]

Right, colours.

Telvaris:This

Danick: This

 

[The Phantom]

I would like to re-write a sample then, but how exactly could I improve upon it?

 

[Wolfbane]

Name: Avia' Cael (pronounced A-Va uh)
Likes:Books, Archery,writing, exploring tombs, gold, friends,family, men, women, being agile, history, and fighting, peace and quiet
Dislikes:Stupidity, drunkards, blind ignorance, arrogance, mudcrabs, and politics
Birthdate: 8th of Evening Star
Birthsign:The thief
Parents: Bosmer
Race:Wood Elf

Class: Tomb explorer/archer
Gender:Female
Sexuality:Bisexual
laterality:Right handed

Skills:
Master: Archery, one handed, light armor, sneak,
Expert: Speech, pickpocket,
Adept: Restoration, conjuration, alchemy, some heavy armor
Novice: Heavy armor, two handed, block, most magic

Looks: Avia has neck length black hair with golden yellow eyes. She also has war paint on her face for her clan in Valenwood. On her stomach is a scar from a Falmer. She killed the blasted thing shortly after. on the right side of her face she has two scars; a scar from a trap in a ruin, and one from her sister when they were training in Valenwood

Personality: Quiet yet confident. If she is comfortable she will talk more, and express her dry sense of humor. A good book is something she enjoys. Avia is sweet and warm among her family and close friends. To make ends meet, she raids tombs and ruins (which she loves) and takes bounties.She has a good heart thanks to her family and the Traveling sword. A thief with a heart of gold.

Combat Prefs: The bow is her protector. She uses a a war bow from her home that was made by her family, and blessed by the warriors. Along with her bow she has an ancient sword she found in a ruin. One of the sharpest swords she's seen. Avia prefers to land the first strike, then come in with her sword. She does not shy away from a straight up fight, but loves to pick her enemies off from a distance.

Misc: She often twirls a septim between her fingers when she is thinking. her friends call her Ria, which is elven for hunter. Although she and her family don't practice the ritualistic eating of human flesh like some Bosmer do, she does try her best to uphold the green pact.

Backstory:
Family: Avia was born in a peaceful village in Valenwood. Her parents were both hunters, very good ones at that. At a young age she was taught how to hunt and effectively use the bow by her parents. She was a quite and shy child, mainly focusing on studies, practicing,reading,helping her parents and village, and climbing trees. At 15 she was extremely agile, and precise with a bow. Not to mention knowledgeable. Her dad taught her know to use a blade and how to hold the bow string back and how to use to utilize an arrow as a make shift dagger/stabbing weapon, and hunt, while her mom taught her how to "be one with the bow", and to use it in unconvential means. She also always give a quick death, thank, and use every part of an animal. "quick death for the merciful/begging foe and a slow death for the inhumane" was a saying her mother always told her. Both parents taught her how to read,write, exercise mentally, and helped her hone her mental fortitude. When she turned 18, they moved to Cyrodill to avoid the wild hunt, they didn't want Avia to see what the hunt did to their people. for three years they lived in Cyrodill, prefering warm cities that remind them of the weather back home.However they saw injustice, unlawful rulers,corrupt officals and so on. The thieve's guild in cyrodill exposed Avia to this. From then onward she swore only to steal from the rich(or those who deserve it, in which that case she keep the gold) and give to the poor. Avia actually liked the cold in bruma. They lived a very peaceful and happy life. Cael'til(the father) still got to hunt and provided for his family and Ama'tae(the mother) can still spend time with avia(they often called her "Aza" which is elven for life), and look after the house and take care of it. Not to mention she can still hunt.Avia loves her parents very much.She's a daddy's girl through and through, but she still has some momma's girl as well. After a little while after her third year,she decided to move to skyrim to experience another land and just to explore, so she packed her essentials, some gold she earned from running with the thieve's guild,and kissed her parents goodbye.



Her Time in the thieves guild:A few months after she arrived in skyrim she found herself in a tavern listening in to two nords talking about the thieves guild. She was very interested, and decided to find the thieves guild in the ratway. There she met people with the same fondness of the bow, agility, cunning and intelligence. She excelled in most areas,loved her time there. She also gained friends that she visit's from time to time. Sometimes if a steal wasn't worth a lot to her, she would give it to a beggar or someone who needed it more than she did. Her most lucrative steal was a bag of gems along with a cheese wheel(she was hungry at the time). During her time there she used her natural agility, and learned how to free run better.


The Traveling Sword: At age 23 she was in town when she over heard about a traveling order called "The Traveling Sword"(shortened as The Sword) a group of warriors that travels from place to place and corrects injustice.Even though she was(still is) in the thieve's guild, she joined this order. There she met an Orc warrior, a reguard spellsword, a nord warrior, a Khajiit archer with two elven daggers,a breton healer with a nac(and Obsession really) with daggers, a dark elf spellbow, and two young strapping nords by the name of Ardin and Hendrikk Wolf's-bane.Ardin and Avia grew very close over the years.They have a "romance enkindling". The sword has gone all over tamriel.From Skyrim to Cryodiil, and Cryodill to morrowind, morrowind to hammerfell,Elsweyr, and every place in between. They loved the adventure and bringing peace and justice to places where the law ignores or isn't present.They often deal with corrupted officals, bandits, theives. A few times they even dealt with a elite group of mercenaries called "The Black band". The black band consists of warriors, mages, archers, and just flat out psychopaths. The black band is leaded by Jullius"Wolff" aventius, an imperial veteran from the great war that was discharged for his war crimes.


"The red sleep": On a cold night, the group set up camp, told stories of triumph, love,humor, lust, and horror(both are Avia's favorites).They also ate, sang, drank. Finally after some time, they all finally fell asleep. Thats when it began. a scouting party of the black band was stalking the sword for quite some time. After the battle at mistwatch, the black band wanted blood. Both sides lost men. The scouting party was made up of two archers, an breton rogue, a nord warrior, Wolff's second in command, Hemsley Cold-eye and Wolff himself. Cold-eye served with Wolff many times, both as animalistic as they come, they were tried at the same time for their war crimes. The archers took care of the sentries with one shot each, then the rogue came in to deal with any sleeping guard, guards to far in the camp, and the sleeping members. The breton rogue loves blood, and the feel of the blade against the skin. The Rogue started off with dar'zhii the Khajiit, solely based off hate. She made it a slow but clean kill, sinking the blade deeper than necessary. She then made quick work of the orc knowing he would a hassle and impossible to kill. The archers had already killed Cristar(the nord) and dar'zhii, and now Lhorbul. The breton put the knife to Avia's throat, and was about to slice. Avia felt cold steel against her neck but thought it was the cold night or a dream. that night she dreamed of the warm summers and springs of home, hunting for the first time with her family, the family dinners they had, and her first kill. she didn't know it, but her life was going to flash before her eyes. She felt a hand over her mouth and slammed her eyes open. She was about to be killed! Then all of a sudden the rogue stopped, then fell to the floor face first. All she saw was ardin, and the rogue with a steak knife in her back."Get up, we're being attacked, Grab your weapons!"Ardin said shouting while getting his sword. Avia got up, put on her main armor parts,grabbed her bow, and went on to fight. She and Brinala(the redguard) decided to take out the archers, then any stragglers.The raged on until there was only The surviving sword members, Hemsley cold-eye, and Wolff. After Avia and brinala were done fighting, the turned to the sight of Ardin on the ground bloodied and Wolff above him. Avia was about to turn when all of a sudden Ardin stabbed wolff. He crouched in pain and that gave Ardin enough time to get up, grab his sword, and with a slight pause for last words, he hacked Wolff's head clean off. Hendrikk was more merciful, sending Hemsley without a hand.


Prairie fire of sun's dusk:The fight was over and the sword had won, it was time to go back home( Ardin and Avia would make the trip to valenwood to sharpen his archery skills and to "drop off" Avi.) But what they came home too, was nothing but horrific. Ardin's home was on fire his dad fighting four mercenaries, and turn his father was struck down. His mom tried healing Odvar, but was killed by Hemsley himself. Ardin, Hendrikk, and Avi fought and killed everyone even hemsley. In the end all they have is each other. After all that Ardin and Avia decided they needed to take a break for the sake of hiding and safety from the black band. The black band hasn't found them or tried to since. After all of that the trio decided to split up and adventure and hide alone, only when the black band was wiped out or disbanded, can they see each other

What she does now: After all of that happened, she decided to continue taking bounties, and now added ruin and tomb exploring. Avia was always curious about the ruins she read about, so she decided to see for herself. When she began she was unsure, scared, and not aware of the traps that were set in the ruins, but after a year or two of doing it, she was well aware, and loved it. To find rare and valuable objects, books of old, or just general artifacts. If there was a lot of knowledge AND coin, then it is the best job she can find. Whenever she finds an opportunity to explore a ruin, she takes it without a thought.

Why she loves men and women: Not a lot of people get her, she has her best friend who loves her as a friend and something more( as does she with him) Plus she learned that sometimes you have to seduce people to get key things or information. Some nights are cold, some nights are lonely. She also finds men and women like her extremely attractive. Somewhere inside of her, she is a romantic.


RP SAMPLE: As she was jumping from column to column, the sound of breaking stone filled the massive room. With every step she took, the columns were breaking apart. Her heartbeat was racing, and her eyes jumping to see what she could grab on to before she fell. Her head snapped to the wall to the left of her. "A couple of stones are sticking out! Then I could swing to that bar to land on the safe side!"

"Don't slow down Avi, don't slowdown. Just focus on the object infront of you, and keep your balance. Whatever you do, keep your balance." She said in a worried tone. It wouldn't be the first time she lost her balance and almost fell to her death. That particular time, she had just enough time to lodge her climbing axe in a crack of the wall she was traversing. After the spidering away from danger, and taking a sigh of relief and a laugh, she went onwards. The stone turned into brass, valves, and steam pipes. She was quite curious. At first she thought it was a nordic ruin, but it's also a dwemer ruin as well. "The Dwemer built their own cities, and had their own architecture. Why build off of someone else? They were known for their genius in crafting weapons, guardians that still work, and architecture." She was puzzled by the sight. Some often wonder why a thief turns into a ruin raider. She wonders the same thing. Maybe it's because she reads so much and that's how she learned about ruins and tombs. You could hear gears move like clockwork, and even far away dwarven automatons. Some would be scared at the deserted, spacious ruin. She likes the peace and quiet. Somethings carried over from her childhood to the thieves guild, her time with the traveling sword, now into this. She swept her hair back, and continued forward. Her hips swaying side to side causally.

"I hope there's no long gaps like that again. For once I would like a bridge! At least I wasn't being shot at like last time. Damn Draugrs. I swear, Nords need to burn their dead on a boat or something." She pulled out a drawn picture of Ardin holding her up with her legs drapped over his arms while she kissed his cheek. Ardn Wolf's-bane is her best friend;Being together without officially being tied. Even though they feel love for each other. Ever since the black band, the survivors had to split apart until it's safe for them to meet.they continue to write to each other whenever they can. She kissed the picture, then put it back in her pack. Ardin wasn't a typical Nord. He used magic, believed it's a craft, and viable for combat, he doesn't hate elves, only the Thalmor, he thinks the Dark elves and argonians in Windhelm in equal treatment, and he is in the legion. At least as far as the recent letter she received (letters are the only safe way to talk for them).

As she walked the halls of the ruin, she gripped her sword, and kept her wits about her. So far, it was a standard ruin. A lot of enemies , some furniture, and few gems or anything of value. The architecture was something that she hasn't seen before. "This is interesting. Why build off of the nords? Gah, I need to look for things of value. I'm always amazed by these ruins. All this history, value, and loot! Ripe for the taking. Must seem funny, seeing a thief with a love of history and exploring. It's a good outlet for my agility skills. Not to mention I have to keep my body and spirit in fighting shape! Hmm,where to go?" She took out a septim and started twirling it in between her fingers. There was a split in the room. A door on either side of the room. Both had puzzles you had to do to unlock them. She decided to take the septim and flip it. Heads for right, tails for left. She flipped the coin in the air, caught it, and looked. Tails; so she decided to take the left door. The puzzle in front of her. It was a rotating gear inside two others. She had seen something like this once before. You had to make a working bigger gear with the smaller ones by turning a key in different directions. Once you start it, you have to do it quick or else it will lock you out forever, maybe even breaking the key i the process. Some fools would try to pick out of it, but be stuck in the room and die in there. Nothing brakes these locks.

She took a deep breath, said a prayer, then got to work. As soon as she did, the gears began to turn slow, then moderate, then fast. It only does that if you mess up. She was rotating the pick against the gear to hopefully catch the spot before it got faster, then move on to the next one. The first one was done without a hitch, but she messed the second one up. There a loud noise behind her, she looked, then a large axe contraption was relased . It started swing fast immediately. The room wasn't big, but it had just enough roo, But could that save her? She tried her best to keep calm, but her hands were shaking. She got a spot, but she dropped the pick, thus lifting something that made the axe go faster. She breathed in again, and began to pick the lock. She got it, but turned to soon. The axe was midway. She panting heavy, but tried it again. She rotated, hit, then it unlocked. "Almost done! Come on you bastard!" She was on the last one, and axe was more than half way to her. The last lock always rotates faster. One mess up, and she ends up a mess on the floor. She was shaking and sweating, and she could feel the wind of the axe against her back. It was close. She finally got the lock open and stumbled inside the room when the axe cut a small part of her face. When she got up, she caught glimpse of a glowing stone the size of her fist. "Well, well. Looks like I need a professional opinion, then if you're worth a arm and a leg, specifically mine, then I will get an interested buyer." she picked it up and stared at it for a few seconds. "Or keep you. I'm not sure. Ooh the choices!" She laughed, threw it in her bag, then took the elevator up to Skyrim.

 

[Wolfbane]

I'll post more pictures when I wake up.

 

[Blackdoom59]

Can't wait for the IC

 

[Andre Marek]

Nice CC Wolfbane. Avia and Kate would get along well I think, and I think it would be interesting to see how Garret reacts to her, seeing as she is a mamber of the thieves guild. Welcome to the Expedition!

And Phantom, If you do like I said to Black and put some more detail into your sample post I'd be happy. You did pretty good at getting the over all picture imagined but then youw ould say that your character just did things. By that I mean that you never elaborated on it. When he had to fight someone, that was all it was, a fight. Show me how he fought, did he struggle against a superior enemy? Was it a simple matter for him? Describe each blow if you have to. When he's fighting smaller enemies then just a quick description of a fight will do, but when its the main event there should be a sense of danger involved. Your description of his fight with the vampire was pretty detatched. I wanted to really witness the fight, but instead I end up feeling more like I heard someone gossiping about it in a tavern afterwards.

Yeah, I know, I'm a stickler for details. But if you throw up a post that has some real detail that makes me feel connected to Pinarus then I'll see what I can do.

 

[Blackdoom59]

You red my mind! I will work something out with wolfbane via conversation so nothing happens without the other agreeing.