Welcome to the addiction.
The answer to the first part is easy, your steward doesn't rush. It can take a few days to furnish a room. I guess they are having to travel to buy the stuff. Unlike you who can stand at the workbench and make item after item until it's complete or the Jarl's stewards who are in a town/city and have access to work people and shops. I set a steward off furnishind Winstad Manor and realised it wasn't a quick fix so I bought Proudspire Manor to put the wife in. I'm tempted to go back and furnish the house myself.
The second is a bit more puzzling, and a glitch a few people have had around 2 years ago so I'd have hoped that one of the updates would have fixed it.
Is this the house which the steward is furnishing ? If so, the option to move may not appear until enough of the house is complete.
If that doesn't solve the problem and If you are on the PC, do you have any mods installed ? The marriage mod "To have and to hold" has been known to cause this issue.
I've not had the problem but looking around there have been some issues. Possible solutions I've come across are, again if you are on the PC you may be able to use the console commands to correct the ownership issue. Have you adopted children ? If so, do the children have beds in the house yet ?
Hopefully one of those will solve the issue.