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Janus3003

Skyrim Marriage Counselor
standalone

Chapter 1
Volga the Dragon Knight briskly made his way down to the torture chamber. He grinned all the way. He had just been informed that Link, the scarfed warrior responsible for several enemy victories, had been captured. Caught sneaking around just outside the fortress, Link and his small squad gave themselves up without a fight.

Cia will be pleased, Volga thought. There will be a promotion for me, no doubt.

The torture chamber smelled of blood, both old and fresh. The air was thick and sticky with the heat of branding irons and vats of boiling pitch. The horrified screams and pained moans of inmates echoed off the brick walls.

Hands on hips, Volga looked over the new captives. Link’s squad was made up of simple Hylian infantrymen, along with a captain and a Goron. There was also a fairy, held prisoner inside a glass jar.

Finally, there was Link himself, who stared silently ahead. Volga grinned at this fine specimen of a man. Link was a handsome youth with angled features and blonde hair. He wore the traditional green clothes and armor of the Legendary Hero, a spirit reincarnated dozens of times throughout history. Unlike previous heroes, however, Link wore a long blue scarf. It was finely woven and bore the red and gold crest of the Hyrule Royal Family. Ever since Link had put it on, he had been a menace to Cia’s forces.

“Well, let’s get to business!” Volga clapped his hands together and grinned at his prisoners. “Who wants to talk first?”

Silence.

“No volunteers?”

Quiet.

“Very well!” Volga grabbed the imprisoned fairy’s jar. He popped off its cork and grabbed the glowing creature inside.

“What’s Link planning?” he shouted. “Who is he? Why does he wear the scarf?”

The fairy said nothing. Growling, Volga opened a nearby furnace door. The raging fire inside made the chamber’s stifling temperature even more unbearable.

“Maybe a bath in hellfire will loosen your lips!”

The fairy held her peace.

Volga shut the furnace and put the fairy back in her jar. “Pretty loyal for a firefly.”

“Perhaps she’s wondering why you’d incinerate her before asking further questions!” said one of the prisoners.

Startled, Volga turned back to find that it was Link who had spoken.

“So, you do talk!” Volga said.

Link nodded with a courteous smile.

“Who are you?” asked Volga.

“It doesn’t matter who I am. What matters is my quest.” His face grew serious. “No one cared who I was until I put on the scarf.”

“If I pull that off, will you die?”

Link shrugged. “It would be very painful.”

“You’re a big, strong warrior!”

“For you.”

Volga choked, but quickly regained his composure. “Was getting caught a part of your quest?”

Link smiled again. “Of course!”

Volga’s heartrate increased. “Well, you did it! You got yourself caught. Now what’s the next step in your ‘Master Quest?’”

“Rescuing the Princess—” Link ripped his shackles from the wall and grabbed Volga by the shoulders. “—with no survivors!”

Link slammed Volga’s face into the brick wall. The Dragon Knight swung desperately in retaliation, only for Link to catch his arm. Volga screamed in pain as the scarfed warrior snapped his elbow.

“What are you?” cried Volga. His eyes widened as Link turned him to a spike wall. It was still sullied by the blood and guts of men, women, and children he had executed here.

“I’m Cia’s reckoning.” Link kicked Volga into the spikes.

The worn spikes effortlessly pierced the Dragon Knight’s armor and body. His organs spilled out, his intestines trailing along the torture device. His heart remained prominently on a spike tip. It beat for a few seconds more, and then burst into flame. Volga the Dragon Knight was no more.

Link freed his squad, and the soldiers immediately broke into the weapons cabinet and redistributed their equipment. Link turned to the fairy, now free from her jar.

“Proxi,” he said, “I need you to get the prisoners out of here.”

“What about you?” she asked, her voice squeaky as always.

“Get the prisoners out,” Link repeated. “And bring back reinforcements. Go.”

Reclaiming the Master Sword, Link left to find Zelda. Ever since they had caught each other’s eye in the castle courtyard, she had remained in his thoughts. There was something about her that was familiar, as if he had known and loved her since before the world’s beginning. Alas, the attack of Cia’s army that very day prevented any interaction with the Princess not related to war.

Link readied his sword. He was near the castle’s main hall, and there were enemies ahead.
 
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Janus3003

Skyrim Marriage Counselor
Chapter 2

The chapel, located on the upper floor of the castle, was sparsely decorated. It had all the basic necessities, such as pews for congregations and incense burners for prayer and worship, but it lacked murals or religious imagery of any sort.

The front of the chapel had a raised platform where someone would typically stand to preach to the congregation. It was currently occupied by Zelda, the Princess of Hyrule, though in less than ideal conditions.

For hours now, Zelda had been tied to a chain leading to the ceiling. As she struggled, restraints bit through her clothing and into her flesh. She was completely immobilized, and any effort to escape only agitated her cuts and scratches. Furthermore, whoever tied her up had made certain that her breasts, already amplified by her armored bustier, were pushed up even further. More than once a smelly Moblin had passed by to ogle her wiggling bosom in unfulfilled hopes that she would pop out.

Still, despite the futility of her efforts, Zelda continued to struggle.

“I hear you’ve been putting on quite the show for my soldiers, Princess,” Cia said with a laugh as she sauntered up to the Princess. The sorceress wore her usual dress, a black silk number with a neckline that plunged all the way to her navel. Again Zelda wondered how the witch managed to keep her large bust contained in such scant clothing.

Zelda glared at Cia. “You will never have my kingdom.”

“Oh, dearest Zelda.” Cia shook her head, chuckling. “I couldn’t care less about your kingdom. All I want is one of its citizens.”

Cia snapped her fingers, and her favorite servant appeared at her side. He was in the same shape as Link from head to toe, and he stood tall with the same pride. He wore a similar tunic and armor, complete with a long scarf trailing behind. However, everything from his skin to his clothing was black as shadow. Only his burning red eyes stood out from the darkness. Dark Link, he was often called.

Cia ran a finger under Dark Link’s chin. She took hold of his scarf and wrapped it around the two of them, pressing her body against his. Dark Link held and caressed her like any lover, yet something about his movements seemed unnatural to Zelda. They were stiff and mechanical. Emotionless.

Regardless, Cia pulled the shadow demon into a deep, lustful kiss.

Zelda scoffed. “You have to be kidding.”

Cia ended the kiss with a soft moan, but frowned in disappointment at Dark Link.

“In a way, I am kidding. This creature is merely a shadow of Link—” She sighed as she ran her hand down Dark Link’s chest to his belt. “—in all things.”

She pushed Dark Link away. Unblinking, the servant stepped back and awaited further directions.

Zelda looked at the pair, thinking of when she first saw Link. Her heart had yearned for him since, but it was nothing like Cia’s obsession. Link inspired the Princess to be even more than she already was.

“You’ll never have him,” said Zelda quietly.

Cia twitched. Her face reddened.

“You won’t impress him with any of this,” Zelda said. “Your murders will simply push him away.”

Cia clenched her fists as she faced Zelda. “You underestimate my magic! He will be mine! He will learn to love me! He will—”

“He’ll be just like Dark Link!”

The shadow remained silent and still, not showing any reaction to the argument.

Cia trembled in rage. “Watch your tongue,” she hissed.

“Forcing him to be your lover would be no different than pleasuring yourself with your brainless pet. No matter how you’d make Link touch or look at you, you would always know that it’s your choice, not his.”

“Shut up.”

“Even with him worshiping you, you would be alone.”

“Shut up!”

“All of your efforts would have been a waste. You’d have nothing more than another sex toy.”

Cia screamed in rage, and her wordless shriek echoed throughout the chapel. Seething, the sorceress conjured a bright red ball gag. She shoved it into Dark Link’s hand and pointed him to Zelda.

Zelda winced as Dark Link approached her. “Silencing me won’t cha—” Her words were muffled as Dark Link placed the ball in her mouth and buckled the gag tightly.

Cia stormed out of the chapel, Dark Link disappearing in a puff of smoke. Zelda let out a frustrated, impeded sigh and resumed struggling against her restraints.
 

Janus3003

Skyrim Marriage Counselor
Chapter 3

The great hall was in chaos. Blood and bodies were strewn all about, and Wizzro watched the carnage in horror. The robed magician whimpered pitifully, clutching the bleeding stump where his hand used to be. He cursed Link for taking it. Without his magic ring, Wizzro was powerless.

All that stood between Wizzro and death was a dwindling number of Bokoblin grunts and the two champions, Zant and Ghirahim. Zant, the self-proclaimed Twilight King, was lying in a daze. Demon Lord Ghirahim was engaged in a duel with Link.

“I’ll floss with your sinews, boy!” Ghirahim leered menacingly at Link, waggling his long tongue. Link responded with a sword strike. Ghirahim blocked it and laughed.

“What next, Hero?”

Link twitched the Master Sword around, and its other edge cut into Ghirahim’s neck. The Demon Lord’s head rolled along the floor, its tongue and open wound trailing blood and saliva. The head came to a halt, its shocked eyes staring at Wizzro.

The scarfed warrior kicked Ghirahim’s body to the floor, and then cut his way through attacking Bokoblins. Zant, finally regaining consciousness, jumped to his feet and lunged at Link. He screamed like a mad man and swung his crooked blades haphazardly, not caring about the Bokoblins he killed in the process.

“I am the Twilight King!” he screamed as he threw everything he had at Link.

He was rewarded with the Master Sword in his gut. Link removed Zant’s helmet, revealing a pathetic snake-faced creature. Zant’s beady yellow eyes were wide in fright.

“I …” He choked on his own blood as he spoke. “I am the Twilight King.”

“And this gives you power over me?” asked Link as he took hold of Zant’s face. Wizzro turned away just before Zant’s final shrieks and the sickening crunch of his skull. When Wizzro looked again, Link was just a few paces away.

“Y-you cannot win!” Wizzro trembled in fear. “You are just a boy in a scarf! Without it, no one would ever follow you! You are just as expenda—” Wizzro shut up when Link pointed the Master Sword at the wizard’s single eye.

“I was already a man when I put on the scarf,” Link said, his voice steady. “And by then it was nothing but a burden to me!” He shouted as he thrust the Master Sword into Wizzro’s face. The fiendish sorcerer let out a deafening squeal that shattered the stained glass windows. Blood and urine dripped from the hem of his robe. When the sword was removed, Wizzro fell to the floor, never to terrorize anyone again.

Clap. Clap. Clap.

Link whirled around, weapon ready. He gritted his teeth as he recognized his next opponent.

“Impressive, my love.” Cia stepped into the main hall, making each step as provocative as she could. She swayed her hips and pushed out her chest, even making a turn so that Link could see everything she had.

She removed her mask and let it fall. Her heart-shaped face was adorned with fine jewelry, and she gazed at Link with purple eyes. Short, snow white hair complemented her tan skin.

Link lunged at the sorceress, the Master Sword aimed at her neck. Cia effortlessly avoided it and repositioned herself behind Link. She wrapped her arms around his muscular chest, pressing her waist against his rear.

“So eager?” she purred, running her tongue along his pointed ear.

Link shoved her back and struck again, only to find her at his side once more. She had conjured a black scepter, and its crystal began to glow.

“Come, lover—” She ran a finger along his belt. “—don’t make me beg.”

Link’s attacks grew more desperate, yet Cia casually evaded them all. As her scepter glowed even brighter, Link’s attacks grew slower and his breath heavier.

“Give in, Link.” Cia suggestively stroked the length of Link’s scarf. Link struck slower than ever. His muscles screamed for respite. His heart pounded in his chest, threatening to burst out of his chest.

Link fell to his hands and knees, clutching his chest as he struggled to breathe. Cia brushed her bare leg against Link’s face. He released the Master Sword, and Cia slid it away with her foot.

“Are you ready, Link?” Cia asked, her voice breathy as he toyed with Link’s hair.

Link’s heart returned to normal, and his breath came back. He looked up at the sorceress. She was a gorgeous woman, and any man would be thrilled to have her attention.

“You leave me no choice.” Link sat up and raised his hands. Smiling, Cia took his hands and pressed them to her hips, then pulled his head into her stomach. She helped him stand, holding his face so that he stared at her voluptuous body the whole time. She finally wrapped Link’s scarf around their bodies, draping her arms around his neck and pressing her soft breasts against his chest.

Link slipped his arms around her waist.

“Perfect,” Cia whispered, her voice trembling. She cocked her head to the side, inching her face closer to Link’s. Link glanced at her ruby lips, then closed his eyes as they kissed.

Cia moaned softly, smiling as she broke the kiss.

“Tell me you love me.” She kissed him again. “Just three little words, and everything will be all better.” She gently bit his lip. “Three words, and save your kingdom.”

Cia nudged Link’s mouth open with her lip and met his tongue with her own. She explored every last crevice of his mouth, and Link tenderly returned the favor.

When at last they broke away, Cia beamed a smile, her eyes bright.

“Tell me,” she said again. “Tell me you love me.”

Link’s hands slipped up the witch’s back, her exposed skin making the experience even more intimate. One hand finally rested on the back of Cia’s neck, thumb stroking her hairline. The other stopped at her cheek.

Cia’s cheeks flushed, and she leaned her head into Link’s palm. “Just three words.”

Link sighed softly, and then shook his head. “You’re not Zelda.”

A loud crack echoed in the main hall, and Cia fell to the floor, her head bent at an awkward angle. Her last expression was a mix of shock, agony, and rage.

Link spat on the floor and wiped his lips with his sleeve. Cia’s scepter had disappeared, and he felt his strength returning. He picked up the Master Sword and gave it a few swings. Satisfied that he had fully recovered, Link turned to leave. As he walked away, he took one final glance at Cia’s corpse.

He stopped dead in his tracks. The sorceress’s body had disappeared. In its place stood a massive man in dark armor. His wild mane of red hair reached his lower back, and his short beard was equally savage in appearance. His harsh face bore a sadistic grin.

Ganondorf, the legendary Demon King of ancient times. Link had never met him, but he felt in his soul that this was far from their first encounter.

Link growled. “Where is she?”

“I see you know me, Link,” said Ganondorf, “and just as always, the Princess is your weakness.”

Ganondorf’s body glowed with a black aura, and he hovered a foot above the ground.

“So come and get her, Hero!” The Demon King flew straight into the ceiling, crashing through it easily. Link shielded his eyes and moved away from the falling debris. When the dust cleared, Link readied the Master Sword.

Hordes of monsters launched from the ceiling’s hole. There were Bokoblins and Stalchildren, Lizalfos and ReDeads, and even the nigh-invincible Darknuts.

Bellowing in rage, Link leapt into the mass of foes.
 

Janus3003

Skyrim Marriage Counselor
Chapter 4

Zelda’s face went pale as the dust cleared. Ganondorf ascended the steps of her podium, a disgusting smile on his wide lips. Behind him, an unending horde of monsters rushed through the new hole in the floor, weapons in hand.

“Well well well,” said Ganondorf as he reached the Princess, “what do we have here?”

Zelda squirmed, the gag muffling her shriek as Ganondorf ran his hand down her soft neck. His thumb glided across her throat.

“You, my dear, are undoubtedly the most beautiful of all your incarnations.”

Zelda closed her eyes as Ganondorf’s finger traced along the bare skin of her shoulder. She gasped in horror as the Demon King suddenly placed his face where her neck and shoulder met, deeply inhaling her scent. She cringed at his hot, rancid breath on her collarbone.

“Roses.” Ganondorf smiled as he pulled away, admiring Zelda’s prominent cleavage. “Very fitting, Princess. Unfortunately, I prefer beauty without thorns.”

Ganondorf leapt from the podium. As he landed, Zelda’s chain jerked her arms. She shrieked as it pulled her up to the ceiling. Looking down, she found that Ganondorf was casting an unholy spell.

A large black cauldron in the shape of four skulls appeared directly below Zelda. It stood about waist height, but was wide enough for at least four people. Steam rose from what appeared at first to be boiling water, but was something infinitely worse. Reflected in the water was a harsh landscape of sharp rocks, dead trees, and volcanic ash. Distorted, anguished faces in the abyss leered at her, craving her flesh and soul.

Zelda screamed into her gag.

Ganondorf sneered at his captive. “Indeed, Princess. A portal to Hell, or the ‘Evil Realm,’ as your predecessor called it in polite conversation. Consider it payment for past injustices.”

The Princess shrieked again as the chain jerked and dropped an inch lower. Hot tears streamed down her cheeks, finally dripping into the cauldron below. The chain dropped another inch. Zelda screamed for help and begged for mercy, but Ganondorf simply laughed at her muffled pleas.

“Ganondorf!”

Ganondorf turned around and glared. Link stood before him, the corpses of vile monsters and foul demons forming a way up into the chapel. Blood dripped from the Master Sword. Link’s clothes were spattered with blood, yet his blue scarf still showed brilliantly.

Zelda’s heart leapt, only to sink again as the chain dropped another inch.

“Let her go.” Link’s tone made it clear there would be no negotiating.

“And why would I do that?” Ganondorf brandished two massive swords.

“Because it’s me you want.”

Ganondorf grinned. “So true, Hero.”

Sparks flew as their weapons collided. Link pushed the Master Sword against Ganondorf’s weapons, but the Demon King simply released his pressure, laughing as Link stumbled forward.

“Had enough already, boy?”

Link struck again and again, never attacking the same place twice. Nevertheless, Ganondorf skillfully displaced and avoided every blow.

“I’ve long dreamt of this moment,” he said. “You and I finally reaching the climax of centuries.”

Link didn’t respond. He continued fighting, but knew he was slowing down. And this time, there was no black magic to blame.

“You’re disappointing, Hero. Impotent. You think yourself a man, but you are just a child playing at war.”

Ganondorf caught Link’s forearm, his expression grave. “You have done nothing yourself. All the power you command was given, and can easily be taken.”

Link gasped in pain as Ganondorf squeezed, stopping just short of breaking bone. Link’s fingers involuntarily released the Master Sword. Zelda sobbed, and her chain dropped another inch.

“Your sword gives you power. Without it, you are nothing.” Ganondorf kicked the Master Sword away. “The Legendary Hero’s garb inspires armies. Without it, you are nothing.” Ganondorf grabbed a fistful of Link’s tunic, tearing it as he threw him to the ground. Link struggled to his knees, spitting blood on the floor.

“Your armor—” Ganondorf charged evil magic into his fist. “—protects you from death. Without it, you are nothing!”

Ganondorf punched Link in the chest, vile sorcery intensifying his strength. Every ring in Link’s mail armor fractured and exploded into jagged bits as Link flew back into a stone pillar. The Hero groaned in pain and struggled to get back up. His head felt like it was going to split open, and his vision was narrowing. His armor and tunic were gone, revealing his toned muscles. All that remained of his clothing was his boots, pants, and the blue scarf dangling loosely from his neck.

“You are nothing,” Ganondorf said, admiring his foe’s strong build, “but a boy in a scarf. I, however—” With one swipe, he tore away his breastplate. His bulging muscles glistened in the light. “—am a man.”

Link’s mind slowly cleared, and his full vision returned. Ganondorf stood before him, gargantuan and murderous. However, Link looked past the Demon King.

Zelda, now just a few feet above the cauldron, looked back to him. Her eyes met his, just like when they first saw each other in the training yard. When he first looked into her eyes that day, Link wanted nothing more than to be his best for her. Looking into those eyes now, he knew it again.

The Hero abandoned all conscious thought and let his instincts guide him. His royal scarf in hand, he lunged at Ganondorf.

The Dark Lord struck, but Link deftly avoided his blows and wrapped his scarf tightly around Ganondorf’s throat. Link pulled and twisted the scarf, throwing his enemy to the ground. The Demon King roared in pain as his head crashed on the stone floor. He quickly got back to his feet, swinging wildly and hitting nothing.

As Ganondorf turned, the Master Sword sliced his throat.

He clutched his neck, gurgling as Link’s scarf dangled over his chest. Link glared at the Demon King, and with a mighty roar he thrust the Master Sword through Ganondorf’s heart, pinning the royal scarf to the fiend’s body.

Adrenaline coursing through his veins, Link pushed his sword deeper through Ganondorf’s torso, shoving him back up the podium to Zelda and the skull cauldron.

Zelda let out a small shriek when Ganondorf was knocked back onto the cauldron’s rim, his shoulders colliding with her shins and making her swing. The chain dropped another inch, and as Zelda swung back, she barely caught herself on the outside of the cauldron with her feet.

With another cry, Link lifted Ganondorf above his head. He slammed Ganondorf back down on the cauldron’s lip, snapping the Demon King’s spine.

Ganondorf’s eyes widened, too pained to scream. Link told hold of the Master Sword, glaring at his foe.

“Don’t ever come back,” the Hero said.

Link shoved the Master Sword into Ganondorf’s chest all the way to the hilt, staining the pinned scarf with even more blood. As the Demon King finally fell into the boiling portal, thousands of demonic arms appeared and pulled him down into the abyss.

Ganondorf, the Master Sword, and the scarf all vanished in the depths.

Link, his powerful muscles bulging as he flexed his arms, shoved the cauldron off the podium. Its scalding water splashed down the steps, and the cauldron itself vanished in a flash of hellfire.

The Hero turned to the Princess, who had now safely reached the floor. Her eyes glittered brilliantly, and she smiled in spite of the gag. Gently, Link reached behind her head and undid the gag’s latch. Zelda sighed in relief as the red ball was finally removed from her mouth, her bosom heaving as she finally took unimpeded breaths.

“Link,” she whispered as he went to work undoing her bonds. “Ganondorf was wrong. The scarf didn’t give you anything.”

Link stopped and looked into Zelda’s beautiful blue eyes. The Princess smiled warmly.

“It was your own courage that made you my hero.”

Link looked to the floor, then back to Zelda. He thought again of the training yard. He was just a simple recruit then, yet she had looked at him as an individual.

“No one cared who I was until I put on the scarf.” He placed his hand on Zelda’s cheek. “Except you.”

Zelda kissed him, and Link wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her as close as possible. Their kiss deepened, fueled by millennia of passion, both of them now aware they had known and loved each other since before time itself. Link and Zelda continued kissing as he untied her. When the last restraint was removed, Zelda leapt into Link’s arms, kissing him once more and wrapping her arms around his neck.

The sun set as the Hero carried the Princess away from Cia’s dark fortress. As they made their way, the ground suddenly shook. Cia’s fortress quaked and the weaker portions crumbled. Incredible explosions ripped the castle to pieces, each fireball greater than the last. The raging flames and pillars of black smoke announced to the world that evil had been defeated once more.

And not once did Link or Zelda look back.
 

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