Wolf

WELL

Where do I begin...

I was born in the 1887 with two feet for a nose. After undergoing 4,586 operations, I finally had a real nose. I could smell for the first time!
I didn't exactly like the smell though, to be honest. The air was all polluted, the streets all a muck. I never noticed all these things without a nose.

By the time I was 8, I decided I hated this place... I needed to get away. So I decided to sign up for the Vietnam war. They said they wouldn't recruit 8 year olds, but I stole the gun from one of the officers and took down 24 targets with 1 bullet. Being gobsmacked by my amazing skill, they recruited me.

They used to call me Lightning Hands Wulfhen, back in 'Nam.

After I killed almost every living thing in Vietnam, the war was over. We won! HOORAY! Oh god.. The memories... I still have so many photos from all the places I saw, and how quiet it was! Oh it was just beautiful.

After I returned, I was honoured in some special ceremony where they handed me 67 medals and badges! I guess I did something good, or something?

Anyways, after the ceremony I was walking back to my house, to reunite with my family once again. On the way home, I accidently bumped into a girl. I apologised for my clumsiness but she seemed to just stare at me, with love in her eyes.

I decided to skip home, and walk with her to her house. WE TALKED LOADS! We got on really well.

Blahblahblah lovey-dovey stuff... Then about 10 years later we finally got married and bought a house. But first, we went on our honeymoon! We decided to go to Vietnam, as it was a very significant place in my life.

We stayed in a nice 5 star luxury suite in the best resort in Vietnam. On the first night, I decided to go out to buy a nice bottle of wine. And when I returned....


My wife was lying on the bed. I walked up to her, tried talking to her, but she didn't respond. I turned her over, and BOOM her throat had been cut. I then heard this evil laughter, turned around to see a dark shadowy figure standing at the door, with a sword in his hand. He approached me, I was angry and sad at the same time. He was slowly coming towards me and then he jumped up about to slice me into a million pieces. But something clicked in my head, as if I had been awoken for the very first time in my life, I quickly front flipped over him, elbow him in the back, took his sword and cut off his head in one smooth motion.

I landed perfectly on the ground. Damn, I thought, I'm fricken amazing.

The next day, I got bored of my life, and hid in a cave. Surviving on nothing but one grain of wheat for 106 years.

In that time, I mastered total peaceness of the mind and body, and was able to perform remarkable tasks. I decided to exit the cave now, seeing as I had finished my 1 grain of wheat.

The first thing I noticed was that the world had changed. A LOT.
They had these things called cars, prime ministers, T.V's and computers!

It took me a whole 18 minutes to get used to all these new things!

Thinking that I might as well visit my old home, to see if any of my descendants lived there, I passed a shop known as JB Hi-Fi. Interested in this shop, I had a look inside. Some sort of supernatural power pulled me towards one type of game in particular, Titled "Skyrim".

Not knowing what paying for things was at the time, I picked it up and walked out of the store. A security guard tried stopping me, but I simply put my finger to his head and flicked him. He went flying through the multiple walls of JB Hi-Fi! Everyone shocked by this task, I was able to walk out of the store with no one in my way.

I made my way back home, to find that my mother had another child, my sister, who was a mother right now! She had 2 sons, an a kewl d00d husband. At first she told me to leave and threatened to call the cops but then she realises I looked familiar, that I reminded her of her mother. I told her all about my life, and she let me lived with her for the first few days until I discovered I had over $1,122,654,679,716,124,769 in my bank account, which was set up by my mother the day I came back from Vietnam, which was the day I decided to not see her ever again.

Anyways, to finish it off, I bought an amazing house, an amazing PS3 and Played Skyrim, which brings us to now.