CapObvious
A Rotten Scroungeral
Yikes. Sorry about that. I must have glanced over it while I was reading.
I will make a post here in a few minutes. I moved it forward a week as well and made it to where we all meet in the same place for whatever reason.
Now don't get ne wrong Pumpkin: the post was bad but not unsalvagable. The premise is good and the events have a solid core. It just needs to be toned down. You don't need police, state troopers, national guardsmen, swat and the marines to guard one registration center. Not unless you're expecting a ground war. Regular police and swat with barricades and such to control the protestors would be more appropriate. And as for a right wing Humanity United nutter publically shooting an SDD volunteer while fifty trained soldiers just sit and watch, that's where the rediculousness got dialed up to eleven for me. Why did it have to be so grandiose? Someone in the Humanity United crowd shootinh into the Future Imperfect crowd and starting a riot would be more realistic and give Jim a chance to Hulk it up. Maybe he was in line to register and gets caught in the riot with some of his marine buddies. That, I think, would work much better.
And please don't hate yourself. Having a bad taste in your mouth at your own writing is completely understandable. It happens to all of us, especially me these days while I have a lot more ideas than time and a job that leaves me dead when I get home. Me having a problem with your post does not by any means mean that I have a problem with you. You are not your writing.