Need to Vent & Rage?
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Lady Redpool the Unlifer
Pyro, Spirits Connoisseur, and Soulless Anarchist
Dude, no problem. I admire your bravery. I know that I wouldn't be able to come out and say somethin like that.
Dabiene Caristiana
Your friendly neighborhood weirdo
Don't worry Simus. You know, from the beginning I was always a tom boy. I never played much with dolls, barbies, or anything, never had the urge to watch those girly shows. The only extent I went was watching the Power Puff Girls but I was little. Everyone watched Barney the Dinosaur and it was all good and fun.
Soon though I was part of the guys. I hung out with the guys because I wasn't really judged. The result?
-I now despise high heels, anything to do with heels really. As Robin Williams said in the Movie "Mrs. Doubtfire":
"If I find the misogynistic bastard that invented heels, I'll kill him." Or as I say to my friends: "Way back when, I bet in the Medieval times they invented these things to torture women into marrying the guys and look pretty." Or something to that extent. Heels... *shivers
-Having no clue as to why making yourself look sexy and primpy with pounds of make up and hundreds of dollars worth of 'do overs'. I cannot find the reason why I should put on pounds of make up just to look someone different. If I ever find the guy for me that actually doesn't wake up in bed with me WITHOUT my make up on and then scream "Who the hell are you!?" then I'm perfectly fine and happy being me. Not looking like a Barbie doll. And yes, I know most girls don't do that, but I'm just venting.
-Why most girls stab each other in the back over a guy. Really? Need I say more? I was raised with only a dad and learned that honesty and loyalty is the best policy. I mean sure I've lied but when it comes to my friends and their reputation, I will defend them. And give them guy advice. Because again... I'm just one of the guys. Not ashamed at all. Tom boy pride and loving it!
Now for the odd stuff. Frequently I always secretly wondered what it would like being a guy. Not having to worry about daddy getting all protective of his little doll, or having other girls stab you in the back. Perhaps doing stupid stuff and not being judged. Although I can imagine you guys get judged by your parents, get scolded a lot and such. But I always wanted to find out what it was like to be a gamer, not judged by gender. Or do the things I WANT TO DO, without being judged. Around here, if your a girl you have to play by the 'traditional' rules.
You're a girl. You cook.
You're a girl. You clean.
You're a girl. You make sure your siblings are in line. (Although I'm sure guys do that too)
Stereotypical crap gets me angry. I'm sure my fellow girl gamers have met many an online idiot who says "Haha you're a chick, go back to the kitchen." Me? I come back with a witty comeback and do whatever else I'm doing. Although I'm sure they are just trolling. Sure funny when they throw a tantrum online after you seemingly don't get mad lol.
Sooo Back on subject. Simus, I met a few guys wonder what it would be like trying on "girl things" like shoes. That's normal to be curious. Because I'm one of the girls who always wondered what it would be like to do all these guys stuff. Or actually be a guy.
Hope I didn't offend or confuse anyone. That's just deep down in me. I can't change it or judge myself. I may look at myself in the mirror everyday and flip myself off for the crap I've done but hey! As my dad said, (and I'm sure everyone's pretty much) "Life goes on. Just have to make the best of it."
Soon though I was part of the guys. I hung out with the guys because I wasn't really judged. The result?
-I now despise high heels, anything to do with heels really. As Robin Williams said in the Movie "Mrs. Doubtfire":
"If I find the misogynistic bastard that invented heels, I'll kill him." Or as I say to my friends: "Way back when, I bet in the Medieval times they invented these things to torture women into marrying the guys and look pretty." Or something to that extent. Heels... *shivers
-Having no clue as to why making yourself look sexy and primpy with pounds of make up and hundreds of dollars worth of 'do overs'. I cannot find the reason why I should put on pounds of make up just to look someone different. If I ever find the guy for me that actually doesn't wake up in bed with me WITHOUT my make up on and then scream "Who the hell are you!?" then I'm perfectly fine and happy being me. Not looking like a Barbie doll. And yes, I know most girls don't do that, but I'm just venting.
-Why most girls stab each other in the back over a guy. Really? Need I say more? I was raised with only a dad and learned that honesty and loyalty is the best policy. I mean sure I've lied but when it comes to my friends and their reputation, I will defend them. And give them guy advice. Because again... I'm just one of the guys. Not ashamed at all. Tom boy pride and loving it!
Now for the odd stuff. Frequently I always secretly wondered what it would like being a guy. Not having to worry about daddy getting all protective of his little doll, or having other girls stab you in the back. Perhaps doing stupid stuff and not being judged. Although I can imagine you guys get judged by your parents, get scolded a lot and such. But I always wanted to find out what it was like to be a gamer, not judged by gender. Or do the things I WANT TO DO, without being judged. Around here, if your a girl you have to play by the 'traditional' rules.
You're a girl. You cook.
You're a girl. You clean.
You're a girl. You make sure your siblings are in line. (Although I'm sure guys do that too)
Stereotypical crap gets me angry. I'm sure my fellow girl gamers have met many an online idiot who says "Haha you're a chick, go back to the kitchen." Me? I come back with a witty comeback and do whatever else I'm doing. Although I'm sure they are just trolling. Sure funny when they throw a tantrum online after you seemingly don't get mad lol.
Sooo Back on subject. Simus, I met a few guys wonder what it would be like trying on "girl things" like shoes. That's normal to be curious. Because I'm one of the girls who always wondered what it would be like to do all these guys stuff. Or actually be a guy.
Hope I didn't offend or confuse anyone. That's just deep down in me. I can't change it or judge myself. I may look at myself in the mirror everyday and flip myself off for the crap I've done but hey! As my dad said, (and I'm sure everyone's pretty much) "Life goes on. Just have to make the best of it."
Mannulus
Article Writer
Oh I got a lovely long one for those who can stand not dealing with TL;DR issues.
First up, my boss. Look, I understand you're my "boss" and I appreciate how well you keep the restaurant moving (McDonalds btw. Tough economy.). However, this does not mean you can ****ing yell at me just because I can't wash, rinse and sanitize close to 50-60+ dishes in 1-2 hours; not to mention that I have to do towel buckets, cleaning up the occasional spill and bringing up stock from the back, several times. So every time you yell at me and order me to go clean the lot outside, I take my broom and scoop and I go outside and cry while I clean. If I am lucky it will be raining and I can blame it on that as well.
I also have to mention that I am not a track athlete. You expect me to run run run around the damn place for four hours straight? Apparently you don't know about this thing called "burn out". Then you bitch and complain about why your "workers" are going slower and messing up. They are tired and demoralized you soul ripping ****. But no matter, you don't give a plops and proceed to hire more people like it is going out of style, reducing my hours. I am sorry I can't be near the grill, my heart goes out of whack when I am near heat. I tried having you put me on cashier but you said no, saying "I am incapable". Who the **** do you think you are? I am a undergrad at the UA for Clinical and Counseling Psychology. I will be helping children with problems you stupid **** while you flip burgers and have a god damn stroke in the shower from your anger issues. Yeah you can dominate me in business related material but when it comes to human morals and psychological aspects, I will put you in your place.
Finally, regarding that incident almost half a year ago involving the young girl who worked for you and got half her arm scorched from the grill? You don't put cold water on a burn, especially of that degree. While you yelled at me and yelled at her, she was in pain and I was the only one doing first-aid and comforting her. Then you get all pissy when she storms out in tears and then you saying that her mother is angry I "touched" her daughter due to company policy. First off, I don't think she gives two plopss about the policy while her daughter has a big burned chunk of flesh on her arm. I got a proper and heartful thankful from her before you pulled me aside saying your lies. Finally, for the love of ****ing god. Get the 14-15 year old managers away from me. They think they are gods because they have power. I will properly bitch slap one of the brats and dunk their head into a fry vat because I am such a good girl for doing so. I will continue to work at this establishment because I want to be the ONE person in the entire place to have a damn heart to say hi to everyone, help the new people get adjusted and comfort those who need it. At least until that job down the street calls for my interview.....
-- More to come.
First up, my boss. Look, I understand you're my "boss" and I appreciate how well you keep the restaurant moving (McDonalds btw. Tough economy.). However, this does not mean you can ****ing yell at me just because I can't wash, rinse and sanitize close to 50-60+ dishes in 1-2 hours; not to mention that I have to do towel buckets, cleaning up the occasional spill and bringing up stock from the back, several times. So every time you yell at me and order me to go clean the lot outside, I take my broom and scoop and I go outside and cry while I clean. If I am lucky it will be raining and I can blame it on that as well.
I also have to mention that I am not a track athlete. You expect me to run run run around the damn place for four hours straight? Apparently you don't know about this thing called "burn out". Then you bitch and complain about why your "workers" are going slower and messing up. They are tired and demoralized you soul ripping ****. But no matter, you don't give a plops and proceed to hire more people like it is going out of style, reducing my hours. I am sorry I can't be near the grill, my heart goes out of whack when I am near heat. I tried having you put me on cashier but you said no, saying "I am incapable". Who the **** do you think you are? I am a undergrad at the UA for Clinical and Counseling Psychology. I will be helping children with problems you stupid **** while you flip burgers and have a god damn stroke in the shower from your anger issues. Yeah you can dominate me in business related material but when it comes to human morals and psychological aspects, I will put you in your place.
Finally, regarding that incident almost half a year ago involving the young girl who worked for you and got half her arm scorched from the grill? You don't put cold water on a burn, especially of that degree. While you yelled at me and yelled at her, she was in pain and I was the only one doing first-aid and comforting her. Then you get all pissy when she storms out in tears and then you saying that her mother is angry I "touched" her daughter due to company policy. First off, I don't think she gives two plopss about the policy while her daughter has a big burned chunk of flesh on her arm. I got a proper and heartful thankful from her before you pulled me aside saying your lies. Finally, for the love of ****ing god. Get the 14-15 year old managers away from me. They think they are gods because they have power. I will properly bitch slap one of the brats and dunk their head into a fry vat because I am such a good girl for doing so. I will continue to work at this establishment because I want to be the ONE person in the entire place to have a damn heart to say hi to everyone, help the new people get adjusted and comfort those who need it. At least until that job down the street calls for my interview.....
-- More to come.
Mannulus
Article Writer
Secrets. Boy do I love them. I say this in a sarcastic tone in reality because the epiphany of my issues is the secrets I have that I KNOW I need to share but can't. First off, yeah I hear voices in my head. One male and one female. My counselors back when I was in High School said they were created as a "self-defense mechanism". Shocking, 11-12 years of physical and mental abuse (Elementary to High School) created a person who is more mentally unstable than *Insert Psychotic/Sociopath person here*? No way.
Now, the problem with today's society is how quickly you are labeled. Yeah I have mental problems. Anti-Social Personality Disorder here...Chronic Depression there...so on and so forth. I cry a lot, surprised my pillow does not say aloud "MAKE ME INTO A SPONGE YOU WHORE.". Back on topic though, you mention even once you are mentally fluffed up and they ALL get super paranoid and worried. Not every unstable person wants to go to *Insert place here* and rip out *Insert firearm here* and make a reinvention of Call of Duty: plops Got Real.
But I can't. I can't tell anyone how mentally I am hurt. They all make jokes about how I have no friends ( my mother's new husband included) and how I need to get out of the house. As well as my last ex was an abusive bitch who said I was ugly and had no friends. Do you people not understand how demoralizing and mentally crippling your words are? Sure we can sit here and discuss the metaphorical reasoning behind the "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." theory but if they say those words enough it becomes a sick game of psychological warfare.
So here I am, sitting in my room daily. I hate the outside, my "experience" with it has included but not limited to, getting beaten up (by girls and guys), being chained to the front of a boat by the entire street of kids I use to live on when I was younger, being forced to sit alone at lunch in High School, getting ditched at prom, picked on by my entire class of 2012 it seems, everyone keeping a desk empty around me, laughing at me when they notice bad things happen and I could go on and write a ****ing book about more.
Now I don't talk about it to people about my issues for multiple reasons, one of them was stated in the first paragraph. The second is the fact that "most" people don't understand how to handle such an issue. My family has a lot of physical heredity issues but I am the first with a mental problem that I keep hidden. They all use the "get over it, it will heal and pass" bullcrap I hear plenty. You can't do that people! No, you can't hook me on drugs either because I became adept at resisting almost every drug out there including Adderal and Ridalin back when I had ADHD. Oh and when I tell "some" people a little piece of my problem, they all think I am just looking for attention. You sir, are an idiot. Moving on...
Sure, my life ain't as plops compared to say that kid in another country who got his arm chopped off because he did not mine enough diamonds. Or that kid who lost his father in 9/11 or whatever the sad story. But for **** sakes people. People can and WILL say "well you had your life easy, you had food and shelter" and so on. Yeah true, I can go with that but in an American society only, I am not sure how much more I can stand this. But I will say nothing...I will go to my college classes alone, walk alone, eat alone and statistically 84% chance of dying alone and that was with some generous rounding down. But it is okay...I will be okay. I will be here with my now "pillow sponge", my voices in my mind on the verge of breaking and the one day hoping I can close my eyes and have it all be over.
PS: Sorry if my thoughts seem all over this post. It is 3:07AM and I wanted to just say how I felt.
Now, the problem with today's society is how quickly you are labeled. Yeah I have mental problems. Anti-Social Personality Disorder here...Chronic Depression there...so on and so forth. I cry a lot, surprised my pillow does not say aloud "MAKE ME INTO A SPONGE YOU WHORE.". Back on topic though, you mention even once you are mentally fluffed up and they ALL get super paranoid and worried. Not every unstable person wants to go to *Insert place here* and rip out *Insert firearm here* and make a reinvention of Call of Duty: plops Got Real.
But I can't. I can't tell anyone how mentally I am hurt. They all make jokes about how I have no friends ( my mother's new husband included) and how I need to get out of the house. As well as my last ex was an abusive bitch who said I was ugly and had no friends. Do you people not understand how demoralizing and mentally crippling your words are? Sure we can sit here and discuss the metaphorical reasoning behind the "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." theory but if they say those words enough it becomes a sick game of psychological warfare.
So here I am, sitting in my room daily. I hate the outside, my "experience" with it has included but not limited to, getting beaten up (by girls and guys), being chained to the front of a boat by the entire street of kids I use to live on when I was younger, being forced to sit alone at lunch in High School, getting ditched at prom, picked on by my entire class of 2012 it seems, everyone keeping a desk empty around me, laughing at me when they notice bad things happen and I could go on and write a ****ing book about more.
Now I don't talk about it to people about my issues for multiple reasons, one of them was stated in the first paragraph. The second is the fact that "most" people don't understand how to handle such an issue. My family has a lot of physical heredity issues but I am the first with a mental problem that I keep hidden. They all use the "get over it, it will heal and pass" bullcrap I hear plenty. You can't do that people! No, you can't hook me on drugs either because I became adept at resisting almost every drug out there including Adderal and Ridalin back when I had ADHD. Oh and when I tell "some" people a little piece of my problem, they all think I am just looking for attention. You sir, are an idiot. Moving on...
Sure, my life ain't as plops compared to say that kid in another country who got his arm chopped off because he did not mine enough diamonds. Or that kid who lost his father in 9/11 or whatever the sad story. But for **** sakes people. People can and WILL say "well you had your life easy, you had food and shelter" and so on. Yeah true, I can go with that but in an American society only, I am not sure how much more I can stand this. But I will say nothing...I will go to my college classes alone, walk alone, eat alone and statistically 84% chance of dying alone and that was with some generous rounding down. But it is okay...I will be okay. I will be here with my now "pillow sponge", my voices in my mind on the verge of breaking and the one day hoping I can close my eyes and have it all be over.
PS: Sorry if my thoughts seem all over this post. It is 3:07AM and I wanted to just say how I felt.
Brizzle Kicks
Welcome To The Underground
Fuc#ing arseholes digging up my street some of us work nights you noisy cun#s.
Lady Redpool the Unlifer
Pyro, Spirits Connoisseur, and Soulless Anarchist
Not gonna quote the entire post, but wanted to reply.
I can't say much that will be constructive, or that will actually help you, and I sure as hell dont really have anything positive to say. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this, and even more sorry that you don't have the support that you need. Honestly if I could, I'd give you a hug, apologize for giving you a hug, and keep hugging you. I know where your at. Years of non acceptance, self reliance, and abuse makes people pretty screwed up. Councilors and Psychs honestly don't get most of the issues because while they've studied them, they don't live with em. They try and help with meds, and whatever the medical term for picking your brain and getting to the root is, but the meds leave you worse off in alot of cases and the picking your brain is useless when your out dealing with it and it's right there in your face again. It makes it worse when you have to deal with the general populace because, let's face it, people suck. People as a whole honestly are only good at creating harm. Individuals can do some incredible things, and a large group can do some real good when the right individuals are leading, but as a populace people are just hurtful. The only thing you can really do, is try to surround yourself with "decent" people, and keep on keepin on. I know it seems like the same old song but the world really will just keep kicking you no matter what. Might as well try and find some happiness and fulfillment if the blows will keep coming even after you give up.
I don't even know that my reply came out the way it should, or that it's any kind of "help", but I couldn't not reply. I just hope hearing from someone might make you smile a little.
Simus
An Excellent Site Member
I just don't understand how kids can be that cruel to you. I've had some bad experiences in High School and College but total isolation? Active hazing? Why would someone do that to you? Many would say you do it to yourself, that part of you wants that kind of drama and abuse. I refuse to believe that because I've been told such things before. No, no one wants that kind of treatment. Not a soul. Even if our personalities draw such behavior it is most certainly not out of some perverse desire.
The world isn't all bad Mannulus. Therapists and doctors aren't all arrogant quacks who throw pills at you until you go away. I've had good therapists and bad therapists. There's a difference. There are thousands of different drugs out there, there has to be one for you. I know there is. Meds are a wonderful thing when they work. And they do work. And you're not alone. You have us. This forum. We're a community. If we have each other we're never alone. And you're so young, you're not going to die alone. Your life will improve if you have the courage to make hard choices, and I know you have extraordinary courage. Please, please don't give up. If you keep living good things will happen.
I'm sorry. I'm not being very helpful, your post just touched me and I wanted to at least try to connect with you. I can't understand what you're about anymore than you can understand me, but I'm going to try.
Lifts-Her-Tail
Well-Known Member
Im pissed off at bullies. Those people actually kill me. I have cut and thought about suicide because of them. I am so fluffing sick of it I want to die, but I know if I kill myself or I'll be doing is letting them win and ruining the rest of my life. So I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. Put the blade down and never touched it again. Bullies are scum. They are evil. And I have had enough of it. So I won't let them win.
Lifts-Her-Tail
Well-Known Member
Another thing I wanna say is that I feel awful because I upset someone. I hate myself for it. I'm not close to them but I don't know what to do to make it up to the person uh my life is fluffed up!
Simus
An Excellent Site Member
Apologize and ask for forgiveness. Don't try to explain yourself unless they ask for it. Simply offer an apology. Then drop the matter regardless of your absolution. It sucks to do it, especially when you don't get a response, but it makes for an easier mend. Or in the worst case, a clean break.
Brizzle Kicks
Welcome To The Underground
I've been seeing this bird from work things have been going fairly steady well tonight had this pretty angry bloke walk up to me asking if I'm the one sending his gf dirty txt msgs etc. well she didn't say she had a bf and it's landed my in the brown smelly stuff I denied all knowledge and said it was someone else I really wasn't in the mood for anything to go sour tonight. Women do my fuc#ing head in sometimes wtf are you meant to do if they straight up lie to your face she told me she was single I wouldn't of gone anywhere near her if I knew she was a crap shag anyway so I'm not too fussed about it just pissed off she lied to me.
Lady Redpool the Unlifer
Pyro, Spirits Connoisseur, and Soulless Anarchist
Alright, I seriously need to get this off my chest, and since this thread is the place to rage, fluff it, I'm bringin it!
My family, as some of you have figured out, is seriously messed up. If I could in good conscience walk away from them all and never speak to/interact with them again, I would. However, despite their individual issues, a few of them do love me and have done mostly right by me. My Little brother is not one of those family members.
Since we were little, my little brother has beaten the pl*ps out of me. I know, I know, I'm the older brother, stand up for myself. I did, and do, but when I was little I was a very frail, sick kid O.K.? He ALWAYS won the fights. Most of the fights were because he was jealous of the attention that I got, but I got it because I was sick and frail and basically helpless until I was about 10. What the hell was there to be jealous about!?!?!? I never understood it, but as soon as my parents started basically ignoring us, he found other reasons to fight. At that point I was pretty much taking care of him and I swore that I would never hurt him. All of our fights since then have involved me doing my best to stop the fight without injuring him. When I got a little older and discovered my natural ability with knives and willingness to use them, this became especially important. Needless to say, I've never injured him.
When we were in Jr. High, he started down a self destructive and drug addicted path that made him who he is today. He has ceased to truly care about anyone in our family. I mean he cares, but he cares about himself and his getting high more. Nothing is ever his fault, he takes no responsinility and expects us to treat him like the world revolves around him. He is a self centered, arrogant, spiteful, self destructive, person who has done nothing for me except hurt me, steal from me, destroy my things(that I worked to earn), and hurt people that I actually care about. Despite all of this, I actually still acted like he was my brother until earlier this year.
In march, my sister(EXTREMELY close friend, not blood related) was visiting, and my little brother was far from stable due to his current drug of choice(some plops called spice that really fluffs with your head). I kicked him out of the hangout spot in our backyard in order to have a small party back there. He, in his current drug haze, went into my room, and attempted to destroy my pride and joy: my computer. While he didn't have the sense at the time to actually damage the tower, he shattered my touch screen monitor and put holes through both of my speakers. I harbored a bit of a grudge, and a few weeks later when I called him on it, he attacked me and broke three of my ribs. I didn't fight back, I let him wear out, then put a hole in my door because I refused to hurt him. Our neighbors called the police and when they got there I was put in cuffs. My brother was looking at assault as a minor, which would disappear from his record when he got off probation after he turned 18. I was looking at Domestic Violence Assault as an adult, which is a violent crime that would follow me the rest of my life. My mother refused to press charges, and we both got off the hook. I did not go to the hospital due to an extreme(almost phobia level) fear of hospitals, and as a result two of my ribs have healed in a normal looking but painful way. These two incidents were my wakeup call.
Since then I have disowned the little bastard and refuse to interact with him in any way shape or form, but I do not let him rule my life. If I know my brother will be somewhere I may avoid it, but I don't leave if he shows up. I ignore him, I do not speak to him, I do not touch him, I do not acknowledge his existence. It's not because I hold a grudge, it's for my own protection and well-being. Anyways, earlier today he started a huge argument at my house with my mother and indirectly, but purposefully, accused me of being a tweaker(meth-head for those of you who don't know) based purely on the grounds that he doesn't know why I'm not speaking to him. Anyways he got thrown out, and life moved on. Just a little bit ago I was walking through my neighborhood and he was making out with a cute girl that I've been trying to get to know(needless to say, I won't be taking it further now), and he said very loudly to her so that I could hear, "That's my brother." Between the earlier insult and my unjustified anger that he was with her, I flipped him the bird in my natural armswing. I didn't raise my hand, or face it directly at him, but he noticed and started talking plops trying to start a fight. I kept on walking but am now thoroughly angry at myself for responding at all. All of the progress of the last few months, gone, just like that. Honestly, my next 3 weeks til I move, are going to be HELL.
I hate the little prick. He has directly contributed to my last 5 years of contribution more times than any other person, and even though I steel myself to him, he STILL gets under my skin.
Sorry for the massive wall of text, just had to try and get it all out. I'm still not satisfied, but I just don't have more to say.
My family, as some of you have figured out, is seriously messed up. If I could in good conscience walk away from them all and never speak to/interact with them again, I would. However, despite their individual issues, a few of them do love me and have done mostly right by me. My Little brother is not one of those family members.
Since we were little, my little brother has beaten the pl*ps out of me. I know, I know, I'm the older brother, stand up for myself. I did, and do, but when I was little I was a very frail, sick kid O.K.? He ALWAYS won the fights. Most of the fights were because he was jealous of the attention that I got, but I got it because I was sick and frail and basically helpless until I was about 10. What the hell was there to be jealous about!?!?!? I never understood it, but as soon as my parents started basically ignoring us, he found other reasons to fight. At that point I was pretty much taking care of him and I swore that I would never hurt him. All of our fights since then have involved me doing my best to stop the fight without injuring him. When I got a little older and discovered my natural ability with knives and willingness to use them, this became especially important. Needless to say, I've never injured him.
When we were in Jr. High, he started down a self destructive and drug addicted path that made him who he is today. He has ceased to truly care about anyone in our family. I mean he cares, but he cares about himself and his getting high more. Nothing is ever his fault, he takes no responsinility and expects us to treat him like the world revolves around him. He is a self centered, arrogant, spiteful, self destructive, person who has done nothing for me except hurt me, steal from me, destroy my things(that I worked to earn), and hurt people that I actually care about. Despite all of this, I actually still acted like he was my brother until earlier this year.
In march, my sister(EXTREMELY close friend, not blood related) was visiting, and my little brother was far from stable due to his current drug of choice(some plops called spice that really fluffs with your head). I kicked him out of the hangout spot in our backyard in order to have a small party back there. He, in his current drug haze, went into my room, and attempted to destroy my pride and joy: my computer. While he didn't have the sense at the time to actually damage the tower, he shattered my touch screen monitor and put holes through both of my speakers. I harbored a bit of a grudge, and a few weeks later when I called him on it, he attacked me and broke three of my ribs. I didn't fight back, I let him wear out, then put a hole in my door because I refused to hurt him. Our neighbors called the police and when they got there I was put in cuffs. My brother was looking at assault as a minor, which would disappear from his record when he got off probation after he turned 18. I was looking at Domestic Violence Assault as an adult, which is a violent crime that would follow me the rest of my life. My mother refused to press charges, and we both got off the hook. I did not go to the hospital due to an extreme(almost phobia level) fear of hospitals, and as a result two of my ribs have healed in a normal looking but painful way. These two incidents were my wakeup call.
Since then I have disowned the little bastard and refuse to interact with him in any way shape or form, but I do not let him rule my life. If I know my brother will be somewhere I may avoid it, but I don't leave if he shows up. I ignore him, I do not speak to him, I do not touch him, I do not acknowledge his existence. It's not because I hold a grudge, it's for my own protection and well-being. Anyways, earlier today he started a huge argument at my house with my mother and indirectly, but purposefully, accused me of being a tweaker(meth-head for those of you who don't know) based purely on the grounds that he doesn't know why I'm not speaking to him. Anyways he got thrown out, and life moved on. Just a little bit ago I was walking through my neighborhood and he was making out with a cute girl that I've been trying to get to know(needless to say, I won't be taking it further now), and he said very loudly to her so that I could hear, "That's my brother." Between the earlier insult and my unjustified anger that he was with her, I flipped him the bird in my natural armswing. I didn't raise my hand, or face it directly at him, but he noticed and started talking plops trying to start a fight. I kept on walking but am now thoroughly angry at myself for responding at all. All of the progress of the last few months, gone, just like that. Honestly, my next 3 weeks til I move, are going to be HELL.
I hate the little prick. He has directly contributed to my last 5 years of contribution more times than any other person, and even though I steel myself to him, he STILL gets under my skin.
Sorry for the massive wall of text, just had to try and get it all out. I'm still not satisfied, but I just don't have more to say.
High King of Skyrim
King of the barbarian horde
hang in there mate. Your brother sounds like a dick but never forget, sooner or later the penny drops for all of us, he'll come good eventually. He's just young and will make all those fluffed up mistakes that us men make when growing up. He's got a good role model in you and will no doubt need a cool head like yours around him as he trudges through his next few years. Good luck mate.
TheShadedOne
The Angry One
When people don't take no for an answer. Especially when you've clearly said 'no' several times.
xsneakyxsimx
Well-Known Member
I nearly cut myself last night...
I just had this pair of scissors in my hands after using them, and I just stared at them, then at the blades... and just thought about opening them up and sliding them across my wrist. I ended up shoving them back into my pencil case, where I couldn't see them... but I'm still shaking from it, even now...
I just had this pair of scissors in my hands after using them, and I just stared at them, then at the blades... and just thought about opening them up and sliding them across my wrist. I ended up shoving them back into my pencil case, where I couldn't see them... but I'm still shaking from it, even now...
Mighty Pecan Pie
The secret American
for what it's worth for you: I'm proud of you Sneaks! that you put them away! Takes some will to do that!
