1. Welcome to Skyrim Forums! Register now to participate using the 'Sign Up' button on the right. You may now register with your Facebook or Steam account!
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hey there, and welcome to our roleplaying section. Please take some time to read two of these useful resources below, if you're already a roleplaying expert, then there's no need to read the following beginner's guide, but be sure to read the rules.

    Free Form Role Playing Guide for Beginners
    Dismiss Notice

OOC [18+][Private Roleplay] In the Name of Aetherius [No Applications]

Discussion in 'Skyrim Roleplaying' started by Specter of Death, Sep 5, 2017.

  1. Specter of Death

    Specter of Death a soul devoid of eternal bonds

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2012
    Messages:
    1,914
    Likes Received:
    544
    Reputation:
    578
    This is the Official [OOC|Out of Character] Thread for:
    "In the Name of Aetherius"
    An Original Role Play Story
    [The Official Prelude to "In the Name of Aetherius"]

    ___________________________________________________________
    Which means it is the Thread for the Cast's Writers to Converse and Communicate outside of the [IC|In Character] Thread. Questions and Discussions from Readers need to be placed here, and not in the [IC|In Character] Thread in order to maintain immersion and respect. Thanks!

    [​IMG]

    ~--8--~

    The Official Cast of "In the Name of Aetherius"
    ~--8--~
    Lilium Lancif - Apprentice Mage | Character played by: @Specter of Death
    Spenser Bergfalk - Warrior of Heart | Character played by: @Zelda
    Naja-lin Eyes-of-Ghost - Djinn of the South | Character played by @Sweetroll76
    Jacoby Hlaalu - Blacklight Shadeling | Character played by @Snoball

    Click Character Names for their Character Cards, or Writer Names for their Forum Profile

    ~--8--~

    The year is Two Hundred and Three of the Fourth Era. The date, the Tenth of Frostfall. Since the change of seasons from Winter to Spring, magical anomalies have began to pop up all over the Province of Skyrim in it's summer months. As if an army of Conjurers were conjuring mass amounts of daedric creatures and monsters from other realms, the source of their manifestation is a mystery. Reports from the many cities and townships across the land describe the sudden short appearances of otherworldly portals, that seem to spew evil from their depths.

    With the resignation of the Archmage in the Mage's College in Winterhold, the Dragonborn, it also seems that the dragon-slaying hero has also resigned his post as the defender of the northern province. Tolfdir, the Dragonborn's Master Wizard, succeeded his role as the Archmage, and appointed Faralda as his own Master Wizard. With the people practically breaking down the College's gate, Tolfdir and Faralda have called upon one of their most promising young mages to investigate these magical phenomena. She is to travel toward the center-most city of the province, Whiterun, where she will find the help she needs and begin her journey in solving this mystery and putting it to an end.

    Enjoy!

    ~--8--~
    "But I've only been here a year," the young she-elf's voice quietly protested in confusion, "certainly you'd want one of the more experienced mages to do this?"

    "Yes Lilium, we are both very aware of your short time here," Tolfdir replied calmly, without emotion, "however in the brief time the Dragonborn claimed the title of Archmage, he raved about your prowess and obsession with the craft."

    Lilium blinked at him blankly as her heart began to flutter nervously. Was she experienced enough to do what her masters were asking of her?

    "Since Tolfdir was appointed as Archmage, we have began to see an increasing amount of the dark activity throughout the holds," Faralda added lightly, "the Jarls are in panic, and suddenly the stubborn Nords are beating down our doors pleading for our aid."

    Lilium could only swell with a small tinge of pride, listening to the new Master Wizard speak. Faralda had always talked about achieving the position, and had almost lost hope once Tolfdir was appointed to the position; however brief he may have held the title. Hearing her now, talking so confidently and so comfortably gave Lilium hope. Her favorite teacher, her mentor - her friend; had achieved her life-long goal and trusted her enough to ask for her help.

    "Lilium," Faralda stepped forward, touched both of the young she-elf's shoulders with soft hands and stared deeply into her eyes, "I have watched you grow these last months, only to see you meet and exceed all goals and aspirations I had for you. The Dragonborn himself was impressed with you. We have only called you here because we- I know you are ready for this. You're one of the most talented Apprentices the College has had since Savos Aren was an Apprentice himself. I have never been so proud of one of my pupils, or so confident."

    Lilium looked at the Altmer woman and only saw an honest and almost desperate look behind the glow of pride she was showing as she spoke to her. Lilium nodded, and pulled the Master Wizard into her for a warm and comforting embrace. Her eyes began to water, as she buried her face into the woman's shoulder. Was her father as proud of her as Faralda was right now?

    "Faralda is one of the most trusted and powerful mage's in the College, and my appointed Master Wizard, Lilium," Tolfdir interrupted the tender moment, "I trust her word and her instinct as much as I do my own. We both know you can do this, and if you are to continue in your place here at college, you must."

    "You know you can do this too, Lily," Faralda kissed Lilium's forehead gently as they separated, and nodded at her through her own tearful eyes as she returned to Tolfdir's side. "I know it's dangerous, and I know that it will be the hardest test you have ever faced, but I also know that you cannot do this alone. We will be paying whatever amount you deem necessary to acquire whatever help you think you need."

    Lilium wiped the tears from her cheeks and looked down at her feet. Her mind was still racing with thoughts of uncertainty and insecurity, but with every exhale of her breath the warmth and pride of her masters filled her heart, replacing those feelings with confidence and motivation. "I'll begin my preparations at once!"
     
    #1 Specter of Death, Sep 5, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2017 at 1:40 AM
  2. Specter of Death

    Specter of Death a soul devoid of eternal bonds

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2012
    Messages:
    1,914
    Likes Received:
    544
    Reputation:
    578
    (The art used in this CC are not 100% depictions of this character, but rather accurate ideas of what her visage is. Please keep this in mind while reading, and rely mainly on the descriptions in her CC and use the photos as reference points and imagery.)
    [​IMG]

    Lilium Lancif
    ~----~
    "Ar molag anyammis, av latta magicka."
    From fire, life; from light, magic
    ~----~

    NAME: Lilium Leidela Lancif

    ALIAS: Lily by loved ones

    AGE: 24

    BIRTH-DATE: 17th of Rain's Hand, 4E 178

    BIRTH PLACE: Unknown, but she was taken in as a young child in Anvil, Cyrodiil

    GENDER: Female

    RACE/ORIGIN: Altmer/High Elf [100%]

    CLASS: Pure Mage

    PROFESSION: Apprentice Historian, Lore-keeper, and Librarian

    LATERALITY: Ambidextrous

    SEXUALITY: Straight

    RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single

    FAMILY: Her adopted father, Lucius Lancif

    POSSESSIONS/HEIRLOOMS: Outside of her personal journal, the only things that came with her when she migrated north were her two most prized possessions; Her father's sword, and it's matching dagger he made for her.

    AFFILIATIONS: Arcane College (Cyrodiil) [Excommunicated], Mage's College of Winterhold [Apprentice Mage]

    AFFLICTIONS: N/A

    RELIGION: Standard Pantheon (The 8 Divines), acknowledges but does not worship Talos as a divine


    [​IMG]

    ~----~
    Appearance
    ~----~

    HEIGHT: 6'1"

    WEIGHT: 140 Lbs.

    BUILD: Lean, Fair, and Tall

    FACE: Soft and Angular

    EYES: Soft, with almost glowing Emerald irises

    SKIN TONE: Soft Golden Complexion

    HAIR STYLE: Cut Short, worn down and usually relatively messy

    HAIR COLOR: Soft, Pale Blonde - bordering on White

    SCARS: A violent looking scar, running across her left cheek from below her ear, to just before the left corner of her lips

    TATTOOS: N/A

    PIERCINGS: N/A


    [​IMG]

    ~----~
    Personality
    ~----~


    TEMPER: Even-tempered, she almost never loses her temper

    OUTLOOK: Positive, though she knows the world has it's darkness, but she believes the light and love of the good outweighs the shadows

    HONOR: High, she highly respects those she thinks deserves it (Most individuals)

    ALIGNMENT: Neutral Good

    POSITIVE TRAITS: Intelligent, Witty, Scholarly, Wholesome, Selfless, Caring, Warm, Intuitive, Friendly, Helpful, Strategic, Trusting

    NEGATIVE TRAITS: Selfless, Overly Focused on Knowledge and Magic, Sometimes Oblivious to Danger, Naive, Overly Trusting

    LIKES: Spring Showers, Rain, Thunderstorms, Aetherius, The Night Sky, Magic, Reading, Books, Libraries, Adventure, Anthropology, History, Geography, Botany, Animals, Other Mages and Scholars, Adventurers, and she is secretly fond of Chiseled and Brawny Warriors

    DISLIKES: Ignorance, Bigots, Liars, Evil, The Undead, Poachers, Belethor (He has a tendency of Hitting on her every time she's in Whiterun)

    FEARS: Death, Loss

    PHOBIAS: Snakes

    HABITS/QUIRKS: She reads when she isn't doing anything else (even while walking, and talking sometimes)

    ASPIRATIONS/GOALS: To know everything that she can before she joins her father in the afterlife; to make her father proud


    [​IMG]

    ~----~
    Gear and Fighting Style
    ~----~


    HEAD: A simple Copper and Sapphire Circlet, and a Hood depending on the weather conditions

    TORSO: A set of College Styled robes, that she opted to weave herself. The colors are matching that of the standard Apprentice robes, however the cloth draping over the top of her left shoulder carries the color of ebony.

    ARMS AND SHOULDERS: Her shoulders and arms are covered by the standard style of the College's Apprentice robes, however her arms while traveling and adventuring are embraced with Ebony colored Elven style gauntlets.

    WAIST: Around her waist a standard leather, steel clasped belt holds her robes warmly to her slender body

    LEGS AND FEET: Underneath her robes she wears a pair of thick fur and cloth pants, which run underneath Ebony colored boots matching the Elven style of her guantlets.

    EVERY DAY CARRY: Inside the small bag she carries over he shoulder, you will often find a small alchemist pouch filled with the ingredients to make health and magic potions. Along with this pouch a filled water-skin can be found next to a small count of assorted potions. Likely the most noticeable masses are a few of whatever books she may be reading and/or studying at the time.

    WEAPONS: As a pure mage, and because she has no clue how to wield any weapon; she carries none, and intends to keep it that way. It's a waist of energy and time to carry them around with her when all the offensive and defensive capabilities that she needs reside within her mind and her connection with the plane of Aetherius.

    MAGIC: Lilium is fairly proud of the fact that she refuses to pick only one school of magic to practice, and prefers to use all of them. Her goal is to be as powerful at wielding magic like the master mages of old - who knew every spell for any situation. With this, she has a plethora of mastered spells at her disposal that she masterfully and strategically uses. The list is as follows:

    ~ Alteration: Candlelight, Magelight, Ironflesh, Detect Life, Detect Dead, Equilibrium

    ~ Conjuration: Soul Trap, Revenant, Conjure Flame Atronach, Conjure Ice Atronach, Conjure Storm Atronach

    ~ Destruction: Flames, Firebolt, Fireball, Ignite, Fire Cloak, Frostbite, Ice Spike, Freeze, Frost Cloak, Sparks, Lightning Bolt, Chain Lightning, Lightning Cloak

    ~Illusion: Muffle, Frenzy, Rally, Pacify, Rout, Invisibility

    ~ Restoration: Greater Ward, Close Wounds, Heal Other, Heal Undead, Stendar's Aura, Turn Undead

    FIGHTING ABILITIES: While in battle, she is able to do numerous things, depending on the situation she finds herself in. Weather it means summoning support, healing comrades, raising the dead or striking fear in the hearts of her foes; she's a fierce competitor on the battlefield. However, she doesn't ever feel comfortable with going into a battle alone, and prefers to have friends or comrades at her side as she can only pull from her deep connection to Aetherius for so long. However, if need be, she has managed to master a spell that most mages refuse and almost never use - Equilibrium; in which she pulls from her own life energy to continue drawing from the Realm of Aetherius.

    FIGHTING STYLE: Heavy Support, Decent Defense, Formidable Offense, Major Influence


    [​IMG]

    ~----~
    History
    ~----~


    Lilium never knew her birth parents, but at some point in her young life her adopted father took her in. Lucius Lancif, a soldier in the Imperial Army. Nothing more than a lowly soldier, he was assigned to new areas of Tamriel, moving them fairly often. Never making much money, or staying in one place for any more than a year, Lilium and her father kept mostly to themselves outside of the barracks'. When her father was out on duty, Lilium often wandered the roads in whatever town they were in at the time; with some of the few possessions her father could afford for her - books.

    This is how their tiny family lived, bouncing from place to place, until she was almost 18 years old. Just before she turned 18, Liliums father retired himself from the Legion, and purchased a small home inside the Imperial City in Cyrodiil. He had joined the city's guard, and for the first time in all her years she had a definitive place to call home.

    On her 18th birthday, after months of searching for a way to join the Arcane College, Lucius surprised Lilium with an invitation into the school. An old friend of his, from 'back in the glory days' as he so eloquently put it, was a member of the College and managed to pull some strings.

    Though she wasn't a proper student, and merely a handmaiden, Lilium took every chance she could to snatch a book to read in her free-time only to put it back and grab another. She would often make excuses to clean during lectures, in order to learn from the Master mages about the realm of Aetherius and the art of magicka.

    She was able to do this without notice until she was 21, before she managed to make an enemy out of the Lore-keeper and Librarian of the college. Lilium was caught stealing a spell book, and had admitted to only borrowing it. The College did not feel the same, and excommunicated her in an instant, forcing her to leave and never enter the grounds again.

    Her day of excommunication was only the beginning of her bad luck, as on her return home, a courier met her with a note from the Captain of the city's guard. Her father was mortally wounded in action.

    She got to speak with him only in his last moments. A robbery in the Market District went awry, and he ended up getting stabbed in the chest; puncturing a lung. Lilium didn't bother to tell him about the trouble she had gotten herself into, rather, she focused on making the last moments of his life as happy as she could make them.

    His last words echoed in her mind as she packed up the few things she needed, and sold the rest of the belongings and her first home. And then she was in the wind, on her way to the north. To a college that would accept and teach her no matter who she was or where she came from.

    "Never stop reaching for your dreams, my Lily. You're the best and smartest person I have ever known, and you have always made me proud. I can't wait to see you become the best that you can be, that I know you can be. I am always with you, and I love you to the moons and back."

    College of Winterhold, Lilium Lancif, at your service.


    ~----~
    Voice and Score

    (Trying this part out, inspired by some of my old CCs as well as @Zelda's Lovely CCs)
    ~----~

    VOICE: Soft, Bright and almost Vaguely Sarcastic

    VOICE REFERENCE: Ashley Johnson as Ellie, "The Last of Us" [Click for Example]

    (In the Example video she is the Woman in the Sound booth)

    PERSONAL SCORE THEME:
    "My World" composed by Florian Bur
     
    #2 Specter of Death, Sep 5, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2017 at 1:50 AM
  3. Specter of Death

    Specter of Death a soul devoid of eternal bonds

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2012
    Messages:
    1,914
    Likes Received:
    544
    Reputation:
    578
    Example taken from 'The Last Dragonborn' RP by @Zelda

     
  4. Sweetroll76

    Sweetroll76 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2017
    Messages:
    139
    Likes Received:
    4
    Reputation:
    43
    "Be sure you are always the hunter...never the hunted"

    Requested class: Ranger

    Jinn
    ~----~

    [​IMG]
    ~----~

    FULL NAME: Naja-lin (Nah-sha-len) Eyes-of-Ghost Turone

    ALIAS: The Djinn of the South

    AGE: 29

    BIRTH-DATE: 4th of Sun's Dawn, 4E 175

    BIRTH PLACE: The Kota-Vimleel of Blackmarsh

    GENDER: Female

    RACE/ORIGIN: Argonian aka the Saxhil aka the People of the Root

    CLASS: Ranger

    LATERALITY: Ambidextrous

    SEXUALITY: Straight

    RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single (Everybody is too intimidated)

    FAMILY: N/A

    AFFILIATIONS: The Dawnguard [Reserve] <--called upon in emergencies

    AFFLICTIONS: N/A

    RELIGION: Acknowledges and respects the religions of Skyrim but is surprisingly devoted to her homeland's religion of the Hist.

    Appearance
    ~----~

    HEIGHT: 6'3

    WEIGHT: 163 Lbs.

    BUILD: Is tall and lean, but is very agile, lithe, and muscular.

    FACE: A gradual slop downward, and the typical set of Argonian teeth

    EYES: An unsettling amber with sharp reptilian eyes.

    SKIN TONE: Colors are considerably dark, with dark brown scales, white/brown cheekbones with red scales underlying her eyes.
    Her forehead scales are a lighter brown than her base color.

    HAIR STYLE: Little hair in the back, often just keeps it out of the way. Sometimes adorns it with a clasp

    HAIR COLOR: Black

    SCARS: An 'X' shaped scar across her snout, barely missing her eyes.

    TATTOOS: Black tattoo with native runes running down her spine.

    PIERCINGS: N/A

    Personality
    ~----~

    TEMPER: Stoic and calm. Very tolerable. But when you make her snap....run.

    OUTLOOK: Cynical, realistic, analytical, logical.

    HONOR: Surprisingly honorable, and will aid those that she judges as 'good'. Otherwise, she will either ignore you, or b. kill you

    ALIGNMENT: Neutral Good

    POSITIVE TRAITS: Cunning, strategic, intelligent, level-headed, observant, a woman of action and of her word, honorable, refined, rational

    NEGATIVE TRAITS: Secretive, blunt/insensitive, controlling, perfectionist, struggles to communicate, stubborn, cold

    LIKES: Hunting, Argonian Blood wine, Killing bandits, those who have good-hearts, Hunting, The wild, the great outdoors, swimming, being out on her own, did I mention hunting?

    DISLIKES: Despises liars, overpopulated, dense cities (Markarth), politics, sleazy merchants, arrogant nobles, iron arrows
    has a mild distate for the Dunmer for the past enslavment of her people (but will help those that she deems good), Dwemer ruins and co.

    FEARS: Becoming the hunted

    PHOBIAS: Dwemer creations [Ex: Spheres, Spiders, Ballistas, Centurions];

    HABITS/QUIRKS: Sometimes will hum as she sharpens her dagger or skins her game. The tip of her tail will move side to side like a clock when she is nervous or on edge. The corner
    of her lip starts to twitch if someone is really grating on her nerves. Often will show fondess of affection by draping her tail around the person. She also demonstrates responsibility
    and or protectiveness of a person by leading them with her tail around them. She doesn't seem fully aware of her tail's behaviors or maybe she simply doesn't stop them.
    Her laugh sounds something like a bird or perhaps even swine, as it sounds like a high pitches squealing and or hiccuping (this is a VERY rare occurence)

    ASPIRATIONS/GOALS: To become the best hunter that she can be [Secretly: To find a mate and settle down with her own home in Falkreath]

    Gear and Fighting Style
    ~----~

    HEAD: She dislikes cramming her horns inside a helmet, but will sometimes wear a Novice's hood.

    TORSO: Generic scaled armo except well warn with multiple scratches indications where it was fixed and resown together. [Alternate] Fur clothes

    ARMS AND SHOULDERS: Scaled bracelets allow her the proper mobility and control that a full-gauntlet would hinder. [Alternate] Fur gauntlets

    WAIST: Instead of the usual belt she has something of a tool belt: which holds a small dagger (for skinning), a satchel, and a set of ominous phials

    LEGS AND FEET: Wears big furry boots because "feet get cold"

    EVERY DAY CARRY: Almost always has arrows strapped to her back (which is an assortment of every arrow in various numbers except iron arrows),
    keeps phials of poison on her belt to apply to her weapon/arrow. A large bag on her back filled with furs and meats from the day as well as her change of fur clothes.
    Has a smaller emergency bag of healing potions and cures for poisons. Has the spell-book of invisibility on her

    WEAPONS: It's a mystery how she got the glass bow, but its name is La-shak and it is her baby. In close-combat she wields an orcish sword.

    MAGIC: Jinn is wary of magic, but she knows some very basic spells such as Candlelight, Clairvoyance, and is currently working on Invisibility.

    FIGHTING ABILITIES: Is a formiddable opponent in both long-ranged and close-combat. She becomes focused on her prey and nothing but her prey. This focus is deadly. She will first aim
    at the leg to send a target down, and grab the attention of the rest of the group, and then with her poisoned arrows will hit them one by one. She is not brawny, but she can disappear
    into the shadows like a khajit and strike when you least expect it. She will catch you off guard. She will catch you by surprise. But she won't let you live long enough to wonder
    what happened. She has incredible stamina and will often use one swift blow to decapitate her enemies up close.

    FIGHTING STYLE: Strong Defense, Formidable offense, uses strategieies such as surprise attacks but otherwise fights honorably... most of the time.

    HISTORY: There is very little Jinn will tell of her story, how she came from Blackmarsh to Skyrim, and why. But it all began when she was born. Born to the tribe who worshipped Sithis alongside
    the Dark Brotherhood. The two entities were close. But she had refused to become a Shadowscale. She already knew too much. Her punishment was death.
    But she wouldn't accept that. She took down those that came for her. But the Dark Brotherhood is everywhere. She fled to Skyrim. The Dark Brotherhood is still here, but spread out. But if she suspects you she WILL kill you. She will kill you without a second thought. She will be as merciless as them. As unfeeling as them. As deadly as them


    What Jinn brings to the table: A sense of battle-born wisdom, calm logical strategy, and almost motherly relationship to her comrades (super laid back in this)
     

    Attached Files:

    • Winner Winner x 1
    #4 Sweetroll76, Sep 9, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2017
  5. Sweetroll76

    Sweetroll76 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2017
    Messages:
    139
    Likes Received:
    4
    Reputation:
    43
    Writing example taken from Exotic Herbs and Where to Find Them roleplay

    "Elouen is pretty oblivious when she turns around, a look of surprise and distress when she sees her comrades in a similar state. After sheathing her weapon on her back, she beats her chest with her fist before giving a hearty cough, and puff of smoke exits her mouth and makes her eyes tear up. The smell of burnt hair and flesh fills the cave. Her blue eyes dart between the two nervously, searching for an answer. It is only when Hulgar mutters the word 'Dragonborn' do her eyebrows raise and her eyes widen in recognition.
    "Oh!" She exclaims, clapping her hands together. Once the recognition settles in, her cheeks flush pink, and she seems rather embarrassed. She raises a finger, "ah...well-yes..." she awkwardly begins, the attention making her bashful and nervous. "B-but! P-please! No need for such respect!" This is mainly aimed toward Hulgar, as she waves her hands at him groveling in the dirt. Elouen moves a loose strand out of her face, looking for the proper words. She finally, awkwardly clears her throat "I-I apologize for not telling you" she begins sheepishly "I...tend to be by myself on my travels, and my daughters...already know. I-...tend to forget how big of a deal it is.""
     
    • Like Like x 1
    Latest Given Reputation Points:
    Specter of Death: 22 Points (A great first application, a great try at a formal CC, from a very promising writer. (I'm gonna save the reputation for a CC for when you revise Jinn's!)) Sep 11, 2017
  6. Specter of Death

    Specter of Death a soul devoid of eternal bonds

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2012
    Messages:
    1,914
    Likes Received:
    544
    Reputation:
    578
    Alright Sweet. I've had a couple days to sit back and review your cc and writing example as long and as critical as I could - as I do with all those I write with. I have also gotten another set of eyes to give me another perspective in looking. Here's what I have to say: you show promise, and I want to see what you are made of.

    I've looked into your writing, and how often you are online here, and you are truly as new and passionate a member as I was when I first started role-playing on this site back in 2012. You have a lot of room to grow, and I definitely would like to see and help you in doing so. From my understanding and point of view, you've only been involved with one RP, and have only created (publicly anyway) one character card outside of this one.

    This tells me a lot. Nothing bad, in fact the opposite: because none of the posts that I have looked into of yours showed half as much of your writing abilities as your character card for Jinn did. That is what stuck out the most to me. My second set of eyes agreed with me in saying that we think you can do better. Believe me, you've got the "fire" from my point of view.

    What does any of this have to do with your CC or your Writing example?

    Well, I don't want to decline your application, but I want you to do something before I decide whether or not to accept it. I can tell that you have a fairly good idea of who your character is, and who you envision her being when in this role-play. However there are some issues, your CC, although detailed and even framed after my own format, seems stretched thin and almost uncomfortable. I think this is mainly because you aren't writing in a CC format that you are familiar or comfortable with, you've never done a CC in this way before (that's perfectly fine, believe me. I still have to tweak and remake my CC formats almost day to day :p). I say this not meaning to offend, call you bad at writing or making a CC or anything like that. I just mean that the CC you gave didn't do your character the justice that I think it needs, and that I think you are fully capable of creating.

    So here is what I would like you to do: remake your CC. BUT, remake the format to what makes you comfortable! You've shown that you know all the information about your character, that she is thought out, but it didn't 'sell' me. Trim the edges off, cut things down, add things, change things. You know what a CC is in a nutshell now, and what it looks like, so make one of your own that is specific to Jinn's character and nobody else's. Go to the Character Cards section (here's a link: [Linkedy Link]), and look through a bunch of the different pages and scout out the different CC's that you see from different writers there. Take inspiration from what you like and what you might not like.

    This seems like an exhausting task, but believe me, it will be well worth it. With the CC you provided, I sense about 10% of her soul. However, when you do soul searching for her and her CC, and craft your own format and organization of it, you and I will both feel 100% of it! It will make you feel more into role-playing her, because you didn't follow somebody else's "directions" on how to make a CC, you followed and crafted your own, just like you did Jinn. And don't rush it. When you feel like you love what you've done and feel confident in reposting, do so - but don't worry about how long it takes. This thing isn't starting super soon, so you have the time! I really like the idea for your character thus far, but I want to see you do it in your own way, and show her off and sell her too me like she sold herself to you!

    Now, here's a couple things I would like you to rethink and correct while doing so.

    1. This is taking place in essentially October of 4E 203. Which would mean Dawnguard is no longer active, nor are the Volkihar vampires. Things would be like they were before the Dawnguard DLC even happened. So, for this RP at least, she can't be associated with the Dawnguard. However, if you'd like to make a small, lore-friendly, vigilante group of vampire hunters or witchers like the Vigilents of Stendar for example, feel free!

    2. As I said, this is taking place in 4E 203, and as far as the updated lore goes (up to 4E 202), the Shadowscales have been completely wiped out. The last known Shadowscale died in 4E 201. Now this, in theory, wouldn't be a problem for your character, but at the same time it would be fairly unlikely, because the order had been virtually ending and deteriorating around the time of your character's birth. The Argonians or Saxhleel don't worship the hist, Sithis or the void - the dark brotherhood does and the shadowscales did while they were active(that's their connection to the dark brotherhood). The Saxhleel themselves don't worship any Tamrielic deity. They only know that the Hist is their creator, and they often perform rituals in their honor. They revere Sithis because the Hist acknowledges him. Shadowscales are a complicated subject, as they are only Argonians that are born under the sign of the shadow (Second Seed or May in our world), and are offered at birth to the Dark Brotherhood. However, an Argonian under the Shadow sign can willingly leave the brotherhood, to live however they please. I am telling you all this so you can make whatever decision you would like to here. If your character was born in the month of Sun's Dawn or February, she could never have been considered a Shadowscale, and wouldn't be permitted to be one. HOWEVER, your character can worship the same way they do if you'd like. Or, you can make her born in Second Seed, and thus she would be considered a Shadowscale. However, if she decided to go the other way and not be one, there would be no penalty. So do what you will with this info and keep it in mind for your character's bio and history.

    3. I would prefer it if you'd avoid using magic if you are going for the role of the ranger here. I got lost in her Class, as you described her as starting as a shadowscale (assassin), and her prowess seems to match that. If she is a ranger, her gift is to be unseen and blend in with nature, without any aid from beyond the mortal realm, i.e, a master navigator of the wilderness, and a master of using it to her advantage. If you would like to go the more assassin route of things, then you need to go full in to that, and apply to take up the rogue position. Then it would be acceptable to use a little illusion magic, invisibility, and assassinations.

    4. For your writing example, I want you to give me an example of you writing with Jinn. I know I said you didn't have to in my post, but I need to see a fresh piece from you after you finish your new CC. I'd urge you to look at my writing example I posted, or the short intro I did at the beggining of the thread. Your dialogue needs to be clear, and your posts need to be divided into paragraphs more clearly.

    I've honestly never been more confident in a writer of your experience roll playing here. I really would like to see you prove to yourself just how great you could be with this character, because I know for some reason I strongly believe you could excel and exceed expectations. I'm looking forward to it, and I hope you'll be willing to try! I'd love to Role-play along side Jinn and you once you have her fleshed out enough!

    (Seriously, for some reason I just know and feel it in my gut that you can do it, and I really want you to succeed so don't take anything that I have said here negatively or overbearing, I just really really really want you to succeed and do well and I know you can do this bleh)
     
    #6 Specter of Death, Sep 11, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2017
  7. Sweetroll76

    Sweetroll76 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2017
    Messages:
    139
    Likes Received:
    4
    Reputation:
    43
    Thank you for this critique. You've really pointed what I need to work on which I very much appreciate. You are right, I was sort of uncomfortable with the layout, but I used it because I assumed I had no other option. That is my own ignorance. I also, have not roleplayed in thread based format in quite sometime, and it is pretty different than say Skype roleplays. It was a serious jog of memory to have to out everything about my character up front. I was rather intimidated by the work load and rushed things. I have only just recently gotten into Skyrim, and so my knowledge of the lore is-....limited. Therefore, I really appreciate you taking the time to point out what does and doesn't exist at this point in the timeline as I especially suck at timelines. If it's alright with you, I may abstain from writing her background. My character creation tends to work backwards, often creating the character and working on backstory later. I will most likely take your advice in terms of her skills and abilities, and perhaps change a few.

    I'm...honestly very surprised and flattered by your critique. I am not saying I am a bad writer, but it is not what I have chosen to use as a form of storytelling. In fact, sometimes it can be very difficult for me to portray something through words. This is why your praise of my ability to story-tell is very much appreciated.

    I cant say when my edited CC + writing example will be posted seeing as I am a fulltime studen, but I will most certainly rewrite this to where I am strongest.

    Thank you for your patience

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
    • Winner Winner x 1
    #7 Sweetroll76, Sep 11, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2017
  8. Specter of Death

    Specter of Death a soul devoid of eternal bonds

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2012
    Messages:
    1,914
    Likes Received:
    544
    Reputation:
    578
    You're very welcome! And don't worry about being "ignorant". There is a difference between new and minorly uninformed and ignorance, trust me! This is indeed far different than quick time roleplaying, I'd compare this to moreso DnD style roleplaying but without the dice, and with intense character development. Don't at all feel intimidated, I have faith in you and your abilities! It'll be a change and transition, but you will be surrounded by people who have done this exact type of RP regularly - and if I have anything to do with it, we can and will help and guide you when you need it. Your knowledge of the lore isn't really important, you have a pretty good idea of what is and isn't a part of the series, and I am surprised you even knew what the shadowscales were! Everyone has room to learn too though, I've been learning for 5 years and I haven't stopped learning. If you have any questions about the world, or lore or history, feel free to ask! If I can give you answers, I will, and if not? Well we can do some research together until we find the answers!

    With your character, I'm glad you say that you will be taking your time! Time allows one to make their writing the best they can at the time! And, the reason I am encouraging that you go back and make the CC how you want it to be organized and made is so that you can work backwards however you'd like. Everyone's writing style is different, and no one's the same. As I said in the first post, a history/bio isn't necessary. I am a huge believer that histories and bios are totally optional, because not having one is more immersive for other characters and their writers; why would anybody know your past before hand, y'know? If you go through my CC's you'd see that most of them lack a History/bio, Lilium is a rare exception because I was incredibly inspired when I created her and she started from the bio itself.

    This may not be your chosen writing format, however as I said, you seem to have the spark to have what it takes. When I was in your shoes, I was intimidated by such writing, and stuck to easier lax roleplaying. Until somebody, a wonderful somebody, came in and invited me into a 'big time' roleplay, if you will. Something way beyond what I thought I was able to do, but they helped me incredibly - and showed me how good I actually was if I tried. From there I just never broke away and only got more and more into it, started my own and joined so many with so many talented and great people. When I say you have that spark, that is me feeling that you will indeed be able to write and portray things in this format; if you are willing to try it! Take you time with it, and don't worry about when. You aren't the only one on the site who is busy with school and life, this is a hobby after all. It's supposed to be fun!

    You're welcome, and I look forward to seeing what you are made of! Good luck, and may Kynareth guide your pen! :)
     
  9. Sweetroll76

    Sweetroll76 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2017
    Messages:
    139
    Likes Received:
    4
    Reputation:
    43
    How much should I change in my app?


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  10. Specter of Death

    Specter of Death a soul devoid of eternal bonds

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2012
    Messages:
    1,914
    Likes Received:
    544
    Reputation:
    578
    Give me the basic information. If you'd like me to provide the minimum amount of information I'll need from you, I can.
     
  11. Sweetroll76

    Sweetroll76 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2017
    Messages:
    139
    Likes Received:
    4
    Reputation:
    43
    No no. Its all good. I have a game plan now! Thank you for repeating the critique though! It will really help


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
    • Winner Winner x 1
  12. Sweetroll76

    Sweetroll76 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2017
    Messages:
    139
    Likes Received:
    4
    Reputation:
    43
    DEEEEEEEEEEEP INHALE. HOPEFULLY this does not disappoint but perhaps even exceeds your expectations


    Jinn
    ~----~
    "Make sure you are always the hunter. Never the hunted"
    ~----~

    FULL NAME: Naja-lin (Nah-sha-len) Eyes-of-Ghost Turone

    ALIAS: The Djinn of the South, Jinn

    AGE: 28

    BIRTH-DATE: 4th of Sun's Dawn, 4E 175

    GENDER: Female

    RACE/ORIGIN: Argonian aka the Saxhil aka the People of the Root

    CLASS: Ranger

    LATERALITY: Ambidextrous (extra: prefers to write with right hand but can write with left hand)

    SEXUALITY: Straight

    RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single (Everybody is too intimidated)

    RELIGION: Acknowledges and respects the religions of Skyrim but does not personally partake in worship

    Appearance
    ~----~

    Standing at 6 feet and 3 inches, Jinn can loom over many Nord men and perhaps even a few mer. Speaking of mer, she is not unlike them in physique. She is tall, with a slim build that gives her small bust and hips a sense of equality. What she lacks in femininity, she makes up for in muscle and agility. Her speed is similar to a slaughter-fish, as well as her sharp ferocity in combat. Her lithe body keeps her at a good solid 163 lbs, most of which she trained very hard for. Compared to many of her race, Jinn is very unique in her appearance: Her scales are a deep blackish brown with lighter brown undertones, with a deep red tint underneath the eyes. She has long horns that curl inwards slightly as they stretch back, and sometimes she wraps the base of these horns in colorful cloth or with jewelry, but these occasions are very rare and most likely for special events. Her eyes are an unsettling amber with needle-like pupils, baring an x-shaped scar across the eye ridge and below the eye itself. She does not bare the feared set of needle teeth, but the normal set of Argonian teeth, which only have the slightest hint of yellow. The most unusual thing about Jinn's appearance is the black hair she bares on the back of her head which is rather short and often kept out of the way, but it is hair nonetheless. She tends to simple shrug at questions regarding it, and brushes off any accusations of being a half-breed abomination when the rest of her is so clearly Argonian. It appears even she doesn't know, and doesn't really care enough about it to know. If you have the privilege of her being comfortable with you to which she openly changes clothes, you may notice the native black runes tattooed all the way down her spine to the base of her tail, which have an elegant tribal quality to them.


    Personality

    ~----~

    At her core, Jinn is a woman of business. She takes a liking to the sound of septims hitting the counter, and does not take kindly to those that try to swindle her for her hard-earned pelts. While clearly not a woman of many words, the words she does speak are often eloquent, and persuasive, and before you know it she has haggled the items she needs to the lowest possible price, and the ones she is selling to an impressive price. Her physical intimidation may have to do with this, but during her 'discussions' she makes no move to threaten the merchants, instead she appears more open. Outside of business, she is very stoic, and rather hard to interpret, and it's more than just an argonian thing. She is calm and collected, and very logical and perhaps even tactical about the way she goes about things. Even with her business woman's charm and tactic, she is by no means dishonorable. She has a strong sense of honor, and will aid and/or protect those that she deems honorable. Despite her cynical outlook on life, Jinn has a soft spot for aiding those in need, but will be less helpful when those people are those of poor standing, or simply have no use to her (she refuses to be a courier). While she may be observant and rational, she can also be very controlling, and even at points tactless by being insensitively blunt. Jinn is also very secretive, and because of her tact as a business woman, she can appear sleazy and suspicious. But in truth Jinn is simply not afraid to do what she must to get what she wants. She is a woman of her word, as well as one of action.

    Despite appearing unemotional, Jinn has some very clear habits and hobbies that which make up her person. What seems to be most obvious however, is her dislike of bandits. Whether it's because they swindle good business, or because they are nothing more than rotten criminals, Jinn is merciless toward them. When she usually tends to avoid trouble, she will slay a bandit on sight if she sees one. This may also be connected to her profound hatred of liars, which the mere thought makes her scalene lip curl in disgust. It is inferred that the hatred of dishonest people, and the desire to help those that are honest and good may be interlinked and have something to do with her mysterious past.

    Jinn loves the outdoors, and will sometimes even dryly joke that she should have been born a wood elf. She has an extensive knowledge of the herbs, animals, and hunting grounds in Skyrim, most likely because her lifestyle as a nomad grants her such opportunities. She seems to prefer to be toward the south however, especially during the winter due to her cold-blood, but will travel north during the summer. She enjoys swimming, and most of her gear, if not all, is water resistant to some capacity. She is not against abruptly jumping off the path into the nearby steam for a brief swim. Despite her borderline painfully analytical behavior, it would be wrong to assume she is a buzzkill. It is clear in her eyes that she lives for the thrill of hunting, and enjoys occasionally letting loose while out in wilderness. She has a deep, genuine appreciation for nature, one which she strives to respect. It is noteworthy that she will avoid the territories
    of Spriggans and only kills them as a last resort. Even so, she does not take their deaths lightly, and evidently has far more respect for the spirits of nature than bandits. The same goes for Giants. As an honorable woman, she sees no sport in slaying the peaceful giants and their herds, and frowns deeply at those who do for their amusement or even fear. An odder rule of hers is not to kill a fox. Her support for this is, "To outfox a fox by killing it is foolish. To outfox it by learning what it knows is better."

    The inverse of her love for the open spaces is her dislike, or even fear, of tight ones. Her restlessness is especially evident in Markarth, and will quote in contempt: "the city of stone never changes". Her restlessness in large crowded cities can be a combination of tight spaces and her dislike of the arrogance that surrounds such places. However, the thing that makes her the most evidently nervous and fearful are the mentioning of Dwemer ruins. She has a strong distaste, even fear, for Dwemer ruins. This most likely stems from the lack of knowledge and control of her surroundings. Upon further inquiry she will quietly explain: "I do not enjoy feeling like the prey", which provides insight on her distrust of Dwemer ruins. This is further connected with her combined wariness of magic, and the technology of the dwemer. She is not against voicing her beliefs on giving something 'false life', and believes that such creations are wrong and like necromancy, are against the laws of nature. Unlike dwemer creations however, Jinn is not against going into burrows in search of wealth despite the undead. Despite her denial of it, Jinn seems to be to some extent, claustrophobic.


    HABITS/QUIRKS: Sometimes will hum as she sharpens her dagger or skins her game. The tip of her tail will move side to side like a clock when she is nervous or on edge. The corner of her lip starts to twitch if someone is really grating on her nerves. Often will show fondness of affection by draping her tail around the person. She also demonstrates responsibility and or protectiveness of a person by leading them with her tail around them. She doesn't seem fully aware of her tail's behaviors or maybe she simply doesn't stop them. Her laugh sounds something like a bird or perhaps even swine, as it sounds like a high pitches squealing and or hiccuping (this is a VERY rare occurrence)

    SKILLS: Bow and arrow, dual wielding, basic smithing, stealthy, high speech, knowledgeable in alchemy (note: does not use rare or 'exotic' ingredients as those are very rare. Mainly things that can be found in nature). A rather impressive cook. Literate.

    ASPIRATIONS/GOALS: To become a prosperous hunter/merchant [Secretly: To find a mate and settle down with her own home in Falkreath]

    Gear and Fighting Style
    ~----~

    Wears full leather armor, minus the helmet, with a quiver of Orcish arrows and her imperial bow on her back.

    HEAD: N/A

    TORSO: Well worn Leather armor with nicks and scratches, as well as indications where it was fixed and resown together.

    ARMS AND SHOULDERS: Leather bracers allow her the proper mobility and control that a full-fingered-gauntlet would hinder in terms of her bow

    WAIST: Instead of the usual belt she has something of a tool belt: which holds a small dagger (for skinning), an apothecary satchel, a set of ominous phials, a small pouch of soul gems, and a smaller pouch of septims.

    LEGS AND FEET: Wears leather boots that are often muddy and well worn.

    EVERY DAY CARRY: Almost always has arrows strapped to her back (which is an assortment of every arrow in various numbers except iron arrows), keeps phials of poison on her belt to apply to her weapon/arrow. A large bag on her back filled with furs and meats from the day.
    Has a smaller emergency bag of healing potions and cures for poisons. See tool belt for more info.

    WEAPONS: Her imperial bow's name is La-shak and it is her baby. In close-combat she wields an enchanted orcish axe and an elven one.

    MAGIC: Jinn is wary of magic and tends to avoid it.

    FIGHTING ABILITIES: Is a formidable opponent in both long-ranged and close-combat. She becomes focused on her prey and nothing but her prey. This focus is deadly. She will first aim at the leg to send a target down, and grab the attention of the rest of the group, and then with her poisoned arrows will hit them one by one. She is not brawny, but she can disappear into the shadows like a khajit and strike when you least expect it. She will catch you off guard. She will catch you by surprise. But she won't let you live long enough to wonder what happened. She has incredible stamina and will often use one swift blow to decapitate her enemies up close. In close combat she uses dual one-handed weapons, and more often than not they are two different things.

    FIGHTING STYLE: Strong Defense, Formidable offense, uses strategies such as surprise attacks but otherwise fights honorably... most of the time.
     

    Attached Files:

    • Winner Winner x 1
  13. Sweetroll76

    Sweetroll76 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2017
    Messages:
    139
    Likes Received:
    4
    Reputation:
    43
    may I please get your thoughts on this CC before providing a writing sample?
     
    • Like Like x 1
  14. Specter of Death

    Specter of Death a soul devoid of eternal bonds

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2012
    Messages:
    1,914
    Likes Received:
    544
    Reputation:
    578
    Alright Sweet, here's my verdict: WONDERFUL JOB! It has definitely improved, and more than met the expectations I had for you! Excellent job. I like her a lot. I'll wait for your writing example to be posted before I can say whether or not I am going to add you into the roster, but let's just say that I am excited to do so! Looking forward to what you come up with, and please let me say again, I'd like you to do a brief piece using Naja. If the improvement with her CC says anything, it's that your writing example will be just as improved!

    Good luck Dear!
     
  15. Specter of Death

    Specter of Death a soul devoid of eternal bonds

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2012
    Messages:
    1,914
    Likes Received:
    544
    Reputation:
    578
    added 'The Cast so far!' to intro post
     
  16. Sweetroll76

    Sweetroll76 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2017
    Messages:
    139
    Likes Received:
    4
    Reputation:
    43
    Writing Sample! (Oh boy!)

    Monster Hunter

    It all began with the crows. Jinn was casually walking along the road when with a single caw, there was a mass exodus from the trees around her. For but a moment, the sky went black with swarms of feathers and beady eyes, sending the Argonian's heart racing. She instinctively reaches back for her bow, but then hesitates, watching the dark mass get smaller and smaller into the sky. It wasn't long before Jinn was left in the tranquil once more, still standing in the same spot and looking into the sky. A swarm of crows like that was rare to see in the quiet wildernes of Falkreath. The tip of her tail starts to move side to side restlessly, and her tongue flicks across her scalene lips to taste the cool morning air. She could have sworn she tasted the familiar tingle of magic, just the faintest trace. Only now did she pull out her bow and subconsciously load an orcish arrow onto it. Her movement speed slowed, but she didn't mind. Her buyer was just going to have to wait on her. She preferred being late than being dead, no matter how much punctuality meant to her. Naja-lin's tail removes itself from grazing the ground, and instead raises with a tense alertness, curling inward slightly. Her reptilian amber eyes glance around her foggy environment from the shadows of her cloth cowl, seeming to faintly glow from the reflection.

    Her hunter's instinct was tingling, and was screaming of danger. The hunter very quickly was beginning to feel like the prey. She heard a twig snap in the underbrush, and within moments she dived off the road and into the underbrush on the opposite side of the sound. Her breathing remains even, her focus unshaken as she pulls back her bow. She can now see a figure through the haze, one on all 4 legs, or is it...two? Her eyes narrow and her mouth opens to taste the air. Yes. It is a werewolf. As it gets closer she can hear its labored breathing, and the lust for blood. Jinn forces her heart to be still. She can't be afraid. She will NOT be afraid. She is not afraid. She slowly pulls back the string of her bow, and steadies it, but the creature won't stop moving. Her eyes narrow as she shuts out all other senses accept the awareness of her own heart and breath, before letting go. She watches in slow motion how the arrow slices through the thick fog like butter and just as the creature turns it's head toward the sound of her bow, the arrow makes contact with the skin between the eyes. It barely lets out a whine before it sinks to the ground, dead. Jinn slowly stands up, sheathing her bow before making her way toward the fallen beast. She crouches down beside it, examining how the eyes were still wide, but glazed over. She suppresses the guilty thought of this being a person. A person who sacrifices their humanity for power, often at the cost of others, is someone she refuses to respect. With a whip of her tail, she turns, leaving her kill for every traveler to see, for every monster to see. She has things to do.
     
    • Winner Winner x 1
  17. Specter of Death

    Specter of Death a soul devoid of eternal bonds

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2012
    Messages:
    1,914
    Likes Received:
    544
    Reputation:
    578
    Absolutely wonderful. Much much MUCH better! I have a minor question however, you bounced between Naja and Jinn, was this on purpose? Not a problem, I was just curious because her CC no longer has that name. Other than that however, I can confidently say I am proud of the work you have provided, the improvements made and the expectations you have met. You should be proud of what you have done here!

    CORRECTION I JUST SAW JINN IN YOUR CC, I MISSED IT, MY FAULT :p

    I'm adding you to the roster! Welcome to the adventure!
     
    #17 Specter of Death, Sep 19, 2017 at 4:42 PM
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2017 at 4:48 PM
  18. Sweetroll76

    Sweetroll76 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2017
    Messages:
    139
    Likes Received:
    4
    Reputation:
    43
    *CHEEERS ALL AROUND*

    Also, Naja-lin is her full name, but I have since decided that she is known most commonly by Jinn. Therefore I recommend referring to her as Jinn in reference to her. She will also introduce herself as "jinn". If that clears things up!
     
  19. Sweetroll76

    Sweetroll76 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2017
    Messages:
    139
    Likes Received:
    4
    Reputation:
    43
    Haja! No problem!!


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  20. Specter of Death

    Specter of Death a soul devoid of eternal bonds

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2012
    Messages:
    1,914
    Likes Received:
    544
    Reputation:
    578
    I missed the Jinn in your CC, Sorry again xD

    @Sweetroll76
     

Share This Page

  • Like us on Facebook