Writes-Many-Posts
Champion of Grottos and Gremlins
So, I've never really paid much attention to what my kids do when I am around. I just gave them Meeko, occasional 100-1000 septims and bandits who became sweetrolls as gifts, and whenever I came home, I just dumped some daedric armor in a chest, as well as troll skulls and dragon bones (yeah I only start a family really late game).
My first concern came when I came home and (for the tenth time in that playthrough) was planning to retire for good. It was almost 9:30 PM and I chose to send Sissel and Hroar to bed early, like I should have back when I was level 70... They both complained rudely and walked to their room talking trash about me! Even after I let them keep the mudcrab, the dog and the rabbit! I think Muiri spoiled them... not me! I swear, if my weapon back then wasn't Molag's Mace, I would smack them both.
Another thing I have noticed is how frequently they walk near the enchanting table. Call me old fashioned, but telling kids how enchanting works seems a lot harder than the birds n' bees... Example given:
- Papa! What is this blue-ish table for? I had a nightmare about this skull a few nights ago...
- Oh son, that is an enchanting table! I can teach you to use it if you want...
- Really?
- Yes! Once you are old enough! For now I can only tell you how it works. First, you need a soul, which means you must hunt a being and trap its spirit within your dark hands before you slay it. The stronger it is, the more powerful the soul gem needs to be.
- Soul gem? Is that the beautiful crystal you hover above your hands at the table? Those are incredible!
- Yes... quite. But don't let their looks fool you! They are crystalline prisons that can hold any being, no matter how innocent it is, for ages in a horrible place called Soul Cairn... I've been there you know... Miserable place. Anyway, I should add that the best and juicier souls come from people, and it is fairly illegal to do it if a guard is watching, so do be afraid to kill someone, unless no one else is nearby! Once you have a person you don't like in the gem, you can use their soul for an effect of your choice, which will last, if you aren't much of a fighter, a week or less, or until you replace your gear, in case you choose to enchant a piece of clothing or armor. Anyway, they say a soul is beyond priceless, but none actually reaches a value over 1000 from my experience, so don't be afraid to try to make a profit through the slaughter of lesser humans who can't fight as well as you!
- O... Ok, pa... I'll... remember that...
*kid walks away*
Other than spoiling them, feeding them with wabbajack'd bandits, and teaching them how soul trapping works, I also noticed that many of the armors I wear to tuck them to bed give horrible examples to the kiddos. These include: Thieves Guild armor, Dark Brotherhood Armor, Blackguard's, Daedric, Dragonbone, Tavern Clothes (Muiri told me to take them off before leaving our room), Naked, while I chose which armor to take and many stolen clothes pickpocketed from the people of various holds.
Oh, and I almost forgot about the many forbidden magic items I have around my house that they have 24/7 access to, including daedric items, dragon priest masks, Ysgramor's spork, vampire armor, glenmoril witch heads, human hearts, hundreds of bounties on my head, emperror's robes (guess who they came from!), blade of woe, nettlebane, the staff of Magnus and many other staves that can blast my house all the way to Bleak Falls Barrow. Let's not forget about Vaermina's robes, the formerly mentioned soul gems, stolen guards' shields, a key labeled 'Delphine's Secret Room' "Muiri it's not what it looks like!" And many Lusty Argonian Maids Volume I to III.
Then I often show up with Serana "Muiri it's not what it looks like!" or two undead/daedric sidekicks. I accidentally shout very often in my house, which can make pedestrians believe this is a case of domestic violence. I let them watch me eat thousands of hazardous ingredients just to free myself of their weight, which just don't kill me because my health stacks to thousands, and, in case of not finding my alcohol collection room (we all have one, come on!), I just insta drop every bottle of sujamma, ale, cyrodillic brandy or wine on the table and on the floor, where the kids can pick it up and hand it over to me, conveniently when Muiri shows up. "Muiri it's not what it looks like!"
As if that wasn't enough, every time we get raided by bandits, since my inventory is lighter when I leave, once I slaughter them all, I strip them down of all their possessions and leave their naked corpse for the kids to stare. Sure, Sissel's dad abused her, but am I better than him? (Even though I killed him) Plus, could you tell me your un-father/mother-like actions? To make me feel better? Oh and I forgot to mention that I spent a month in Solstheim without warning anyone... But... oh well... I bet Ethan Mars would feel like the best father ever just now...
My first concern came when I came home and (for the tenth time in that playthrough) was planning to retire for good. It was almost 9:30 PM and I chose to send Sissel and Hroar to bed early, like I should have back when I was level 70... They both complained rudely and walked to their room talking trash about me! Even after I let them keep the mudcrab, the dog and the rabbit! I think Muiri spoiled them... not me! I swear, if my weapon back then wasn't Molag's Mace, I would smack them both.
Another thing I have noticed is how frequently they walk near the enchanting table. Call me old fashioned, but telling kids how enchanting works seems a lot harder than the birds n' bees... Example given:
- Papa! What is this blue-ish table for? I had a nightmare about this skull a few nights ago...
- Oh son, that is an enchanting table! I can teach you to use it if you want...
- Really?
- Yes! Once you are old enough! For now I can only tell you how it works. First, you need a soul, which means you must hunt a being and trap its spirit within your dark hands before you slay it. The stronger it is, the more powerful the soul gem needs to be.
- Soul gem? Is that the beautiful crystal you hover above your hands at the table? Those are incredible!
- Yes... quite. But don't let their looks fool you! They are crystalline prisons that can hold any being, no matter how innocent it is, for ages in a horrible place called Soul Cairn... I've been there you know... Miserable place. Anyway, I should add that the best and juicier souls come from people, and it is fairly illegal to do it if a guard is watching, so do be afraid to kill someone, unless no one else is nearby! Once you have a person you don't like in the gem, you can use their soul for an effect of your choice, which will last, if you aren't much of a fighter, a week or less, or until you replace your gear, in case you choose to enchant a piece of clothing or armor. Anyway, they say a soul is beyond priceless, but none actually reaches a value over 1000 from my experience, so don't be afraid to try to make a profit through the slaughter of lesser humans who can't fight as well as you!
- O... Ok, pa... I'll... remember that...
*kid walks away*
Other than spoiling them, feeding them with wabbajack'd bandits, and teaching them how soul trapping works, I also noticed that many of the armors I wear to tuck them to bed give horrible examples to the kiddos. These include: Thieves Guild armor, Dark Brotherhood Armor, Blackguard's, Daedric, Dragonbone, Tavern Clothes (Muiri told me to take them off before leaving our room), Naked, while I chose which armor to take and many stolen clothes pickpocketed from the people of various holds.
Oh, and I almost forgot about the many forbidden magic items I have around my house that they have 24/7 access to, including daedric items, dragon priest masks, Ysgramor's spork, vampire armor, glenmoril witch heads, human hearts, hundreds of bounties on my head, emperror's robes (guess who they came from!), blade of woe, nettlebane, the staff of Magnus and many other staves that can blast my house all the way to Bleak Falls Barrow. Let's not forget about Vaermina's robes, the formerly mentioned soul gems, stolen guards' shields, a key labeled 'Delphine's Secret Room' "Muiri it's not what it looks like!" And many Lusty Argonian Maids Volume I to III.
Then I often show up with Serana "Muiri it's not what it looks like!" or two undead/daedric sidekicks. I accidentally shout very often in my house, which can make pedestrians believe this is a case of domestic violence. I let them watch me eat thousands of hazardous ingredients just to free myself of their weight, which just don't kill me because my health stacks to thousands, and, in case of not finding my alcohol collection room (we all have one, come on!), I just insta drop every bottle of sujamma, ale, cyrodillic brandy or wine on the table and on the floor, where the kids can pick it up and hand it over to me, conveniently when Muiri shows up. "Muiri it's not what it looks like!"
As if that wasn't enough, every time we get raided by bandits, since my inventory is lighter when I leave, once I slaughter them all, I strip them down of all their possessions and leave their naked corpse for the kids to stare. Sure, Sissel's dad abused her, but am I better than him? (Even though I killed him) Plus, could you tell me your un-father/mother-like actions? To make me feel better? Oh and I forgot to mention that I spent a month in Solstheim without warning anyone... But... oh well... I bet Ethan Mars would feel like the best father ever just now...
!!
